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This page is dedicated to my favorite profession, NURSING!! I am currently in a nursing program and will graduate as an RN in August of this year. I also am employed at our local hospital as a patient care technician on the ICU/Step-Down Unit. I absolutely love my current job more than and I have ever had and I cannot wait until I am officially a nurse!
~ Crabbit Old Woman ~
What do you see, Nurse, what do you see?
Are you thinking, when you look at me --
A crabbit old woman, not very wise,
Uncertain of habit, with far-away eyes,
Who dribbles her food and makes no reply
When you say in a loud voice,
"I do wish you'd try!"
Who seems not to notice the things that you do
And forever is loosing a stocking or shoe.
Who, unresisting or not; lets you do as you will
With bathing and feeding, the long day to fill.
Is that what you're thinking,
Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, Nurse, you're not looking at me.
I'll tell you who I am as I sit here so still!
As I rise at your bidding, as I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of 10 with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters, who loved one another.
A young girl of 16 with wings on her feet,
Dreaming that soon now a lover she'll meet,
A bride soon at 20 -- my heart gives a leap,
Remembering the vows that I promised to keep.
At 25 now I have young of my own
Who need me to build a secure happy home;
A woman of 30, my young now grow fast,
Bound to each other with ties that should last;
At 40, my young sons have grown and are gone,
But my man's beside me to see I don't mourn;
At 50 once more babies play around my knee,
Again we know children, my loved one and me.
Dark days are upon me, my husband is dead,
I look at the future, I shudder with dread,
For my young are all rearing young of their own.
And I think of the years and the love that I've known;
I'm an old woman now and nature is cruel,
'Tis her jest to make old age look like a fool.
The body is crumbled, grace and vigor depart,
There is now a stone where I once had a heart,
But inside this old carcass, a young girl still dwells,
And now and again my battered heart swells,
I remember the joy, I remember the pain,
And I'm loving and living life over again.
I think of the years all too few -- gone too fast,
And accept the stark fact that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, Nurse, open and see,
Not a crabbit old woman, look closer --
See ME.
Author Unknown
You Might Be An ER Nurse If.....
Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you
You believe a good tape job will fix anything
You have the bladder capacity of five people
You can identify the positive teeth to tattoo ratio
You disbelieve 90% of what you are told and 75% of what you see
You have your weekends off planned for a year in advance
When a patient presents with a list of 30 allergies to meds and you automatically assume they are a drug seeker and that their doctor is from out of town
You believe in the power of the full moon
You encourage an obnoxious patient to sign out AMA
You have discovered a new condition that you call "hypo-xanax-emia"
You plan what you are going to have for dinner while performing gastric lavage
You believe that "ask-a-nurse" is an evil plot thought up by Satan
You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if the phrase "Wow, it's really quiet" is uttered
You refer to Friday as NH Dump Day and you don't mean New Hampshire
Your diet consists of food that has gone through more processing than most computers
You believe chocolate is a food group
You take it as a compliment when someone calls you a dirty name
You are prone to complimenting complete strangers on their great veins when you are out in public
You have ever answered a "lost condom" phone call
You refer to someone in severe respiratory distress as a "smurf"
Your idea of a good time is dueling shock rooms
You have ever had to leave a patient's room before you begin to laugh uncontrollably
You have ever wanted to reply "Yes" when someone calls and asks "Is my (husband, wife, mother, brother, friend, etc.) there?"
You have ever issued a "dead head" alert
Your favorite hallucinogenic is exhaustion
You think that caffeine should be available in I.V. form
You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience
Your most common assessment question is "what changed tonight to make it an emergency after 6 (hours, days, weeks, months, years)?"
You have ever used the phrase "health care reform" to instill fear into your co-workers' hearts
You believe the waiting room should be equipped with a Valium fountain
You play poker by betting ectopies on EKG strips
You believe a "supreme being consult" is your patient's only hope
You are totally astounded when someone from a NH is understandable
You have been exposed to so many x-rays that you consider radiation a form of birth control
You believe your patient is demonically possessed
You have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say, "I have no idea how that got stuck in there"
You have ever bet on blood alcohol levels
You believe that waiting room time should be proportional to length of time from symptom onset ("You've had the pain for three weeks...Well, have a seat in the waiting room and we'll get to you in three days")
You can identify the "P.I.D. shuffle" at a distance of 15 feet and the "Kidney Stone Squirm" at 20
You've ever had to contend with someone who thinks constipation for 4 hours is a medical emergency
You've ever entered a patient's chief complaint as "I'm drunk"
You refer to motorcyclists as "organ donors"
You've ever had a patient with a nose-ring tell you "I'm afraid of shots"
You stare at someone in utter disbelief when he or she actually covers his or her mouth when coughing
You've ever thought "as long as he's got a pulse, I won't worry about that rhythm."
