DISCLAIMER: Okay, all characters (including Thunderbird) are property of Marvel Comics and used without their permission. There are spoilers for March comics in this story. You have been warned. On with the story!

Day seven:

Dear Jean:

Sinister is letting me keep this journal to record my thoughts and my progress while I'm recovering from my 'resurrection'. I'm writing this in Askani so only a few people can actually read this. I don't know why he's letting me do this. Whatever the reason, I'm glad because this is close to actually talking to you. I miss you. I miss you and the team and even my optic blasts.

I lost my optic blasts because Sinister 'shut them off' temporally. I just want to get out of this place. I tried to escape several times despite the fact that I can't stand the sun anymore. I tried to escape at night but I can't tell when is night. Sinister would drug me when I don't cooperate. I'm not even sure if I'm here for a week. I didn't know when I woke up or how long I've been knocked out. At least Sinister let me wear some sort of clothing during my ‘stay’. It’s just a bunch of rags that I don’t want to know where they came from.

It had been a week (I think) since I had recovered and it had took me this long to relearn my fine motor skills. I can now write without trouble or pain. I can now stand on my own but walking is still difficult for me. Sinister had started chaining me to the bed when I started to try to sneak out at night. I feel better at night and I found out I feel stronger then. I can't get out without suffering the effects of the sun and I need my powers back.

What are you doing right now? Do you find comfort in another man's arms now? Are you still wearing the wedding ring? And which hand do you wear it? The left to show that you believe that I'm still alive or the right to mourn me?

I remember exactly what it was like to lose someone close. I lost you on the moon. At least, I thought I did lose you. I wish I could just let you know that I'm fine. Well, fine for someone who is being held captive by a supervillain without my powers.

I'm thinking of ways to get out or at least gain contact with you. I don't know how I can do that but I will try. I won't say how since Sinister will try to find out and stop me.

So far, none of Sinister's minions have hurt me yet. Mostly due to the fact that Sinister told them that if they hurt me, he'll kill them in the slowest and most painful way possible. That gave them some incentive. I mostly keep my distance from them. That is hard since I was guarded constantly by either a Marauder or Sinister himself.

I try to find out as much as I can about what had been going on. I am not allowed on the Internet since I could communicate that way. They do let me read the newspaper and watch the television. I try as hard as I can to separate the truth from the media. I never really noticed how hard it is to figure out the truth that is hidden by media.

I saw you along with the others. I thought that I saw Nathan with you but he looked different. Mr. Sinister told me that while I was gone. The High Evolutionary robbed the world of mutant powers and Nathan got powerless. The TO virus took over him completely. The experience caused him to deage slightly and makes him my age. He didn't explain to me why that occurred but I like it like that. At least my son is not old enough to be my father anymore.

Anyway, Sinister is injecting something in me every day. He didn't tell me what the substance is or what it will do. He did reveal that he had laced another mutant's DNA in me while I was forming. He insists that it won't alter my appearance.

I don't believe him.

I will regain control of my optic blasts but I can never expose myself to the sun. Sinister made me so vulnerable to the ultraviolet rays that the smallest ray causes me too much pain.

I'm stopping now. I miss you. I love you.

Scott Summers

Day fourteen:

Dear Jean:

Has it been a week already, Jean? I'm sorry I haven't written to you yet. Well, Sinister is right so far. I haven't changed physically. I still have my brown hair and eyes. I still look human. I haven't shrunk or grown noticeably yet.

What does Sinister have planned for me? I asked him once and he said that I will know soon. I still didn't regain my optic blasts but I'm getting stronger. I can now run as fast as I could before. I can also do flips and jumps that I never could do with such grace before. That must be due to the different DNA that Sinister laced in me.

Maybe I can use my newfound agility to escape him. He might already knew about it even if I try to hold back my true potential in front of him. I'm trying to learn how to get out of the nightly chains that Sinister put me in.

I miss you every day. I try so hard to find out everything about what is going on. The X-Men are so secretive from the public that I don't know what to do. I never felt so blind in my life.

I keep on praying for the day that I would finally be in your arms again. Yet, I fear that I changed from my experiences. I have nightmares about my experiences as Apocalypse. I can't stop feeling guilt for what I did. I know that I tried my best but it's not enough.

