by Melanie
A narrator's voice comes in, "The famous Sinbad one-day decided he would go out recruiting people for his crew so they could sail the legendary waters and adventure with him. He thought it would be ever so much fun to have people to share it with…"
Sinbad is merrily skipping along the way to a village in a very unmanly manner. He smiles and goes along all alone, happy for the wonderful sunny day.
The annoying narrator continues to state the obvious as Sinbad skipped. "There, our intrepid hero came across two villagers and decided to try and see if they would join his crew first…"
Two villagers, a man and a woman, are harvesting crops and unaware of the presence of the sailor. The man is continuing his grumbling about something they were talking about beforehand. He pauses to point a grimy finger at her.
"I'm telling you honey, our governing system is in a serious dilemma. There's all this divine right bullocks that keeps it in an absolute monarchy status, when we all know the best way of governing is by majority vote. I mean, what's the whole point of free will and general thought if not for that, huh?"
The narrator continues his statement of the obvious by saying, "Sinbad then decided it was time for him to step in."
The sailor coughs politely to break their discussion, "Um excuse, good sirs--"
"I'm a woman you idiot!" the lady shouts.
Sinbad blushes and continues, "Uh, sorry about that miss. Allow me to introduce myself--"
"You're a person who obviously can't tell the difference between genders, that's what." The female villager grumbles. "I look nothing like a man!"
Sinbad smiles and nods good-naturedly. "Again, a thousand pardons. I am Sinbad the Sailor--"
"If you're a sailor, then why in the world are you on land? Aren't you supposed to be on a boat and sailing or something?" The man asks.
"Yes, I was just getting to that," Sinbad replies with as much patience as he can muster. "I am looking for a crew to help man my ship. They will be paid of course and get the honor of sailing for the Master of the Seven Seas--"
"There aren't seven," the woman interrupts.
"What?" Sinbad asks, becoming quite annoyed.
"There aren't seven seas," she continues, "There are four oceans as well as over a hundred and twenty-six classified seas, bays, deltas, and other kinds of water masses that connect to the major body of water but there aren't merely seven seas."
"Well, I'm the master of seven of them," Sinbad replies peevishly.
"That isn't much out of one-hundred and twenty-six." "Look lady! I'm the master of the seas and I would think you'd show a little more--"
"Well, what makes you master of 'em?" the man interrupts again. "I don't recall voting you the master of the seas. I mean, they belong to everyone you know!"
Sinbad sputters in astonishment and anger, "Y-You don't need any bloody election for the master of the seven seas! I was lost in a shipwreck--"
"Not much of a master if you get lost in a storm, I say" the woman mutters to her husband.
"When I was lost in a shipwreck!" Sinbad snaps and continues, "A mermaid appeared to me and gave me this rainbow bracelet," Sinbad says and points to the colorful band on his left wrist, "A sign of my good heart and purity, and gave me salvation. Proclaiming me the master of the seas."
"That's no way to declare yourself master of the seven seas!" The husband proclaims and shakes his head, "I mean, if some tart with scales for her ass came and tossed me a piece of fruity jewelry like you have on and I went about proclaiming myself master of two oceans--"
"There are four, dear" the woman says absentmindedly.
"I know that, I'm making a point since this fellow can't count as well as going around like a lunatic with some rainbow jewelry that makes me wonder if he isn't just a little..." The husband sighs and points to his head, giving her a look that signified he thought Sinbad quite daft. "Well, anyway, it just proves my point that you'd think I was mad if I went around saying I was Master of the Seven bloody Seas because of some Mardi Gras trinket, right? This is why we need bicameral forms of government, dear!"
"Damnit!" Sinbad shouts at the top of his lungs, finally losing it, "I am Sinbad the Sailor, Master of the Seven Seas and I sail under the protection of the Caliph of Baghdad!"
"We aren't governed by the Caliph," says the villager.
"Then your ruler still must want to keep cordial relations with--"
"We have no ruler," the male villager says in a happy voice, "We've gone beyond that. We have a council of learned men we elect, which is what I was talking about that keeps the local loonies out of power. It also applies to the general will in a system of checks and balances to make sure no one is more powerful than the other and whereby--"
"Shut up!" Sinbad screams, his brain hurting from all this gibberish.
"--allows a judicial branch and a legislative to control their other and be aware--"
"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" Sinbad screams at the top of his lungs and runs away crying.
The captain runs by the narrator who is about to open his mouth but runs him down on the way back to his ship. The narrator is bruised and bleeding but manages to croak out, "And that, my friends, is why Sinbad never goes to pick his crew ever again."
"Well that's just what you get with the unenlightened masses of the fifth century," the male villager remarks to his wife before going back to work.