Peter Vexnor: We're in St. Louis in the EWA arena amidst a capacity crowd for EWA's Body Count!

Dustin Larson: Wow, you make it sound like this show is worth a damn, Peter.

Shaden Rose: This show is worth a damn, Dustin.

Dustin Larson: Please! With a main event like Valykerie and Chris Michaels?! This is going to be a sleeper event.

Peter Vexnor: Well, tonight's main event will be good, no matter what you think, Dustin. And that's not the only excitement we have for tonight.

Dustin Larson: Excitement? You consider The Samoan Warrior vs. Draven Genocide exciting?

Shade Rose: Well, I think it's exciting. Since The Samoan Warrior entered the EWA in the TV Title Royal Rumble he's slowly been establishing himself.

Dustin Larson: Very slowly! I tried to get this guy to run the mile with me and he walked around the track in 35 minutes. That was only one lap, too!

Peter Vexnor: I'm sure that's an exaggeration. He can't help it, he's Samoan.

Dustin Larson: Racist! Peter!

Peter Vexnor: No, I'm not racist… I'm merely saying that Samoans are plump peoples.

Shade Rose: Well, anyway…. We also have mixed action tonight as Dawson takes on female standout Brettany Haze.

Dustin Larson: No, offense, or anything but that is a very blonde girl. She doesn't even know how to spell Brittany! It's B-R-I-T-N-E-Y.

Shade Rose: Actually, it's B-R-I-T-T-A-N-Y.

Dustin Larson: Bri-tanny? That sounds like an encyclopedia of ass.

Peter Vexnor: Nonetheless, it should be extravagantly exciting.

Dustin Larson: Personally, I think the only exciting match tonight will be Timor Fidens vs. Andy Studd.

Shade Rose: He had a tough time beating a woman half his weight. How will Timor be able to beat Studd?

Dustin Larson: I could care less if it's a landslide or not. I just want to see someone get powerbombed!

Peter Vexnor: I think one of the bigger landslides tonight is going to be little Twisted Vamp on Josh Anderson.

Dustin Larson: Oh, please! Josh isn't a real wrestler! He's just here to make mommy and daddy mad. He's still living off his trust fund.

Shade Rose: Even I have to agree with Dustin.

Peter Vexnor: Obviously, you guys haven't been watching Josh's tapes. He is a great wrestler and a former World Title Champion, to boot.

Dustin Larson: Yeah, but Vamp is not only a great PROVEN wrestler, he's scary "to boot."

Shade Rose: Well, that brings us to the much anticipated main event!

Peter Vexnor: In the short time there has been interaction between the EoD and these people there has been a lot of pain. The Wolfgang has dropped Valyk off a 15 foot ladder… on to explosives!

Dustin Larson: Peter, you moron. The EoD is dead.

Peter Vexnor: Bite me!

(The other two announcers are surprised.)

Peter Vexnor: That brings us to our first match, ladies and gentlemen. Right after these commercials, of course.

(Show cuts to commercials. We see commercials for "Pearl Harbor," Gatorade, MTV, and Curious College Coeds on VHS and DVD.)

Mark Scott: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a standard rules match and is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, weighing in at 450 pounds, and hailing from the Island of America Samoa: THE SAMOAN WARRIOR!

("Don't Drag Me Down" by Social Distortion starts playing. The lights dim and the fans cheer wildly. The Samoan Warrior comes out, huge smile on his face. The fans are going crazy. He makes his way to the ring rather quickly for such a large man.)

Mark Scott: And, his opponent, hailing from Memphis, Tennessee and weighing in at 255 pounds: "THE WIDOW MAKER" DRAVEN GENOCIDE.

("One" by Metallica plays over PA as purple smoke fills the ramp. After a moment, the smoke starts to clear and you see "The Widow Maker" Draven Genocide on the ramp. He walks to the ring, giving hi-fives to the fans at right side. He slides into the ring and gets ready for the match. The bell rings.) 

Shade Rose: Here we go! The two tie up.

