Mully, Mulder's Scottish ancestor...
Disclaimer- All the following characters are NOT my own... Except for the narrator... Poor Narrator... lol. Ekans belongs to Team Rocket and Pokemon (lol). All X-Files characters belong to 1013 and Fox... This scene is purely entertainment, and not used for profit... Enjoy!
The Truth through the Ages—
A small dissertation on Mulder and Scully’s ancestors…
Narrator- Since the beginning of time, there has been a question. A question posed by the reincarnation of one man—His name is…
Mulder- Hi, I’m Mulder!
Narrator- Yeah that’s his name, the name of the man known for his sunflower seeds and his nutty schemes to meet aliens. There is also another side to this story… That side is a level headed scientist…
Scully- Do we have to do this Mulder?
Mulder- Shhhhhh! I’m working Scully!
Scully- Yeah, yeah.
Narrator- This team and their friends have existed since the beginning of time…
FLASHBACK #1-
Narrator- Here we are, 300,000 BC, here are our two specimens- Mul and Scull. These two cavemen are arguing…
Mull- Scull oog! Boog! Foog!! (Translation- I saw an alien!)
Scull- Mull Joog loog coog!! (Translation- You are full of crap.)
Mull- Hoog booga looga!! (Translation- How do you know?)
Scull- Cuw poog foog!! (Translation- Cause I do!!)
Narrator- Then a caveman dressed in a bright pink loincloth trots into the cave. His name is KryKry…
KryKry- Hoog Loog Smoog!! (Hello Muldy!!)
Mull- Heep Meep Feep!! (Get away you freak!!!)
KryKry- Io woo looo!! (I love you Muldy, why do you hate me?)
Mull- Scull heep seep neep!! (Help me now, Scully!)
Scull- Noop (No)
Another caveman enters… His name is Fro.
Fro- Floo Boo Choo! (Look what I have!)
Scull- Whoo? (What?)
Fro holds out a piece of wood and a piece of flint.
Fro- Loo! (Look!)
Mul- (slaps forehead) O! Aloo! (Oh! Alien technology!)
Fro- Noop! Thoo Loon Coovmen Ivvelo! (No! This is a Lone Cavemen Invention!)
Mul- Foo Poo! (That sucks!)
KryKry- Ito K, Mul, Io moo balo. (It’s ok, Muldy, I’ll make you feel better!)
Mul- AHHH!!! Scull, Helo mooo! (AHHH!! Scully, help me!!!) (Mul runs out of cave.)
KryKry- Woo Woo!! (Wait!) Doo Swoo Mul! (Dear sweet Muldy!) (follows Mul out.)
Fro- Woo sue invo, Scull? (Wanna see my invention Scully?)
Scull- Oooo, maybo loo… (Ummm, maybe later.) (Runs out of cave.)
Fro- (frowns) Foo. (Fine) (Lays wood down and pouts…)
Narrator- Ummm… Ok… And that was the Caveman era!! (laughs nervously) Next we venture onward to the Renaissance, where the turbulent nature of the times reflected on the beliefs of many…
FLASHBACK #2
Narrator- Ahem… Here we are in Renaissance Italy, with a artist Muldio, and his friend, Scullio…
Scullio- Don’t you see, dear Muldio, that science is making all new things possible.
Muldio- (stares at painting, it is… A bunch of paint thrown at the canvas.) Look, Scullio, how beauteous my painting is! It’s of a spaceship!
Scullio- (slaps forehead) Yes… Right… Just like Michaelangelo…
Muldio- (whining) He was a SCULPTOR!
Scullio- Oh, sorry…
Krycekya enters.
Krycekya- Oh, hello dear Muldio!! How radiant you look this morning.
Scullio- (to herself) Artists…
Muldio- What?
Scullio- Nothing! (smiles)
Kycekya- I’m here to model for you today, Muldio!
Muldio- Uh, what?
Krycekya- MODEL! You know! Pose! (winks)
Muldio gags, Scully laughs.
Frohikelo dashes in
Frohikelo- Is something wrong??? I thought I heard something.
Scullio- No, nothing…
Frohikelo- (looks at Scullio) Oh, my love, Scullio, you look marvelous today, do you want to look at my new flying machine…?
Scullio- (looks wary) Uh, no, that’s quite all right.
Krycekya- Oh, oh, Muldio, where should I put my clothes?
Muldio- WHAT?!
Krycekya- I thought you wanted a NUDE model!
