How to Handle a Gay Son
Part B
Part 4
The funeral was a nightmare.
Momma fell apart, screaming and tearing her hair, and had
to be sedated. Pop stared at nothing, a blank look in his eyes. Tony gave me a
venomous look and refused to talk to me.
My son was very quiet. He slipped his hand into mine.
"Mommy isn't coming back any more, is she?"
"No, my little… " I choked on the phrase. That
had been Sophe's pet name for him from the very beginning. "No,
William." Afterwards, at my parents' house, I spoke to my father and
mother. "Will you let me and William move back here?"
"Of course. Stay as long as you need to."
"I'm putting the house on the market. I don't want it
any more." If I thought I could get away with it, I'd have set fire to the
house and burned it to the ground.
"Son, are you sure?"
"Dad, I built that house for Sophia. Without her…
Would you sell it for me?"
"What about her things?"
I shook my head.
"At least give yourself some time before you do
something so drastic."
"No. Sell everything, even the furniture."
My mother sighed. "I'll go over there and pack your
things."
"Everything, Mom."
I called Alice Wainwright. "I'm sorry I won't be able
to hire you, Alice."
"I'm so sorry for both your losses, Jack."
The pain of that nearly brought me to my knees. I had told
no one else about the baby we had lost as well. What was the point?
"I'll… I'll send you a month's pay."
"That isn't necessary. My son won't throw me out of
the house now that it's going to be his, and I'll get along with Karen just
fine. She's said something about getting a job, so the kitchen will still be
mine. "
"Please,
"All right. I won't deny it will come in handy. But if
you ever need a housekeeper, keep me in mind."
"Sure." I said goodbye and hung up.
I moved back into the bedroom that had been mine until I'd
gotten married. My son shared it with me. It wasn't a large room, but two twins
fit in it fine. I didn't need a big bed any more.
I remembered the morning after Dad and Jake had taken me to
the Sinn Fein. If I hadn't gone, if I'd slept over at Jenny's, she probably
would have gotten pregnant and I would have married her instead of Sophia.
I would have been absolutely miserable, but…
Sophia would still be alive, and Jenny… I should have
been ashamed to be willing to barter another life for Sophia's, but I couldn't
bring myself to care. If it would have kept her alive, I would have sold my soul
to the devil.
The sun had stopped shining, and maybe I should have
wondered why no one complained about the chronic gloom, but I couldn't bring
myself to care about that either.
I went back to work.
I didn't talk to anyone, not the men I worked with, not my
parents, not my son.
I didn't ask if the house had been sold yet.
I didn't cry.
****
I was dressing for work while my son dressed for school.
"Dad?"
"Yes, William?"
He tugged on my trousers to get my attention, and I glanced
down at him.
"What is it?"
"Do you… do you still love me, Daddy?"
The question knocked me for a loop. How could he even think
to ask it? "You're my son, Will. I'll always love you, no matter
what."
"I wasn't sure. Since Mommy's not here… " His
lower lip quivered. His brown eyes, Sophia's bittersweet chocolate brown eyes,
were filled with tears, but not a single one fell. "Can I… Can I cry now,
Daddy? I know big boys aren't supposed to cry, but… Is it all right?"
"Oh, my little man!" And it was as if the dam
burst.
I fell to my knees, folding in on myself and burying my
face in my hands, and wept. I didn't have time to worry that I was frightening
my son. Will put his arms around me, and his tears mingled with mine.
We cried for a long time, and when we finally could stop, I
took out a handkerchief and dried his cheeks. His eyes were swollen and his skin
was blotchy. That was something else he'd got from his mother – Sophia
couldn't cry prettily. She hadn't cried often, but when she had, she'd looked as
miserable as she'd felt.
"Blow, sport." I held the handkerchief to his
nose, and obediently, he blew.
"Grandpa calls you 'sport'."
"Yes."
"I like that. I'm too big to be called 'little man'
any more anyway."
I ruffled his hair. "Let's go in the bathroom, and
I'll wash your face."
"You better wash your face too, Daddy."
"Okay, we'll wash our faces together. How does that
sound?"
"Am I gonna be in trouble?"
"Why?"
"I'm late for school."
"I'll write your teacher a note. You know what? I
think I'll write Grandpa a note too, for me. What do you say to playing hooky
and spending the day at the Bronx Zoo?"
"Can we really go to the zoo?"
"Sure."
"Yes!"
And for the first time in more than a year, the sun seemed
to break from behind the clouds.
****
"It's been two years, Jack."
"I know how long it's been, Jake." I didn't need
a walking calendar. "It's just… It's too soon." It wasn't that I
couldn't bear the thought of going out on a date; it was just that the thought
alone left me depressed, the small talk, making an effort to get to know a new
woman, the possibility of her wanting to have sex, which still would have felt
like I was cheating on my wife. I didn't want any part of it. "Drop it,
please."
Jake dropped it.
Sophia's parents decided to move to
"Of course, but you don't have to do that. Put the
money into an account for him, if you want."
Tony never stopped blaming me, and I knew things between us
would never be the same. I mourned the loss of my boyhood friend and the fact
that Will would barely know his Sabatini cousins.
My son and I moved back into the house that had once held
so many hopes and dreams. Dad hadn't sold it, hadn't intended to sell it until I
had gotten over the worst of my grief and could make a rational decision. I was
relieved about that. I wound up giving my wife's clothes to St. Vincent de Paul,
but everything else was saved for Will, even her jewelry, which he could give to
his own wife one day.
****
"It's three years, Jack." Jake and I were on a
job site. "Don't you think it's time to get back on the horse?"
"It's too soon, Jake." I'd wondered when he would
say something. So far both our parents and Charlie, his wife, had all brought up
the subject at one time or another this year. Simon, flying in from
"That's what you said the last time I mentioned this.
Look. At least think about getting your foot in the stirrup, okay?"
"I'm not getting married again, Jake. I loved Sophia
too much to want that with anyone else."
"Who said anything about getting married? Is that what
you think we want you to do? Hell, no! Date!" He leaned close and lowered
his voice. "Get laid!"
Maybe I did need to get laid – I'd begun waking with a
morning erection hard enough to hammer in nails – but I remembered what
meaningless sex had been like from my freshman year in college, and I wasn't
going to do that again.
I must have said that aloud.
"You don't need to go bar-hopping. The church has a
mixer every Sunday afternoon… Okay, nix that." I was shaking my head. I
hadn't been to church since Sophia's funeral mass. "You won't go out with
any of Charlie's friends. You won't go out with any of the daughters of Mom's
friends. I tell you what. Go shopping. At Walbaums or Foodtown or Grand
"But it wouldn't be fair to them. They'll be looking
for a relationship."
"Jack, what's with you? You're not getting any
younger, you know."
"I don't need you telling me I'm not getting any
younger, Jake. I know exactly how old I am. And how old I am is too old to
settle for one night stands or serial monogamy."
"Sophia spoiled you."
"She did, and why should I settle for anything less
than what we had together?"
"But you're never going to find it if you don't go
looking for it."
"When I'm ready, Jake."
"And when will you be ready?"
I shrugged. "I'll know."
"I give up."
"Is that a promise?" I called after him as he
walked off, his hand raised and one finger extended, and I laughed in spite of
myself.
****
Will and I brought flowers to plant on Sophia's grave. She
had been gone for more than four years.
"I like coming here in the spring. It's so
pretty." He looked around at the flowers that were laid on all the nearby
graves.
"It was Mommy's favorite season." I snapped off
the dead branches on the miniature red rosebush that grew beside her headstone.
"It was?"
"Yes." Along with summer, fall, and winter.
Sophia had found something to love in them all.
We knelt on the ground and planted impatiens, which would
bloom all season, a blanket of pink, red, coral, and white. I dug the holes for
them, and Will took the plants from their little pots and put them in the holes.
"I'm… I'm starting to forget what she looked
like." He sounded panicky.
"It's okay. Anytime you can't remember, tell me, and
we'll look through the photo albums, okay, sport?"
"I miss her, Dad."
"I miss her too, son."
"Do you think she misses us?"
Oh, my son. "I know she misses us terribly. If she
could come back to us, she would."
"She loved us, huh, Daddy?"
"Yes, she did. More than anything in the world."
He leaned against me, his arm around me, mine around him,
and we stayed like that until the damp soaked through the knees of our jeans.
"Come on, sport. Time to be getting home."
****
"The housekeeper's suite is going to waste
downstairs,"
"That's a good idea." Not that we were hurting
for money – the business was doing well – but it would be good to have
toward Will's college education. "If I call the Penny Saver tomorrow, the
ad should be out next week."
The Penny Saver, the little weekly newspaper that was
filled with ads and tidbits of information, usually appeared on the driveway on
Saturday or Sunday morning, depending on who the company got to deliver it.
"Can I help?" Will asked.
"Sure. We can work on it right after dinner."
We each wrote an ad, passed them around, and combined the
best of them.
//Cozy apartment for
rent, bedrm, sitting rm, galley kitchen, and full bath. Single business person
preferred. Call
"What about pets, Dad?"
"Hmmm. Twoey might not be happy about a dog or a cat
in her territory." Dog Two, the great-grandpup and spitting image of Dog,
raised her head when she heard her name. Her jaws parted in a doggy grin,
reminiscent of my boyhood pet, and her tail thumped on the floor.
"And I can live without a screeching parrot."
//Fish allowed.//
"How's that?"
"A nice, quiet pet. That works for me, Jack."
Before I could call in the ad, the phone rang, and
"Matheson residence. Oh, no! Oh, Tom! Yes, I'll be
there as soon as I can." She hung up, white as a sheet and trembling.
"
"It's Ginny." Her only daughter. "She's gone
into labor. It's too early. Nothing is ready. I have to go there."
"Of course. I'll drive you." Her daughter and
son-in-law lived in
"Okay, Dad."
"I'm so sorry, Jack," she kept saying as we drove
to the Parkway. "I should have had more meals prepared for you." She
wrung her hands. "I didn't do the week's shopping... "
"
"Yes, but your parents are away, Jack." Dad had
decided it was time to take Mom on a long overdue vacation. He'd rented a
trailer, and he and Mom had packed up and taken off to see the
"We'll be okay,
Those recipes had been written out by Sophia, but my heart
didn't clench at the reminder of my deceased wife. All I felt was the warmth of
nostalgic memories. The searing pain of that first year was gone.
