How to be a Jezza

Site hosted by Angelfire.com: Build your free website today!

nbsp;

"

Jezza's Mail
(continued from Kewl Stuff...)
I am so glad this question has arisen, being as I have never had a chance to TRULY express what it means to be me. You might believe that this will be a difficult accomplishment. On the contrary, in order to be a Jezza, you don't have to do a thing. "WHAT?", you ask. It's true. I put absolutely no effort into my life. Each of my talents has been acquired naturally, and has evolved to perfection. However, there are still some requirements that must be met before truly claiming oneself to have "Jezza-type traits". The following list is a summary of such requirements. (Disclaimer: I or any of those mentioned or referred to within this list cannot be held responsible for any negative affects, damages, or bad attitudes that might develop from following this advice. You read this at your own risk. May result in a lazy, negative, self-conscious personality.)
1. Do not ever admit that you are wrong. This is a mistake most well-meaning people make. They believe by admitting their mistakes, they may reconcile with those that love and care for them. Nothing could be farther from the truth. By admitting mistakes, you show weakness, and this simply is not permitted within ones personality.
2. You are spoiled. Do not forget this. That means you live up to your "Boca Bitch" sisters in that you must shop, drink iced cappuchinos, and always get your way. Which leads to...
3. Always get your own way. This is easier than it sounds. When you expect resistance, simply raise the pitch of your voice to a sweet child's whine, and bat your eyes. If this approach does not work, simply sigh, frown, and act forlorn until your needs are met.
4. Talk too much. About everything. About nothing. About someone. About no one. It is imperative people become annoyed with your constant conversation, and that 80% of what you say makes absolutely no sense.
5. Complain. This should come easy. If it is a sunny day, protest it is too muggy. If you're having a good hair day, you have nothing suitable to wear. The cloud with the silver lining is still just a goddamn cloud.
6. Be insecure. Every whisper, gesture, and conversation is done out of malice to you. There is a worldwide conspiracy to make you the most miserable person on earth, not to be liked by anyone.
7. Acquire such fond names as Big Red, Carrot Top, and Wench #1. These will mostly be given through your grade school years, however, as immaturity never dies, neither will others ability to effectively label you. Feel a sense of pride at the #1 preceding Wench, as this in some remote way might indicate that you are the "Main Wench".
8. Be best friends with Wench #2 (a.k.a. Nichole in my case.) This friend MUST meet certain requirements. For starters, she must never give a straight answer. (Are we going out?-Maybe. Where are we going?-Somewhere. What are we doing?-Hanging out. When do we leave?-When I'm ready.) Second, this person must never take your BS. This might sound like a bad thing for one so bent on the manipulation of others, but such honesty is imperative to ones sanity. Above and beyond this reason, if you try to fuck with her, she'll kick your ass. Third, she must occasionally get drunk off Captain Morgan's and Coke, and become physically violent with her peers.
9. You are a lush. No really. Like, you have to be buzzed after 2 beers, if not before. When you are drunk, you have no fear, and act like a complete idiot. For this reason, you must be guarded by either Wench #2 or another trustworthy individual at all times while drinking, so that you may be properly made fun of in front of others in the future.
10. You absolutely must have mood swings approximately every 20.5 minutes. These changes must be extreme. (happy/depressed content/pissed off) 90% of the time you must have no justification for your feelings. Those around you are expected to cater and bend to your moodiness. This establishes inconsistency in your character, which in turn prevents others from getting bored with you, and is just a generally good way to release excess energy.
11. Watch Star Wars: A New Hope, Empire Strikes Back, and Return of the Jedi.
12. Repeat above at least 50 times.
13. Throw Star Wars: Episode I in there.
14. Study my Kewl Page. I know you were there. That was the only damn link to this page. What, you think I just created it for the fun of it? Well yeah I did, but damn the least you could've done was READ the damn thing. I mean its not like you've got much to do if you gotten to the end of this list anyway, so just go back and ready my damn page!!! Idiot. You have to press the link at the bottom. NO MORON not the one to go back to the homepage the OTHER link! The one that says Back to Kewl Stuff. Geez you're slow. Gettin' more like me already. ;)

