Cookie Tin
“Stage One complete.” Heero said quietly into his cell phone. “01 and 03 are moving now. The others are already in position. Commence Stage Two.”
“Right. 02 and 05 are in position. *snicker* Don’t start the festivities without us.” Duo added, just before he hung up. “Are you ready Wu?”
“Don’t call me Wu.” Wufei said offhandedly, as he handed Duo a large cookie tin before picking up another tin and a wooden spoon, giving the tin an experimental tap. CLANK.
Dialing the number to Quatre’s office phone, Duo pulled the tin over his head, putting the phone in the office they were in on speaker, motioning for Wufei to be silent as Quatre picked up.
“Quatre Winner here.”
“This is Duo.” The braided boy drawled, the cookie tin muffling his voice slightly. “How are ya?”
“I’m doing fine. How are you doing?”
“I’m drunk on my ass from working.”
“You’ve got to quit drinking Duo.”
“I know, Kat, I know.”
“I don’t know what we’re going to do about it.”
“I can’t…I can’t even see. I can’t see ‘cause…did I tell you about Trowa, my friend?”
“Huh?”
“He brought me some cookies.”
“Yeah?”
“He brought them in this cookie tin.” Duo nodded to Wufei who hit the tin he was holding. CLANKCLANKCLANK “Can you hear that?”
“Yeah.”
“And I ate all the cookies and then I started licking the crumbs out of the tin,” CLANKCLANKCLANK, “And my head is caught in this cookie tin and I can’t get it out.”
“How did you get it on?” Quatre asked flustered.
“I’ve been pullin’ on it,” CLANKCLANKCLANK, “But I can’t see anything and I’m wondering if I might s-sm-smuficate in here.”
“It’s stuck on your head?” Quatre was stuck on the fact that a very drunk Duo was stuck in a cookie tin.
“Can you hear it?”
“I can hear it.” Quatre affirmed.
CLANKCLANKCLANKCLANKCLANKCLANKCLANKCLANKCLANK
“How did you get it on…how? You can’t get it off?”
“I hit it and it gets tighter when I hit it.”
“Well, don’t hit it…that’s not going to help.”
“Oh man,” Duo breathed, checking his watch. He needed another three minutes, and he wasn’t sure if either he or Wufei could hold back their laughter for that long.
“How did you get it on your head to start with?” Quatre tried again.
“Well, I ate all the cookies that were in it…” CLANK
“Don’t hit it!” Quatre ordered. Wufei smothered his laughter with a hand clapped over his mouth and nose.
“And I started licking the crumbs out of the bottom with my tongue and then the tin got wedged on my head.”
“Can you pull it off? That’s what you have to do, you have to work at pushing it off.”
“I tried but…” CLANKCLANKCLANKCLANKCLANK
“Quit doing that!” Quatre nearly screamed. CLANKCLANKCLANKCLANKCLANK
“It’s on there pretty good.” Duo kept talking as if Quatre hadn’t interrupted.
“Well, you don’t want to be hitting it, ‘cause that’s just going to get it on tighter. You want to keep working on trying to get it off.” Duo nodded to Wufei who rapped the tin nine times in a row.
“Quit doing that! I suppose you don’t have any Vaseline or anything.”
“Well, I can’t see anything Kat.”
“Is your front door open?”
“I’m not sure, I can’t see. I’m drunk and I have a cookie tin on my head.”
“Is it unlocked?”
“No.”
“It’s locked?”
“Yeah. I keep it locked so nobody can come in and steal me when I’m…uh…”
“Inebriated.”
“Intoxicated.”
“Where are you staying?”
“I can’t think right now ‘cause I don’t think the oxygen is getting to my head.”
“Duo? Hello Duo?”
“Yeah?”
“Just hold on.” Elevator music suddenly poured from the speaker causing Duo to snicker.
“Hello Duo?”
“Are you there Kat?”
“Yes I am Duo, just hold on a second.”
“Don’t leave me, OK?”
“No,” Quatre said, sounding distracted.
“I’m scared.”
“Are you still staying at the Sherbet Apartments downtown?”
“I’m drunk and I’ve got a cookie tin on my head, how the shit do I know where I am?”
“Are you in apartment 2112?”
“I think so.”
“Alright.”
“That sounds right. I dunno, Kat?”
“Yeah?”
“Are you coming over?”
“Well, I can’t get over there…”
CLANKCLANKCLANKCLANKCLANKCLANKCLANK
“Quit doing that!”
“Oh, god, that hurts!”
CLANKCLANKCLANKCLANKCLANKCLANKCLANK
“You’ve gotta quit drinking Duo.”
“I haven’t had a drink since I got his tin caught on my head.”
“I might leave it on your head. Umm, you go and you wait and I’m going to call you in a few minutes. I’m going to come over and we’re going to pull the tin off your damn head, or I’m going to send the Preventers over to do it.”
“Don’t do that! I don’t want them involved in this!”
“OK.” Quatre acquiesced.
“Geeze.”
“Then you just have to wait for me. I’ll be over there as soon as I can.”
“I forgot your birthday.” Duo threw in suddenly.
“Can you make it to the front door?”
“I can try but there’re steps, you know.”
“You’ve gotta let me in.”
“Well, alright then.”
“How’s your birthday?”
“Fine, it’s just fine. I’ve got meetings I have to go to.”
“Do you remember Heero? And Trowa?” Duo asked when his beeper began blinking.
“Of course I do.”
“Well, they called me about your birthday.” CLANKCLANKCLANKCLANK “Kat?” Duo looked at his watch when Wufei prodded him with the spoon.
“Yeah?”
“Hang on, let me get this tin off. Surprise!”
Two hands grabbed onto Quatre, holding him against the chair, another two gagged, blindfolded, and tied him up. Quatre struggled as hard as he could, but he was starting to be pulled down the hall. Startled that his secretary wasn’t raising the alarm he was pulled into elevator, into the parking lot by the smell and shoved into the backseat of a car. Minutes later, he was hauled back out and pulled up when suddenly the ropes, gag, and blindfold were pulled off and he was shoved into a room.
“SURPRISE!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!” Everyone that Quatre considered a friend was in the room. There was a huge cake, party decorations, music, everything that he could have wanted. Turning, he looked at the two behind him. Trowa and Heero were guarding the door so he couldn’t bolt. Suddenly, Duo and Wufei slammed into their backs, sending everyone forward to land at Quatre’s feet.
“Happy Birthday Quatre!” Duo said, jumping up and hauling the others to their feet before passing Quatre a wrapped box.
“You guys planned this? What about the cookie tin that was stuck on your head?”
“Cookie tin?” Heero cocked an eyebrow as both Duo and Wufei burst out laughing.
“It was the first thing I thought of.” Duo admitted. “We knew that you would spend ALL your birthday in that stuffy office instead of with us unless we did something about it. So we decided to kidnap you to your own party.”
“Thank you. Although next time, would you please not be so rough?”
“Mission Accepted!” Heero monotoned, causing them all to laugh before joining the rest of the party.
OWARI