why can I not escape my agony?
why do I hold it so dear?
why will I not let go?
why is it so hard to let the warm touch of love fill my heart?
why does it scare me so much?
why cant I forget the past?
to escape my future
what I know will happen if I dont change
I'm already dead if I dont
using a smile to keep them from knowing
although they can see it anyways
in what lies behind my eyes
nightmares iv seen
been through
remembering it like it was a bad dream
not wanting to face the truth
though I know I cant escape it
fleeing from it
fearfull
just makes the pain worse
I know it does
why do I feel I deserve this?
ashamed to look into the mirror sometimes
hatred fills my veins at the sight of myself
pain pumps through my heart
soul cut by my reality
mind screaming in the confusion
who to trust
not even myself sometimes
havent I let me down before?
who is to say I wont let you down as well?
why have I fallen in love with my destruction?
to make my mind desolate with agony
shaded by clouds of death
mine
God help me through this
only you can I trust
only you keeps me here
fighting myself
trying to win
wanting to live
help me fight my pain
as blurred eyes strain to see from behind a river of tears
locked away
waiting to break forth like a flood of memories
help someone to see me like this
to know im not alone on this earth
to trust someone else with the knowledge I hold
to tell them the things iv seen
for them to hold me when I break
to keep me from hitting the floor like I did so many years before
not again do I wish to be alone in that world
the one iv tried to forget
please God show me the way home
into your arms
do not let this dispair defeat me
