I WANT IT THAT WAY by Jessica C. Padilla

I Want It That Way

by: Jessica C. Padilla Chapter One


I had pictured myself and Howie walking together slowly through a long and narrow hallway. I had a blindfold covering my eyes so I wasn't able to see where I was at exactly. I heard the sound of a door lock starting to open. It seemed as we were heading off towards the inside of a room. I felt Howie's left hand as he was helping me guide in the right direction.
He said, "Don't worry, Jessie, I'm leading the way!"
I said, "Ok, Howie where are we?" "Can I take the blindfold off now?" "The suspense is killing me!"
Howie replied, "Not yet, until I say so!"
"Ok, whatever you say, Howie!", I replied. All of a sudden, Howie stopped guiding me and we both stopped walking.
Howie then said,"Ok Jess, are you ready?"
I said, "Yes, of course I am!"
I was about to take the blindfold off of my eyes by myself when Howie said, "No, let me do it, sweetie, please!" I then let him take the blindfold off me. My eyes were still shut so I still saw complete darkness.
Howie then said, "Ok Jessie, open you eyes!"

As I opened my eyes, I was utterly surprised by the whole miraculous vision of an enormous hotel suite we were in. I envisioned us standing in the middle of the suite just looking all around it. The setting looked extremely beautiful and breathtaking. I noticed every little detail the suite had to offer us. The lights were dimly lit just the right way. There were also lit candles on the floor surrounding all over us. It seemed as if I could closely smell the light aroma of sweet roses and candle wax fumes since they were lingering all throughout the suite. As I saw myself taking in a deep breath of it, I could feel as if it were lifting my spirits high up. The incense felt so soothing that it relaxed all of my senses. I also noticed a small fireplace located on the far right side of the suite. It was highly lit with crackling sounds as it warmed the entire suite. I also saw a balcony which led to a spectacular view of the Manhattan skyline at night from a far distance.

There was also a king-size bed decorated with silky beige sheets and covered with thousands of red rose petals all over. I looked at Howie and had a huge smile on my face.

"Oh my gosh, Howie!" "This is all too beautiful and romantic!" "I love it!" "Who came up with this idea?" "Did your brother John give you any type of ideas?", I asked.

"No baby, John didn't give me any type of ideas." "I came up with this special idea as a big birthday surprise for you!" "I'm glad you love it, sweetie!", Howie replied.

"Awww, that's so sweet of you for doing this for me on my birthday!", I replied. Then, I gently gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and gave him my best smile. Howie smiled back sweetly and winked at me.

He then said, "Why don't you make yourself comfortable and wait for me by the bed?"

"Sure!", I said as I proceeded to the edge of the bed and leaned against its metal post. I saw Howie standing nearby a stereo system, whereby he opened up the CD player and placed several sorts of CDs in it filled with many romantic ballads and melodies. The low romantic music in the background made the mood inside the suite even more pleasurable and special. He then proceeded walking towards a coffee table where there was a bottle of champagne chilled on ice and a huge bowl of chocolate covered strawberries on the side. He took the champagne bottle and uncorked it. A loud sound popped and a sizzle fizzled out afterwards. He took two long stemmed glasses and slowly poured out the champagne into them. He placed them on a tray with the bowl of strawberries next to it and walked over to where I was at. He then placed the tray on a night stand table next to the bed and handed me over my champagne glass. He took his glass and raised it to make a toast.

Howie then said, "This is to you, Jessie on your birthday, may you live many more years to come and may all your wishes come true!"

He had a sweet smile on his face after he said this. I replied, "Thank you, honey!" "You're one of a kind!" We both raised our champagne glasses, made them touch, and took sips out of them. Howie then took the bowl of strawberries and said, "Here Jess, take one, they're really good!" I took one at his request and gave a big bite into it. Howie also took one and ate it too. The chocolate covered strawberry tasted delicious as I slowly savoured it inside my mouth.

"Mmm, this is really yummy!", I said.

He then said, "Take a sip out of the champagne, the strawberry will give more flavor to it!" I took a sip and surely enough the strawberry did bring more flavor out of the sparkling white champagne that I had sipped!

All of a sudden, we both heard I Knew I Loved You by Savage Garden playing out of the stereo system. This was our song, so Howie took the champagne glass out of my hand and gently placed it right next to his on the night stand table. He took my hand and said in an English accent, "May I have this dance, my birthday girl?"
I smiled and replied, "Of course, I'd be honored, darling!", in an English tone as well. We both started giggling as he led me on a slow dance along with him.

The night seemed quiet and yet so perfect for it to never end. As we were slow dancing to our song, Howie leaned in to hug me.

I felt his strong arms wrap around my body. I was strictly lost as I felt the fire in his sweet embrace for a quite short while. And then the special moment happened when we both shuddered from the closeness of our bodies. I could feel every inch of him warm against me, neither of us wanted to let go! Slowly we drew apart, still holding each other, we gazed into each other eyes. His large and deep brown puppy dog eyes shone like stars and looked completely mesmerizing from a close distance. There was a certain gentleness in him, a kindness beneath his eyes. We had completely forgotten the world around us. I then unclipped the barrette out of my ponytail hairdo. My soft and beautiful dark brown hair ringlets had flowed down gently well past my shoulders. Howie had a surprised look on his face.

