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hey, jaded, you got your mama's smile but you're yesterday's child....

To the outside world, Amber Lynne Monaco had it all.  She was a hot new pop singer, slated to become the next Mariah Carey.  She could blow Whitney  Houston out of the water with her vocals and made Britney look like a bad dancer.  She was beautiful, with the style and grace of a model.  She mingled with celebrities like Elton John and Sting.  She had the world's most wanted boyfriend.  She was Amber Lynne Monaco, destined to become the world's next superstar.

To the people that loved her, she was spinning out of control, heading down the path to self destruction with AJ helping her out along the way.  Nobody in her circle of friends and family approved of him, but how could they?  Before she had met this "tattooed, drug using, pierced maniac" she had been such a good girl.  To these people, AJ had taken her world and flipped it upsidown and backwards, tainting her future as the legend she was supposed to become.

Amber knew differently.  AJ had not once pressured her to do anything she didn't want to do, but being around him and his friends hadn't helped.  Just one look into his beautiful brown eyes and she was a sucker for anything he wanted.  Physically, she had become his love slave, subcomming to his will and odd sexual requests.  He was the master in the bedroom and they both knew and acknowledged it.  Emotionally, she was teetering on the brink of worshipping him.  She loved this man with all of her mind, body and soul.  It blew her mind just to think that she was lucky enough to be the object of his desire, that such a perfect and heart shattering specimen would find interest in her.  When they were separated, she felt deeply lonely and depressed, and wouldn't leave her bedroom for days at a time.  She wouldn't eat, wouldn't sleep and most importantly wouldn't sing.  This dismayed her record label to no end but they knew there was nothing to do about it.  She became actually livid with rage when anyone dared to mention that AJ, her savior, might be bad for her.

AJ adored Amber.  To him, she was his princess, someone that should be treated with the utmost respect and love.  He never even thought of another girl.  He loved Amber with all his heart, but was blind to the fact that his "precious baby" was slowly killing herself.  It would break him to know that it was because of him.

 AJ's mother was more worried about Amber than she was about AJ... if that was possible.  She remembered the time she had walked in on Amber, sobbing hysterically on her bed, a cigarette in one hand, and a half empty bottle of painkillers in the other.  Amber had insisted that the painkillers were for a headache and she was only crying because it hurt so bad, but Denise saw through the facade.  AJ had left to go on a tour that night.

Denise and AJ knew she was using drugs, Denise worrying, and AJ thinking nothing of it because he did the same thing himself.  Often they would split an eightball of coke or shoot up some smack together.  It wasn't affecting AJ.  He only used the drugs for recreational purposes.  He didn't know how they were destroying his girlfriend.

I'm so jaded... baby I'm afraid of you...

Amber was ecstatic.  AJ was coming home tonight.  She had spent hours getting ready, trying to fix her appearance to please him.  Her soft blonde hair fell in sexy tendrils and her nails were long, glossy, and red... just how AJ loved them.  Her sweet face was painted with makeup, making her dark eyes smolder and her lips appear lucous and shiny.  She wore only a short black silk robe, knowing that it would be removed the second AJ walked in the door.  She was growing nervous with anxiety and decided to snort a few lines before AJ came home.  The cocaine heightened her sensations and took her to a new level of euphoria.  But it would be nothing compared to what AJ would do to her.

She finally heard the key in the door and her breath caught in her chest.  The door opened and he walked in, bringing an aura of sexiness and power with him.  He saw her and let out a low growl.  He slowly walked towards her, carrying a red rose... red for passion.  He leaned in to kiss her but whispered against her lips.

"I missed you baby." he mumbled  

His scent made her dizzy.  She could feel his hot breath on her lips and almost fainted.

His lips barely brushed hers, before he drew back, taunting and teasing her.  She wanted to scream.  He was the only guy she had ever been with that could literally give her orgasms just by kissing her.

A moan hitched in her throat and AJ leaned down to kiss her neck, slowly nibbling and biting on her soft flesh.  He was driving her to insanity.

"So how do you want it tonight, baby?" he muttered against her skin.

"Any way you want me." she managed to say.  

He looked down at her through his thick eyelashes.  "Well I missed you so much baby... so much.  Tonight its gonna be all about you, princess, all about my baby.." He whispered, the emotion evident in his voice.

He let the robe fall off her slim shoulders and slowly kissed his way down her body.  The last thing she remembered was his stubble tickling her lower stomach before all her senses kicked in at once, sending her into a different world of passion and love for this incredible man.

I know this is where we're at but is this where we're supposed to be?  You're getting it all over me

Amber woke up the next morning in a blissful haze, memories of last night coming back to her in pieces.  AJ had proved his love for her in so many ways that it brought tears to her eyes.  The sound of the shower hummed in the background and Amber got out of bed, still completely nude, and made her way to the bathroom.

She slipped inside the foggy shower and saw AJ, washing himself under the hot water.  He looked up at her and smiled, a smile with so much love and adoration that she felt her knees get weak.

He held out his arms.  "Come here my baby." he murmured

She snuggled against his wet, soapy body and buried her face in the nook of his neck.  They stood there, holding eachother under the steaming water until it got cold and they had to get out.   And the phone chose that second to ring.

Amber sat on the bed with tears streaming down her face.  AJ tried to comfort her.

"Baby, I am so sorry." he tried to soothe her, but her tears were getting heavier.

"Its not fair!" she wailed.  "You just got back last night!"  Sobs racked her small frame and AJ started to become slightly worried, wondering just how much powder she had consumed the previous night.

"I'm only going for a couple days, princess.  I'll be right back after the meeting's over."

She suddenly became angry.  Something flashed inside her eyes which were growing darker by the second.  "Just go!" She screamed at him.  "Just go!  You have  no idea how much I need you here with me.  You don't understand!"

AJ tried to reason with her, but it was no use.  He left the house and she collapsed on to the bed, sobbing.  After she had cried all her tears she consumed every drug in the house...

you're freakin so complicated, I've had it all up to here.. but its so overrated, love and hate it, wouldn't trade it...

AJ came home a few days later, just as promised, but immediately knew there was something wrong.  The lights in the house were off, the bed was unmade, just as he had left it, the cat was whining hungrily as though it hadn't been fed.  Fear clutched at his heart.



"Princess?  It's me baby, I'm home."

Still nothing.  The silence was mocking him.

He tore through the house, stopping at the door to the bathroom.  The light was on inside, and the door cracked.  He opened it slowly, afraid of what he would find.

The blood in his veins turned to ice as he stood there and saw his princess, his baby, sprawled unconscious on the floor.  He sank down beside her, looking for a pulse although he knew in his heart there would be none.

He buried his face into her breasts, crying until he could cry no more than looked up at her beautiful, pale face and softly kissed her lips, one last time.

"I understand now, baby..." he whispered.

You're so jaded... cause I'm the one that jaded you...

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