Tom had given
"I'll call the hospital, and then start getting the
house in order. Ginny's a good housewife, but this pregnancy has taken so much
out of her."
The call to the hospital revealed that it had been false
Labor; Tom and Ginny were on their way home.
"Oh, Jack, I'm so sorry! I made you drive all this
way… "
"I don't mind,
"Neither do I," Will piped up. "I didn't
have to do my homework!"
"You'll have twice as much to do tomorrow, sport.
She worried her lip. "I really want to, but… "
"No 'buts' about it. Ginny will be glad of your
support, and so will Tom. Stay for a couple of days and see what happens."
"Thank you, Jack." She hugged me.
"Now, I'll give you a call as soon as we get home, and
you can fill us in."
Will and I got back in the car and drove home. The FM
station on the radio was the one I always listened to. I knew Will had his clock
radio set to WBAB, a
He had a sweet voice. I wondered what it would be like once
he reached puberty and it changed.
Once we got home, I sent him to get ready for bed and
called
"Oh, Jack! We're on our way back to the hospital! I'll
call you when I can."
"All right,
It was late the next afternoon before she finally called.
"They're all fine. Ginny had no sooner taken off her coat and sat down to
catch her breath when her water broke, so I went with them back to the
hospital." She yawned. "Sorry. It's been a long night and day. The
babies… "
"*Babies*?"
She gave a tired chuckle."… are small but fine. Yes.
Twins, a boy and a girl! Ginny surprised everyone, including her obstetrician.
When he asked about multiple births, Tom said not in his family. I was going to
say not in ours either, and then I remembered my mother talking about her
grandmother, who was a twin."
"Well, congratulations, Grandma!"
"Jack… The doctor had to do a C-section, and Ginny
is going to need rest and a lot of help."
"Stay as long as you need to."
"I'm afraid it will be for a while, at least a couple
of weeks, maybe longer."
"Don't worry about it. Charlie had Will over after
school until I got home from work. She won't mind if it's for a while
longer." She was a good sister-in-law, and we all agreed that it was good
for Will to be with his cousins, especially Harry, who was around his age and
was the closest to a brother he was likely to get.
"Thank you, Jack. I'm so sorry to leave you in the
lurch like this."
"You're not leaving me in the lurch; you're seeing to
your family, which is as it should be. Now give Ginny and Tom our best, and keep
in touch." I hung up the phone and turned to my son. "Looks like we'll
be on our own for a while, sport."
"Neato, Dad!"
It completely slipped my mind that I was supposed to place
the ad in the Penny Saver.
We cooked together, although mostly that consisted of
sticking TV dinners in the oven, which got old fast. I wasn't a good enough cook
to follow the recipes that had been written out in Sophia's neat hand, and while
Celentano's made some pretty good pasta stuff, I'd gotten used to the real
thing, and Will had never known any other kind.
I picked Will up Friday after school. "We have to get
some groceries, sport." The cupboard was decidedly bare.
"Potato chips? Chips Ahoy? Milky Ways?"
"I was thinking more along the line of broccoli,
string beans, and carrots. And some meats too." I broiled a pretty mean
steak, if I said so myself.
"Awww, Dad!"
"Don't 'awww, Dad,' me. You want to grow up healthy,
don't you?"
"Yes, sir."
We stopped home long enough for him to put his books away
and change into jeans and a New York Yankees sweatshirt, and then I drove to
Walbaums and found a cart whose wheels all actually turned in the same
direction. Will hopped on the front end, and I pushed him in.
The first aisle was soda and snack foods. "Dad?"
He was allowed to have soda on the weekend.
"Get a six pack of Coke." I put a bag of potato
chips and a bag of pretzels in the baby seat at the front of the cart so they
wouldn't get crushed, along with a can of French onion dip.
We walked up and down the aisles, skipping the paper
products except for a package of Charmin which was stacked at the end of the
aisle, and bypassing the canned vegetables in favor of fresh.
"Hearts of celery, sport?"
"Isn't that kind of wimpy, Dad? Like we can't take
apart our own celery?"
I just grinned at him and put the celery in the cart, then
went to look at the string beans. "These look good."
"Okay." Will got a plastic bag and held it open
while I dropped in handfuls of string beans, then closed it with a twist tie.
But he groaned when I reached for the broccoli. "Grandma always boils it
till it's limp."
A young woman who was looking at the bunches of carrots
glanced up and smiled at us. "You might want to try it as a crudité. After
washing it well, of course. Dip it raw in your favorite salad dressing."
"That sounds good, Dad."
"Thanks," I said to the young woman. "Do we
have any salad dressing, sport?"
"No, Dad." His eyes went from me to the young
woman and back, and I raised an eyebrow. "We'd better get some. Do you know
where it is, miss?"
"Oh, it's down the next aisle."
"Thanks. I'll get it." He took off before I could
tell him to wait for me.
"Your wife is a very lucky woman to have a husband
who's willing to shop."
"Uh… " I looked after him, but Will was
disappearing around the corner of the aisle. "I'm a widower."
"Oh, I'm so sorry." But she looked interested.
"And raising a little boy on your own. It must be very difficult."
"We manage all right. My housekeeper usually does the
cooking and shopping, but she's away right now."
"Well, if there's anything else I can help you
with?"
"No. Thank you." I tossed the broccoli into the
cart and hurried to the end of the aisle. Will had returned from his foray in
search of the wily salad dressing and was poking at a bag of potatoes.
"What are you doing down here?" I whispered.
"I'm just checking out the potatoes." He put the
bottle of dressing – Ranch – into the cart. "Do these look okay?"
"They look fine. Why did you leave me there with that
woman?"
He gave me an innocent look. "I thought you might want
to get to know her, Dad. She's pretty, and she seemed nice. Did she give you her
phone number?"
"No, she did not give me her phone number." I
took the potatoes from him. "Why would she? We don't know each other."
"That's the point, Dad. You'd get to know her."
"Never mind." I ground my teeth together. Why was
everyone so interested in my love life? "We're running low on dog
food." Twoey got dry food as well as canned. "You get the Mighty Dog,
and I'll get the Dog Chow." I heaved a twenty pound bag into the cart, then
said, "Okay, let's check out the meats."
The young woman turned up in the meat aisle. Our hands
bumped as I reached for a package of chop meat. "Sorry."
"No, no. That's okay. I don't really need such a large
package anyway. It's just me, you know." She flashed her very white teeth
at me in a blinding smile.
I tried for a noncommittal murmur and an absent-minded
smile and moved down to the steaks. I found a couple of nice ones and went on to
the poultry section. "Hey, sport, how does… "
Will wasn't there. I looked around. He was talking to the
young woman.
"William."
He gave her a smile and trotted back to me. "Yes,
Dad?"
"What are you doing?"
"Nothing." He was going for his innocent look.
I hmphed. It might have fooled other people, but I was his
father.
"What did you want, Dad?"
"Uh… chicken. How does chicken sound?"
"Great. I think Mom had a really easy recipe for it
too."
"Okay. Let's see what Frank Perdue is offering."
The young woman seemed to be following us, or was that me
being paranoid? Our paths crossed again in the dairy aisle. She stocked up on
non-fat yogurt.
"We're out of O.J., Dad."
"Okay. And we need eggs and milk too."
"Biscuits in a can?" He frowned, and I hid my
grin. He really had been spoiled first by his mother's cooking and now Alice's,
and even my mother and Charlie made their own biscuits. "Do people really
eat this?"
"They certainly do." It was the young woman.
"I even make a form of shepherd's pie with them."
"You don't make your biscuits from scratch?" I
could see her approval rating going down in his eyes.
"It's… it makes things easier."
He sighed and looked up at me. "What else, Dad?"
"A loaf of Wonder Bread."
"It's down at the end of this aisle!" The young
woman pointed helpfully.
"Can we get some ice cream, Dad?"
"Sure, sport."
"They're having a sale on Breyer's." She came up
behind us.
"Oh. Thank you."
"Vanilla fudge, Dad?"
"Sure."
"Just make sure the carton isn't torn or hasn't thawed
enough to leak." She was starting to overdo the helpful bit.
Will glanced at her, took a carton out of the case without
checking for tears and leaks, and put it in the cart. "Is that everything,
Dad?"
"Yep."
"It was nice meeting you," he said politely to
the woman. "We have to go now."
I gave her a smile and a shrug as if to say, 'Kids. Go
figure.' "Have a good afternoon."
We saw her at a checkout lane a few registers down. She
finished paying for her groceries and left before we did, giving us a brief nod
and a blank smile.
"Oh, well." Will shrugged and grinned up at me.
I paid for our groceries, helped bag them, then loaded the
bags into the cart. It was starting to drizzle, and we hurried across the
parking lot to where I'd parked the car, and transferred the bags into the
trunk.
I made steak, baked potatoes, and string beans for dinner
that night, and neither of us got sick on my cooking.
The rain came down harder, and it continued all day
Saturday. Will had been inside playing Atari, but he'd gotten bored with Pac-Man
and E.T. and even The Empire Strikes Back.
"There's nothing to do." He sighed and watched
the raindrops chasing each other down the window pane. Twoey came to him and
nudged his hand, wanting her ears scratched.
"All your homework done?"
"Yes." He sighed again.
"Okay. Clear off the drafting table in the study. I'll
draw up floor plans for a tree house."
His eyes lit up, and he ran to obey me. I spread out a
sheet of paper on the table and began sketching.
A rope ladder led to the large room in the notch of the
tree, which would be suitable for the rebel forces making plans to defeat the
Empire's Death Star or for the Legionnaires defending
"This is so cool, Dad! When can we build it?"
"When we can find a tree that's big enough."
His face fell. None of the trees I'd planted after Sophia
and I had moved in were the right size.
I pulled out another sheet of paper. "Let's see what
we can come up with for the attic. We won't have to wait for that to grow."
"A fort, Dad?"
"Why not?"
We were still involved with it when the doorbell chimed.
"I'll get it, Dad."
"It's probably the paperboy. The money's on the table
by the door, but check before you open it."
"Okay."
Twoey trotted after him, her claws clicking like knitting
needles on the wood floor.
I heard Will's gasp and then the door bouncing against the
wall. "DAD!"
I dropped the pencil and raced to the front of the house,
in time to see Will hugging a young woman. She looked up and smiled at me.