He said, "Wow, you look beautiful, Jessica!" "You should wear your hair down more often!"

I replied, "Thank you, I think I will do it more often Howard!" Afterwards he started to lick his lips slowly and gave me a quick come-hither look followed by a wink. I touched his thick and tender lips with my fingertips and he immediately licked off each one of them with his warm and wet tongue. He went to kiss my cheek and began to pull away, but couldn't! Slowly, he moved to my mouth and we began french-kissing slowly and passionately. He tasted so good, his lips were so strong. The touch of his lips and tongue made me tingle in places I didn't know existed!

Howie then said, "Do you still want me to go easy on you?"

I said, "No."

His powerful hands moved over my body, down the small of my back, pressing me so hard against him. He felt like heaven, like nothing I had ever felt. He lifted me up, wrapping my legs tightly around him. He was rock hard! I felt like I wanted him more than I had ever wanted anything. He then lowered me gently onto the king-size bed full of rose petals, ripping my shirt clear off my body! He then removed my shirt and undid my silky black bra. He took it to his nose and smelt it. He took my huge voluptuous breasts in one devouring motion! He knew exactly what I wanted. He knew my body! His hand moved up my thigh and slid up my skirt. I ached for him. Howie then continued to remove my matching panties with his teeth. His hands were so powerful, I felt my animal instincts begin to surface with every move he made.

I asked, "May I take off your shirt and pants?"

He replied, "Yes, darling." And so, I did just that! He looked extremely gorgeous and stunning as he stood completely nude in front of me. He practically took my breath away! Finally he lowered himself onto my ready and hot body and slid inside me. He felt so good I wanted to scream. He then started to pump away with expertise. Looking into each others eyes we began to lose control. Not too slow, not too fast. It was beyond perfect. With each thrust I was giving myself to him and he was giving himself to me. We did it for an hour and a half non-stop, until we climaxed together. He rolled off and whispered those sweet and tender words into in my ear, "I love you so much, baby!" I looked at his sacred and sexy face and whispered back those same exact words to him as well. When it was all over, I placed my head gently on his chest and looked up at the ceiling. I felt complete ecstasy, total freedom and peace when I was with Howie. I felt like the most luckiest and cherished woman to exist on the face of the earth! I felt as if I have never had such deep and strong emotions with another guy as I did with Howie.

We then ended up sleeping into each others arms. All of a sudden, I saw ourselves disappearing and fading away.

As I proceeded heading on to the next sequence of the dream, I immediately woke up to the loud and startling sound of the alarm which went off blasting to the song, I Want It That Way at 6 o'clock in the morning. I was disappointed and completely ecstatic at the same time to find that it was only just a sensuous and erotic dream and a great one at that! I realized that even though the dream felt so surreal at times that it was just complete and total fantasy now. I awoke with a huge smile on my face as I was aware that it was my birthday and sang along to I Want It That Way with the radio on. I felt completely refreshed from the deep sleep that I had just had. I kept thinking to myself just how good my dream was and recounting endlessly that it was the best damn dream I had ever had with Howie in it! I immediately grabbed my diary and blue pen out of my night stand's drawer and jotted down the recollection of my dream in very brief details.

The images from this incredible dream of mine were all still fresh and hung up in my mind. They began to resurface the realms of my subconscious and head directly into my conscious mind.

As I started scribbling down the events of my dream, I heard a loud ring come up from my cordless phone. I picked it up and answered with a "Hello". I heard a sweet and friendly voice answer back from the other side of the line. The high pitched voice was singing along to the lyrics of Happy Birthday followed by a short greeting of, "Hi sweetie, Happy Birthday!". The recognizable voice belonged to Howard Dorough. He was calling me from his cellular phone to wish me a Happy Birthday on my special day! He called me "sweetie" out of the pure kindness that he felt towards me. To him, I was his one and only genuine best friend.

I immediately responded back, "Hi Howie!" "Awww, that's so sweet of you to actually remember my birthday!" "What a surprise being that most guys usually forget this kind of stuff!"

Howie then replied, "You know that I would never forget your birthday Jessie!" "You know that right?"

And I answered back, "Yeah, well I guess you're right, Howie!" "Can you guess how old I turn out today?"

"You turn 23 years old today." "I must surely be right on that one, I believe?", Howie said.

"Nope, I turn 24, you missed it by just one year!", I replied back.

"Oh well, at least I remembered your birthday and that's what counts!" Howie answered. "Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!!!",

I laughed hysterically while still remembering my first erotic dream with him in it.

"What's so funny?" "Why are you laughing?", Howie remarked in a sweet tone.

"Ahhh, nothing, I just remembered what had happened to my dog Sunnie while I was walking him down to the park yesterday.", I lied.

"So, what happened to him, Jess?", Howie asked.

"He accidentally slipped and fell on top of this large pile of colorful dried leaves on the cement floor." "You should have seen him Howie!" "He looked so funny!" "Being the cute and playful cockerspaniel that he is, his curly ears had made one major flip-flop to the back of his head and his big and furry paws had flung up in the air just waiting to be held!" "Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh!!!", I replied.

