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These sentences actually appeared in a church bulletin or were
announced in a church service:
 

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary
Memorial Church in  Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way
from Africa.

Announcement in the church bulletin for a National Prayer and Fasting
Conference.  "The cost for attending the Prayer and Fasting Conference
includes meals."

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the
back door.

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the
recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again" giving obvious
pleasure to the congregation.

"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those
things not worth  keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."

Next Sunday is the family hay ride and bonfire at the Fowlers'. Bring your
own hot dogs and guns.   Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a
conflict.

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight:
Searching for Jesus."

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help
they can get.

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will
sing "Break Forth into Joy."

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.

Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't
care much about you.

Don't let worry kill you off- let the Church help.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.
So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?"
Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.

Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy
lunch.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and
gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM.- prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.  They may be
seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are
invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please
use large double door at the side entrance.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan
last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."