"Hi, Mr. Matheson." The voice was warm and
throaty, and vaguely familiar. "I understand you have an apartment for
rent?"
"Dad! It's Jill!"
Part 5
I felt as if I couldn't catch my breath. It was Jill, all
grown up and beautiful, with strawberry blonde hair that feathered around her
gamin face and eyes an unbelievable aquamarine blue.
"Jill! It's so good to see you again!" I hugged
her, simultaneously realizing how much I liked it, and dropped my arms and
stepped back. "How have you been? *Where* have you been? What have
you been doing with yourself?" I was babbling, and I got myself in hand.
"Don't stand out there in the rain! Come on in!"
"Thanks. I am a little damp." She picked up her
umbrella, which had been dropped just outside the door, and folded it and
propped it against the wall. She was wearing jeans and a windbreaker the color
of her eyes.
"It's been so long… "
"Yes. I didn't want to intrude after Mrs. Matheson
passed away, and then I went away to school. How have you and Wills been, Mr.
Matheson?"
"'Wills'?"
"Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Matheson! I didn't mean… "
She looked flustered. "I liked the little prince's nickname. If you'd
rather I didn't… " Jill shouldn't feel she had to apologize for something
like that, and I raised my hand to place my fingertips on her lips, intending to
stop her words.
Oh, my god, what was I doing? Abruptly I clenched my
fingers, dropped my hand, and kept myself from touching her.
"I like it, Dad. It's better than Billie Boy,"
which my mother had a tendency to call him. "And Willie sounds like a…
" I cleared my throat, and he flashed me an innocent grin. //Oh,
my son. When you get a little older, we'll have to beat the girls off!// "…
a Shirley Temple movie."
I ruffled his hair. "I guess that's settled then,
Jill." She smiled, and for a second I couldn't catch my breath. "Um…
what were we talking about?"
"About how we've been, Dad."
Yes, right. "Well, it was rough in the beginning, but
we're better."
"Dad's just putting a… a brave face on it, Jill.
We're just a couple of guys, you know? Living here alone. All alone."
What the… ? "What about
Will … *Wills*
scowled at me. "She's our housekeeper, Dad."
Jill's face fell. "Oh. I didn't know you had a
housekeeper. I thought the housekeeper's suite downstairs was vacant."
"It is.
"Would you consider renting me the apartment, Mr.
Matheson? That is, if you haven't rented it out already?"
"No, it's not rented.
"Jenny ran into your sister-in-law at the supermarket,
and she mentioned that you were thinking of renting out the housekeeper's
suite."
"Ah. So that's how you found out about it."
"Yes." She smiled, that pretty smile, filled with
mischief.
You don't want to live with your folks?"
"No." The smile vanished.
I blinked. "Okay. Let me show you the suite."
Wills ran down ahead of us, turning on the lights. He threw
open the door. "It's cool, isn't it?"
"It is, sweetie. It's just like I remembered it. I
used to come down there and pretend it was mine." She looked away. "It
was… difficult… living at home. That's why I applied to all out-of-state
colleges."
"I'm sorry."
"Please don't be. Being on my own was the best
experience I could have."
"I can't believe how grown-up you are!"
"Well, I'm twenty now. I've got my degree – from UC
Berkeley."
"That's pretty far to go."
"The
"Jill?"
She smiled and shook her head. "Don't mind me, I'm
being silly. Anyway, I guess I'm a
"That's… " I couldn't take my eyes off her
heart-shaped face. "… that's wonderful."
"It is great, and I love it, but it's too expensive to
live in the City. I'm staying with Jenny right now, but her place is so small.
It's not fair to her and Rob and the kids."
"Well, if you want the apartment, it's yours."
"Yes, I… Oh. I should have asked first. How much did
you want for the rent?"
"$200 a month." Ruthlessly, I cut a hundred
dollars from the amount I'd originally intended to ask.
"Really? That's a steal! I'll take it!"
"Jill, Jill, Jill!" Wills was almost jumping up
and down with excitement. "You're going to live with us!" Yes, she
was. "Dad, can she stay and have dinner with us?"
"She may have other plans, sport. You don't pressure a
lady."
"Please! Pressure away! I have no plans. I'd like
to… " She actually blushed. "I'd like to stay for dinner. I'd like
to help cook it, if you don't mind, Mr. Matheson. If Mrs. Wainwright doesn't
mind."
"I don't mind, Jill, and
Jill opened the fridge and peered into it. "How does
meatloaf sound? Maybe with pan-roasted potatoes?"
"Delicious!"
"Sweetie, would you get the potatoes, please?"
I flushed and my heart started pounding until,
"Yep!" Wills ran to the pantry, and I realized she was talking to my
son.
"Thank you, Wills. Now let's get to work." She
pulled out a package of chop meat, eggs, and an onion. "Hmmm. No peppers,
but you've got celery!" She was a joy to watch as she danced around the
kitchen putting together the ingredients for the meatloaf.
"Breadcrumbs?"
I gave her the glass canister
Wills didn't appear to notice – he was busy peeling
potatoes – and I backed away.
Jill turned to say something to my son, and it was as if
that little interlude had never happened.
//Stupid old man.
You're seeing things you want to see.//
When the meatloaf was formed, I lay strips of bacon over
the top of it and around the sides. "To give it that little something
extra." I really didn't know what the bacon did, but Sophia used to do
that.
"Of course." Jill nodded and put the meatloaf in
the oven. "Do you have gravy?"
"There's a package of McCormick's in the pantry, I
think." I found it. "I'm not sure how fresh this is." Or even how
it got there. As with everything else, Sophia had always made gravy and sauce
from scratch.
"That should be okay. I'll measure out the water and
start it boiling."
Wills began telling her about the plans we had been drawing
up, and we lost track of time. Somehow, the water boiled away and the pan
scorched.
"I don't understand how that happened! I'm so
sorry!"
"Don't be. It wasn't your fault." I put the pan
in the sink to soak and took out another one. This time preparing the gravy
worked out without a problem.
I cut some slices from a loaf of Italian bread while Wills
put the butter dish on the table and Jill set out the salad and potatoes and
poured milk for my son and wine for us.
"This smells great, Jill!" Wills helped himself
to a couple of slices, added a piece of bread and some potatoes, and waited
expectantly for us to start eating.
"It looks delicious, too. Let's dig in!" I took a
bite, and struggled to control my expression.
It tasted awful, even the gravy and the potatoes.
I'd eaten worse, I assured myself, although just then I
couldn't think where or when.
Jill chewed thoughtfully. "I think I should have added
more salt." She poured more gravy over it.
Wills struggled to eat it. When Jill's attention was
elsewhere, he slipped a bite to Twoey, but after snatching it up, she spat it
out just as quickly and pushed it back toward him with her nose.
Finally, he swallowed and sent me a pleading glance.
"May I… may I be excused, please?"
"Sure, son."
"Didn't you like it, Wills?"
"Yes, thank you, Jill. I think maybe I just had some
snacks too close to dinner, that's all." My boy. Gallant wasn't the word
for him.
"I understand."
He smiled at her and escaped, and I made a mental note to
make sure he had something more than bread and butter before bedtime, if only a
peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
I used the excuse of reaching for his plate to carry mine
to the disposal too. I scraped the plates into the sink, rinsed them, and put
them in the dishwasher.
"Would you like some coffee, Jill?"
"Yes, please. I'm having such a nice time, I don't
want to leave yet. Would you like me to make the coffee, Mr. Matheson?" She
pushed her chair back as if to rise.
"You're my guest, Jill. And besides, you went to all
the trouble of making dinner, so it's only fair I make the coffee."
"Okay. Where's the plastic wrap? I'll store the
leftovers for you." She frowned at them. "My, there are a lot of them,
aren't there?"
"I think you just made more than you realized."
We had coffee and the last of the pie
"So tell me about college."
"It was great! I was rushed by three different
sororities." Her smile dimmed. "I turned them all down."
"Why?"
"I couldn't afford the fees." Her smile returned,
jaunty. "And besides, dorm life suited me much better."
I didn't ask why she hadn't been able to afford the fees.
If sororities were anything like fraternities, there would be initiation fees,
rooming fees, and annual dues. With all her brothers and sisters, her father was
strapped to put food on the table. There would have been nothing to spare for a
child who was out of state. Although if it were my child, I'd have worked two,
three, and four extra jobs if necessary to make sure she had whatever she might
need.
However, it was none of my business.
Jill went on to speak of political rallies she had
participated in and of her classes, her job in the cafeteria – "I worked
the cash register. They didn't want me to cook though." She shrugged.
"Must have been something to do with their insurance policy."
She spoke of her various professors, and one in particular.
"Dr. Ingram and her partner raise American Bobtails as
a hobby. They're cats that look like bobcats, but they're actually a domestic
breed. Anyway, Dr. Ingram got me interested in them. If I ever have the money
and the spare time, I'd love to get a breeding pair from her and raise them
myself. Maybe even sell them, if I can bear to part with them" She took
another sip of coffee. "You've let me ramble on. What about you, Mr.
Matheson? I understand you went to Cornell. I would have loved to go there, but
it was too close to home." Over 500 miles? "Tell me what it was
like."
And I found myself doing just that.
****
"Oh, wow! Look at the time!" It was almost 9.
"I'd better get going!"
"Of course. It's a Saturday night. You must have
plans."
"I'd get out of them if I could." She made a
moue. "I'd much rather be talking to you. Is it… is it all right if I
move my stuff in tomorrow, Mr. Matheson?"
"That'll be fine, Jill." I wondered what my name
would sound like on her lips, but decided maybe it would be better not to find
out. I was twenty years older, after all. "Wills, come say goodnight to
Jill."
He came running in. "You're leaving?"
"Just for tonight. I'm moving in tomorrow."
He threw himself at her and hugged her. "I'm so
glad!" Then he stepped back, shooting a glance at me that I couldn't
interpret.
"Thanks, sweetie. I'm glad that you're glad."
"And I'm glad that you're glad that I'm glad."
She burst into laughter and pressed a fingertip against his
chin. Wills joined her laughter. That was something I'd seen them do when she'd
sat with him, and a sense of nostalgia swept over me.
"Will you need any help moving, Jill?"
"No. I've been living pretty much out of my
suitcase." She slid her arms into her windbreaker, and Wills retrieved her
umbrella. "Thanks, sweetie." She kissed his cheek, and he gave hers a
quick peck, then ran off in the direction of the kitchen.
