*This page isn't layed out in the most organized way now is it? If you would think of a better way, please email me here*
These are some quotes that I have either found on webpages, keychains, profiles, emails, etc., or that i have made up myself. I am not giving myself credit for these because only like 5 of them are my own, like 99% of them came from other people. If you would like to submit a quote, please do so by clicking the link above, or my email address at the bottom. I will give you credit for them. Oh yes, if you see any repeats, please tell me. Enjoy.
Now...to the quotes...
* Auntie Em. Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.
* We're staying together for the sake of the cats.
* Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition
* This is not an abandoned vehicle.
* Beautify Texas. Put a Yankee on a bus.
* Welcome to Texas, now go home.
* It's as bad as you think and they are out to get you.
* If you don't like the news, go out and make some of your own.
* My wife says if I go fishing one more time, she's going to leave me. Gosh, I'm going to miss her.
* When you do a good deed get a receipt (in case heaven is like the IRS).
* I is a college student.
* Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.
* Beer isn't just for breakfast any more.
* Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
* Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law's face on the back of a milk carton.
* It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
* Don't steal. The government hates competition.
* Is there life before coffee?
* Never play leap frog with a unicorn.
* Nobody's ugly after 2 a.m.
* Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
* Smile. It's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
* Don't laugh. Your daughter could be in this vehicle.
* Friends don't let friends drive naked.
* Save California; when you leave take someone with you.
* I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.
* There's one in every crowd and they always find me.
* If money could talk, it would say goodbye.
* If it's too loud, you're too old.
* Wink. I'll do the rest.
* I may be fat but you're ugly, and I can lose weight.
* Who cares who's on board?
* Die Yuppie Scum.
* No radio. Already stolen.
* Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it.
* Want a taste of religion? Bite a minister.
* Honk if you love cheeses.
* Flying saucers are real, the Air Force doesn't exist.
* So many pedestrians, so little time.
* Honk if you're illiterate
* If guns are outlawed, only outlaws will accidentally shoot their children
* My kid can beat up your honor student
* Fight crime, shoot back
* Impeach the President. . . and Fire Bill, too
* Guns don't kill people postal workers do.
* If I'm driving funny its probably becuase I'm drunk.
* Gun control means using both hands!
* It's not how you pick your nose, it's where you put the boogers.
* It's not how you pick it, but where you flick it
* If you don't like the way I drive, get off the sidewalk!
* Worry, God knows all about you.
* Jesus is coming, look busy!
* Jesus loves you! (everyone else thinks you're a jerk!)
* JESUS SAVES... But Gretzky gets the rebound, he shoots, he SCORES!!
* Go ahead and honk. I'm reloading.
* This car is like my husband, if it ain't yours don't touch it!
* Humpty Dumpty was Pushed.
* Give Blood Play Hockey
* I like cats, they taste just like chicken.
* I've run out of sick days, so I am calling in dead
* Thank God for the IRS. Without them I'd be stinking rich!
* If there is a tourist season, why can't we shoot them
* I don't suffer from insanity...I enjoy every minute of it!
* Nonconformists are all alike.
* Horn broken. Watch for finger.
* Hit me, I need money
* I got this motorhome for my wife....BEST deal I ever made!
* Caution! Driver's applying make-up
* The kids drive me crazy, I drive them everywhere
* My honor student fired your stupid kid
* Honk if you don't give a darn
* Car will explode upon impact
* I didn't work my way to the top of the food chain to eat vegetables
* Don't Piss me Off. i'm running out of places to Hide the bodies.
* Why am I the only person on earth that knows how to drive?
* Normal people worry me
* Don't drink and drive--if you hit a bump you spill
* Don't laugh at these fogged up windows it's your daughter in here
* CAUTION : Driver Singing
* Join the Marines: Visit exotic places, meet interesting people and then kill them
* Join the AirForce: Visit exotic places, meet interesting people and then drop bombs on them
* This car protected by Smith & Wesson
* My child was inmate of the month at the county jail
* Support mental health or i'll kill you
* THE GENE POOL COULD USE A LITTLE CHLORINE
* CONSCIOUSNESS: THAT ANNOYING TIME BETWEEN NAPS
* LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION, I CAN FIND IT MYSELF
* FEW WOMEN ADMIT THEIR AGE, FEW MEN ACT IT
* LOVE: TWO VOWELS, TWO CONSONANTS, TWO FOOLS
* ACCORDING TO MY CALCULATIONS THE PROBLEM DOESN'T EXIST
* SOME PEOPLE ARE ALIVE ONLY BECAUSE IT IS ILLEGAL TO KILL THEM
* PRIDE IS WHAT WE HAVE - VANITY IS WHAT OTHERS HAVE
* WE HAVE ENOUGH YOUTH, HOW ABOUT A FOUNTAIN OF SMART
* HE WHO LAUGHS LAST THINKS SLOWEST
* End racism...kill everyone
* I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather. . . Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car
* If you can read this, your to close. (Written in brail)
* A man is not truly drunk until he can't lie on the floor without holding on
* if you can read this, you're in phaser range
* Driver carries only $20 worth of ammunition
* If we weren't meant to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
* Indians discovered columbus
* Women Like Simple Things In Life...Men!
* Never Underestimate The Power Of Stupid People In Large Groups
* Work is for people who don't know how to fish
* If you love your life as much as I love my car then you won't steal it
* Missing, Husband And Dog; Attention $100.00 Reward For Dog
* Happiness is an automatic weapon with a belt feed
* Hire Teenagers while they still know everything!
* When blondes have more fun, do the know it?
* I may be drunk, but you are down right ugly, and I shall be sober in the morning
* Conserve Water; Shower with a friend
* Thank you for not breeding
* Gun control is being able to hit your target
* Too Close for Missiles, Switching to Guns
* So many stupid people, So few comets
* Do Not Tailgate. Or I Will Flick a Booger on Your windshield!
* Guns don't kill people, they just make it easier
* If you think I'm a drunk driver you're wrong, I'm a blonde
* Lost your cat? Look under my tires
* YOU!!! Out of the gene pool
* Madness takes its toll--please have exact change ready
* I'm not tailgaiting I'm drafting!
* Us blondes aren't bumb
* DARE to keep cops off donuts.
* Free Slick Willy
* Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
* Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
* I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
* We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
* The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
* Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
* Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
* I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!
* Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
* A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
* Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
* There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
* Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!
* Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
* What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
* Assassins do it from behind.
* I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.
* Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
* Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
* Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
* Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?
* Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
* Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.
* All generalizations are false.
* I brake for no apparent reason.
* I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
* Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
* Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
* Born free...Taxed to death.
* Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
* Rehab is for quitters.
* I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
* Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let him sleep.
* All men are idiots, and I married their King.
* Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.
* Montana -- At least our cows are sane!
* Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
* Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges.
* I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
* IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
* A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
* Reality? Is that where the pizza delivery guy comes from?
* How can I miss you if you won't go away?
* Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
* Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
* Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...
* There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
--Page Created 9/12/00--
--Page Last Updated on 9/12/00--
