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Gator-Hater Joke List

Just Say
NO

To
GATORS

Let Me Hear From You!

Official "Whine" That Is Still Served
In Gainesville,Florida
Stevie

Honest Truth!
Before you start on the Jokes, let me tell you an HONEST FACT!
Last years media guide for the Gator football team had the team
running on the field with big bold letters saying "GATORS" on it.
The picture featured in front of them was a freshwater CROCODILE
and NOT AN ALLIGATOR!!!!

Now before you ask, the answer is YES!
They REALLY are that STUPID!

And with that thought in mind
ENJOY THESE JOKES!

Q. - What are the requirments for attending the University of Florida?
A. - Showing up.

Q. - Why is the Florida mascot a Gator?
A. - It was the only thing ugly enough.

Q. - Why did they nickname Andy and Ben Griffith Stadium the "Swamp".
A. - Because it is cleaner than the classrooms.

Q. - Why is the Andy & Ben Griffith slogan "Fear the Swamp"?
A. - Because they have found things in there that sends penicillin running.

Q. - Why do the Gator cheerleaders wear so much makeup?
A. - To hide their identity.

Q. - What is the first thing they teach new recruits joining the team?
A. - That the quarterback is NOT the change from a food stamp.

Q. - What was the original fight song for the Universty of Florida?
A. - Dueling Bangos.

Q.- What do you have when you put 32 Gator football players together?
A. - A full set of teeth.

Q. - Why does the Gators Basketball games keep getting cancelled?
A. - They get rained out.

Q. - How can you become a small-business owner in Florida?
A. - Get a large business and let a Florida grad run it for you.

Q. -What do you call a Gator with half of a brain?
A. -Gifted!

Q. -Why did Forrest Gump attend Alabama instead of Florida?
A. -He wanted the greater academic challenge.

Q. -If a stupid blonde, a smart Gator student, and Santa Claus were playing cards, who would win?
A. -The stupid blonde, the other two don't exist.

Q. -How many Gators does it take to tackle Chris Weinke?
A. -Nobody knows.

Q. -How many Gators does it take to tackle Peter Warrick?
A. -Another Good Question! Nobody knows but it's certainly more than 11.

Q. -Why don't the Gators wear pin-striped uniforms?
A. -Their linebackers are so skinny the uniform would only have 1 stripe.

Q. -What does a Florida grad call an FSU grad?
A. -Boss!

Q. - What is the first line they teach Florida grads to say at graduation?
A. - Would you like fries with that?

Q. - What is the only course needed in order to enroll at the University of Florida?
A. - Hooked on Phonics.
(They let a few sneak in without it).

Q. - What is usually on a Florida students S.A.T.'s?
A. - Drool.

Q. -What course is ALL Gator players required to take in the field of Pre-Law?
A. -Age of Consent in the 50 states.

Q. -What course is ALL Gator players required to take to help them with the play clock in the field of Math?
A. -Subtraction - (Additions tricky little enemy).

Q. - Why does the Dean at the University of Florida want students to quit wearing school T-shirts?
A. - He said he was getting tired of seeing them on "Cops".

Q. -How do the police at the University of Florida help prevent Spouse Abuse?
A. -They ask them to dress in Garnet & Gold so they can't beat them anymore.

Q. - Why is one of the Gators school colors orange?
A. - So they can go from the deer stand, to the road crew,and then the football game without changing shirts.

Q. -How did the University of Florida police slow down the sex on campus?
A. -They banned Family Reunions.

Q. - How does Coach "Weinie" Meyer keep the weight down on his players?
A. - He hides their food stamps in the play book.

Q. - Why are their no blondes on the Gators cheerleading squad?
A. - Even blondes have their limits.

Q. - How does Coach "Weinie" Meyer determine what position his players will play?
A. - He sends them to a cow pasture full of cow "droppings".The ones that step around the piles he makes running backs,the ones that step in the piles he makes quarterback,and the ones that fall down in the piles he makes team captain.

Q. - How does the Gator coaching staff keep the injuries down between games?
A. - They paint an "X" on the sheep that kick.

Q. - Why can't they put on a live Nativity scene at Christmas at the University of Florida?
A. - They can't find three wise men and a virgin.

Q. -What is the difference between a single female student at Florida and a sack of garbage?
A. -The garbage MAY get taken out once a week.

Q. - How do you find out which female students at Florida are married?
A. - There is tobacco spit on both floor mats of their truck.

Q. - What is the difference between the Moon and the Florida Gators?
A. - The Moon knows how to control the Tide.

Q. -What do the Gators Themselves "FEAR" when inside the "Swamp"?
A. -Hearing The Marching Chiefs Band play the "Seminole War Chant".

Q. -How many Gator's does it take to change a flat tire?
A. -Only one, unless it's a "blowout" and then the whole team shows up.

Q. -How many Gator Freshman does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. -The Freshman don't know how, it's a Senior course.

Q. -Why does the Gator Coaching staff want to change the playing surface at Florida Field from grass to cardboard?
A. -Because they know the ONLY way the Gators can look "HALF" good is on paper.

Q. -In what ways did the University of Florida pick the perfect Mascot?
A. -Because an actual "Gator" has a large tail they like to show off, A big mouth they like to flap constantly, and a very small brain with a short-term memory.

Q. -What do you get when you drive slow thru the campus at the University of Florida?
A. -A Degree.

Q. -Why did the Florida linebacker steal a police car?
A. -He saw 911 on the side and thought it was a Porsche.

Q. - Why were the Gator students confused in English class listening to the Professor explain what comes after a sentence?
A. -They thought what came after the "sentence" was the "appeal".