"Okay. Oh, what time?"
"Would 10 be too early?"
"You're the one going out on the town tonight. We're
usually up by 7."
"Even on Sunday?"
"Even on Sunday. Wills' grandparents come by to take
him to Mass." After Sophia had died, I'd stopped going.
"I won't turn up that early. 10, okay?"
"Great. Um… great." I found myself staring at
her lips and wondering what her kisses would taste like. //Jack Matheson, you're a dirty old man!//
"I… uh… I'd better go."
"Well, we'll see you tomorrow."
"Goodnight, Mr. Matheson." She went out the door
and into the night.
"Drive carefully," I called.
She waved to let me know she'd heard me, then came running
back. "Thank you so much." She kissed my cheek, ran back to the car
and got in, and started the engine.
"What a sweetheart of a girl." I touched my cheek
where she'd kissed me.
The engine sounded a little rough. I'd take a look at it
tomorrow. She drove away, and I closed the door and adjusted my jeans. It was a
good thing she'd never looked down.
"You are such a fool. She's twenty years younger than
you, and she's probably got guys her own age lining up to go out with her. The
last thing she'll want to do is get involved with a widower who's old enough to
be her father. You'd better get those ideas out of your head."
"You say something, Dad?"
"No, sport," I called, then muttered under my
breath, "Just trying to talk some sense into myself." I went into the
kitchen. He was making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
"I'm sorry about lying to Jill about having a snack
before dinner."
"I understand, son."
"I like her a lot, Dad."
"So do I."
"But she can't cook meatloaf."
****
I dreamed of Jill that night, and for the first time since
I'd been a teenager, I woke the next morning with semen on my sheets. I gave my
dick a stern talking-to, but it didn't do much good. I awoke the following
morning in the same state.
"All right, be that way. " I glared at my dick
while in the shower. "But that's as close as you're going to get to that
sweet girl – in your dreams! So just you behave, or you'll scare her, and
she'll move out."
****
"She's a nice girl, Jack,"
"She is, isn't she?"
"I won't have any qualms in asking for some time off
here and there then. Ginny's going to need my help."
"Well, sure, that won't be a problem; you know you're
always welcome to take off as much time as you need, but why no qualms?"
I started to laugh. "I don't think so, Alice." I
told her about the various adventures in the kitchen. Meatloaf wasn't the only
thing that Jill couldn't cook.
"Oh. Oh, my. I guess… "
"No, don't let it stop you. If you need to be with
Ginny and the twins, we'll manage fine."
"Thank you, Jack." She hugged me, then drew back
to look into my eyes. "And she really burned the spaghetti?"
"Yeah, she really did."
****
Jill had been with us for a few months. She'd usually get
in between 6 and
"Are you having dinner with Jill again tonight,
Dad?" Wills asked as I put his plate in front of him. The twins were
suffering through a bad bout of colic, and
"Yes. Do you mind, sport?"
"Nope. I told you, I like her. I think it would be
neat for you to marry her."
"*What*?"
"Sure. I know you like her. And she likes us. Why
not?"
"You don't think marrying again would be disloyal to
your mother?"
"No. We'll always love her, Dad, but she'd want you to
be happy, wouldn't she?"
"Yes, she would, but… "
"Besides, everyone thinks you should get married
again, Grandma, Grandpa, Uncle Jake. Even Uncle Pete the last time he came to
visit."
Why was everyone sticking a Matheson nose into this?
"That's beside the point, young man. I won't marry Jill."
"Why not?" he pressed.
"Well, for one thing, I'm too old for her."
"No, you're not."
I frowned at him. I didn't need to hear this from my son.
My libido had wrestled with my conscience the first few days Jill had been here,
trying to convince it that twenty years wasn't that much of an age gap, but my
conscience hadn't bought it.
"Okay, so what's the other thing?"
"What other thing?"
"You said, 'for one thing.' That makes it sound like
there's something else."
"You're giving me a headache." I groaned.
"William, I'm serious. I don't want you bringing up this subject in front
of Jill. It will make her uncomfortable." Maybe even enough to decide she
didn't want to live here any more.
"Aw, Dad."
"This subject is closed."
"But… "
"*Closed*,
young man."
He scowled and finished his dinner. "I've got
homework."
"All right."
He disappeared into his room, so he wasn't there to see how
I reacted when I heard Jill's key in the front door.
By the time she came into the kitchen, I had my erection,
my breathing – and hopefully my expression – under control.
"Hi, Jill. How was your day?"
"Busy." A brilliant smile lit her face. "I'm
glad it's the weekend."
"I can imagine. Dinner is ready."
"Gee, you don't have to do this, Mr. Matheson."
"Why not? If that's a kind way of saying you don't
like my cooking… "
"No! No, you cook very well. It's just that you work
hard all day."
"So do you, but you get home later. Anyway … "
I was going to say that
She turned away, but not before I saw the way her eyes
shimmered with tears. "Nothing."
"Jilly?" I turned her face toward mine. A single
tear spilled over, and I caught it on my finger.
"I haven't had a home in so long." She'd spoken
very little about life with her parents and what it had been like, but gossip
had a way of making the rounds of the neighborhood. Mom had told me one Sunday
when she and Dad had come to pick up Wills. It hadn't sounded like fun.
"You have one here."
"Oh, J… Mr. Matheson." She went into my arms
and held onto me.
For one single minute, I would allow myself to enjoy the
soft feel of her, the way we fit together so perfectly. I stroked the pliant
curve of her back.
Jill raised her head. Her eyes were closed, and her lips
were parted. The sweet warmth of her breath bathed my mouth, and I found myself
lowering my head to take her lips in a kiss that would have revealed how much I
wanted her.
But our lips never met. I forced myself to stop, to take
her arms from my neck, and set her away from me.
She flushed and avoided my eyes. "I'm sorry. That was
stupid of me. I… I need a tissue." She hurried down the stairs to her
apartment.
"I hope you always think of this house as home,"
I said, even though she couldn't hear me. I licked the finger that had held the
tear drop. All that was left was the taste of salt.
It was about fifteen minutes later when she came back up,
dressed in sleek black pants and a silk blouse that matched her eyes. A blazer
was over her arm, and a purse dangled from her shoulder.
"Jill? Aren't you going to have dinner?"
"No. I have a date. I'm sorry, I should have told
you… " Those aquamarine eyes never once met mine.
"That's okay." I was such a liar. It *wasn't*
okay, but how could I dump that on this vibrant young woman?
A horn sounded outside. "I have to go." She slid
her arms into the jacket.
"Have a good time."
"Thanks." The door shut behind her.
I sighed, covered both plates with plastic wrap – I'd
lost my appetite – and put them in the fridge. I went into the living room and
turned on the television.
Three hours later, Wills came downstairs. "I'm going
to bed, Dad." He was dressed in his Star Wars pajamas.
"You still mad at me, son?"
"No. If you don't love Jill, I guess you don't love
her. *I'll* have to marry her." He nodded decisively. "Just
don't you scare her off until I can, okay?"
"Okay." I didn't tell him I was pretty sure I'd
already scared her off.
He kissed my cheek. "'Night, Dad."
"'Night, son. Pleasant dreams."
An hour passed, and another hour. The television was still
on, some HBO Young Comedians special maybe, but I really had no idea. I just sat
there telling myself I wasn't waiting to hear Jill's key in the door.
It was close to
"Let me… I said let me *go*!"
That solved the problem. I yanked the door open.
Some guy had Jill in a bear hug and was trying to find her
mouth while she twisted her head from one side to the other, her hands futilely
trying to push him away.
"What's going on?" I roared, heedless of the time
of night and what the neighbors might think.
That startled the guy, and his hold loosened enough so that
Jill managed to stomp on his foot and get free. His expression darkened, and he
glared at me.
"Go back inside, old man." *Old man*?
"This has nothing to do with you!"
"Asshole. Are you all right, Jill?" I turned to
face her.
"I'm… Luke, no! Jack! Watch out!"
A fist caught me high on my cheekbone, knocking me off my
feet.
I sat up and shook my head. Luke stood with his fists
clenched. "I warned you. This is between this cocktease and me."
I rose to my feet. "Jill, go inside and dial
"Calling the cops for backup, old man?"
"No. Calling for an ambulance for you." I was an
architect, but I did a lot of hands-on construction work and had the muscles to
prove it.
That blow to my cheek was the only one he landed on me. In
a matter of minutes he was out cold.
"Need any help, Dad?" In the doorway my son was
hefting a baseball bat with serious intent. I made sure he didn't see my grin.
"Stay, Twoey!" Standing beside him was Dog Two, her hackles raised and
her muzzle wrinkled back, no longer looking like a big, dumb, happy mutt, but a
force of nature to be reckoned with.
"Down, girl. Thanks, sport, but I've got it under
control." I winced from the pull on the bruise I could feel forming on my
cheek. "Why don't you and Jill go inside?"
"Will you be okay, Jack?"
"I'll be fine, Jill." A Pontiac Grand Prix was at
the curb, its lights on and the engine still running. "I take it that's
Sleeping Beauty's car?"
"Yes."
"Bastard." I hoisted him up by his collar and the
seat of his pants and lugged him to the curb. Jill followed. It was obvious she
wasn't going to retreat to the safety of the house. "I suppose you didn't
call
"Why? You had everything under control."
I gave a snort of laughter. "Want to get the door for
me?"
She opened the passenger door, and I slung him inside and
dusted off my hands.
"I suppose we should turn off the engine and the
lights," Jill said, although she seemed dubious.
"Why? To be polite? This isn't something Miss Manners
covers."
"That's true, but if he runs out of gas, or if the
battery dies, he'll probably come banging on the door for us to call him a
cab."
"I'll save him the trouble. Luke?" I shook him,
and his eyes blinked opened. I wasn't too sure if he was actually regaining
consciousness. "*Luke*! You're a
cab!"
"Huh?"
Jill chuckled.
Luke's eyes rolled back in his head, and he was out again.
She went around the car, opened the front door, and turned
off the lights and switched off the ignition.
We each slammed a door shut and went back up the walk and
into the house. Wills was still hovering in the doorway. Twoey watched with that
doggy grin on her face. Now that the threat had been neutralized, she no longer
felt the need to be at her courageous best.
"Are you okay, Daddy?"