Now, I owed my life to Sinister. He saved me. I hate him for the misery he caused for me and everyone else and yet there's this part of me that's grateful. Thank God I'm writing this in Askanii. If Sinister knew about this, he would take advantage of me.

I have to go. My next session with Mr. Sinister came up.

I miss you. I love you.

Scott

Day 21

The days are getting longer here. I'm bored.

I don't know what to do here. I've been working with Sinister, figuring out what the hell is going on with my body, and thinking up ways to try to escape and communicate with you.

I've been failing on the last part.

The rapport is still gone. It was either broken due to the recent events or it might've been shattered back when I became one with Apocalypse. I still can't feel you like before. I can still almost sense your soul. I wish I knew what you are doing right now.

I did try to escape several times. When Prism was guarding me as I was strength training, I smashed his leg with my barbell and made my way up to the surface. I though that it was in the middle of the night. It was noon when I try to make my mistake. The sun burned my skin as I stuck my head out of the hole. I fell back in the hole and saw Sinister standing there.

Sinister just shook his head and healed me. Don't ask me how. He also told me how disappointed he was in me. I didn't give a damn about what he thought about me.

My skin is still sore and it's hard to write with. I have to go now.

I miss you. I love you.

Scott.

Dear Jean,

Great news! I just regained my powers. I'm writing right now because I just want to write it down. Sinister finally told me that I'm well enough to handle my powers. I have also gained complete control over my powers. I don't need my ruby quartz glasses now.

Still, it means that I owe Sinister more now. He also told me that I have new powers based on the DNA he laced in me. When I asked him again whose DNA I have now, he told me to look into the mirror.

I did and I was shocked. I'm still shocked. I look in the mirror and my eyes have changed. They look so different and I look so different because of them.

They're red on black. I have Gambit's DNA. That must be the reason why I am so fast and agile. I can feel a strange sensation in my hands and the rest of my body. It must be the unique bio-kinetic powers that Remy has.

I did the first thing that I wanted to do when I first saw Sinister. I blasted him. I blasted him hard and I blasted him good.

He laughed at me as I felt my body drained almost completely. He told me about how that my optic blasts couldn't hurt him. I can't hurt Sinister any more. I just sat there was Sinister dragged me back to my little cot and lay me down.

As I lay there gaining the strength to write this entry, I wonder if I will change and how much? I know that I won't smoke like Remy did. Although, I would have a damn good excuse if I start smoking and drinking. How will having another person's DNA affect me? How much does genes affect personality? How will you and the team react to me having Gambit's eyes and parts of his DNA? Should I even say anything? Yes.

Hank, Cecilia, and Moria should know about my altered DNA. They would find out when they check me. You might be shocked or amused. Gambit will be confused and we will have to endure the jokes. You might like my new eyes. You said it yourself that you found Remy's eyes 'sexy'.

How much have I changed?

I will find out soon. Sinister is going to have me train with the Marauders. They are allowed to hurt me in the training sessions but they still can't kill me.

Yet. Maybe I can use those sessions to escape somehow.

I will come back to you. I promise. One way or another, I will come back.

I miss you. I love you.

Scott.

Day 22

Dear Jean,

How long has Alex been alive? I just watched on television the new X-Factor and there up front was Alex. I thought he died.

Yet, there he is in a new costume fighting along with Jamie and Polaris. Is he an alternate version of Alex or the real thing? He intrigued Sinister but he told me that Alex isn't interesting. That he doesn't have the potential like I do.

Bullshit. I know that I should cross that out but I won't.

Still, how did he come back from the dead? How did he survive that airplane explosion? Does he miss me?

I remember visiting Alex's grave and crying. I didn't let anyone see how much I missed him. You know me. Emotions are dangerous for me. I did grieve for him despite the numerous attempts on my life.

What we have is just a bad case of sibling rivalry combined with mutant powers and mad scientists.

I hope that man named Havok is Alex. I don't want him to be a clone.

Okay, I might as well talk about my new powers. I can still fire my optic blasts but they are different. They now have a greater degree of control that I never experienced before. Not even when we were raising Nathan in the future. I managed to fire an optic blast of a millimeter diameter. That is the finest degree of control I had ever encountered.