(Brian Silcox gives the go-ahead and the two immediately tie up. The Warrior gets a headlock on Draven. Draven pushes The Warrior into the ropes. Draven sets up for a back body drop. He has The Warrior set up perfectly for the move. Of course, The Warrior is way too heavy. The Samoan Warrior just laughs and picks Draven up. He hits a twisting backbreaker. The Warrior picks Draven up and pulls him back in a headlock. The Warrior then begins to run and he lands a bulldog. He gets up and pulls Draven over to the turnbuckle. The Warrior climbs to the second rope and prepares himself for a Bonzai Drop. The Warrior leaps and… lands it. The Warrior goes for the pin. Silcox counts: one, two, t… kickout.)

Shade Rose: What a great effort Draven just made.

Dustin Larson: Yeah, when you have 500 pounds crushing your chest, it's difficult to kick out.

Peter Vexnor: Well, 500 pounds is an exaggeration, but…

Dustin Larson: But nothing! I love the booking crew here! This is the second week where the opening match has had one wrestler with a distinct weight advantage.

Peter Vexnor: In all fairness, there will almost always be a huge weight advantage for The Samoan Warrior.

(Back in the ring The Warrior is trying to hit a suplex on Draven but Draven keeps locking his leg. Finally, Draven lands three blows to The Samoan Warrior's stomach. However, The Warrior just laughs and suplexes Draven. Draven goes sliding out of the ring. Draven, after a four count, gets up and walks to where the ring announcer is. He takes Mark's chair and folds it up. He turns around right in time to get a big splash by The Warrior.)

Dustin Larson: Oh my God, that was hideous!

Shade Rose: I agree! What an awful landing!

Dustin Larson: No, I was talking about The Warrior's fat flaps! That fat was rolling around his sides and onto his back!

(Back to the action, The Warrior picks up the chair. He amusingly looks at it and swings it. Silcox tenses, ready to disqualify The Warrior, but The Warrior never connects. He stops halfway with a big grin on his face, walks over to the ref, and hands him the chair. Silcox tosses it backwards. The Warrior turns around to Draven spearing him… or trying to. The Warrior doesn't fall down but he does get pushed backward into the ring post. Draven brings a few knees to The Warrior's stomach. Silcox has reached the 8 count and Draven rolls The Warrior back in. Draven gets in the ring just as The Warrior groggily gets up. Draven lays a boot to the back of The Warrior's left leg. Draven does it again and The Warrior collapses to one knee. Draven dropkicks The Warrior in the back on the head. The Warrior falls forward and Draven doesn't waste any time. He puts The Warrior in a Figure Four leglock. The Warrior starts screaming out in pain.)

Dustin Larson: I think The Warrior is a joke… a fluke. He's done well but I think just by accident. Maybe if tubby took some damn vitamins.

Peter Vexnor: Well, the obesity gene is definitely a huge part or Samoan life.

Dustin Larson: Oh my God, Peter! You're a Racist Petey!

Peter Vexnor: Dammit, Dustin! I'm not a racist.

Dustin Larson: You just called an entire race fat!

Peter Vexnor: They are!

Dustin Larson: And I suppose you think all Africans are stick people?

Peter Vexnor: Just the ones that live on sand!

Shade Rose: I understand what you're trying to say, Peter, but your digging yourself into a hole. Peter Vexnor: I hate all of you.

(It's been about 30 seconds but The Warrior is finally able to get to the ring ropes. Silcox tells Genocide to let go and Genocide complies. Genocide goes to where Silcox threw the chair, which is still inside the ring. He picks it up. Silcox immediately starts complaining. Genocide stocks the chair between two ropes as he climbs the turnbuckle. Once on top he grabs the chair from in between the ropes and waits. The Warrior wearily gets up. Silcox is still screaming at Genocide but Genocide pays no mind. Genocide tosses the chair to The Warrior, who catches it, and Genocide launches off the ropes. The second he jumps, however, Silcox shakes the ropes. Genocide's balance is off and he doesn't turn well enough for a dropkick. Instead, he connects violently with a shoulder to the chair.)

Dustin Larson: What the hell was that?

Peter Vexnor: Occupational hazard! Genocide was warned and warned: "Don't use the chair!" He didn't listen… he paid the price.

Dustin Larson: He was just trying his hardest to make this an exciting match for the fans!