"I'm fine, son." I dropped to a knee and hugged
him. "Excitement's over. Back to bed now. You too, Twoey." I ruffled
her ears.
"Dad took good care of you, didn't he, Jill?"
"My hero," she said softly.
He paused on the bottom stair. "Was that guy your
boyfriend, Jill?"
She turned and was fussing with the lock. "He used to
be, sweetie, but not ever again."
"I'm glad. G'night."
"Goodnight, Wills."
"'Night, sport."
He went up to his room, dragging the bat behind him.
"I'm sorry, J… Mr. Matheson."
"Come on in the living room. I'll build a fire. You're
shivering."
"I am? Oh, I am. Reaction, I guess." She toed off
her shoes and curled up on the sofa.
"Yes." I took the throw from the back of the sofa
and wrapped it around her, then got the fire going. "Do you want to talk
about what happened?"
"No."
"Okay. I'll… uh… "
"I'm sorry, Mr. Matheson, I didn't mean it like that.
I… I didn't want you to know that… I'm such a fool."
"We're all entitled to be fools at one time or
another."
"Not like this, we're not. I didn't have a date
tonight. I called Luke after I'd made such an idiot of myself, crying all over
you and practically throwing myself at you… I told him to pick me up. We'd
stopped seeing each other, but… Oh, damn, you'd think I'd know better."
"Who's Luke?"
"We went to the same high school. When I first came
home, I ran into him at the diner. He remembered me – can you believe that? He
was a senior when I was a sophomore, the big man on campus, captain of the
football team, on the fast track to a Yale law degree – but he remembered
little Jill McDermott. He came over and started flirting with me. I… I flirted
back. He asked if I wanted to go for a drink, talk about old times."
My gut felt as if it were on fire. It made sense. She'd
want to date someone her own age.
"Things were okay at first. We'd go to dinner or a
movie, make out a little, and then he'd take me home. He wanted more, but he
seemed okay when I told him I didn't want to rush it. My mother asked what I was
waiting for. He was a good catch, and if I had half a brain, I'd do whatever it
took to get him to marry me."
She looked away, into the fire. "I always swore I would never be like my
mother. Like my sister."
"Oh, Jilly."
"I'm not a child; I've had… I know the facts of
life, and I know we can't always get what we want. If Luke was willing to
wait… But then one day I saw you in Sears. You were with your brother in the
hardware department... "
"Why didn't you come over and say hello?"
She gave me a look. "… and I knew I couldn't keep
seeing Luke. And then I heard about the apartment. That Saturday when I told you
I had something I couldn't get out of? I broke it off with Luke that
night."
A strange sensation was curling in my chest. Hope.
"Jill, why haven't you called me 'Jack'?"
"If I ever did, you'd realize how much I… that I've
been in love with you since I was fifteen."
"Oh, Jill."
"Everyone used to know that I wouldn't take a
babysitting job until I'd checked to make sure you wouldn't need me first."
"Jill. I had no idea."
"I know. That was the way I wanted it. You looked at
Mrs. Matheson with so much love. There was no reason for you to even look at me.
And then after she… after the accident, I saw how unhappy you were. The last
thing you needed was a lovesick teenager hanging around. So I stayed away from
you. And now I've messed things up, and… "
"Where are you going?"
"The kitchen. You need some ice for your hand and your
cheek. And then I'm going downstairs. I'd better start packing."
"Why?" I followed her into the kitchen.
"After the mess I've made of this… " She took
ice cubes from the freezer and put them in a dishtowel. "Hold this to your
cheek."
"I don't see how you made a mess."
"Don't you?" She put more cubes in another
dishtowel and wrapped it around my right hand. "I was going to be so cool
about it, cook for you, always be around, and you'd… Oh, maybe you wouldn't
fall in love with me, but you'd get used to me being here, you'd see how good I
was for you. For Wills. Only no matter what time I got home, it was always too
late to start dinner, and then I moved too fast tonight, and I could see you
didn't want anything to do with me. And now this thing with Luke… "
"Whoa, whoa! You didn't… What gave you the idea that
you'd moved too fast?"
"Well, you wouldn't kiss me, and you couldn't wait to
get me out of your arms."
"That was just because I didn't want you to think I
was a dirty old man, lusting after a pretty young woman."
"You're one of the cleanest men I know, Jack."
"I'm twenty years older than you, Jill."
"So?"
"People are going to think I'm our children's
grandfather."
"Screw what people think!"
"Jill! My ears!" I laughed, tossed aside the
dishtowels, and pulled her into my arms.
She nestled against me. "If it comes to that,
considering my family, people are going to think you had to marry me."
"Not if we don't get pregnant for a couple of years,
Jilly."
"I love when you call me that… Jack."
She was right. I could hear how much she loved me in that
one word. I tightened my grip on her, and sighed happily. "Would you mind
waiting to have a baby, Jill? Aside from what the busybodies would think, I'd
like to have you to myself for a while."
"That's fine with me, darling Jack." She stood up
on tiptoe and kissed me. "Jack? Is something wrong?"
"No, Jilly. I was just thinking. If this turns out to
be a dream, I'm going to be so pissed."
"If it is a dream, then I'm having the same one."
She kissed the side of my neck.
"Jill, it isn't too soon, is it? I mean it's only been
a few months."
"Not too soon. When you stop to consider it, we've
actually known each other since I started sitting Wills. That's eight
years."
"That's true." I tipped her chin up and studied
her lips. Her mouth was nothing like Sophe's, but the way she kissed…
"You're shivering," I whispered against them.
"Reaction, Jack."
"Damn. I was going to make coffee."
"I don't need coffee. Just kiss me again."
****
The next morning Jill was making breakfast when Wills came
down.
"Creepo's gone," he said as he went to the back
door and let Twoey out.
"Who?"
"The guy from last night."
"Ah. Yes." I'd noticed his car wasn't there when
I'd gone to retrieve the newspaper from the front walk. "Wills, I've got
some bad news for you, son."
"Dad?" He looked scared. "Jill's not
leaving, is she?"
"No! No, she's staying. It's just, you won't be able
to marry her."
He held himself very still. "Why not, Dad?"
Jill put the plate of waffles in front of him and came
around to do the same for me. I pulled her onto my lap. "Because I'm
marrying her."
He let out a whoop and threw himself at us, nearly tumbling
us all to the floor.
"Easy, sport. Easy!"
"When are you getting married? Are you going away for
a honeymoon?" His eyes suddenly widened. "I'll have brothers!"
The one thing he'd envied his cousins were the brothers they had.
"Soon, wherever Jill wants, and I wouldn't be
surprised, but not right away."
For a second he looked confused, but then he laughed. He
went back to his place, poured syrup on the waffles, and took a bite. He chewed
for a moment or so, and then stopped. "Uh, Dad?"
"Don't talk with your mouth full, sport." I got a
good look at his expression. "Wills, what's wrong?"
He clapped a hand over his mouth. "'Scuse me," he
mumbled and bolted out of the room.
It turned out that Jill couldn't cook much of anything, but that was okay, because there was something else she did very well, and that was love my son. And me.
Part 6
"Jill, would you like a house of your own?" We'd
been married a year and a half.
"Unless it's escaped your notice, darling Jack, I have
a house of my own."
No, what she had was the house I'd built for Sophe. I'd
overheard some of the busybodies commenting snidely, 'Poor thing. Another
woman's husband, another woman's son, another woman's house.'
Soon Jill would have a son of her own. She was about three
months pregnant, and those same busybodies had had plenty of time to get over
the disappointment of learning ours hadn't been a shotgun wedding.
"Y'know that house I have up in
"If that's what you want to do, Jack, but it really
isn't necessary. I like this house very much."
I thought it was necessary. I didn't want Jill to ever
think she was second best.
"Do you want to drive up with me? Wills has school,
but
Her eyes lit up. "I'd love to! When?"
"How does in a couple of days sound?" That would
give me time to get things squared away at work.
"Wonderful, darling Jack!"
It was a long drive, mostly because I had to keep pulling
off the Turnpike for Jill to use the facilities at various rest stops.
"Did Sophia have this problem with Wills?" she
asked, disgruntled, as we finally reached our exit.
"Truthfully, Jilly, I don't remember, but you know
your obstetrician said each pregnancy is different."
I'd worried that there might be a problem with her carrying
the baby to term, but the doctor had reassured me, and Jill had never had any
doubt.
"Okay, now this is one of the older parts of
"What a beautiful area! These trees must be a hundred
years old."
"Some are at least two hundred, and some are even
older." I pulled up across the street.
"This is it."
Jill got her first view of the house and the wraparound
porch and sucked in her breath. "Oh, Jack!"
I studied it critically. The clapboard siding was
authentic, as were the shutters. I was proud of the job Jake and I had done on
it, even though we'd only been able to work on it sporadically. At first we
would take busmen's holidays a couple of times a year, but since I'd married
Jill, we'd cut that back – I hadn't felt much like being away from home.
"I can't wait to see the inside!"
I turned the car into the long driveway. At the end of it
was a former carriage house. It had been converted into a garage years before
and hadn't taken much in the way of renovating. It was my idea to make the space
above the car bays into a living area. 'It'll be perfect as a pool house, and
who knows, Jake. Whoever buys this might want the added income and rent it out.'
The backyard was immense. There was enough room and to
spare for the in-ground swimming pool and tennis court.
"Oh, Jack! You know, Twoey would *love*
this!"
"Yeah. All that space to run." I brushed a kiss
over her lips. "Come inside and take a look at it."
She linked her arm with mine, but glanced back at the yard
as I led her into the house.
I'd not only renovated the house, but I'd restored portions
of it as well. Crown molding, chair rails, wainscoting. All the fireplaces
worked – a double one in the
kitchen that also opened in the formal dining room, one in the living room, and
in each of the four bedrooms on the second floor. The first floor also held a
den, a spare room that could be a study or sewing room, and to the rear, a
comfortable suite of rooms.
The attic was huge and had window seats in front of each of
the gabled windows as well as plenty of storage. The basement wasn't finished.
In the far corner was a laundry room large enough for a washer and dryer and
with hookups for a slop sink. There were windows in the foundation that let in
light during the day, and recessed lighting that would provide light in the
evening, and with carpeting covering the concrete floor and a bar added, it
would be a perfect game room. I could picture a pool table at one end, a game
table that would be suitable for chess or monopoly or other board games, and a
card table for poker.
