the biz has mike d's personal top secret number and ain't afraid to use it
After a three-year semi-absence, the Beastie Boys conquered the world. Again. Nearly everything concerning the old-skool/new-skool Hello Nasty seemed to click, and the thirtysomething trio's reputation as being among the Coolest People on Earth threatened to grow so large it would eclipse the sun, perhaps ending humanity as we know it. How to sufficiently encapsulate the meaning of such eminence? Naturally, you enlist the services of the one and only incredible Biz Markie. He's got Mike D's double-secret cell-phone number. And ain't afraid to use it.
Mike D: Did they give you some corny questions to ask me?
Biz: That's an understatement. [Editor's note: The questions were in fact pretty dumb]
Mike D: We'll just freestyle it then.
Biz: What's up with the movie?
Mike D: Our movie?
Biz: Yeah.
Mike D: I don't know. You wanna be in it, do a cameo?
Biz: Yeah, you know me.
Mike D: At one point, I think there was a scene involved with you playing a clown.
Biz: I'll be a detective. What's it about?
Mike D: YOu were in a kind of horror-movie scenario.
Biz: Was it a funky part?
Mike D: Real funky.
Biz: Real funky. You think I'll like the part?
Mike D: I don't know. It'd be hard to tell. But I can tell you that you're the only man for the job.
Biz: The only man?
Mike D: The only man. Biz, why don't you describe to the people what you're wearing right now.
Biz: [Laughs] Boxer shorts, those Ralph Kramden-type shits, with the hearts. Okay, let's get to the questions. Why wasn't there more Biz on Hello Nasty?
Mike D: Well, now first up that's a fallacy, cause you're on Hello Nasty.
Biz: Why not more? I know that was my fault though. Ya'll kept telling me to come back to the studio.
Mike D: Yeah. But there's going to be other oppurtunities, right?
Biz: Hell yeah, I'm the black Beastie Boy! Just how dope was my "Benny and the Jets" performance at Madison Square Garden?
Mike D: To me the highlight was in Montreal, when you started lifting up your shirt or something. I just remember everyone was, like, on the floor playing the song, dying. I fell off my drum kit.
Biz: My next shit I'm gonna have some rip-off clothes and some bikini underneath, and rip some shit off on stage.
Mike D: Yeah!
Biz: Why are you guys all bananas over Japanese shit?
Mike D: 'Cause it's like they either got old things we don't have anymore, or they got new things we don't have yet.
Biz: I like Japan, but the one thing I don't like is that they don't have good goddamn food.
Mike D: We like that food in Japan.
Biz: But McDonald's food don't taste like McDonald's in Japan.
Mike D: But I don't eat McDonald's, you know that.
Biz: I went to a spot in Japan and had some pancakes and they gave us vinegar instead of syrup.
Mike D: Soy sauce?
Biz: Nah, not soy sauce. I don't know what is was, but it just wasn't right.
Mike D: You know what's nice in Japan is Lawson. It's kind of like their 7-Eleven, but it's not. And I know how you like 7-Eleven.
Biz: Yeah. Big Pun or Fat Joe?
Mike D: I don't really think you can separate them.
Biz: L.L. or Canibus?
Mike D: I'm not even getting involved in that.
Biz: They both cool with me. Sega or Sony PlayStation?
Mike D: What do you think? You'd be a better judge than me. I vote for TV Pix. [Editor's note: This, apparently, is some hyper-obscure interactive TV/game-system-type shits from the '80s.]
Biz: I vote for Colecovision, Intellivision, and Atari. For TV Pix, I remember you'd have to yell [yells] "Pix! Pix! Pix!" at the TV.
Mike D: Yeah, it was funny.
Biz: Was the lightning thing at Free Tibet show a sign from God?
Mike D: [Laughs] No.
Biz: Ya'll were supposed to call me for that and you didn't.
Mike D: What do you mean? I called you and Yauch called you.
Biz: Nah, nobody called me till the day before.
Mike D: Well I'm calling you now for next year. You know the invitation is always there.
Biz: Is yoga the new crack?
Mike D: I think the people who write for SPIN are on crack.
Biz: If you were stranded on an island with one pair of sneakers, what would they be?
Mike D: That's a hard question. One pair...
Biz: Pro-Keds.
Mike D: Hmm, maybe. Yeah, Pro-Keds. The canvas Pro-Keds.
Biz: Yauch didn't name his kids after me. Would you?
Mike D: Only if it's a girl.
Biz: Bizzette.
Mike D: How about Lil' Biz?
Biz: She-Biz. Do you think yoga would work for me?
Mike D: We can throw the questions away now. Is there anything you ever wanted to know about a Beastie Boys record?
Biz: You doing a video for "Body Movin'"?
Mike D: Yeah.
Biz: Why didn't you tell me?