Shade Rose: No, he's just trying to cheat to win. If you can't win within the parameters of the EWA Rulebook then you shouldn't be wrestling!

(Back in the ring, the two have been down for a while. Silcox is on a six count. Genocide is on his knees Silcox reaches seven and Genocide is up. Almost immediately Genocide is in Silcox's face. The two get into a shouting contest. You can hear Silcox say "I told you to drop the chair." Finally, Genocide pushes Silcox. Silcox falls backwards but gets right back up and punches Genocide in the jaw. Genocide falls backwards into The Warrior's arms and gets a headlock powerbomb.)

Dustin Larson: I can't believe what I'm seeing! That's referee interference!

Shade Rose: I think we're seeing a new age in wrestling! …The day refs are no longer afraid to stand up for themselves!

Dustin Larson: It's bull.

(The Samoan Warrior sees the chair, still in the ring. He goes over and picks it up. His smile is gone. He looks pissed. Silcox starts to tell him not to use it. However, The Warrior pays no attention what so ever. The Warrior walks over to Draven, chair over his head. Draven gets up, a little out of it. He sees what is about to happen as The Warrior begins to bring the chair down. However, Brian Silcox catches it and pulls it out of The Warrior's hands. The Warrior is temporarily stunned and Draven takes advantage of this. He kicks The Warrior in the stomach, runs him into the ring post, hitting the Draven Drop. And, without sparing a second, and with the fans going absolutely berserk, he climbs the top rope and hits the Web of the Widow Maker. A brilliant flash of light floods the arena in mid-move. The fans are about to blow the roof of this place. Draven goes for the pin and Silcox counts fairly: one, two, three!)

WINNER: "THE WIDOW MAKER" DRAVEN GENOCIDE

Dustin Larson: Hell yeah! Draven is such a stud! He came back from a ref that didn't like him to winning the match with one of the most spectacular moves in the world! Looks like your guy lost, Peter!

Peter Vexnor: He's not "my guy." I was merely saying that Genocide was trying to cheat and got what he deserves… as did The Samoan Warrior. 

Dustin Larson: Whatever. Shut up now… the King is about to speak!

(Draven asks for a mic and Mark Scott tosses one to him. He climbs to the second rope, looking at the crowd and throwing his fists into the air. The crowd is going crazy.)

Draven Genocide: Two matches… two wins. Undefeated . Untested. The Widow Maker is at the top of his game! Sunday I get a shot at the TV title. Valykerie, you can make it easy on yourself and come down here now and give me my title. This will be the first step in a journey that will lead me to the top of the EWA and a historic career!

(Draven tosses the mic down and climbs to the top rope. He does a backflip off the rope and lands on his feet by the announcers' table. He walks back to the locker room, slowly, giving the fans high fives the entire way up.)

(Show cuts to commercial. We see commercials for Singular, Legos, Gatorade, Pearl Harbor, and EWA/JAXX's first series of action figures.)

(As the show comes back from commercial, "Seattle Was A Riot" starts blaring over the arena sound system. The fans start cheering very loudly. MD comes out, with his lovely wife, Kelsey, by his side. She is wearing a beautiful, sparkling, white dress. The two make their way down to the ring. MD seems to have a good attitude about him, despite the fact that he lost the title on Sunday. He gets to the ring, climbs the ring steps, and spreads the rings for his wife. She enters and MD follows. Mark Scott hands him the mic. The two converse about something and Mark laughs. MD begins.)

Monotinous Death: I really hate coming out here like this. I mean, I've always hated hearing people that come out here whining about wanting a title shot. I didn't mind Johnny Hawke's wanting a title shot because his was justified. I was more than willing to face him, whether he won that mixed tag match or not. So, I hope he grants the same generosity onto me. You see, Johnny… or Izzy, or whoever I should be complaining to about my match last Sunday. I lost, and I have no problem with losing, I'm not a sore loser and never have been in my life. My only problem is that I shouldn't have lost.

(The crowd goes knows what is coming. They were all watching Sunday, so they know how MD got screwed.)