I shook my head. That would be for whoever bought this
house to decide.
"Do you… Do you have to sell it?"
"Jill?"
"You said you'd give me a house. This one, darling
Jack?" She was so excited she was almost quivering with it, but then her
excitement left her, and she sighed. "We'd have to move. You'd have to
leave your family. Wills would have to go to a new school. He'd hate leaving his
friends." She sighed again. "Never mind."
"No, my own sweet girl. If this is the house you want,
then this is the house you'll have." I knew it wouldn't matter that she had
to leave her family. In the eighteen months we'd been married, we'd only seen
her family once, and that was at our wedding. Her father had stayed sober, and
her brothers had been better-behaved than at Jenny's wedding, but I wasn't sure
whether that was because they'd matured or if they were simply intimidated by
all the males in my family, including Pete in his dress blues and the big, quiet
Marine who was at his side.
"Oh, Jack! Thank you! And that suite of rooms on the
first floor would be perfect for
"If we can talk her into leaving her grandkids." Otherwise, I'd have to see about hiring another housekeeper.
She hugged me and cried all over me. "I love this
house, Jack. I love it! And I love you!"
We put a house on the market. It just wasn't the one I'd
originally thought it would be. I sold the house I'd built for my first wife and
put the money in CDs, for our child's college education.
Jake bought out my share of the family business, but it was
still Matheson & Sons, since Ben and Stevie had gone into the business as
well. With that money, I was able to start my own small company in
I looked over at Wills. Maybe it would turn out to be
another Matheson & Sons.
Wills was disappointed about leaving his friends and his
school, although he tried to hide it. That was, until he saw the house and the
old tree in the backyard.
"Dad! Do you think we could… "
"Yes." I grinned at him and ruffled his hair.
That tree would be large enough to build the tree house from the plans we'd
drawn up one rainy Saturday two years earlier.
"If you're sure,
"I'm sure."
And so we settled in and waited for the new baby to arrive.
****
Jill gave birth to our first child, a boy, which didn't
surprise me. Her selection of names did, though.
I stretched out beside her on the bed in her hospital room,
gazing at our little son, with his cap of strawberry blond fuzz.
"I think it would be an excellent name for this baby,
Jack."
"We name the firstborn sons after their
grandfathers."
"But you already have a firstborn son."
"Yes, but this child is *our* firstborn."
"Oh, darling Jack!" Her aquamarine eyes filled
with pleased tears and she kissed me. "Well, Wills has already been named
for his grandfather. We can't have two Williams running around, Jack. It will be
confusing, to say the least."
"We could name him Sean William, after your father and
mine."
"No." She had never talked much about her
relationship with her father, beyond assuring me that he had never physically
abused her. "I want our son to be named after his own father. Besides, he
looks like a John Robert."
"Jilly. My sweet girl."
"And we can call him JR."
"He's going to get teased about it." She gave me
a blank look. "'
"Oh." She smiled and patted my cheek. "Will
it be any worse than being teased because his parents are Jack and Jill?"
"I guess not." I leaned down and kissed her.
"John Robert it is."
****
Wills started sixth grade that fall. He became friends with
another boy whose family had moved to
"Doesn't his mother cook?" I grumbled one evening
after he had left. I didn't mind the extra mouth to feed, but reciprocity would
have been nice.
"Yes," Wills assured me with a grin, "but
"Thank you, Wills." She gave a pleased smile.
"And at least he helps clean up afterwards."
"Since you made a point of it,
Michael had light brown hair and brown eyes, and would have
been a good looking boy except for the discontented twist to his mouth, and the
attitude that seemed to smirk, 'here's my face and my ass is coming.' Try as I
would to like him, it often felt as if he were taking advantage of Wills' good
nature, and that set my teeth on edge. Jill didn't care much for him either, but
for Wills' sake, we made him welcome in our home, although for a time I was
afraid his temperament might rub off on my son; I didn't give Wills enough
credit.
The most easy-going of boys, Wills had a surprising streak
of implacability when it came to what was important to him.
He came home one afternoon, slamming the back door.
"What's up, sport?"
"Michael can be such an … " His lips folded in
an irritated line. "… such a jerk."
"Oh?" He'd obviously changed his words, but I had
a feeling he was going to call Michael an asshole. What had happened?
"He wanted to… " Wills blew out a breath. He
got that impatient action from me, and I was tempted to smile, but I didn't.
"He wanted to do something really stupid," powerful words from him,
"and when I said I wasn't going to, he made fun of me."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"Yeah. But I don't think I can. It's between the two
of us, you know, Dad?"
"Okay, son. But if you decide you need an ear, I'm
here."
"I know." He hugged me. He'd never been shy
showing his affection, not even now when he was in his teens, a time when dads
were no longer cool.
Margaret Shaw called the next afternoon. "Michael is
at Newbury Comics. He's been caught shoplifting!" Tears were in her voice,
as well as bitter disappointment. "A seventy-five cent comic book!
Edward… I don't want him to know. These times are so difficult for him."
Her husband worked for a
"Of course not, Margaret. I'll pick you up in ten
minutes."
"What's going on, Jack? Oh, no you don't, you little
exhibitionist!" Jill reached out to snag a squirming, giggling, naked JR.
He had recently learned how to get out of his clothes, and usually picked the
most inopportune times to do it.
Wills walked in with a disposable diaper. "Here you
go, Jill. Come on, little man." He crouched down to hold his brother still
while Jill fastened the diaper. "You don't want to give the world a free
show, do you, Jar?"
I'd come upon Wills hanging over JR's crib one night. 'This
is the best family, Jar.' He'd slurred together the consonants of his brother's
nickname. 'You're gonna love it here.' And he'd leaned down and run a gentle
fingertip over the baby's cheek. Now John Robert was called Jar as often as JR.
"NO!" Jar flung himself at his brother, and Wills
pretended he'd been toppled over, sending the toddler into gales of laughter.
"Michael seems to have gotten himself into trouble at
Newbury Comics. I'm going to pick up Margaret and… "
"I'm going with you, Dad." All trace of amusement
was wiped from his face.
"Wills… "
"Michael is my friend."
"All right." I ran a hand through my hair.
"Get your jacket. We'll be back as soon as we can, Jilly." I kissed
her and kissed our son. He stared at me with his mother's aquamarine eyes.
"Drive carefully. Wills… "
"It will be okay, Jill." He kissed her and his
brother too. "Behave, you!" He pretended to steal Jar's nose,
resulting in more giggles, but he was somber when he got in the car. "I
told him not to do that, Dad. I mean, *duh*! It was stupid!" Wills
was a smart, sensible boy, and I trusted him to do the right thing. He'd never
disappointed me. "I could kick his a… his butt!"
It might be a good idea for my son not to be friends with
Michael any longer, but I didn't think it was a good idea to suggest it just
then. I'd keep an eye on things and see how they sorted themselves out.
Meanwhile, there wouldn't be any harm in having my brothers
invite him to visit for the Christmas and Easter vacations, and come this summer
I'd ask Wills if he wanted to spend a few days a week with me on various job
sites. He'd shown a talent for construction when we'd built that tree house.
We drove to where the Shaws lived in a small, second floor
apartment on
"Hi, Mrs. Shaw." Wills got out and held the door
for her, then closed it and climbed in the back seat.
"Hello, William. John. Thank you for… " She
placed her purse on the seat beside her and buckled her seatbelt. "Can we
go, please?"
"Of course." As I drove, I could see from the
corner of my eye how she twisted a handkerchief through her fingers in a
constant, nervous movement, and I gave silent thanks that my boy had never
caused me that kind of distress.
Because of Michael's age and because it was the first time
he'd done something like that, the manager agreed not to press charges, although
Michael was banned from entering the store again.
He shrugged as he got in the back seat of the car beside
Wills, unrepentant as far as I could see. "I never liked that store
anyway."
"Thank you, John." Margaret was back to twisting
her handkerchief in her hands.
"You're welcome." I put the car in gear and
started the drive back to
"I don't know what the big deal is. It was just a
stupid comic book." Michael had a way of irritating me. If he had been my
son, I would have whaled the tar out of him long before this. However, it wasn't
for me to question how Margaret and Edward Shaw chose to raise their son.
"I suppose… I suppose you won't allow William to be
friends with Michael any more?" Margaret's voice trembled.
"Wait a second!" There was a touch of panic in
Michael's voice. Apparently that hadn't occurred to him.
Wills answered before I could. "Mrs. Shaw, Michael is
my friend." I could see the boys through the rearview mirror. Wills gave
Michael's shoulder a sharp poke. "Doesn't matter if he's been a jerk."
"So you'll be my friend in spite of everything, Willie
Boy?"
Wills leaned toward him and whispered something in his ear.
Michael seemed to flush in the dimming light of the afternoon, and he bit his
lip and looked away.
"All right, Wills," he said gruffly.
"Thanks."
****
For the first twelve years of his life, Wills had no
siblings. However, he had often been with my brother Jake's boys, and he had
seen how brothers interacted with each other.
With the age difference between him and Jar, I wasn't sure
how Wills would treat him, whether as an interloper or a pest or someone to be
ignored completely.
I should have known better. Of course there were times when
he was at school, when he had to do homework or simply had big boy things to do,
but there were also times when he played with Jar, took him riding on his bike,
sledding in the winter, or helped Jill out at bath time. I'd hear the two
brothers singing, 'Rubber ducky, you're
the one… '
"Wills is going to make a wonderful father one
day," I said to Jill when we were in bed one night.
"Yes, he is. And he's going to have the most beautiful
children!"
And I knew they would look just like his mother.
****
Five years after John Robert was born, we were in the
delivery room once again.
"All right, Mrs. Matheson. One more nice, big
push."
"That's what you said eight pushes ago!" Jill
snarled. She took another deep breath, and I flinched as her nails dug into my
hand.
"That's right, your baby is coming along nicely.
And… Here we are!" The obstetrician's eyes smiled at me over her face
mask. "Would you like to cut the umbilical cord, Mr. Matheson?"
"Sure, Doc." I'd done it for my first two sons,
and I was getting to be pretty good at it. I took the scissors she handed me and
looked down, getting my first good look at my newest child. The scissors dropped
from suddenly nerveless fingers. "What… what… "
"Mr. Matheson, you're not going to faint, are
you?"
"*What's wrong with our baby*?"
"Jack?" There was panic in Jill's voice, but I
didn't have time to regret scaring her.
