Disclaimer- All the following characters are not my own. X-Files characters are property of Fox and 1013. All Pokemon characters belong to Nintendo and Game Freak. All Hercules/Xena characters belong to Universal Television and MCA Television. WJM is my creation… And Mr. Gustafson is my history teacher… Whatever.

Oh and to learn about the history of the snaky- Click here: Rae's Adventure...

The Way We Were…

Place: Mulder and Scully’s office, FBI HQ

Time: noon

The scene opens with Mulder and Scully looking at an album. It is filled with pictures.

Mulder- Wow this album is amazing! Where did you get it, Scully?

Scully- Someone sent it to my house. The return address listed a Dale Gustafson.

Mulder- (shakes head) That name sounds familiar. Whatever. Look! (points to the inside of the front cover.) (reading) To my favorite X-Files agents, your worshipping alien friend, Dale Gustafson. Oh my God!! This was sent by an alien!!

Scully- (rolls eyes) Yeah, yeah, and I’m the Queen of Sheba.

Krycek bursts in wearing a Cleopatra like outfit.

Krycek- No! I am the Queen of Sheba, silly head!

Mulder- (looks disgustedly at Krycek) Why are you here?

Krycek- To see you Muldy-poo!! And to see that album I heard you two had received.

Scully- Well, Krycek, you can’t see it.

Krycek- Why? (pouts)

Scully- Because you might be offended…

Mulder- Him, offended?? Look what he’s wearing!!!

Scully- Good point.

Krycek- Why would I be offended?

Scully- Because of this-

Scully whips the photo album up to show Krycek, revealing—

Krycek- So, I was just declaring my love for Mulder there.

Mulder- Put that away!! (shutting eyes tightly and waving the book away.)

Krycek- Ahh! Those were the good old days… When Muldy’s hair was nice and froofy, and when I first saw that beautiful red speedo…

Mulder continues to howl in pain…

Scully- All right Mulder, I’m putting it away…

Mulder- Thank you Scully (opens his eyes, and relaxes.)

Krycek- (puts hands on hips) I don’t think this is funny.

Mulder- Me neither.

Scully- I think it’s hilarious.

Frohike bursts in.

Frohike- Look at this everyone!! (Hold out a camera, but it’s not a regular camera, it has machinery sticking out of it.)

Krycek- Ahhh! It looks like, like… A snaky!!

Frohike- (gives Krycek a dirty look) No, this is not a… Snaky. This is a mystical technological wonder called… The LG Capture Camera!!

Scully- (slaps forehead) Frohike, we have enough problems without you.

Frohike- I’m hurt!! At least you could have the decency to allow me to snap some pictures for your photo album…

Mulder- How does everyone know about this!? I know!! It’s the alien!!! It’s a secret conpiracy… (Mulder continues to blabber on)

Then in the hallway-

Mysterious voice- Twankyyyy, to save the day!! Twankyyy is on the way!!!

The door burst open, and…

Madame Twanky- Hello, my dears!

Krycek- Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!

Madame Twanky- You’re scared of me? Well, little miss, you shouldn’t be, because I just came to see my picture in the photo album.

Mulder- (finally finishes talking) And that’s how they plan to control, catalouge, and destroy us all. (sees Madame Twanky) Oh, not another one!

Madame Twanky- What? A woman isn’t allowed to see her picture?

Scully- (throws album at Madame Twanky) There you go! (sits down, exasperated)

Then the lights in the office go out.

Mulder- OK, who was the moron who tripped the switch?

Krycek- Oh, Muldy, this is my dream…

All- Krycek, shut up!!

Scully- Where’d the light switch go? (feels around) What’s this…?

Koffing- Koffing!! (spits gas)

Scully- Aggghhh!! It’s a, a, a… Thingy!!

A spotlight appears on the door.

Jesse- Prepare for trouble…

James- And make it double…

Jesse- To protect the world from devestation…

James- To unite all people within our nation…

Jesse- To destroy the evils of truth and love…

James- To extend our reach to the stars above…

Jesse- Team Rocket! Blast off at the speed of light!

James- Surrender now or prepare to fight!

Meowith- Meowith, that’s right!

Mulder- Oh, it’s the aliens!! Yay, yay, yay!!

Scully- Sit down Mulder!

The office still pitch black, is filled with a crashing noise.

Mulder- Ahhhh!!!

Lights come back on.

Mulder is in Krycek’s arms.

Krycek- I saved you my love!

Mulder- Get off of me!!!

Jesse, James- Ahem.

Mulder, still in Krycek’s arms, looks over at them.

Mulder- Let me guess, you’re here to see the photo album?

Jesse- You can read minds?

Mulder- Maybe I can read alien minds…. (stands up, rubs chin thoughtfully.)

James- And while we’re at it, we’re here to take your pokemon!

Krycek- (jumps on desk) No!!! You don’t have the (drops voice) Snaky?

Ekans jumps out from behind Jesse.

Ekans- Ekans!

Krycek- Ahhh! (clutches heart, faints.)

Mulder- (smiles happily) You’re nice aliens.

Jesse- We’re not aliens!

Then the door bursts open, knocking Jesse and James aside. Joxer followed by Ares followed by Xena and Gabby burst in.

Joxer- Heellpp!! I’m sorry for thinking you were wearing a chest wig, Ares!!

Ares- I’ll get you, you little cheese!

Xena- YI-YI-Yi-YI-YI-YII!!! No Ares, you may not maim the innocent, even if they are stupid, ignorant jackasses that can’t dress and sing stupid songs.

Gabby- Yeah! (pulls out a little flag with an X on it, starts doing a Team Rocket like cheer) Go, X-E-N-A!!

Team Rocket- Hey! That’s our cheer!

Gabby- Not anymore! (sticks out tounge.)

Jesse- Why you little blonde…!

Scully- (stares at all the various fights in the office.) Stop!!! (Office falls silent) Are you all here to see the album??

Everyone nods.

Mulder- This was a conspiracy… For all the aliens to come together… So the other alien could… KILL US ALL!!! (jumps up and starts screaming) Noooo!!! We’re gonna get zapped!!

Scully- By what Mulder? Your sunflower seed catapult?

Then--- An evil laugh rings out.

??- That’s where you’re wrong Agent Scully… This was a trap, set by me!!!

A flash of light! And then- Warrior Justice Maker carrying a ray gun appears.

WJM- You’re all dead!!

Everyone screams.

WJM- Enough! Who’s first? (smiles wickedly)

Mulder- (looks at Scully and then at the album and then at WJM) Wait! Miss WJM, didn’t you want to see your picture in the album.

WJM- My picture is in the album? Where?

WJM walks over to the album, looking for her picture. In the process, she knocks over Frohike, who drops his LG Capture Camera, which in turn causes---

Another flash of light! Screams erupt in the room. And then when the light clears, a toasted looking Mulder and Scully sit at Mulder’s desk, the album in front of them… Charred and blackened.

Mulder- Where’d everyone go?

Scully- Who cares? Can we look at the rest of the album now?

Mulder- What album? (pokes at the roasted book, it crumbles into ashes)

Scully- You know Mulder, this is your fault.

Mulder- My fault?

Scully- Yeah, if you didn’t bother looking for all those wackos they never would have come back.

Mulder- But, aren’t you glad you got to meet aliens?

Scully- (rolls eyes) No.

Then the door busts open and---

Uranus (acting gorgeously)- Um, can I see the album?

Scully- No!! Mulder, go lock them out!

Mulder- (gets up, goes the door) Sorry, but, by the way. Is your anus still acting gorgeously?

Mulder closes door…

The End