by Loa
Disclaimer- These characters (duh) are not my own. Xena and Gabby belong to their perspective shows and companies,
X-Files characters belong to 10-13 and Fox, etc. and whatever other crazy events that occur have not happened in real life,
they are my creation, and are not based on anyone or thing, living or dead...
NOW- Please enjoy the story, and send me any positive or negative feedback! Thanks!
E-mail me at
SailorPluto84@cs.com
Place- Mulder and Scully's office, FBI HQ. Time- 5 o' clock It's closing time at the FBI and Mulder is still "hard" at work on an x-file. The file folder reads "Bigfoot and his obcession with sunflower seeds i.e. Mulder and his secret love. In a few moments Mulder is interupted by Frohike.
Mulder- Hey Frohike!
Frohike- Mulder, my man! Where is the tasty Agent Scully? I'm buff!
Mulder- (rolls eyes) Yeah, yeah… What's up?
Frohike- Well, me and the guys hacked into a secret government database and- ta-da! (Frohike produces a box.)
Mulder- Wow! A box! I love boxes! How did you know?
Frohike- (rolls eyes.) Mulder, you are so unsophisticated! (Belches.) This, my friend, is a magnificent invention. This is the first ever top secret time traveling machine!
Mulder- (mouth drops open) Does this mean this is (drops voice dramatically) alien technology?
Frohike- (looks blankly at Mulder) Huh? Nah! This is a Lone Gunman invention!
Mulder- So how does this work?
Frohike- You have to press this button and…(Krycek bursts in.)
Krycek- Hey Muldy boy! How's my favorite guy? Y'know Mulder we should really take a dip together sometime.(All the while, Frohike is explaining the various uses of the time machine.)
Frohike- We can take ourselves all the way back to Ancient Greece! (Presses a button, portal appears.)
Mulder- Wow! (gets up.)
Frohike- Try it! Step inside. (Grins.)
Krycek- Oh, can I come?! (Claps hands, jumps through.)
Mulder- (slaps forehead) Look at what that yutz did!
Frohike- Do you want me to leave him there? (Nods, hopefully.)
Mulder- If I leave him there, Scully's gonna yell at me.
Frohike- Oh, I don't want Scully mad at me! Get in, now! (Mulder jumps into portal.)
Place- Xena and Gabby's campsite. Time- Ancient Greece, morning.Mulder falls on his face, in front of the campfire. Some of his hair falls into the flame.
Mulder- (Jumps up) AHHHHH!!! My hair! (Slaps at head and jumps around, fire goes out.)
Xena- YI-YI-YI-YI-YII!! Another villian! (Draws sword, peers at Mulder.) Wait, Joxer?
Mulder- (Holds up hands) No, I'm not Joxer! I'm Mulder!
Krycek- (tied up behind a tree.) Mulder! Mulder, my love! Save me!
Mulder- Uh… No? (Gabby appears.)
Xena- Watch Ares, over there. (Points to Krycek.)
Gabby- Uh, Xena, that doesn't look like Ares.
Xena- He has many guises, as many as I have skills! Besides, I smell evil.
Mulder- Are you wearing deordrant, Krycek?
Xena- Enough talking! You must be Ares' new partner!
Gabby- Xena, are the Furies mad at you again? Scene closes.
Scene reopens- FBI HQ. Place- Mulder and Scully's FBI office. Time- Five minutes after the "incident." Scully walks into the room.
Scully- Frohike, what are you doing?
Frohike- Agent Scully! (nearly drops time machine.) You know, you have the lovliest eyes. (tries to hide machine.)
Scully- Frohike, what is that portal? And where is Mulder?
Frohike- Uh, he- he… He went out for… Coffee!!
Scully- (narrows eyes.) Coffee?
Frohike- Yeah, coffee… He can't get enough of it! (laughs nervously.)
Scully- Mulder's been having stomach problems lately. He hasn't been drinking coffee.
Frohike- Oh, you thought I said coffee? I meant toffee! You know that toffee! Addictive!
Scully- You obviously don't know about Mulder's sensitive teeth. He can't eat sticky foods.
Frohike- (frowns) Oh, well then… (under breath) Sensitive teeth?
Scully- Enough, Frohike, where's Mulder.
Frohike- (Places box on desk, drops to knees.) Oh, I'm sorry!! I lied! Krycek jumped into the time machine and Mulder said you would get mad, so I made him go, and now your mad, and WAHH!! (starts crying loudly)
Scully- What? Oh, God, again- I have to save the day. (Mutters.) At least I don't have to be the victim. Let's see how Mulder likes that job! (smiles.) Oh, well time to save Mulder's butt. (Jumps through portal.)