You've ever referred to a body bag as a "To Go" bag
You've identified the ULTIMATE Cruel Practical Joke (get someone drunk, then take them to the ER and announce that they've overdosed on "some kind of pills" just prior to arrival)
You think of chocolate, coffee, Coca-Cola and the cafeteria's frozen yogurt when anyone mentions the 4 food groups
You've ever heard the radio report from the ambulance and put the morguebag on the cart before the patient arrives
You think that the announcement of an impending arrival in 5 minutes of two adults in a serious MVA on back boards with sirens on and anxiety a level 10 would be a great opportunity to eat lunch
You have ever heard triage nurse first ask, "Is it urgent?" when interrupted from the first break in hours
You have four categories of patients...urgent, emergent, non-emergent, and S.I.O. (sleeping it off)
You automatically multiply by 3 the number of drinks they claim to have daily
You feel that you can diagnose passersby at the mall based on physical presentation
You don't have to ask "frequent flyers" any medical history questions because you can fill it out from memory
You can keep a straight face as the patient responds "Just two beers"
You give the local drunks tips on where to sleep so they (and you) won't be disturbed by a return visit
AND FINALLY....
YOU MIGHT BE AN E.R. NURSE IF...YOU FIND HUMOR IN ANY OF THIS!!!
 
A Nurse's Prayer
Let me dedicate my life today
to the care of those who come my way.
Let me touch each one with healing hands
and the gentle art for which I stand.
And then tonight when the day is done,
Let me rest in peace if I've helped just one.
Author: Teri Lynn Thompson, RN
Graduate Nurse vs. Experienced Nurse
A Graduate Nurse throws up when the patient does.
An experienced nurse calls housekeeping when a patient throws up.
A Graduate Nurse wears so many pins on their name badge you can't read it.
An experienced nurse doesn't wear a name badge for liability reasons
A Graduate Nurse charts too much.
An experienced nurse doesn't chart enough.
A Graduate Nurse loves to run to codes.
An experienced nurse makes graduate nurses run to codes.
A Graduate Nurse wants everyone to know they are a nurse.
An experienced nurse doesn't want anyone to know they are a nurse.
A Graduate Nurse keeps detailed notes on a pad.
An experienced nurse writes on the back of their hand, paper scraps, napkins, etc.
A Graduate Nurse will spend all day trying to reorient a patient.
An experienced nurse will chart the patient is disoriented and restrain them.
A Graduate Nurse can hear a beeping I-med at 50 yards
An experienced nurse can't hear any alarms at any distance.
A Graduate Nurse loves to hear abnormal heart and breath sounds.
An experienced nurse doesn't want to know about them unless the patient is symptomatic.
A Graduate Nurse spends 2 hours giving a patient a bath.
An experienced nurse lets the CNA give the patient a bath.
A Graduate Nurse thinks people respect Nurses.
An experienced nurse knows everybody blames everything on the nurse.
A Graduate Nurse looks for blood on a bandage hoping they will get to change it.
An experienced nurse knows a little blood never hurt anybody.
A Graduate Nurse looks for a chance "to work with the family"
An experienced nurse avoids the family.
A Graduate Nurse expects meds and supplies to be delivered on time.
An experienced nurse expects them to never be delivered at all.
A Graduate Nurse will spend days bladder training an incontinent patient.
An experienced nurse will insert a Foley catheter.
A Graduate Nurse always answers their phone.
An experienced nurse checks their caller ID before answering the phone.
A Graduate Nurse thinks psych patients are interesting.
An experienced nurse thinks psych patients are crazy.
A Graduate Nurse carries reference books in their bag.
An experienced nurse carries magazines, lunch, and some "cough syrup" in their bag.
A Graduate Nurse doesn't find this funny.
An experienced nurse does.
~YOU ARE PROBABLY IN THE MEDICAL FIELD IF....~
Your idea of a good time is a full code at shift change.
You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac.
Your idea of comforting a child is to place him on a papoose board.
You believe that "shallow gene pool" is a codeable diagnosis.
You believe that people should need a permit to reproduce.
You compliment strangers on the size of their veins.
You believe that referral to Dr. Kevorkian is appropriate for some patients.
You believe that "too stupid to live" is a real diagnosis.
You have asked patients, "What changed after five months to make you come to the emergency room at 2 A.M.?"
You believe that the waiting room should be supplied with a Valium salt lick.
When you mention vegetables, you are not referring to a food group.
You sometimes refer to death as "transfer to the eternal care unit."
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