Monotinous Death: You see, I believe in giving the fans more than they expect. I believe in showing them more exciting and daring matches each time I wrestle. I very easily consider last Sunday to be my worst match of my career. It was so horribly boring. At one point it was Johnny Hawke and The Beast outside the ring together. I remained in the ring because I had the strategy in my head to allow those two to wear one another down. Now… please, play my tape.

(The Mega Tron lights up with a frozen image of last weekends match. MD is very clearly in the ring, with Hawke and The Beast is outside. The image comes to life as it unfreezes and we see the ref count to 7 and Johnny Hawke lays The Beast out. The ref has his back to MD. Hawke slides into the ring at 8 as MD slides out. He runs over to The Beast, coming into visibility of the ref. MD starts to help The Beast up as The ref counts to nine. The Beast is on his feet, but then collapses. The ref counts ten and the bell sounds. The screen freezes and we cut back to MD.)

Monotinous Death: That was very obviously not a count out on my part. The EWA rulebook states that if a wrestler exits the ring with another wrestler already outside, the count out count must restart. That was simply referee error, and they happen from time to time. Now, usually, I don't care. But… this time… it was gold on the line. So, whoever is in charge of booking matches, know that if anyone deserves a title shot, it's me, because I can't just stand idle while someone else has a title that means so much to me. I'm not being cocky. I don't want the title handed back to me. I just want a match… a good match. And I want it soon!

(The crowd pops as MD holds his hand into the air. He tosses the mic back to Mark and says something to him. Mark smiles and nods. MD puts his arm around his beautiful wife and waves to the crowd as the show cuts to commercial.)

(We see commercials for Gatorade, Visa, Pearl Harbor, and the Volkswagen Beetle.)

Peter Vexnor: Up next we have Dawson taking on Brettany Haze in a cross-gender match.

Shade Rose: Once again an attempt for a woman to prove why females are good enough to compete against males.

Dustin Larson: Yeah we will get to see some great female action…

Mark Scott: Ladies and Gentleman introducing first…Brettany Haze.

("Frustration" by everclear plays but Brettany Haze is no where in sight. Mark Scott starts to look puzzled.) 

Mark Scott: Introducing first…Brettany Haze.

(Frustration" by Everclear starts to play again and she still doesn't come out.)

Dustin Larson: Look at that the woman didn't even show up!

Shade Rose: Something must have happened, men and there ways!

Peter Vexnor: Well now all that has to happen is Dawson to come to ringside and he wins.

Mark Scott: Ladies and Gentleman introducing next…Dawson!

("Whatever We May Roam" By Metallica starts to play. Dawson also makes no appearance.)

Mark Scott: I have just received word that due to the no show of both competitors this match is going to be a DRAW!

Peter Vexnor: Well I guess we have to prepare for a little bit of a shorter card then we are used to today.

Dustin Larson: Wait, I think something is happening backstage.

( Backstage we see a shot of Shadowflare and Bruce Walking around. Suddenly we see Chris Michaels come running into the shot. He has a Singapore cane. Chris is a few steps away when we hear "STOP!" The Camera flies around to see Monotinous Death run onto screen. MD passes the camera and it turns back to Michaels and Shad. Shad and Bruce have turned around and know what was about to happen. MD eaches Chris)

MD: What the hell are you doing, Chris?

Chris: What the hell are you doing?

MD: I'm stopping you from making a mistake. Chris: MD, This (points at Shad) piece of trash has been untouched! If you are not going to fight him, then I will! He needs to learn... (Non-schalantly) Shad: That's why I went to Community college.

MD: Shut up. Look, Chris, don't touch Shadowflare. He needs to know we don't hate him.

Chris I don't care what you say. I HATE HIM! I went to jail for a year because of this ******

(Chris swings the cane at Shad. Out of reaction Shad puts his hands up. MD puts his hand up to stop the cane. he punches Chris in the eye. Quickly, Shad grabs the Cain and cracks it over Chris's head Chris falls over. MD turns to Shad with a look of rage. He pushes Shad Against the wall)

MD What the hell was that.

<>Shad:: Self-defense.

(Shad Smiles) MD:: You don't ever...EVER...touch Chris, again. He's not going to touch you, Chris isn't going to touch you at all, okay?

