Ryan awoke with a start, staring into the darkness, unable to remember the
dream that had startled her out of sleep. She blinked, letting her eyes
adjust, and lay back down. Kicking the blankets away with her legs, she
closed her eyes and tried to relax.
Her eyes opened a minute later. Too hot. The compact room she shared with
Wick and Bell at the station house was always stuffy in the summer months.
Ryan watched the ceiling, trying to distract herself with cool thoughts.
Nope, wasn’t working…never did. She lay still, listening to the sound of Wick
breathing in the bed next to hers. Heat, cold, tornado, earthquake…he could
probably sleep through anything, Ryan thought. Well, almost anything…the
rescue siren was usually loud enough to send him tumbling out of his bed
straight to the floor. She and Bell always tried to steer clear of Wick in
the mad dash to get dressed and down to the R.A.
Bell was another story. Light sleeper, just like her. Most nights, Ryan fell
asleep to the sound of him softly snoring. Closing her eyes, Ryan listened
for the comforting sound. Her eyes opened again as she sat up, surprised.
Looking through the darkness, Ryan could see that Bell’s bed was empty, the
sheets in disarray.
Ryan got up, her feet silent on the cold floor. Moving down the halls of the
station, she headed for the kitchen, hoping she and Bell could share some ice
cream and shake off the oppressive heat. Smiling, Ryan stretched her arms as
she walked. She and Bell hadn’t done that in a while…not since the incident
at the chemical plant. Ryan sighed. The dynamics of their small group had
changed…the friendly banter was still there, but underneath…
// "So, Ryan," Bell stopped in front of her, his expression nervous. "Do you
hate me?"
Ryan took a breath. "I would like to have the courage that you had…but I
don’t know if I would. I had faith, Bell, that you had done what you could…I
don’t know if I had faith that anybody could get us out. Do I hate you…" Ryan
took another deep breath, "I don’t know…"//
Pausing outside of the station’s common area, Ryan wished desperately that
she could take back those words. Of course she didn’t hate him…so why had she
said that to him? She had felt guilty, embarrassed, and scared, but that was
hardly Bell’s fault. She and Wick had run into that chemical plant,
unequipped, and left Bell to hold the door open. And he had done everything
in his power to get them out, short of allowing hundreds of people to be
contaminated.
A thousand times over, Ryan wanted to apologize to him…to make things like
they were before the incident. But she couldn’t. In the weeks since the
accident, he had become…distant. Ryan knew Bell was quiet by nature, but now
he seemed almost preoccupied. Between calls, he sat by himself, reading
paperwork bound in a thick folder. She had asked him a couple of times what
it was, but Bell just shook his head, telling her it was nothing. Ryan
suspected it was something to do with the family business, but she couldn’t
understand why – she thought Bell and his father had worked all that out.
Well, maybe tonight I’ll ask him what’s going on, Ryan thought, running her
hands through her hair. Ryan nodded to herself and walked into the kitchen.
****
Bell was leaning on the small counter near the refrigerator, prying open a
container of ice cream.
"I had a feeling you might be in here." Ryan said, walking up to him.
Bell looked up, a little startled. Smiling, he pushed the container to Ryan,
who smoothly opened it. "Too damn hot in that room."
Grabbing some spoons from the drawer, Ryan nodded. "Yep."
They ate in silence for a few minutes. Ryan swallowed and leaned closer to
Bell from across the counter. "We need to talk."
"What about?"
Ryan took a breath and looked at Bell. "I’m sorry…about what I said after the
accident at the chemical plant…I’m so-"
Bell shook his head and interrupted. "No big deal, Ryan." He shrugged, never
meeting Ryan’s eyes. "We all made mistakes that day…it’s all cool now, right?"
Ryan paused and watched him, confused. "No…I mean, everything’s different
now, and you-"
"Of course everything’s different now, Ryan!" Bell interrupted again, looking
hard at Ryan. "You and Wick almost died…did you think that wouldn’t change
things? I can’t apologize anymore for what happened…I wish the two of you
hadn’t run in there, I wish I had gone in after you, I wish I had kept the
door open for a minute longer, I wish…" he stopped, out of breath. "I mean,
what do you want from me, Ryan?"
Ryan stared at him. In three years of working with Bell, she had never really
seen him angry. "Michael, I just want things back to the way they were, back
to normal."
Bell rubbed his hands over his eyes and sighed. He was so tired. "I want
everything back to normal too. But I don’t know if that’ll ever happen,
Ryan."
Ryan looked at him, noticing for the first time the dark circles under his
eyes and the deep sadness that was etched on his face. She laid her hand on
his arm. "What’s going on, Michael?" she asked softly.
Bell shook his head, wanting to tell her everything…about his father, about
the break-up with Megan, about the arguments with his brother over the family
business…
Staring at Ryan’s face, Bell realized he had missed her. Missed talking to
her, missed their easy friendship, missed being able to look at her without
feeling guilty about the accident…missed being able to feel like he even had
the remotest chance of ever telling her that he had fallen in love with her
the day they met.
Bell blinked. Where on earth had that come from? He swallowed and looked away.
"And don’t tell me it’s nothing." Ryan added with a smile. Squeezing his arm
gently, she continued. "You look like hell, you don’t talk to us anymore-"
"I talk to you!"
Ryan shook her head. "Not like we used to talk. I know something’s wrong…I
mean, what’s in that folder, huh?" She nudged him a little and smiled again.
"You read it like it contains the secrets to the universe or something. Is
something wrong with your family’s business?"
Bell sighed and resisted the urge to take her hand in his own. "Business is
not…good right now."
"I thought you told your father you weren’t going to work for him."
Bell closed his eyes for a moment. He had told his father a lot of things,
things he wished he could take back now. He sighed again. The heart attack
and stroke had been massive…his father would never recover fully. Will’s
insistence on keeping their father’s health problems a secret was beginning
to take a toll on his patience. And playing accountant and advisor from the
shadows was starting to push him to his limits. Looking at Ryan, Bell knew he
could trust her. He always could. "My father…my father had-"
The siren burst through, blaring. Bell looked at the ceiling as the
dispatcher’s voice interrupted. "Rescue 77, respond to Emerson Industries
Complex, victim has fallen down stairs…time-out 7:35."
Ryan reluctantly pulled her hand from Bell’s arm. "After this call…we finish
talking, got it?" she said firmly.
Bell held his hands up. "Promise."