Muldio- Ick, ick, ick!!!! (Turns green)
Scullio- Oh, my God! (to Frohikelo) Do you have that flying machine?
Frohikelo- Yeah, downstairs.
Scullio- Great! (To Muldio) Have fun, Mr. Michealangelo!
Muldio- He was a SCUPLTOR!!
Frohikelo and Scullio leave, Krycekya is staring at Muldio…
Muldio- Get out Krycekya!
Krycekya- But! Look! (Pulls off shirt)
Narrator- (Splutters, spits) Ewwww!!! Hey, hey, hey, THIS IS A PG scene!!! Oh! God! Writer… Next Flashback!!!!!
FLASHBACK #3:
Narrator- Ahhh… Much better. All righty, here we are, England, 1890… A time of change. Immigrants are leaving for America daily… Could it be? Our faithful friends are traveling together on a steamer to the colonies?
Mully- Oh, Scullder, what a day! Today we sail for the new world! A world filled with ALIENS (claps hands joyfully)
Scullder- Um, my dear Mully, I don’t know about all that.
Mully- But, look at this pamphlet right here. (reads) All aliens are welcome in a world of opportunity!
Scullder- Mully, I’m not sure if they mean alien like that…
Mully- Then how would they mean it??
Scullder- Never mind, old chap.
Froycek- (walks up, speaks with a heavy Russian accent) Hallo, travelers… I am Froycek. Are you traveling on the ship as well?
Scullder- Yes, we are, dear sir. Are you?
Froycek- Yes, I am. So is my son…
A voice screams.
???- Papa! I am not a boy!!!
Kryhike walks up wearing a pink dress.
Froycek- Um… My son… He is confused… You see.
Scullder- (Inches away) I think I will go… Um, take a swim…
Kryhike- Oh, a swim!! (Turns to Froycek) Can I Papa??
Froycek- Fine…
Kryhike- Yay! (Tears off dress revealing red speedo)
Kryhike runs off and jumps in the water.
Mully- Hey, that’s a nice suit.
Froycek- Da, I invented myself.
Scullder- So you’re an inventor.
Froycek- Oh, da, da, I own Lone Speedos Inc… I have to work on the name though…
Suddenly…
Kryhike- Oh, no, Papa!! Something is biting me!!!
Froycek- Oh, no, my poor boy!!
Scullder- Oh, dear…
Mully- I want a speedo…
Narrator- Ahem… That’s just fine… Um… Now what?? (looks over to the director) Oh, yes!! Now the present…
PRESENT:
Narrator- And here we are, home again, back in the present… Let’s see what these true friends are up to… After all they’ve been through together, they must be so close… Let’s observe… (Takes out binoculars.)
Scully- Die Mulder! Die!! (slams a book over Mulder’s head)
Mulder- I’m sorry!!! I didn’t mean to screw up the time- space continuum!!! I swear!! (cries) Wahhhh… I’m sorry!! I thought I would meet some aliens!!
Frohike- Please, Scully, you’ll kill the machine…
Scully- The machine can go…
Krycek bursts in… Wearing a red speedo.
Krycek- Something attacked me in the pool! I think it was a (drops voice) snaky!!
Scully- What??
Krycek- (trembles) It was big and went…
Ekans- EKANS!!!
Krycek- Where’d that come from!!! Ahhh!!! Muldy save me!!! (Jumps onto the desk.
Mulder- Get off!!! Get OFF!!! (screaming, pushes Krycek onto his face on the ground)
Scully- See, this is your fault!!! If you hadn’t played with the machine then the… Snaky wouldn’t be here!!!
Mulder- I’m sorry!!!
Narrator- Um… I DID get paid for this right? (chuckles sheepishly) Oh, I’m on? Oh! (smiles cheesily) Oh, yes, see, our friends are still friends… And see… The Truth does go on through the ages!
Scully bursts into the Narrator’s little room.
Scully- Look, you!! You are annoying me. (Takes out book, slams him over the head) Hey! (whistles) Snaky!!
Ekans comes in.
Ekans- EKANS!
Scully- Get ‘em!
Ekans- (nods) EKANS! (attacks narrator)
Scully laughs evilly…
Narrator- No! Anything but the Snaky!! No!!!!
Scully- And that, my friends… Is the truth… (walks away, bows) Thank you, I’ll be here all week.
The End
Narrator- Ahhh!! Someone call 911!!