Place- Rae's house, Rae's computer room.

Time- 2:01 PM

Rae walks in with X-Files binder. Loa is sitting at computer typing… Furiously. Although the "O" key keep sticking.

Loa- ARG! Gay ass thing!!

Rae- (Laughs hysterically).

Enter Alafartus.

Alafartus- What are you freaks doing?!

Rae- Writing a story.

Loa- (still typing furiously, picks up cheese. Munches.)

Alafartus- Oh (leaves).

Rae- I'm bored.

Loa- STUPID ASS THING!!!!

Rae- Vat?

Loa- The key… It's STICKING.

Rae- Sticking? To what?

Loa- I don't… KNOW.

??- I KNOW!

Loa- Who? What the hell?

Rae- My binder!!

Loa- WHAT?!

??- IT WAS ALIENS!!

Flash of light, binder flies into the air. When light clears, a figure stands behind Rae and Loa.

??- I'm telling you Scully, the aliens are doing this to our computers!

Rae: (teardrop, looks behind… Slowly.) It's… It's… MULDER!!

Loa- (freezes.) Whaaaaaat?

Rae- (Claps hands) YAY YAY YAY!!

Loa- Ummmmm… ummmmm…

Mulder- Uh, Scully? Hey, Scully, where'd you go?

Loa- Goddamn "o" key.

Mulder- AH! They did it to you too, huh?

Rae- AHHHHHH!!!! IT'S YOU! (holds up speedo picture) the one in the PICTURE! (points)

Mulder- Hey! How did you get that? (narrows eyes) This is a conspiracy isn't it? I know who you are! You work for the cancer man… And… Oh, no… It can't be….

??- Muldy! Where are yooooooooou?

Loa- Nooo… I didn't write him in yet…

Rae- Who is it?

Krycek bounces in, pink feathers flying off of his boa.

Mulder- (slaps forehead, points at Loa, who is still typing furiously.) You! You did this! You BROUGHT HIM here!

Loa- (cowers) I'm… Sorry… eeeeep.

Krycek- (singing) Dancin' in the moonlight. (Looks down at floor.) Hey! What's that?

Rae- Uhhh, it's my X-Files binder.

Mulder- WOW! You have X-Files?! You're kidding me!!

Rae- Um, no, I'm not.

Krycek, now bored, decides to investigate the rest of the house.

Loa- umm… Mr. Muldy, sir. How'd you get here?

Flash of light #2! When the light recedes, two more figures stand in the room.

Rae- I'm BLIND!!

Scully- What the --?

Frohike- Oops…

Mulder- Scully! Scully! These girls have -- (lowers voice) X-Files!

Scully- (groans) Frohike, I command you to take us home! Now!!

CRASH!

Mulder slumps to the ground.

Rae stares at Mulder, warily.

Rae- Uhhh… What happened?

Frohike- Well… That was our ticket home.

Loa- Oh… my… God.

Rae- We must become MAGIC KNIGHTS!

Loa- (pats Rae's shoulder) Uh, wrong scene.

Frohike- Scene? What scene? I can act! And I'm BUFF! (kneels at Scully's feet) Oh from what light yonder window breaks… Or something…

Scully- (grabs a random piece of paraphernalia from the wall and whacks Frohike over the head with it) I'll break you, you, you…!

Mulder- Where am I? (groggily)

Krycek- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Loa- Now what?!

(Foam snaky chases Krycek into the computer room. As Krycek tries to bat away the snaky with his boa, Mulder is somehow getting up.)

Krycek- Oh Muldy! SAVE ME! (jumps into arms)

Mulder- (drops Krycek) ARG! Can't you EVER leave me alone?! (grabs up X-Files binder) I have to read these! (Opens binder)

Krycek- No, bad bad farty snaky!! I'll poke you! (pokes at snaky with finger.)

Mulder- Hey! I looked pretty damn good in this picture! (grins) And buff too!

Frohike- No, I'm buff!

Krycek- You are? Oh, Frohike, my love! (walks towards Frohike, sees binder, and gets very distracted.) Oh, Muldy, how could I say such things? You are my one true love, you and your speedo!!

Meanwhile… The snaky has crept up on Krycek. Krycek turns abruptly.

Krycek- No! No farty snaky!!

Rae- (grabs X-Files binder) No one calls my snaky farty!! (Smashes Krycek over the head with binder.) Manuel is insulted. He only has a little gas.

Mulder- (dumbfounded. Looks at Krycek, then binder, then numbly turns to look at the computer, where Loa is still typing…) Are you writing this all down?

Loa- Yeah… Kinda.

Mulder- Can you write me as the hero? You know the dashing type? With the hair and the eyes!

Loa- Riiiight.

Scully- (stares at hand) With the red cape?

Meanwhile, Alafartus wanders into the room again, Loa fends her off, realizing Rae has disappeared.

Suddenly- (music) Ridin' in my pickup truck… (Hick music continues)

Frohike- Hey that's catchy! (snaps fingers)

Rae walks in with a boom box and hick music blaring.

Rae- (to Loa) If this doesn't get rid of them, I don't know what will.

Loa- Yeah, Josh… And his smell, have that effect on people.

Song fades out… New song…

Josh (on boom box)- I cut my toenails… Last week!

Mulder- (snaps fingers, looks at Scully. Sings) I cut my toenails for Scully!

Scully- Don't even! (grabs X-Files binder and smashes Mulder over the head)

Mulder- Last week…

Krycek- Ahhh… I think the snaky is coming back!!

Loa- Make it stoooop!

Scully- One, two, three, four… (Pickup truck song resumes.)

Mulder- (On floor) Toenails… Week…

Rae and Scully are having a hoedown in the middle of the room.

Music blares. Loa is going insane… She can't write with the "o" key fritzing and all the music… And Mulder with the toenails… It remind her too much of certain people she doesn't want to think of.

Loa- (grabs Frohike, and baseball bat) DO SOMETHING. NOW.

Frohike: Ahhh… Ahhh… What?

Loa- (drops Frohike on the ground.) I got it! (Types furiously)

WJM- (bursts in the room) Do I sense trouble? (Grabs bat from wall) We have to expel these unwanted visitors! (Begins to whack the unwanted ones and drags them away.)

Rae- But I was having fun!

Loa- (slumped over keyboard) I wasn't…

WJM- (returns, flaps)

Loa- Who ARE you, Warrior Justice Maker?

WJM- (Takes off mask, deftly)

Rae- MOM?!!

Loa- A bat!

Cue music.

Rae, Loa, WJM/bat- Everyone's doing the bat! Flap, flap, flap!

End scene… Mulder, Scully, and company are tied up in the hall

Mulder- (snaps fingers) Toenails… Bats… Whee!

Scully- Shut up Mulder.

THE END (or is it…? DAMN "o" key)

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