AJ laid awake, staring at the pillow that once belonged to the woman he had envisioned having children with, the woman he could see standing at the alter next to him, the woman he had planned on sharing his world with. All those hopes and dreams had come to a screeching halt, however. He and Aurora had split three years ago, but he could still sense her presence all around him. He still kept to his side of the bed, he even still caught himself looking at her pillow and pretending he could still hear her breathing softly next to him.
~*I'd like to watch you sleep at night
to hear you breathe by my side
And though sleep leaves me behind
there's nowhere I'd rather be
And now our bed is oh so cold
my hands feel empty
no one to hold
I can sleep what side I want
It's not the same with you gone*~
Images of the night he walked in on the two of them flooded his mind. He'd trusted the two of them with his life and in a second all of that came crumbling down. He couldn't remember what had possessed him to open the door; he could hear what was going on inside down the hall. Something inside him had to know for sure, though. He couldn't just go by assumption. He remembered wanting to scream, wanting to throw things, wanting to pull Nick off of her and punch him in the face. He couldn't, though. He could barely breath. All he could do was stare in shock as sobs shook his body. They didn't even notice he was in the room until they were done. He remembered the look of terror on Nick's face when he rolled over and saw him standing in the doorway, clutching the wall for support. He looked like a deer caught in the headlights of a semi. Without a word, he climbed out of the bed that AJ and Aurora had shared, collected his things, and bolted out of their house as fast as he could. AJ didn't have time to react. All he could do was cry. Aurora didn't budge. She didn't know what to do. She hadn't meant for things to go as far as they had. She loved AJ with all of her, and it pained her to see the usual sparkle in his eye be replaced with anger, resentment, and sadness.
~*It's been three years
One night apart
but in that night you tore my heart
If only you had slept alone
If those seeds had not been sown*~
Still, even though it had been nearly three years, he could still feel the pain she'd caused him. Never in a million years would the thought of her cheating on him have crossed his mind. He would never have suspected it, especially not with Nick. Aurora had been the woman who brought AJ out of his deep depression. She'd woken him back up to the beauty and splendor of life. He gave her a part of himself that he'd never given to any other one of his girlfriends. He knew she was his soul mate and he knew that he would always love her, but the image of her with another man was still burned deeply into his memory. Why did she have to forget that he was all she'd ever need? That he would do anything in his power to make her happy? How could she so quickly forget all that he'd done for her and all that he planned on doing for her just for fifteen minutes of ecstasy? What made the whole thing worse was the fact that she'd never even tried to explain, never tried to reverse her actions, never uttered a word of resentment for her actions. She packed up her things quietly and left, never looking back.
~*Oh you could come home and you would know that
All you want
Is right here in this room
All you need
Is sitting here with you
All you want*~
His shoulders began to shake as thick wet tears raced down his face. There wasn't a day that he didn't think about all that he'd lost because of her selfishness, because of her inability to keep her hands to herself, because of his best friend's need for love. He'd never forget all the love he'd felt between them, how secure he was that he wasn't going to be burned by Aurora. How certain he was that finally he'd found someone that wouldn't betray him, who'd love him forever, who'd never need the love of another man, who was ready to commit solely to him. All of his dreams were shattered that night, though.
~*I hear your key turning in the door
I won't be hearing that sound anymore
And you and your sin
can leave the way you just came in
send my regards to [him]*~
He prayed every night that someday he'd see her smiling face again, that her hands would be clean of the things that she'd done. There was nothing he could do though, nothing he could do to make the things she'd done undone. It was too late. It had been three years and he hadn't seen her for even a few minutes since the day she left. He clutched her pillow as tears rolled down his face, shaking his body violently. He closed his eyes tightly and could faintly hear the sound of her breathing next to him. He opened his eyes, in hopes that this whole horrible ordeal had just been an ongoing twisted dream that lasted three years. He knew she was gone, though no matter how badly he wished she was still there, he knew she was gone and was never again going to be AJ's Aurora.
~*I'd like to watch you sleep at night
to hear you breathe by my side*~
***Lyrics from "All You Want" By Dido
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