I hate waiting on trial… I think it must
be the worst part of being in jail!

I know they're going to give me the death penalty, if Brian
and the other shave anything to do with it!

But I am not complaining, I want the death penalty instead of sitting in
this cold cell day after day thinking about what I done!

I am going to hate to see Brian's face… the look in his eyes when I come
in that room in hand cuffs and him knowing that his 'lil sis' killed his best friend!

Anyway, back to my story… Nick and me fought a lot, about stupid
stuff like where his FUBU jersey was or what he did with my brush!

He didn't know how to control his temper very well, and often
broke many things in the room including my heart!

However, he never laid a finger on me… he knew that Brian would
dig his grave for him!

As soon as the first tear from my face fell, he would start apologizing
saying that he was just tired, 'just tired' was always what he said when he would
lose his temper!

I know that I am confusing you so bad saying one minute that
everything was fine and dandy and then the next Nick was throwing shit across the room.

Well, that's what our relationship was like… one day we would love
to be around each other and the next day, we couldn't stand each other!

I hated Nick when he was 'tired', he would start yelling about something
stupid and we would start arguing uncontrollably.

Nick had changed so much since the first day we met, the first day we
kissed… the whole first year we were together!

He was only mean to me, it seemed!

As soon as we were finished yelling and I had cried and he had apologized,
he would go off with the rest of the guys and be as happy as a little kid is
when Santa comes!

I never understood Nick, I used to wonder if he took drugs but
that was impossible… he was just moody, I came to realize.

I remember the first day that Nick made the mistake of letting Brian and
Kevin see him blow up at me!

It wasn't too long ago-maybe two years ago, we were in Germany doing a
small tour.

Nick and me had our own hotel room with Brian and Kevin next door.

Nick had pitched a fit because I didn't want to come to the show that night
because I wanted some rest.

Nick was yelling at me so loud that he didn't hear when Brian and Kevin
came rushing in to see what all the fuss was about.

"Why do you have to be so fucking stupid… you are nothing but a waste
of time, why do I even put up with your fucking shit!" He always says the same things
over and over and me being a waste of his time always left his mouth when we were fighting.

Nick was doing his usual thing when we were fighting when he picked
up one of my perfume bottles and threw it across the room, smashing it into the wall.

Kevin came up behind him grabbing him telling him to calm down when
Brian walked up to Nick and punched him right in the face.

I started crying automatically when Brian picked me up and carried
me outside but right before he carried me outside, he warned Nick…
"Don't you ever come near Carla again or I'll kill you!"

Brian had no clue we were fighting so much nor did he know the way Nick
acted when we were fighting.

Brian made me stay in his room that night, I didn't go to the show and neither
did Brian-which made Nick even more furious.

Brian didn't talk to Nick for almost 2 months and made me keep a distance from him.

The day Brian finally let us see each other again was the day that I begged
him and told him the next time we got into a argument and Nick began
acting crazy- I would never go near him again.

I knew that was a lie… only now I wish I had listened to Brian!