Back to Jezza's Page

Back to Kewl Stuff

"


	Jezza's Mail (continued from Kewl Stuff...) I am so glad this question has arisen, being as I have never had a chance to TRULY express what it means to be me. You might believe that this will be a difficult accomplishment. On the contrary, in order to be a Jezza, you don't have to do a thing. "WHAT?", you ask. It's true. I put absolutely no effort into my life. Each of my talents has been acquired naturally, and has evolved to perfection. However, there are still some requirements that must be met before truly claiming oneself to have "Jezza-type traits". The following list is a summary of such requirements. (Disclaimer: I or any of those mentioned or referred to within this list cannot be held responsible for any negative affects, damages, or bad attitudes that might develop from following this advice. You read this at your own risk. May result in a lazy, negative, self-conscious personality.) 1. Do not ever admit that you are wrong. This is a mistake most well-meaning people make. They believe by admitting their mistakes, they may reconcile with those that love and care for them. Nothing could be farther from the truth. By admitting mistakes, you show weakness, and this simply is not permitted within ones personality. 2. You are spoiled. Do not forget this. That means you live up to your "Boca Bitch" sisters in that you must shop, drink iced cappuchinos, and always get your way. Which leads to... 3. Always get your own way. This is easier than it sounds. When you expect resistance, simply raise the pitch of your voice to a sweet child's whine, and bat your eyes. If this approach does not work, simply sigh, frown, and act forlorn until your needs are met. 4. Talk too much. About everything. About nothing. About someone. About no one. It is imperative people become annoyed with your constant conversation, and that 80% of what you say makes absolutely no sense. 5. Complain. This should come easy. If it is a sunny day, protest it is too muggy. If you're having a good hair day, you have nothing suitable to wear. The cloud with the silver lining is still just a goddamn cloud. 6. Be insecure. Every whisper, gesture, and conversation is done out of malice to you. There is a worldwide conspiracy to make you the most miserable person on earth, not to be liked by anyone. 7. Acquire such fond names as Big Red, Carrot Top, and Wench #1. These will mostly be given through your grade school years, however, as immaturity never dies, neither will others ability to effectively label you. Feel a sense of pride at the #1 preceding Wench, as this in some remote way might indicate that you are the "Main Wench". 8. Be best friends with Wench #2 (a.k.a. Nichole in my case.) This friend MUST meet certain requirements. For starters, she must never give a straight answer. (Are we going out?-Maybe. Where are we going?-Somewhere. What are we doing?-Hanging out. When do we leave?-When I'm ready.) Second, this person must never take your BS. This might sound like a bad thing for one so bent on the manipulation of others, but such honesty is imperative to ones sanity. Above and beyond this reason, if you try to fuck with her, she'll kick your ass. Third, she must occasionally get drunk off Captain Morgan's and Coke, and become physically violent with her peers. 9. You are a lush. No really. Like, you have to be buzzed after 2 beers, if not before. When you are drunk, you have no fear, and act like a complete idiot. For this reason, you must be guarded by either Wench #2 or another trustworthy individual at all times while drinking, so that you may be properly made fun of in front of others in the future. 10. You absolutely must have mood swings approximately every 20.5 minutes. These changes must be extreme. (happy/depressed content/pissed off) 90% of the time you must have no justification for your feelings. Those around you are expected to cater and bend to your moodiness. This establishes inconsistency in your character, which in turn prevents others from getting bored with you, and is just a generally good way to release excess energy. 11. Watch Star Wars: A New Hope, Empire Strikes Back, and Return of the Jedi. 12. Repeat above at least 50 times. 13. Throw Star Wars: Episode I in there. 14. Study my Kewl Page. I know you were there. That was the only damn link to this page. What, you think I just created it for the fun of it? Well yeah I did, but damn the least you could've done was READ the damn thing. I mean its not like you've got much to do if you gotten to the end of this list anyway, so just go back and ready my damn page!!! Idiot. You have to press the link at the bottom. NO MORON not the one to go back to the homepage the OTHER link! The one that says Back to Kewl Stuff. Geez you're slow. Gettin' more like me already. ;)

	*Back to Jezza's Page*

	*Back to Kewl Stuff*