"Oh my gosh, Jess is he okay?" "Did you have him checked out by the vet to see whether he turned out fine or not?" "I hope the little guy didn't break anything around his body!" "We wouldn't want anything wrong to happen to him now wouldn't we?", Howie remarked.

"Oh, of course, I took him to the vet, Howie!" "Luckily Sunnie didn't suffer from any type of bad injury, broken bones, or black and blue bruises anywhere around his chunky body, thank goodness!", I replied.

"Oh am I glad to hear that, Jessie!" "You know how much love and care I have for your dog Sunnie, don't you?", Howie replied.

"Yeah, I know Howie, just as much as I do!", I answered.

"Well, let me let you go because remember I've got a dance rehearsal with Fatima and the rest of the guys at 9 o'clock sharp in Madison Square Garden.", Howie replied.

"Oh, ok Howie!" "Don't work too hard, ok?", I said. "Don't worry, everything will be fine!"

"The rest of the guys would have called you to wish you a happy birthday too but, they're still fast asleep right now." "There's still a chance for them to personally give you your birthday wishes when you come by later on though." "By the way, can you still be able to make it today?" "I know you have a hectic schedule and all but, I'd really like for you to see us rehearse our dance routine for our upcoming new video to Show Me The Meaning of Being Lonely!", Howie said.

"Oh, of course, I'll be able to make it, Howie!" "You know that I would never miss the opportunity of seeing you and the rest of the guys rehearse or perform live for that matter!", I replied back.

"That sounds great, Jess!" "Then I'll be seeing you at noon during our lunch break, what do you think?", Howie asked.

"Sure, noon sounds fine to me!", I answered.

"Well, see you later then Jessica!", Howie said.

"Laters, Howie!" "Oh, and thank you so much for singing happy birthday to me!" "I really enjoyed listening to your sweet, high falsetto voice!" "Bye!", I answered.

"You're very welcome, my sweet!" "Laters Jessie!" "Bye!", Howie replied. As I hung up the phone, I couldn't stop thinking about the lie I had given Howie. It was the first time I had ever deceived him. It felt so wrong yet right simultaneously because we were just friends. We've been that way for six years now. Our relationship was simply platonic and we treated each other like brother and sister the whole time we were together. Ever since he started out with the Backstreet Boys back in 1993, we've always been there for one another through thick and thin. I've always considered him as one of most closest and dearest best friends. He has always consoled me in time of need and knew exactly what to say at the right time and he still does. But lately, it seemed as if I was feeling some type of extreme and deep emotion towards Howie, more now than ever before. It felt sort of weird just thinking about it because of our solid and harmonious friendship being that six years of being all pure and innocent is such a long time. I had given some more careful thought on the little lie I had given Howie.

After thinking about it more thoroughly, I continued writing my most profound thoughts on my diary entry:

Howie just finished phoning me to wish me a Happy Birthday. He sang Happy Birthday to me which I found extremely sweet of him for doing! I had hesitated in telling him the dream that I had with him and lied directly to him instead. Sure, it was only a small fib but, I was too scared of telling him the truth! If I would have told Howie about the erotic dream I had with him then I know for certain that he would have definitely freaked out about it! Knowing him very well, he would have been too scared to confront me about it, let alone, feel extremely embarrassed just listening to all the graphic details I would have probably told him. I didn't have the courage to do it! I now feel so ashamed and guilty for ever lying to him! I can't believe I used Sunnie as an excuse in all of this! What fault does my poor dog have in this? Obviously none, of course, but I did manage to hid the fact of having an erotic dream completely out of Howie's knowledge! I mean, Howie is my best friend, or is he more than that now? Openly, it seems that what my dream is telling me subconsciously is that I've always loved Howie unconditionally. I also feel that I've always had a strong physical and emotional attraction towards him all throughout the time I've been strictly friends with him. I honestly haven't been able to demonstrate it to him directly for fear of what he might really think of me. I also believe that I've always had some true and powerful infatuation for him. The problem now is, how do I let Howie know the true feelings that I've been having for him all this time? Although I realize now that I love Howie more than just a friend, I really don't want to jeopardize our friendship from breaking apart at all. I still want it to remain the same way it has always been but still have something more with him. How should I confront him with this problem without hurting him? Will he be able to face the music through my eyes at all? I guess only time will tell and, as God as my witness, will I only have the power of solving this problem! I now have to find the proper way of telling him before he finds that special someone and risk the chance of losing him forever. I strictly want to avoid any of this from happening at all but, how do I start? How would he truly react to my true feelings for him? I wonder if he feels the same way for me too? Maybe he does and I don't even know about it! He's probably hiding his true feelings for me and doesn't want me to know. But then again, maybe he doesn't feel the same way as I feel for him as well. All I know is that there's a 50% chance for Howie to really love me plus another 50% for him to not really love me in that way. I should definitely have the courage to tell him exactly how I truly feel about him and ask him how he truly feels towards me also. I shouldn't feel discouraged at all because we're both very trusting friends. I should start acting now before it's too late!


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