Numb

After I've just recently posted in a few threads about this I've come to the realization that I really am numb.

I feel like I've seen everything but have done nothing. My generation has no war, no cause, nothing to fight for. Nothing but chittery lap top key boards and Starbucks mochaccinos.

I've seen fire, flood, famine, people blown apart, shot, maimed, stabbed, strangled, shit on, pissed on, vomit for sport, die of AIDs (wasn't there for the actually death), tied to a fence, whipped, and raped and this is excluding the internet!

By the time I was twelve I was carrying a gun. I don't even know if I even knew what that meant at the time. By the time I was thirteen nearly all my friends were dead or pregnant. Destruction seems to be everywhere and there is no place to focus the hatred!

And then there was this one time, years ago, when I was fourteen and I remember driving up to GuernVille with my family because we stayed at one of my uncles funeral homes up there for the summers, because it was a cabin kind of place. And on the way there we saw these three kids on the side of the road, next to this field and they were screaming like Hell. Two of them were holding up the other kid who was bleeding severely from the head, as if he'd been bashed in the head or something. The other two were soaked in blood and a few yards away from them was another kid, freaking out.

They were screaming at everyone driving by and there were plenty of people on the road.

They kept yelling for someone to help them and I looked at my mum, who was driving and she didn't do anything! She appeared to be paralyzed with fear. I said that shouldn't we do something and my mum told me that somebody else would help them and that the police would be along soon.

What the Hell? Of all the crazy and creepy things I have seen and done, that one really stands out in my mind.

Not a day goes by that I don't think about that incident and remember my mum, trying not to look, and telling me somebody else would help.

Is that world I was born in to? Somebody else will do it. It's somebody elses problem. Let somebody else worry about it?

What the Hell? I wish I'd gotten out of the car, at that moment, and helped those kids. They were terrified and who knows what had happened to them. There was no car crash in sight. They looked like they'd been through Hell and we didn't even stop. No one did. No one even cared!

Every day I think about that and I wonder what happened to them, if they're okay now, and if they died it might've been my fault because I could've helped them.

I guess that's the day I realized what it was to own a gun and what it was to be truly cold.

It scares me to think that that is the mentality of my country when we have a bozo who can barely pronounce his own name in office. May be we'll just all die. May be the economy with colapse and we'll kill each other with biological weapons and everyone across the world will say to themselves

"It's somebody elses problem. Somebody else will fix it."

Cheers,
Lost