As I sail upon the crystal blue ocean, I think of how we first met. At first I thought meeting you was a blessing in disguise.

I've been sailing on the seas for months now, just to get away from you. Why did I leave you ask?? Simple, I fell in love. Love, I am in love with sailing, not with you. I don't, or won't, believe in loving another person. All I needed was a friend. You were there to help me through the hard times. You were there to share the joy of living. What made you want more than just a friendship??

You tried to hold my hand once. I tried not to pay attention when you asked for one kiss. Can't you see I don't love you? I invited you over for dinner one night, you thought in an invitation for something more. The candles were only for atmosphere, not to impress you.

My boat glides across the sea as the wind blows hair in my face. Alone am I in this world. I stare back at where I left you on shore so long ago, half expecting to see you there. But when i look, I see nothing but the sea.

Another night approaches, and the sunset is beautiful. You always liked to watch the sunset. I wish you could see it now, it's different at sea. A few more minutes and the darkness will blanket my small universe.

It gets lonely out here at night. The only voice I hear is my own when I talk to myself. I've started missing you voice. I miss having conversations with someone other than myself. I'm afraid to close my eyes at night. I'm afraid I will dream about you like I usually do. The dream is always the same, you are on board sharing every adventure.

I keep telling myself I don't love you, that I don't believe in love. But, if I don't love you, why do I miss you so much?

My small boat rocks me to sleep, as visions of you enter my dreams once more.

April 4, 1999