"There's nothing… " the doctor began.
"Don't tell me there's nothing wrong! He doesn't have
a penis!"
There was muffled laughter. "Girls don't, Mr.
Matheson."
I tore my eyes from the baby. "I… I don't have…
There hasn't been a girl in my family for a hundred and forty years!"
"Well, congratulations. There is one now!"
"We have a little girl? Oh, Jack!"
My hands were shaking too much, so the doctor had to cut
the cord. A nurse put our… our daughter in Jill's arms, and she cuddled her.
"She's beautiful!" She was so tiny, so delicate,
I was afraid to touch her.
"Darling Jack, yes she is!"
"Mr. Matheson, why don't you let your sons know they
have a little sister? She'll be in the nursery as soon as the pediatrician has
checked her out, and you can bring them to see her. Meanwhile, we'll take care
of your wife."
"Yes, go tell the boys and Alice. I'm not going
anywhere."
"I won't be long." I kissed her palm and hurried
to the waiting room where my sons and Alice waited. I'd call my parents and my
brothers later, and Mom would see about notifying the rest of the family.
I lingered in the doorway for a second, observing the
tableau. Jar and Wills had their heads together, Wills talking to him in a quiet
voice, his arm around his younger brother's shoulders.
I was startled to see Michael Shaw sitting in a corner,
reading a dog-eared magazine that looked about ten years old. He and Wills had
intended to go to the mall to see if they could pick up girls, but then Jill had
gone into Labor and Wills had called him to cancel their plans. When had he
arrived at the hospital?
I cleared my throat and entered into the room.
"Daddy!" Jar ran to me and threw himself into my
arms. "Is Mommy okay?"
"She and the baby are fine, little man." And then
I collapsed into a chair and buried my face in my hands.
"Are you okay, Dad?" Wills knelt beside me and
put his arms around both of us.
"I'm fine. I'm fine." I dried my eyes on the
sleeve of the scrubs I'd been given and tried to smile at my boys. "I'm
sorry. It's just… You have a little sister!"
"But… but you told me I was gonna have a baby
brother!" Jar objected.
"Next time, okay, little man?"
"Well, I guess. But I wanted to be the big
brother."
"You can still be the big brother, Jar."
"I can?"
"Yes, you can." I ruffled his hair, then hugged
both him and Wills.
"What about Wills?" Michael gazed across at me,
something in his eyes, but it was so quickly replaced by indifference that I
wasn't sure what I'd seen.
"I'm the biggest brother, Michael."
"Right." Michael resumed thumbing through the
magazine, and Wills frowned at him.
I couldn't help laughing. "My very thought."
"When can we go see her, Dad?"
"Let's take a walk to the nursery. She should be there
any time now."
"I'm a big brother! C'mon,
"Michael, would you like to come?" I asked,
simply to be polite. After all, he was my son's friend, and he'd been kind
enough to wait here with him.
"No, thanks. You've seen one rug rat, you've seen 'em
all. I'm gonna head out. I've got things to do." He dropped the magazine,
picked up his jacket, and slung it over his shoulder. "Congratulations, Mr.
Matheson. So long, Willie Boy."
"Thanks for coming, Michael."
"No sweat."
"I'll see ya. Let's go, Dad."
Michael went toward the elevators, while I led my little
troop down the corridor toward the nursery. I tapped on the door, and a nurse
came out, smiling.
"Which baby are you looking for?"
"I'm Jack Matheson. My wife Jill just delivered a
little girl." We hadn't thought to choose a girl's name. What were we going
to name this unexpected blessing?
"Ah. Baby Girl Matheson. We're just getting her
diapered. If you'll stand by that window and wait a moment?"
"We've really got a sister, Wills!"
"Yeah, we do, Jar. Isn't that the best? They're
wheeling her in. Here, let me give you a boost so you can see." He picked
his brother up and pointed to the little bundle wrapped in a receiving blanket
covered with animal babies wearing diapers.
"She is beautiful, Jack. You and Jill should be very
proud."
"We've got three of the best looking kids in the
world!" I gazed at my children, then grinned at
****
Jar's eyelids were drooping, and
"It's been a long day for all of us. Why don't you
take the car and drive home, Wills?
"What about you, Dad?"
"I'll spend the night here."
"Okay. 'Night, Jill." He leaned forward to kiss
her.
She rested her palm against his cheek. "'Night,
sweetie. Drive carefully."
"G'night, Mommy. 'Night, Daddy."
"Goodnight, little man. Make sure you listen to Alice
and your brother."
"I will." He took Wills' hand.
"We'll hold down the fort, Dad."
"Do you want me to bring you a change of clothes
tomorrow, Jack?"
"Thanks,
"Do you need anything, Jill?"
"No, Alice. Thank you." Jill looked up at me.
"I have everything I need."
"We'll see you as soon as they let us up
tomorrow," Wills said. It was a Saturday, so neither of them would have
school.
They left, and shortly after a nurse wheeled in the
bassinet bearing our daughter. Jill made herself comfortable and prepared to
breastfeed the baby.
"Have you
picked out a name yet?" the nurse asked.
"We've never
given any thoughts to a girl's name." Early on we'd settled on Matthew John
for our baby, but it looked like that name definitely wouldn't be appropriate
for this baby.
"
"
"That's an
unusual name. Are you French?"
"No." I
laughed. We'd vacationed in the
"Well, it's a
very pretty name. Now, I'll just leave you to get comfortable with
"We'll call
her Marti for short, Jill?"
"Yes."
She nuzzled Marti's soft cheek.
"Thank you, my
sweet girl."
"For what,
darling Jack?"
"For giving me
the most wonderful gift." Just then Marti opened her eyes and stared up at
me solemnly. "She has your coloring, Jilly, red hair and blue
eyes."
"All babies have blue eyes, Jack."
I brushed that aside. "She's going to be a heart
stealer." It was hard to
believe this dainty little lady was ours. "When she gets older, we'll have
the boys swarming around her like bees to honey."
Jill eased Marti onto her shoulder and began rubbing her
back, and the dainty little lady let out a hearty burp.
"Oh, yes." Jill's eyes were dancing. "She's
going to be a handful!"
****
Our joy was dimmed with sadness. Later that spring Dog Two
died in her sleep. She was almost twelve, which was a pretty good age for a Lab.
Her muzzle had gone white, and arthritis had settled into her hips, making it
difficult for her to climb up and down the stairs. I'd been dreading the thought
of having her put to sleep, and was grateful to be spared that decision.
It hit Wills the hardest. He had grown up with Twoey, and
she'd always slept in his room. "I know you'll want to get another dog, but
please wait until I leave for college in the fall, Dad?"
"Sure, son." It would give the whole family the
opportunity to mourn our beloved pet, and it would also help distract Jar when
his brother was no longer just down the hall from him.
Wills loved his siblings. Just as I'd found him leaning
over his brother's crib, I found him one afternoon giving Jill a break, walking
the floor with a fussing Marti and crooning, "'I've got a crush on you, sweetie pie… '"
Again I thought what a great dad he was going to be one
day.
And then he graduated from high school and it was time for
him to go away to college, and there was an empty, Wills-sized space in the
house. Even Marti, as young as she was, seemed to realize someone was missing.
"I miss Wills so much." Jar said one sunny
Saturday.
I exchanged glances with Jill, and she gave a slight nod.
We'd talked it over and decided that this would be a good time to get that
puppy. "Would you like to come for a ride with me, Jar?"
"I guess." He didn't even ask where we would be
going.
"Let me get myself together, and we can leave." I
used the extension in the spare room that had become a combination
study/sewing/crafts room and dialed the number of a breeder I'd been in contact
with since midsummer. The Daniels had been breeding Labs for the last
twenty-five years and were caring, reputable breeders whose puppies were
guaranteed to be healthy, with easy temperaments and free of genetic defects.
"Mrs. Daniels, this is Jack Matheson. Would it be all
right if I brought my son to pick out a puppy today?"
"Oh, yes, please do. They've all been wormed and had
their shots and are just waiting for their humans to show up and take them
home."
"Great. We should get to
"I'll look for you then."
We hung up, and I strolled into the kitchen, where Jar was
waiting. "All set, Jar?"
"Is Mommy coming?"
"No, this is a daddy-son thing." Jill ruffled his
hair. "You two men go out and have fun."
Jar's face lit up, and he caught my hand and gave a skip.
"We're men, Daddy?"
I remembered Wills' excitement to be considered a bachelor,
and smiled to myself. "Yes, son. We're men. Let's go." We went out to
the car, and I made sure he was buckled safely before I backed out into the
street.
The traffic wasn't bad, and in a little less than
twenty-five minutes I was turning into the Daniels' drive.
"Why are we stopping here, Daddy?"
"Well, I understand they have some puppies that are
looking for a good home."
"We're getting a puppy?" He tore out of the car
and raced into the yard. Mrs. Daniels, a youngish woman wearing jeans and a
checked shirt, was sitting on her porch swing. She rose and smiled at my son.
"You must be John Robert. I understand you'll be
picking out a new puppy."
"Yes, please!"
"It was such a beautiful day today, I thought the
puppies could use some fresh air. They're around back. Come this way. Your daddy
said you wanted to see the yellow Labs."
"Oh, but… " He turned to me. "If we get
another dog like Twoey, won't Wills be sad?"
"Each pup has its own personality, Jar, and while they
might look similar, after a while you realize they're nothing alike." I was
touched at my little boy's thoughtfulness. "Let's take a look at them,
okay?"
The puppies gamboled in a fenced-in area, so busy with each
other that they paid no attention to Jar. Suddenly a small streak of black tore
across the yard.
"Sorry, Ma. Blackie got out before I could stop
her." A young man came down from the back porch and tried to catch the
puppy, who was hiding behind Jar's legs.
"It's all right, Eddie."
The puppy nipped at Jar's sock, and he squatted down to
play with her. The yellow puppies gathered around the fence, drawn by the black
puppy's yips and Jar's laughter.
"Daddy, can we get this puppy?"
"JR."
"*May* we get this puppy?"
"Is she for sale, Mrs. Daniels?"
"I think your son would be heartbroken if I said she
wasn't."
"Please, Daddy?" He gently removed his shoelace
from the puppy's mouth.
"Don’t you at least want to look at the other
ones?"
He shook his head.
"Would you like to hold her?" Mrs. Daniels asked.