Frohike- My hero.
Scene reverts back to the campsite. Mulder and Krycek are tied to the tree and Gabby stands guard with her staff.
Krycek- Mulder- I've always dreamed of this moment.
Mulder- (rolls eyes, looks up at Gabby.) Hey, you. You're a beautiful, sensible looking girl. Let me go! You know, I'm an innocent enough, handsome guy.
Gabby- (Hits Mulder in the stomach with her staff.) Save it, hot stuff.
Krycek- You're still my hot stuff!(Gabby rolls her eyes.Xena walks to the tree.)
Xena- Both of you- Shut up!! You are so annoying!
Krycek- (sniffs indignantly) Well, I wouldn't be talking, Miss Leather.
Xena- (Kicks Krycek in the face.) No one makes fun of my armor! Shut up!
Mulder- Oh, come on, please let me go!! I'll give you some uh, uh… Scared liquid!
Xena- (archs eyebrows.) Sacred liquid?
Mulder- Yeah. It's called- Coffee! And it boost your energy and ummmm… rejuevenates your stomach!
Xena- Uh, that's ok.
Mulder- Did I say coffee? I meant toffee!
Xena and Gabby- What?
Mulder- Never mind…(Suddenly, Scully appears nearby, nearly falling on her face.)
Mulder- Scully!(Scully gets up and brushes herself off.)
Scully- Mulder, what's going on?
Mulder- Don't you see- I have it all under control!
Scully- Uh, yeah…
Xena- Are you another of Ares' spies?
Scully- Um, no…
Krycek- Scully! Heelp me! I'm scared!
Scully- Shut up, Krycek!
Krycek- (sniffles) Sorry…(A woosh of air and… Ares appears!)
Ares- Xena, how could you possibly think these idiots work for me?
Mulder- I resent that! (Tries to wiggle free.)
Xena- You never know with you Ares.(All the while, Mulder has nearly strangled himself on the ropes.)
Krycek- Muldy! Is your necky-poo all right?
Mulder- Eeep. (gags)
Scully- (pulls gun out) Enough! (Fires into air.)
Krycek- Ahhhh!!
Ares- (swallows) Bye!
Xena- (draws sword.) Funny, Miss Fancy Pants. YI-YI-YI-YI-YI!!!
Gabby- Go Xena! (Pulls out a little flag with a X on it.)
Mulder and Krycek- Go Scully!(Xena and Scully fight. Xena punches, Scully blocks. Scully drops gun. Scully kicks, Xena flips.)
Xena- YI-YI-YI-YI-YI!!
Scully- AHHHH! (Both scream and run into each other. Both fall down.)
Gabby, Mulder, Krycek- Oh. (Scully gets up, unsteadily.)
Scully- Enough. (gets gun, stumbles over to ropes, pushes Gabby aside.) Come on you fruit bats. (Unties Idiot 1 and 2. Xena has gotten up, waves sword.)
Xena- Hey, where you goin'?
Scully- Hell. Wanna come? (Waves gun.) Hey Frohike, let's go!(Portal appears.)
Krycek- Wow, Scully, you're A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!
Mulder- (nods, like a dog) Yeah, yeah, yeah! (Scully nods tiredly and pushes both idiots through.)
Scene reverts back to Mulder and Scully's office. Frohike is jiggling the controls on the box. A portal appears and Scully and Scully- Yeah, thanks. (Drops bag.)
Mulder- Hey, Frohike, where's Krycek?
Frohike- (sweating) Uh, uh, uh, uh… I don't know. He's missing , I think he's in 35,000 BC
Scully- (walks over to box, flicks power switch off.) Oh, well, let's not cry over spilt milk!
Mulder- Ah, Scully you're the best!
Scully- Yeah, yeah.
Mulder- Well, it's late, and my couch awaits! (Exits room.)
Scully- (sighs.) No gratitude. (shakes head.)
Frohike- I appreciate you Scully… (smiles cheesily.)
Scully- Uh, no. (Leaves room.)
Frohike- But, wait! I'm buff! Oh, Scully wait! (Runs off after her.)
Moments later, another portal appears- Krycek stumbles out, covered in snow.
Krycek- It was so cold there! But those cavemen were so friendly! (winks) Look, they even gave me a prehistoric speedo! (pulls out a hide loincloth, giggles) I hope Muldy likes it! (Dashes out of room)
The End… But stay tuned for our next episode