Author's Notes, Reserves and Restrictions: This is the result of too many after dinner mints and not getting to go shopping when I want to! Feedback required. ;)

Disclaimer: Goldilocks and the Three Bears belongs to whoever wrote it. The Chesire Cat belongs to Louis Caroll (I think). All characters from Rescue 77 are owned by Aaron Spelling. Egg McMuffins are copyright McDonalds. No copyright infringement is intended, I'm not making any money off of this, and I'm broke so don't bother suing me.

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Once upon a time, somewhere in Los Angeles County, lived three bears: Bridges Bear, Bell Bear, and Wick Bear. They were not normal bears, for they were firefighter bears, who were horrible cooks. One day, Bridges Bear made some porridge for breakfast.

"Eww, this smells terrible!" Wick Bear exclaimed. "What is it?"

"Oh, shut up, Wick Bear," Bridges Bear grumbled. "It's Macadamia Nut Porridge."

"I don't like Macadamia nuts!" Bell Bear whined.

"Too bad, eat it anyway." Bridges Bear dipped his spoon into the porridge and took a bite. "Ow! Too hot, too hot!!"

"Well duh," Wick Bear smirked, "it just came out of the pot."

Bridges Bear scowled at Wick Bear and set his spoon down.

"I'm going to take a walk so it can cool down," he announced.

"Me too," Wick Bear decided. He puffed out his chest and snapped the suspenders of his turnout pants. "Chicks dig a bear in firefighter gear. Maybe I can pick up a few on the way."

Bridges Bear fell off his chair, laughing his bear butt off. (AN: I can hear the groans already....;)

"I'll go along, too. Maybe I'll get an Egg McMuffin," Bell Bear said. The three firefighter bears left for their walk, forgetting in their male-bear stupidity, to lock the door.

About this same time, a young paramedic named Ryanlocks was taking a walk through the woods and happened upon the firefighter bears' home.

"Oh my, what a horrible looking home!" she exlcaimed. "I wonder who lives here?"

Ryanlocks approached the door and knocked boldy. When no one answered, she knocked again.

"Hello? Anyone home??" she demanded, knocking louder. Suddenly, out of the heavens, came shaving cream, plopping on her head! Ryanlocks sputtered in outrage, glaring up at the sky.

"Who did that?!" she shrieked. A shadowed figure fell from the tree, laughing hysterically.

"Th-they're... not.... home!!" he sputtered, laughing so hard that there were tears in his eyes.

"Chesire Dogs!! What're -you- doing here?! You're in the wrong story!" Ryanlocks exclaimed.

"Oh, right, right, sorry!" Chesire Dogs exclaimed, still howling with laughter. He disappeared, leaving only his big, laughing mouth behind. Then that, too, disappeared.

Ryanlocks wiped the shaving cream from her beautiful, golden locks and turned back to the house. 'Not home, he said?' she thought to herself. Ryanlocks tested the door knob and found the door unlocked. She stepped inside and immediately spotted the bowls of Macadamia Nut porridge.

"Ooh, porridge!" she exclaimed, rubbing her tummy. "I'm so hungry, I could eat a bear!"

With that, Ryanlocks picked up the spoon from the largest bowl, Bridges Bear's, and tasted it.

"Oh, this porridge is much too hot." She set the spoon down and moved to the last bowl, Wick Bear's, and tasted it. "This porridge is much too cold."

Ryanlocks tasted Bell Bear's porridge last. "Ahh, this porridge is just right." She then gobbled up Bell Bear's porridge.

"That was yummy," Ryanlocks decided. "I think I'll go explore some more."

She walked through the house and came to the den, where there were three chairs and a TV.

"Hm.. I think I'll see if my favorite show, Rescue 77, is on." Ryanlocks plopped down in the first chair, Bridges Bear's great big, overstuffed Laz-y-boy. Being so much lighter than Bridges, she sunk down into the depressions he had made in the chair.

"Oh my, this chair is much too soft! I'll try the last chair now." Ryanlocks hauled herself out of the chasm that was Bridges Bear's chair and sat down on Wick Bear's wooden kitchen stool.

"Ouch, this chair is much too hard!" she exclaimed. Ryanlocks got up and sat down again on the middle chair, Bell Bear's cushioned office chair. "This chair is just right."

Ryanlocks watched her favorite show from Bell Bear's comfy chair, but just as the show was ending, the chair broke! Ryanlocks got up and shrugged her shoulders, then yawned.

"Oh, I'm so tired. I think I'll take a nap." Ryanlocks wandered upstairs and found the firefighter bears bedroom. She laid down on the biggest bed first. This bed belonged to Bridges Bear, and, like his overstuffed Laz-y-boy, had a huge chasm in the middle which Ryanlocks rolled right into!

"Help!" she exclaimed, trying to pull herself out. After what seemed like hours, but was really only a terrifying two minutes, Ryanlocks managed to pull herself out of Bridges Bear's bed. Next, she tried Wick Bear's futon, but her legs hung out over the edge.

"This will not do," Ryanlocks complained. She got up and tried Bell Bear's bed, which was just right. Ryanlocks fell into a deep sleep, dreaming of a 6' tall, blue-eyed, firefighter/paramedic bear.

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Meanwhile, the firefighter bears had returned from their walk. Bell Bear was happily eating his Egg McMuffin. Bridges Bear was the first one inside and was ravenously hungry. He sat down on his chair and picked up his spoon.

"What's this?!" Bridges Bear exclaimed. "Someone's been nibbling on my Macadamia Nut porridge!"

"Someone has been nibbling on my porridge, too!" Wick Bear exclaimed in disgust.

"Somone nibbled on my porridge and ate it all!" Bell Bear exclaimed. "But that's okay cuz I have my Egg McMuffin."

Bridges Bear and Wick Bear glared at him, then both walked through the rest of the house to see if the intruder was still there. They came upon the den, with the two sat-in chairs, and one broken chair.

"Someone has been sitting in my chair!" Bridges Bear exclaimed.

"Someone has been sitting in my chair, too!" Wick Bear added.

"Someone sat in my chair and broke it!" Bell Bear said sadly. The bears heard a squeek from upstairs and dashed up the stairs lickety-split.

"Someone has been sleeping in my bed!" Bridges Bear noticed. "I wonder if she was hot...."

"Someone slept in my bed, too. I hope she was hot...." Wick Bear said.

"Someone is -still- sleeping in my bed!" Bell Bear exclaimed. The three bears gathered around the bed that Ryanlocks was still sleeping in.

"Wow......" Bridges Bear drooled.

"She's hot....." Wick Bear added.

"And she's sleeping in my bed!" Bell Bear got a goofy look on his face. Suddenly, Ryanlocks sat up and looked around her.

"Oh my!" she exclaimed. She was about to jump up and run from the house, but Bell Bear stopped her.

"Wait! Don't leave yet! You ate my porridge, sat in my chair, and slept in my bed. That must mean we're..... soulmates," he said dreamily.

"Ooh... you're so hot," Ryanlocks drooled. "I think we're soulmates, too..."

Bridges Bear and Wick Bear gaped at the two lovebears incredulously. Ryanlocks hadn't even looked at them! Needless to say, Ryanlocks and Bell Bear lived happily ever after, while Bridges Bear and Wick Bear continued their daily, unhappy lives of eating porridge and watching TV all day.

The End