A Reunion of Sorts… Or How to Use Race Car Fritos to Your Advantage…

Time- noon

Lunch is at full swing at our agent’s offices. Mulder is eating a bag of race car fritos with a slurpee. Scully has a cup of yogurt.

Mulder- Um-Umm!! These are delicous! Tasty. (Pops a race car frito in his mouth)

Scully- (Stirs yogurt) I don’t see how a race car could be so appealing.

Mulder- Well, I don’t think spoiled milk is appitizing either.

Scully- Huh?

Mulder- Forget it.

Scully- So Mulder, how’s Krycek?

Mulder- Why do you always ask me that? I’m not married to him!

Scully- He thinks you are.

Church bells ring- Krycek makes an entrance wearing a wedding gown. Mulder spits a race car frito into Krycek’s face, in shock.

Scully- Guess you crashed, huh?

Mulder- (spills slurpee, stands up, covered in coke slurpee)

Krycek- Oh, Muldy! Your just in time to change into your tux! It’s time for the big day.

Mulder- What?!! When did this happen?

Krycek- Oh, don’t be silly! Come on, no time to be shy. (giggles)

Mulder- Scully, help me!

Scully- (shakes head) Uh-uh, Muldy! (snickers) You and your bride have somewhere to be.

Mulder looks at the door, longingly. Unfortunately, "Miss" Krycek is in the way. Mulder has an idea.

Mulder- Hey, Krycek- LOOK! It’s, Mr Oo-shay, in his fairy outfit!

Krycek- Where?!

Mulder dashes out of the room.

Krycek- Muldy-poo, where’d you go? Oh, I get it- playing hard to get! I’ll find you! (leaves room)

Scullyu- Ah! Peace, for once. (Puts feet on desk, to herself) Y’know, Mulder does all these dumb things hen he’s alone… And here I am. Hee, hee.

Scully gets up and disappears for a second. She then returns, wearing a sumo wrestling padded suit.

Scully- I knew it was a good idea to buy this- with Mulder’s credit card! All I need is an opponent… (sticks head out of door) Hey Skinner!

Skinner appears.

Skinner- Agent Scully?

Scully- Here, put this on. (Hands Skinner a sumo suit)

Skinner puts it on.

Scully- Ready, set, SUMO!

They wrestle. All of a sudden, Frohike appears.

Frohike- What?! Scully… You’ve found another? (clutches heart) Eeep! I think, I will die.

Scully knocks Skinner out of the "ring."

Scully- Yes! I win! Oh, hey Frohike.

Frohike-No, don’t, don’t talk to me.

Scully- Frohike? Are you all right?

Frohike- Yes. (sniffles) I just came by to show Mulder (sniff) my new Alien Locater.

Scully- (takes off sumo "hair") Huh?

Skinner gets up, rubs head.

Frohike- Yeah, I can locate alien biological patterns and bring them here.

Skinner- Let’s see this.

Scully- Yeah.

Frohike takes out a flat electronic organizer like thingy. He presses a few buttons.

Frohike- I found something. I’m bringing it here.

A flash of light! Then, when the light clears—Joxer and Gabby are standing in the room.

Scully- It’s you! You were with that freakazoid warrior lady!

Gabby- She’s not a freakazoid. If I remember correctly, you were the one who attacked her.

Scully-(sniffs indignantly) I still think she’s a freakazoid.

Gabby- (advances on Scully) Why don’t you say that to my face?

Joxer- Ladies! Let Joxer the Mighty handle this! (separates the two women.)

Scully- You remind me of someone… Are you related to Mulder?

Joxer- Huh?

Frohike is still playing with the thingy. All of a sudden, another flash of light fills the rooom. When the light clears, Ares and Xena stand in the room, swords drawn.

Xena- Yi-Yi-Yi-Yi- Huh?

Ares- Hey, where are we?

Scully, still in the sumo suit, crosses her arms.

Scully- Join the party.

Frohike- Uh, oh. I think I broke something.

All- What?!

Sparks fly out of the thingy and Frohike drops it. It breaks into a million pieces.

Skinner- Now what?

Frohike- Uh, we have a tea party? Mulder makes these cute little pink cakes…

Xena- (puts away sword) Huh?

Ares- This is a problem easily solved by me- Ares, God of War! (Strikes dramatic pose)

Gabby- Oh-kay…

Door bags open- Mulder in a pink dress and a top hat rushes in. Krycek, his wedding dress torn and dirty rushes in after him.

