This is set to the tune of Baz Luhrmann's "Everybody's Free (To Wear
Sun screen)" *Note: I used some of Jessica's ideas in this one too*
By: Megan
Ladies and gentlemen who appreciate boybands.
Love the Backstreet Boys.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future Backstreet would be it.
The long term benefits of Backstreet Boys have been proved by billboard charts and ticket
sales where as the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own
meandering experience.
I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of Kevin Richardson.
Oh, never mind, you will not understand the power and beauty of Kevin Richardson
until you are older, but trust me, in 5 years you'll look back at photos
of him and recall in a way you can't grasp now how sexy those funky dance moves really were
and how fabulous he really looked.
Nick is NOT as fat as you imagine.
Don't worry about their futures, or worry but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to teach Nick an algebra equation.
The real troubles in their careers are bound to be things that never crossed your
worried teeny mind.
The kind that require penicillin or send them to
airports when all is said and done.
Do one thing everyday that SCARES your parents.
Lip Sync
Don't be reckless with other people's Backstreet addictions, don't put up
with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss like Howie.
Don't waste your time being jealous of Leighanne.
Some of us get close, some of us will have nosebleed seats, the tours
are long and in the end, you'll probably never meet them anyway.
Remember the people who complement the Backstreet Boys.
Forget the haters.
If you succeed in doing this without yelling obscenities in their
direction, tell me how.
Keep your old fan letters.
Throw away your parent's credit card statements.
Stretch (before dancing to the album).
Don't feel guilty if you find *NSync a little tolerable. The most interesting
people I know
had diverse tastes in music at 16. Some of the most interesting 27 year
olds I know also listen to Meatloaf.
Guys, get plenty of calcium.
And be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone.
Maybe they'll have girlfriends. Maybe they won't.
Maybe they'll have another #1 album. Maybe they won't.
Maybe they'll break up at 40. Maybe they'll dance the funky chicken on their 25th
anniversary tour.
Whatever they do, don't congratulate them too much or berate them either.
Their chances are half chance, so are everybody else.
Enjoy AJ's body.
Look at it every chance you can.
Don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it.
It's the greatest instrument he'll ever own.
DANCE
Even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own Backstreet covered bedroom.
Read the thank you's, even if you don't get what they say.
DO NOT READ TEEN MAGAZINES THEY WILL ONLY MAKE YOU FEEL
LIKE A TEENYBOPPER.
Get to know their band members, you never know when they'll be gone for good.
(Hair Guy 4 life!)
Be nice to their siblings, they're your best chance at getting closer to
the band and the people you are most likely to meet anyway.
Understand that fellow Backstreet fans come and go, but with a precious few you
should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the
older you get,
the more possible it will be to move to Florida and try to get to know them.
Live in Florida once but leave before Howie's mom tries to make you a burrito supreme.
Live in Kentucky but leave before it makes you really like the color blue.
TOUR.
Accept certain inalienable truths:
Ticket prices will rise. Brian will philander. Nick will also get old.
And when he does you will fantasize that when he was young ticket prices were
reasonable, Brian was a good boy, and Nick would have really married you.
You will not marry a member of the Backstreet Boys.
Don't expect anyone else to support them.
Maybe they'll get a new contract, maybe they'll go independent, but you
never know when either one might go bust.
AJ, don't mess too much with your hair. Or by the time you are 40 it
will look 85.
Be careful what merchandise you buy, but be patient with those who
supply it.
Merchandise is a form of nostalgia.
Keeping it is a way of fishing your boyband past from the disposal,
wiping it off,
painting over the embarrassing parts, and recycling it for more than it's worth.
But trust me on the Backstreet Boy thing.
