Jokes
Some cool jokes collected from the various joke lists I subcribe to..
Bravest man in the world? The peanut vendor;
he whistles while his nuts are roasting.
Q:How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A:I don't know, it has never been done
A man was walking down the street one day when he found an old magic lamp. He picked it up and rubbed the dust off it when a genie popped out. "Since you found the lamp," said the genie "Three Wishes!" The man wished first for eternal weath. With a snap of the genie's fingers, bags and bags of money and gold dropped from the sky into piles around him. Next he wished to be surrounded with beautiful women. The genie snapped his fingers and poof! His wish became reality. Next, the man wished to be a million times smarter than any man that had ever lived.
"Are you sure? " asked the genie. The man said he was, and the genie grimaced as he snapped his fingers and the man was turned into a woman.
Q: How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
Nobody knows, they'd just sit around in the dark and bitch about it.
Q. Why was the dolphin so depressed?
A. His life had no porpoise.
"When women are depressed they either eat or go
shopping. When men are depressed they invade anothercountry." - Elayne Boosler
A policeman stopped a woman for
exceeding the posted speed limit. He asked the driver
her name. She said, "I'm Mrs. Ladislav Abdulkhashim
Zybkcicraznovskaya from the Republic of Uzbekistan
visiting my daughter in Columbia. "The cop put away
his summons book and pen, and said, "Well... OK... but
don't let me catch you speeding again."
2 guys were standing at the top of a cliff
with a bird each strapped to their heads. They jumped
off and hit the ground at a very high speed.
A broken leg, several fractured ribs, a cracked
pelvis and several dozen gashes later, one said to
the other"There must be a better way to do this Budgiejumping."
Q: What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?
A: Snowballs.
A couple went on vacation to a resort up north. One morning, the
husband came back from fishing after getting up really earlythat
morning and took a nap.The wife decided to take the boat out.
She was not familiar with the lake, so she rowed out a shortdistance
from shore, anchored the boat, and started on reading a book she
had brought with her.
Along comes the sheriff in his boat -- pulls up alongside and
asks, "What are you doing out here?"She replies, "I'm just reading a book. "
"Well, ma'am, this is a restricted area", he says. Then
he sees all the fishing equipment in the boat and continues,
"You can't fish here, ma'am".
To which she replies, "I'm not fishing. I'm merely sitting here
reading my book".
"But you have all this equipment; I will have to take you in and write you up".
"If you do that I will charge you with rape"."Why ... I didnt even touch you".
"No, you haven't, but you have all the equipment..."
Here is a blonde joke..beware...All you women out there, please don't complain
about this one, I've got plenty of ones about menthat I'll run too.
There are three blondes washed up on an island. Suddenly
a fairy appears and offers to grant each one of them one wish.
The first blonde asks to be intelligent. Instantly, she
is turned into a brown haired woman and she swims off theisland.
The next one asks to be even more intelligent than the
previous one, so instantly she is turned into a ravishing
redhead. The redhead builds a boat and sails off the island.
The third blonde asks to become even more intelligent than
the previous two. The fairy turns her into a man, and he walks across the bridge.
I have a hobby. I have the world's largest collectionof seashells.
I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world.Maybe you've seen some of it.
Q. Why did the Bride wear white?
A. Because the groom wanted his dishwasher to
match his fridge and oven.
-sorry about that one too..
What did God say after creating man?
I can do better.
Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics?
He had it bronzed.
What is gross stupidity?
144 men in one room.
Email: lizzie@backstreet-boys.com