Mulder- Heelp! (Jumps behind Scully, whose padded suit creates more protection.)

Ares- (checks out Mulder) Who’s the babe?

Mulder- Not another one!

Joxer- Nice dress. (thumbs up)

Mulder- God help me.

Krycek- D’you like it? I picked it out for our honeymoon.

Ares- She’s taken?

Joxer- Man!

Scully- Enough! (turns to Mulder) How- Why are you wearing that?

Mulder- (collapses in tears) Krycek made me!!

Krycek- I have to do your make up, honey!

Xena- This reminds me of something…

Gabby- Here Comes Miss Amphipolis?

Xena- (snaps fingers) Yeah!

Skinner- (looking at the door) Uh- I gotta go. (Clumsily waddles to door, ripping down pictures, etc.)

Krycek- Muldy-poo, don’t cry.

Frohike- Man, Mulder, I didn’t think you were serious about Krycek… But now, this let’s me have the tasty agent Scully all to myself.

Xena- You’re in love with the fatso in the loincloth?

Scully- I am not fat!

Mulder- (snickers) Hah-ha!

Ares- Hey, is it a possibility I can get something to eat here?

Mulder- There’s a bag of fritos on the desk.

Ares- (picks up bag) Check it out! These are cool!

Mulder- Yeah, they have that funky aerodynamic shape. (smiles proudly)

Gabby- Lovely, but I wanna go home.

Joxer- (smiles goofily) Ahhh, Gabby, I can help you… I think.

Xena punches Joxer in the face.

Gabby- Thanks, Xena.

Krycek- Muldy, come on out, I really need to see your pretty face.

Mulder- (Dim light bulb appears above his head) Hey, big boy in the leather. (stands up, bats eyelashes) Could you make that freak leave me alone. I can give you a reward. (winks)

Ares- (growls_ Oh, yeah baby. (points a finger at Krycek, Krycek disappears) Hey bout my reward?

Mulder runs over to Scully’s desk and hands him a cup of yogurt.

Mulder- (drily) Here ya go, big boy. Enjoy.

Ares- What a gyp!

Scully has watched the entire scene dumbfounded.

Frohike- Ah-ha! I think I have it! (he has rigged some wires to Mulder’s computer. He presses a few keys.) Time to say good bye.

Ares- (takes a spoon of yogurt) This is gross.

Xena- Y’know, if that lady wasn’t so fat, I would think it was that lady I fought.

Scully’s face turns bright red.

Scully- (stomps feet) I-AM-NOT-FAT! (rushes and tackles Xena.) I’ll show you FAT!!

Mulder has apparently taken off the dress and is wearing a pair of pink heart boxers.

Mulder- You shouldn’t insult Scully. Very temperamental.

Ares- Hey, you’re a guy!

Mulder- Y’think?

Ares, clearly embarrassed hits Mulder. A fight ensues. Joxer is trying to kiss Gabby and they are struggling on near the door. Scully is punching Xena in the face-- Hard. The office is bedlam.

Frohike- As much as this is amusing, it’s time ti say good-bye. (presses a key and Joxer, Xena, Gabby, and Ares disappear.)

Scully falls to the floor, hitting it as hard as she can. Mulder trips and falls on the ground.

Frohike sits back in the chair and sighs.

Frohike- Peace at last.

Mulder- I want my fritos.

Scully- (rolls over) Your love in leather took them.

Mulder- Hah-ha,

A voice then echoes in the room.

Krycek(AKA- the voice)- Muldy… I’ll be back.

Mulder- Yeah, yeah.

Frohike- Hey Scully, wanna wrastle?

Scully gets up and throws Frohike out the door.

Scully- Buh-bye! (sits down at desk)

Mulder finds a bag of crushed race car fritos, sits down on a box.

Scully reaches into a drawer and gets a Snickers bar.

Scully- Good lunch.

Mulder- Yeah. Wanna race? (holds up a half crushed race car frito)

Scully- Maybe later. Yo can ask Krycek, though.

Krycek, now wearing a red speedo, has walked through the door.

Krycek- Let’s race Muldy!

Mulder- Noooo!!!

THE END

Krycek- Noooo!!! This can’t be the end Muldy!!

Mulder- Yes, it is Krycek.