Q. -If you have a Gator Linebacker, a Gator running back, and a Gator quarterback in a car, who is driving?
A. -The Police.

Q. -How do you get a Florida Graduate off of your front porch?
A. -Pay him for the Pizza.

Q. -How do you keep a Florida Graduate from entering your yard?
A. -Put up a Goal Post.

Q. -Why did the Gator cross the road?
A. -It was easier than crossing the Goal Line.

Q. -Why do Florida graduates hang their diploma from the rear view mirror?
A. -To justify their Handicapped Parking!

Q. -Why do the Gators in Florida avoid the beaches?
A. -They "Fear" seeing the "TIDE ROLL" In!

Q. -What do the Florida Gators and a Sand Castle have in common?
A. -They both look good until the TIDE ROLLS in.

Q. -What is the difference between the Gators and Cheerios?
A. -Cheerios know what to do in a bowl.

Q. -What is the difference between the Gators and a One Dollar Bill?
A. -You can get Four full quarters out of a Dollar Bill.

Q. - What is the toughest 6 years of a Gator students life?
A. -Third Grade.

Q. - What do all Florida students hope to be by graduation?
A. - No older than 40.

Q. -What do the Florida State students & the University of Florida students have in common?
A. They ALL got accepted to attend the University of Florida.

Q. -What does the Florida Gators and 7-Up have in common?
A. -Never Had It, Never Will!

Q. -What does the Gator Football Team and a o'possum have in common?
A. -They both play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q. -Who did the Florida Probate court appoint as the legal Guardian for the THEIF Jabar Gaffney?
A. -The NCAA Officials.

Q. -Why does the Gator quarterbacks have so much trouble reading a play clock?
A. -They are still trying to learn how to count forward.

Q. -What is the REAL reason the vote was messed up in South Florida in 2000?
A. -The supervisor of elections in the area is a Florida Graduate. (This is True)!

Q. -Where did the Florida Probate Office hold court for January,2001?
A. -On Bourbon Street in New Orleans.

Q. -Why was the Gators glad to see gametime come around for the Sugar Bowl, 2001?
A. -Because at least this time they was wearing helmets and pads when the 'Canes beat them up.

Q. -Why are the Gators trying to add FAMU to their schedule?
A. -They are trying to find a football team from Florida that they MAY be able to beat.

Q. -Who does Jabar Gaffney say has been his easiest opponent?
A. -A 14 year-old on a bike.

Q. -What do you call a Florida player wearing a suit and tie?
A. -The Defendant.

Q. -What is the new "Honor" system at the University of Florida?
A. -"Yes, Your Honor" and "No, Your Honor"

Q. -What do they call a "huddle" at Florida Field?
A. -A Drug Ring.

Q. -What do you call 12 Gators in a basement?
A. -A "Whine" cellar.

Oh YES!

You can't have a page with "Gator-Hater" Jokes
and dare not mention,

The Good Ole' Days!

The Greatest
GATOR JOKE
In The World!

Stevie "Pampers" Spurrier
In His Usual Pose!
(Fixing To Throw His Hourly Temper Tantrum)

Stevie Pamper Spurrier

Let's Be Honest Here!
Does This Look Like A Grown Man?

Throw your little visor down "wimpy"

Here are a few,
"Oldies but Goodies"

Q. - What is the difference between a newborn puppy and Coach "Baby" Spurrier?
A. - The puppy will stop whining sooner or later.

Q. - Why do the Gator football players respect Coach "Baby" Spurrier?
A. - I have no earthly idea!

Q. - Why do the Gator football players SAY they respect Coach "Baby" Spurrier?
A. - He reminds them of their Mothers.

Q. -What is written under the play clock at Andy and Ben Griffith Stadium as a reminder for Coach "Baby" Spurrer?
A. -"I Will Not Whine, Before It's Time".

Q. - Why does Coach "Baby" Spurrier wear a visor instead of a hat?
A. - He's "trying" to keep his brain thawed out.

Q. -What is the real reason that Coach "Baby" Spurrier wears a visor?
A. - The opening on top is important for those times when he forgets which end to wipe.

Q. - Why does Coach "Baby" Spurrier eat soup out of a plate?
A. - He has trouble with those Bowls.

Q. -Why does Coach "Baby" Spurrier rotate quarterbacks?
A. -He has to re-train them between plays.

Q. - What was the first words spoken by Baby Spurrier after the Dr. spanked him in the delivery room.
A. - Late Hit! - Late Hit!

Q. -What did "Baby" Spurrier's Mother tell him when he was a child and told her that when he grows up he wants to be a Florida Gator?
A. -She replied, "My poor,poor confused child. Grow up & be a Gator? You can't possibly do BOTH!

Q. -Why is Coach "Baby" Spurrier not on the Internet?
A. -Because he can't put three "W's" together.

Q. -What was Coach "Baby" Spurrier's slogan to try and get new recruits to sign for the Gators?
A. -"If You Whine, You're Mine"!

Q. - Why doesn't Coach "Baby" Spurrier do endorsements?
A. - Gerber already has a spokesperson.

Q. - What is the difference between "Baby" Spurrier and GOD?
A. - GOD doesn't think he is Spurrier!

What a Shame
Us Nole fans really miss "Pampers".
He made these jokes so easy for us
because HE was a joke. How can a "man"
lead people in a full contact sport,
and be the BIGGEST Baby On Earth!
I TRULY feel sorry for the
University of South Carolina
Not only are they called the "GameCocks",
but now they have
Stevie "Pampers" Spurrier!

NOTICE
I guess I need to try and end this page with a little dignity.
To show my respect, I have found the senior picture of Mr.Spurrier
from the University of Florida Yearbook the year he graduated.
To see the yearbook picture
PLEASE,