The Major Investment
Nobody would have believed me when I looked on the refrigerator at Jean's trailer and saw the magnet. There was Allen's face in the middle of the photo with a group of people who were playing in the band for Alabama, a relatively popular band when I was in my teens in the deep south.
I thought for crying out loud - all this time I have been talking to a relatively successful country rock musician who has been telling me the truth all along. Who gave all his money to people and women whom he cared about who in turn just wasted that money because they had never learned how to work for a living and just partied it up and away.
Even though Allen always claimed to like partying he never smelled of alcohol or drugs but he seemed to understand it such that after seeing the magnet I was inclined to believe all the stories he had told me. Such as most music companies were related to some sort of mafia or mob type system and that once you are a part of it you always are. So that when the time came as I had worked for them and I understood more the exact nature of his business investment portion if I were in need of a favor (since I had dated and cared about one of them rather than been looking for economic gratification) that eventually I could ask for a favor. But the price was always something to be considered. Who would want to be indebted to peope with the capabilities of collecting on a debt at the level they were capable of?
Once again I found myself in a bind. I had gotten involved with a group of people who were breaking the international time frame laws and were interested in their own gains and not that of what was considered to be a safe stablized system. The abuses I had been tolerating had become extremely severe and I found myself trying to contact Allen's friends - who had been skeptical as to my motivations and objectives. At the time I knew them I had been completely blind and naive as to what was transpiring and I knew that it was about time to ask a favor or expect one in return from a system that I still have not begun to understand or recognize as to the justifications and reasons for why what how and who they are and just what motivated them.
I did understand that what was going on was very important as to keeping time and life together in somewhat of a stable and peaceable mode. My body had begun to hurt greatly again such that I needed to be moved on. I realized that when I went into the VA hospital the last time when I went up one elevator the entire floor had been empty but when I went up another elevator that was hidden in the back the entire floor was filled with nurses, patients, doctors and an odd assortment of noises from different sources. Completely unlike the floor I had just been up to less than fifteen minutes earlier.
It's just like seeing Allen on the refrigerator magnet and going up here..maybe I just was tired maybe nothing really was different and I had wandered down the wrong hall only to be directed to the right hall.
I realize now that I had never been in a doctors office that was that large before with so little in it with so many windows. That I had never been attended to by two doctors before, one old and one young, always it had been someone middle aged and impatient. The VA was short on people especially doctors as the conflicts in the middle east had begun again with Iraq and Afghanistan such that many doctors who attended to Veterans had been sent off to Afghanistan. There is not any way I would be attended to by two doctors much less have one ask me any questions so that he could clarify my concerns. I have never had a consult that lasted so long and I was the last patient of the day.
The older doctor spoke with me while the young doctor just listened. He asked me if I wanted this invasive procedure as it may cause a perforation in the intestinal wall after he had been looking at my records carefully. I can see now that he realized that because I had not clotted with the skin test but that my PTT and prothrombin test had been fine that my tissues were weakened from the disease process that had spread through my unit that they still have never figured out why what or how it happened.
I looked at him bewildered because I had never had to make a decision before like this I had always been told what to do and what I needed. I asked him if he would do it? He replied that he would not do it as the other results were negative. That as I did not have any blood flow to the tumor that I did not need surgery as yet and he would place me back on the estrogen until the next year.
When I left I felt elated and relieved as my immune system had gone down and my body did not want to clot right. I had been bruising badly for several months until I took a nutrition class and learned that I needed more antioxidants to help rebuild my damaged body and immune system after the long term illness I had survived.
And here comes Allen again looking like a million dollars, all bright eyed pretty boyed blonde and blue eyed. Smiling again as usual with that I know what you want and what you need type look. As beguiling as the smile on a crocodile and wiser in the years. Absolutely bewitching. Thank God he had never found me attractive because that would have been a heart breaker for me. I guess he is back to save me again because I got in trouble again because my problems and my caring heart got in the way of doing what was best for me again. I wish I could save myself instead of you saving me again Allen. Oh God I hope you can save me again I am so scared now. And I am suppose to believe in you still?
How do you survive all that heartache all that knowledge all that insanity and continue trying and caring. I still do not understand. I could not travel through time and survive it at all much less have the desire to save humanity as much as you and your friends have.
© 1999 Round Persons' Enterprises