Shad: Being the U.S. Champion, everyone wants to touch me. I promise.

MD Look, Shad, I promise you. I won't let anyone touch you. You just need to cool of. Realize we don't hate you, Shad you just need to get over your arrogance.

Shad: Like I said, it was just self-defense this time. And I can't make any promises.

MD: You're a miserable excuse for a person. Get the hell outta here!

(Md turns his back to Shad. Shad glances at Chris Michaels, who is bleeding from the head. Shad then laughs and walks off as Md helps Chris to his feet. Chris collapses and MD tries again.) Peter Vexnor: Shadowflare seems to be agitating MD more and more and Shadowflare seems to not understand that MD doesn't care about him.

Dustin Larson: Care about him or scared of him. Peter Vexnor: I'm sure that MD doesn't want to fight Shadowflare.

Shade Rose: Guys, are next match is about to be underway.

Dustin Larson: Really, who's in it, a girl!?

Shade Rose: No its Andy Studd and Timor Fidens.

Dustin Larson: Big burly men, that's more of his style.

Peter Vexnor: Dustin for the last time I am married!

Dustin Larson: I said "his" not Peter's!

Mark Scott: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a standard rules match and is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, weighing in at 475 pounds, "Big" Andy Studd!

("Fanfare for the Common Man" by Aaron Copeland shouts over the stereo system of the arena. "Big" Andy Studd makes his way to ringside. He is wearing loose black leather pants and black boots. He is also wearing a black tank top and has tape wrapped around his writs.)

Peter Vexnor: This guy is making is EWA Debut but he already has a shot at the EWA World Title at Extreme Warfare.

Dustin Larson: Why this guy is huge…

Shade Rose: Come on guys look at the person he is wrestling, this match is going to be huge.

Dustin Larson: Was that a sad attempt at a pun…

Mark Scott: Ladies and gentlemen, his opponent weighing in at 328 pounds…Timor Fidens.

(Timor Fidens makes his weigh from the back as "Fear" By Disturbed starts to play over the intercom and Timor Fidens comes out dressed in his usual attire.) (A Timor runs to the ring as fast as possible but Andy Studd is ready for him. Timor runs into the ring and gets kicked in the gut immediately. Andy Studd then brings a hard elbow down on Timor Fidens. Timor looks like he is not used to fighting a bigger man.)

Peter Vexnor: Timor is not able to adjust to someone bigger then he is.

Dustin Larson: Now I would have never thought of that…

(Back inside the ring Andy Studd seems to be making quick work of Timor Fidens. He just clocks him a left and a right followed by an uppercut that brings Timor to his knees. "Big" Andy Studd starts to try and rally the crowd and then does a power clothesline to Timor who is on the ground. Studd then proceeds to go to the tope rope.

Shade Rose: Why is "big" Andy Studd trying to go for top-rope maneuvers.

Dustin Larson: I don't know but it should be very entertaining if he pulls it off.

(Andy Studd just keeps climbing the ropes and then leaps off. It looks like he is going to fall completely short but he extends his legs and then his foot connects with Timor Fidens neck. The crowd all starts to shudder at once as Andy Studd gets up. He pulls Timor to his feet and starts to call for The Windy City Driver.)

Peter Vexnor: How is he going to pull off a move like that an Timor…

Dustin Larson: Oh my god!

(Andy Studd hits his finisher, Windy City Driver on Timor Fidens and he goes down for the pin. The ref makes the count. 1…2…3)

Shade Rose: Well this shows why "Big" Andy Studd is getting his title shot at Warfare.

Dustin Larson: I bet all Peter could think about that match was, how BIG is he.

(Dustin laughs at his joke along) Peter Vexnor: Very well, I heard that Twisted Vamp is eager for our next match.

Shade Rose: But before that we have to go to a commercial break.

(There are commercials for Pepsi, The same Pear Harbor Preview, the 11 o'clock news preview and a car commercial are all shown)

Dustin Larson: During the break Twisted Vamp and "The Enforcer" Josh Anderson got into backstage and the two of them are battling towards the ring!

