Anyways, what I meant about it being "televised for our watching enjoyment", I was being half sarcastic. What I mean by that is that if they are going to execute people in jail, it should be televised for everyone to see. Did you see The Beach? I hate Leonardo DiCaprio, so I almost didn't see it. He looks like a bug and, really, he's overrated. But, it came on HBO and I watched in. The plot was good, the acting was okay, dialouge okay, but it had a great understated point! A movie can be fucking terrible, but if it's making a good point it can almost completely make up for it. So, in the very end, when the woman is about to kill Leo and he remarks about the other man who died in the jungle, alone, because everyone wanted to have they're fun and nobody wanted to watch. But, now, everyone was going to have to see what The Beach was really all about and it would spoil everything. That's what I meant. I meant that if they are going to do it with our tax money why do they hide it from us? We should be able to watch our government in action. It shouldn't be hidden from us because it might offend us or it might hurt us. That is reality. That is what people are doing and what is happening to people and with our money! Yet, it's hidden from us because it might disrupt some phoney, plastic, smile that America wears like they're really ontop of everything. Like they really have they're act together, with their present who can barely pronounce the name of the country he runs. People are ridiculous. Down with censorship, down with narcotic restrictions, and make prostitution legal, Goddamnit.
But, really, on the level that only God should decide who lives and who dies. When I got my first gun when I was eleven years old. It was a little revolver and when I was twelve I wrote this poem, and I won't bore you with the whole thing, nor can I truly remember the whole thing, but I remember the lines:
So, my feelings about the death penalty are still blurred between nature, reality, and what is really right. As far a fags and people who blend polyester and cotton, well, I think God has better things to do than condemn them. In fact, I've just learned a cruel lesson on the subject of homosexuality. Since I grew up in San Francisco, queer is a part of life. I never thought about it as evil. I am openly bisexual. In fact, I broke up with my ex-girlfriend about... hmm... I think it was eight months ago. I miss her a lot. We had an apartment together in Down Town SF - great girl. But, now I'm dating a guy. Never saw anything wrong with it, until I met my brothers God parents... They are strict Orthodox Jews. His God father is a rabbi. I have an older sister: his God mothers daughter, who is a singer in a punk band. She's also a lesbian and they CONDEMN her for that. They wouldn't even come to her show when she played in St. Petersburg. They haven't spoken to her in years. And I'm afraid that if they find out that I'm bi they'll freak on me even though they really seem to like me.
Anyways, back to reality, I am so desensitized is almost sad. Growing up in the funeral industry I've been surrounded by death. Death is nothing to me. It's a part of life. Another dead, two more born. I have seen people blown up, stabbed, maimed, beaten unconcious, been shot. I've - myself - shot people. I've been through three drive bys, once from the inside of the car. I've seen people puke for sport, shit on each other, whip for blood, and blow off limbs. (This excludes everything I've seen on the internet.) Sometimes I feel like I'm dead inside, but I try to tell myself I'm just different. I used to cut myself, until I was put in a hospital for crazy people. So, yes, I'm am actually clinically insane.
Atop of that, I've worked in the Mental Health Industry for the last two years and I love it. It's great to see it from the other side of the looking glass. It's a very interesting subject to me, and I've come to find that most people who are "crazy" are crazy for the same reasons we all have strange habits: twirling hair, biting nails, grinding teeth. Something that happened to them is making them do that and they just need it to be explained to them. The therapists though want something they can pinpoint under a microscope and the human brain just doesn't work like that.
Cheers,
Damn, it's raining cats and dogs outside. I've never seen it rain like this in California. It's amazing, like stuff you only see in the movies. Kind of adds an extra edge to the death subject in a sort of very rehearsed way.
"Cold gat in my hand
"ruling over pavement land
"Stop to think as you pray to God
"you are God.
"You are the truth and the lies
"you choose you lives and who dies..."
Remember, I was only 12 when I wrote that, so excuse the corny references. But, it's the truth. I don't really believe in gun control. Because it's part of American culture! What I think should be banned is the production of toy guns. I see children running around with these toy guns in their hands yelling "Bang! Bang!" They parents buy them for them. But, when it comes to the real thing the parents tell them "No. That's evil. Stay away from it." Only inspiring more curiosity on the childs part. Guns have become glorified through movies and cartoons and are put in a childs hands as soon as he can grasp it. But, when the real thing comes to play he's supposed to say no? What hypocrisy is that!?!?! It's absoloutely ridiculous! I would much rather educate my children (if I had children) about guns. Teach them that when they hold a gun, they hold life and death. They are holding a machine, and when they hold it, they are responsible. But, I would never get my child a plastic gun and let them run around making immitations!
Lost