"Yes, please!"
She handed Jar the puppy, satisfying herself that he could
support her hind legs and chest. "Very well done."
He grinned up at her, happier than I'd seen him since his
brother had left for college.
"What are you going to call her, son?"
"I get to name her?"
"She's your dog."
He grinned up at me through the shock of red hair that
spilled into his eyes. "Dog Three, Daddy!"
And so Dog Three – Deety – became part of the family.
A few weeks later I noticed that Jar was unusually silent.
"What is it, son?"
"Is Wills ever coming home, Daddy?" he asked.
"Of course he is, Jar. He'll be back for
Thanksgiving."
"But that's a hundred years away!"
"Not quite, little man, but I tell you what. Suppose
we take a drive down to see him this weekend?"
"Can we, Daddy?"
"Yes, can we, Daddy?" Jill smiled at me.
"Sure." I slid an arm around her waist, pulled
her close, and kissed her. "We'll all go!"
I called Wills to let him know we were coming, booked a
room in
Michael Shaw had applied to the same college and shared a
dorm room with Wills. He gave a languid wave as we walked in. "Willie Boy
is in the john. Unless he's fallen in, he'll be right back." His mouth
twisted in a smirk, and he sauntered out.
I knew my expression had to be mirrored by Jill's.
Deliberately, she turned and glanced around the room.
It was small, with barely enough room for two twin beds,
matching desks, and a couple of chairs. Wills' side of the room was tidy, in
marked contrast to Michael's side, which had a pile of laundry on the floor -
clean or dirty, it was hard to tell without actually picking up an article of
clothing and sniffing it - and shirts and a pair of jeans with a designer Label
on the back pocket dangled from his chair.
Michael had left the door open, and Wills hurried in.
"Dad, Jill!" He hugged us both. "I'm so glad to see you!"
"And me too, Wills?"
"Of course, you too!" He knelt to hug Jar.
"Aren't you my favorite brother? I've missed you so much!"
"I missed you too! When are you coming home?"
"I'll be back for Thanksgiving, little man."
Marti was reaching for him, her tiny fists opening and closing, and he laughed
and got to his feet. "Yes, I missed you too, munchkin." He took her
from Jill and kissed her cheek. "Well, you've seen my room." He
glanced around ruefully. "Come on. I'll give you a tour of the
campus."
We walked the shaded paths, and Wills, with Marti in his
arms, drew the interested gazes of quite a few girls. A couple of his professors
stopped to chat briefly, and it was obvious that they thought well of him.
I was so proud of my boy I thought my buttons would burst.
****
That spring Wills was rushed by a number of fraternities,
including a chapter of Alpha Omega Chi, my fraternity. He accepted their bid.
So, I regretted to learn, did Michael.
****
Those years were busy ones. While Jill and I didn't
practice birth control, being willing to have another baby if we were so
blessed, it seemed as if our family was complete, and we were both happy that
our children – *all* our children – were happy and healthy.
Jar had known how to read from an early age, but now he was
learning to write and multiply, and he became a cub scout.
Marti learned to walk. A few months later, she started
talking, and every sentence seemed to be an exclamation. She was a very active
little girl and wanted to do everything her big brother did. "Why can't I
be a cub scout?" she demanded when she was three.
"Because you're a girl, munchkin."
"Then I don't wanna be a girl! Make me a boy,
Mommy!"
"I'm afraid that's beyond my powers, Marti. However…
little girls get to help their Mommies with the kitties!"
"Okay, Mommy!"
"You realize it won't always be this easy to distract
her, don't you?" I asked, circling Jill's waist and drawing her close to
me.
"Ah, but then I'll send her to Daddy!"
"You're a devious woman, Jill Matheson! And I love you
just the same!"
"Good thing, because I love you too." She kissed
my nose and patted my butt, an action that fortunately went unseen by our very
curious daughter, who would have had no problem asking why Mommy was spanking
Daddy. "Now, come along, Marti. Mary Poppins and
Willie Wonka want dinner."
I'd been able to fulfill Jill's desire to raise American
Bobtails, and we had a pair, Mary Poppins, an orange tabby, and a gray with
splashes of black over his face and four black paws. Bert Chimneysweep would
have been a more suitable name, but somehow he'd wound up with the name Willie
Wonka.
As for Wills, when he came home, he would tell us about the
girls he was dating. He'd dated throughout high school, pretty girls who were
cheerleaders, pretty girls who were in the honors program, pretty girls who all
seemed to be redheads.
Even now, each and everyone was a redhead, but he never seemed to show an interest in bringing any of them home with him.
During his junior year he dated one girl, Rissa O'Hara,
exclusively, and I began to wonder if she were the one, but they broke up that
spring, and she was another one we never did get to meet.
That summer, Wills and I drove down to
By the fourth Friday in August, the job was finished. In
the morning, Wills and I would be driving home for good, but that evening, Jake
and I were going out to celebrate with our sons and some of the crew. It
reminded me of the night all those years ago when Dad and Jake had taken me to
the Sinn Fein.
We waited at the bar while the bartender filled a couple of
pitchers and loaded a tray with mugs, then carried them to the tables our sons
had staked out.
"Congratulations on a job well done, Jake," I
toasted him. "Dad would be proud."
"Thanks, Jack. And I want to thank you and Wills for
coming down and helping out. And Jill too for letting you come down."
"Not a problem. It was like the old days. Y'know, I
was just thinking how this was like the night you and Dad took me drinking at
the Sinn Fein."
"A lot has happened since, hasn't it?"
"That is has." Births. Deaths. Weddings.
"And now Harry and Brynn are getting married."
He'd told me on the ride over.
"Your last child. You're gonna be over the hill before
you know it, Jake."
"Them's fightin' words!" He laughed and cuffed my
shoulder. We gazed across at the small space in front of the jukebox where his
son and the tall blonde were dancing. "I like Brynn. She's a good
electrician. I just hope Harry's not jumping the gun."
"He's as level-headed as any of your boys, Jake. His
older brothers all waited until their late twenties, but maybe the fact of the
matter is he's seen how it is for them, and he wants that too."
"I guess." He took a handful of beer nuts from the bowl
on the table and licked the salt off one of them. "I can't tell you how
sorry I am about Harry shooting Wills with the nail gun that time, Jack."
"I know, Jake. Talk about a freak accident."
"Much as I love my son, he never was a very good shot.
For which I'll give eternal thanks."
"Me too."
Jake put his arm around my shoulder and hugged me.
As the evening wore on, I watched my son unobtrusively.
Every once in a while an expression would cross his face, and I wondered if
something had happened at college.
Then I noticed the bartender. A very buxom green-eyed
blonde, she flirted with him, more than once bringing him a Coors without taking
any money for it. During her break, she put some money in the jukebox, and when
Meatloaf's 'I Would Do Anything For Love'
came on, she caught Wills' hand and pulled him up to dance with her.
I smiled and relaxed, thinking he might go home with her. I
assumed my son was sexually active – he was a healthy male – and I'd bought
him his first condoms and had a talk with him about using them, not only for
birth control but for avoiding STDs as well.
However, when Jake and I decided to call it a night, Wills
said, "Hold on, Dad. I want to catch a ride with you!"
Jake grinned at my expression. "What did you expect,
Jack? She isn't a redhead."
Wills gulped down the rest of his beer, licked off the foam
moustache, and smiled at the bartender, who looked wistful. He whispered
something and raised her hand to his lips, and she blushed and smiled, and
kissed his cheek.
The next morning, on the drive home, I took the opportunity
to talk to him. "You seemed to be having a good time."
"Yeah. It's always fun with the cousins."
"I thought you might have gone home with the bartender. She really
seemed taken with you."
"She really wasn't my type."
"A green-eyed blonde with tits out to there?"
"Geez, Dad!" He blushed to his hairline.
"So… uh… " I guessed I shouldn't tease him. "What is
your type, son?"
"Redheads, Dad," he said easily, and I risked taking my eyes
off the road for a quick glance at him. The corner of his mouth was curled in a
grin. "I have a weakness for auburn hair. Just like my old man."
I reached across and patted his knee. "Remember when you decided to
marry Jill?"
"Yeah. I loved her a lot; I still do, but I think it worked out
better this way."
"Definitely. You'd have been the only boy in fifth grade with a
wife."
He gave a snort of laughter.
I caught a glimpse of the road sign listing the eating places coming up
at the next exit. "Breakfast?"
"Good idea."
I flipped up the blinker and steered into the deceleration lane. The
diner was in the rest stop that was also a weigh station. Fortunately, since it
was a Saturday morning, there weren't too many trucks in the parking lot. We got
out of the car and walked into the diner. "Counter or booth, son?"
"A booth sounds good, Dad. Hey, they have jukeboxes at each
one!"
"See anything you want to hear?"
He turned the selections. "These are mostly old time music."
"Oh?" I didn't realize he was biting back a grin until after I
started to examine the songs, expecting to see something from the Big Band era.
"Scamp!" I gently wacked him with the menu. They were all from the 60s
and 70s.
"Sorry, Dad. I couldn't resist."
I returned his grin, then sobered. "What do you think of your
cousin getting married, Wills?"
"I wasn't expecting Harry to get married so soon. He's only a few
months older than I am!"
"This is true."
Our waitress arrived, and we gave her our order: orange juice, eggs over
easy, bacon, hash browns, and whole wheat toast. After she left us set up with
the juice and coffee, I continued.
"No, I meant what do you think of him marrying Brynn?"
"Why would I think about it one way or the other, Dad?"
"Harry did shoot you in the ass because of her."
"I'm never gonna live that down, am I? I like Brynn. She's a nice
girl. Woman. She's a little older than Harry, but if it doesn't matter to him,
then it certainly doesn't matter to me."
"So you're okay with the marriage?"
"Didn't I just say that?"
"Yes. It was just… something last night. A time or two I thought
you looked… I don't know… sad?"
He was silent for a moment, then sighed. "Nothing gets by you, does
it, Dad? I'll admit I'm a little envious. I don't want to settle down now. I
mean, I'll be twenty-one next week. But one day… I hope I can find what you
and Jill have. What it looks like Harry and Brynn have. I really want
that."
"I was lucky, Wills. I found that twice in my life."
He smiled ruefully. "I'll be happy if I can find it once."
I reached across the table and gripped his forearm. "I know you will, son. I know you will."
TBC