(In the ring Twisted Vamp and Josh Anderson are slugging it out. The two of them don't even pay attention to the other one's volleys of punches and are only concentrating on throwing there own. Twisted Vamp Finally Begins to get the upper hand and forces Anderson into the corner. Twisted Vamp then kicks Josh Anderson in the gut and he falls to the ground and rolls out of the ring. Vamp stands against the rope and calls for Anderson to get back into the ring)

Peter Vexnor: Cowardly but smart move by Anderson.

Dustin Larson: You know for being a freak like Doll Face Twisted Vamp has established quite a record for himself in the EWA.

Shade Rose: I am disappointed in the lack of woman booking for this card...

(Anderson waits until the 5 count and then leans over quickly and trips Twisted Vamp. He then rolls into the ring and starts kicking an stomping all over Twisted Vamp. Josh Anderson then runs into the ropes to propel himself and comes out with a huge falling headbutt.)

Dustin Larson: Moron, that headbutt looks like it hurt Anderson more then Vamp.

Peter Vexnor: I can't argue that point.

( Anderson slowly gets to his feet and twisted vamp are sitting there ready for something to happen. S Josh gets to his feet he catches Twisted with a leg sweep. As Twisted hits the ground Anderson lunges over to him and starts to pummel Vamp. After a few seconds The ref pulls Anderson off of Vamp and Anderson starts to yell at the ref.)

Shade Rose: Anderson sure is mad at the ref.

Dustin Larson: That happens baby, don't worry about it.

(Twisted Vamp comes up from behind on Josh Anderson while he is talking to the ref Twisted Vamp. the pulls the legs out from underneath Josh Anderson and then locks in an ankle lock)

Peter Vexnor: What a move by Twisted Vamp! And good use of a fair distraction! Shade Rose: Fair...distraction isn't that close to an oxy moron. Dustin Larson: Look at what Anderson is doing! (The Enforcer submits by wildly tapping)

WINNER: TWISTED VAMP Peter Vexnor: And next we have the Main Event, Valykerie and Chris Michaels against The Malice Family.

Dustin Larson: I just heard that Chris Can not compete in tonight’s matches. (Valykerie circles the ring a few times while A.C. does the same. A.C. Rushes towards Valykerie but Valykerie drops down and give a drop toe hold. Valykerie then applies an ankle lock on A.C. but T.J. comes out and kicks Valykerie off of A.C. The two of them then get up and start to punch and kick Valykerie together until the ref, Kyle Lake, forces T.J. back to the corner. A.C. is man handling Valykerie with several boy slams in a row and then as he goes to tag in T.J. Valykerie rolls over to the corner to rest.) ( Valykerie manages to run around in the ring long enough for the Malices to lose their five second time they are allowed to be in at the same time. T.J. then grabs Valykerie around the waist and gives him a German suplex. Valykerie looks pretty hurt now and staggers to get to his feet. then ****Insert Alice here****)

( Valykerie starts to get a come back going but then T.J. tags in A.C. and the two get a double DDT on Valykerie sending him to the ground. suddenly Lance Righteous runs from the back and sits on the apron of Valykerie's side. Valykerie is up and doesn't see Lance and starts to get punched and then is whipped into his corner. Lance jumps into the ring and starts to throw wild punches.)

(Lance drops down to the mat and avoids a clothesline and then starts to grab the legs of A.C. He pulls A.C Down and then gets up himself and executes a senton splash on A.C. He drags A.C. into the corner of the ring and then tags in Valykerie. Valykerie picks A.C. up and runs into the ropes and comes back with a huge DDT. )

(Valykerie picks up A.C. and then is attacked from behind by T.J. This leads to Lance jumping over the tope-rope and starting to fight against T.J.. All four wrestlers are punching back and fourth and then Lance drops to his knees and gives a Dragon Cork Screw on T.J. At the same time Valykerie goes for an octopus stretch. While A.C. is in it T.J. tries to get over and free A.C. but Valykerie pushes A.C away and rolls out of the ring.)

(Valykerie does a spring board drip kick on T.J. and Lance Righteous comes in the ring. Each on of them grabs a member of the Malice family and each one locks in there own finisher submission move. The show fades out with both Malice's tapping out and the voice of Mark Scott saying "Your winner Valykerie and Lance Righteous.")