Also, when Scalphunter fired his gun at me I grabbed a sheet of metal and tried to charge it. It glowed red and the bullets bounced off of the sheet. I also tried to charge up a card left over from a poker game (like Gambit did) and toss it. It didn't explode but it did slice through Arclight's arm. It didn't kill her. It did make her very mad at me. It didn't matter since Sinister would just clone her again.

I tried to sneak a small piece of glass with me when I went to bed. When Sinister put his chains on me, I waited till I was sure that he wasn’t there to make another escape attempt. He didn't put any power restrictions on me yet. He did put a special blindfold on me that I couldn't blast off the chains. It might've been because he wanted to see if I could escape. I used my power to enhance the piece of glass without enhancing the chain around my wrists. The piece of glass could be enhanced to be harder and work like a pick. I chipped away slowly and painfully. I could feel the edge of the glass cut into my skin. My hands were more graceful and thin. Maybe I got that from Gambit too. Finally, I felt the chain around my wrist break and I took off my blindfold. I blasted off the rest of my chains and got out.

For that second, I thought that I would be in your arms tonight. I ran toward the door carrying a blanket with me just in case that it was daytime.

That was when I got blasted. Sinister had been waiting for me to try to escape. He gave me another tranquilizer and I just woke up with an inhibitor collar on.

Maybe, I can kill a Marauder and try to escape. No. I don't kill. That is what Sinister would want me to do.

I know now why the Marauders are so fearless. They knew that they will be back for round two or three or whatever.

I think there's something wrong with me. I'm starting to consider the Marauders to be okay. I can even relate to some of them. A smarter person would just erase the last part but I won't.

I'm tired now. I haven't trained like that in a long time. I did exercise while I was here but I haven't used my powers in a long time. I forgot the drain it caused when I used them.

I better go.

I miss you. I love you.

Scott.

Day 30

Dear Jean:

I haven't written to you in so long. I'm so sorry. It's just that I did something and I didn't want to write it down. I might as well say it.

I killed a Marauder. I know that they could be cloned back to life but still ...

It's just that every day I feel so angry and that I wanted to kill all of them and go home. I was training with the Marauders as usual and Blockbuster was calling me the 'little Sinister boy'. I hated that. I hated them all.

I blasted him. I blasted him hard. Then, I grabbed a long piece of metal. It was long and pointed so it was like a primative sword. I poured my energy into my makeshift sword. It blazed red as I make it sharper and stronger. You should've seen it. I took my 'sword' and slash him to itty-bitty pieces. There was blood everywhere and I got sick when I realized that I was the one who caused the mess.

The others applauded and Sinister looked so... pleased.

Am I turning into one of them? I know that Blockbuster will be cloned back to life but I felt so ... good after I got sick. I even managed to get rid of the corpse and dump it in the sulfuric acid. I finally showed them that I'm not a wimp. I am one of the strong. Did I just write that?

God, it's getting worse.

Maybe it's because I've been spending so much time with them or Apocalypse's 'influence' had finally caught up with me. I have to get out before I lose it. Now, I'm really scared. I don't want to be a monster.

I'm getting better power-wise. I found out that I can 'enhance' cloth and make it into a shield. Maybe I can start wearing a cape when I come back. Or a long flowing cloak. I know that a cape isn't exactly good for a mutant superhero. I've been trying for the past half-hour to think up mutant heroes with capes and all I thought up was Ororo and Justice. Actually, Justice changed his costume while I was gone. Or if the edges of the cape are weighed slightly, I could use it as an offensive weapon.

I just want to come home to you and the others. I'm so tired. I'm just so damn tired.

I miss you. I love you.

Scott.

Scott woke up from his cot to realize that the restraints he was forced to sleep in are gone and he saw Sinister standing there. "Sinister." he said in a neutral tone.

"You may leave," Sinister said. He placed a pair of blue jeans, a matching T-shirt, a pair of shoes, and a pair of ruby quartz glasses in his lap.

Scott blinked and shook his head. "What? Just like that?"

"I said that you may leave. I have all the data I need. For now."

"You made me into a killing monster." Scott said as he snatched the items and picked up his journal.

"I did not. I saved you."

"Yes, you did," Scott said, "Thanks."

"Remember, you owe me." Sinister said as he grabbed Scott's shoulder and a blinding light surrounded them.