cracks

• Your sister is so nasty, I called her on the phone and got an ear infection.
• Your mom is so nasty, she worked at a sperm bank and got fired for drinking on the job.
• Your girlfriend is so nasty, her gynecologist examines her with a telescope.
• Your mother is so nasty, there's a sign by her pu**y that reads: May cause irritation and drowsiness.
• Your brother is so dirty, he has to wipe his feet to play in the dirt.
• Your mother is so stupid, she thinks the last supper is when your family runs out of food stamps.
• Your mother has so many rings around her belly, she has to screw on her underwear.
• Your mother is so fat, Richard Simmons won't deal her a meal.
• Your butt is so big, if you farted today it woulden't come out till next week.
• Your mother is so fat, she drives a spandex car.
• Your mother is so fat, her measurements are 36-24-36 and her other arm is just as big.
• You're so fat, when you took your suit to the cleaners they said, " We don't clean parachutes."
• Your sister is so fat, her picture weighs ten pounds.
• Your sister is so fat, she got hit by a bus and said, " Who threw the rock?."
• Your sister is so fat, she doesn't take pictures, she takes posters.
• Your father is so fat, when he sleeps he gets stuck in his dreams.
• Your are so stupid, you think menopause is a button on a tape deck.
• Your mother is so dumb, every time she's at a traffic light that says "Don't Walk," she runs.
• Your sister is so dumb, on a job application where it asks who to contact in case of an emergency, she put " 911."
• You're so dumb, on the way to the airport you saw a sign that said " Airport Left," so you went home.
• your sister is so dumb, she spells farm E-I-E-I-O.
• You're so dumb, when you were born your mother got arrested for smuggling dope.
• Your brother is so dumb, he tries to do a wheelies on a unicycle.
• your father is so dumb, he thought Time Magazine was something that inmates read.
• your mother is so dumb, she asked me what "yield" means and I said, "Go slow." She said, " Whaaaaaaaaat doeeeeeeeeees yieeeeeeeeeeld meeeeeeeeeeeean?"
• Your mother is so ugly, police artists are afraid to sketch her.
• Your mother is so ugly, she makes blind kids cry.
• you're so skinny, if you put a dime on your head you'd look like a nail.
• Your house is so small, the welcome mat just says WEL.
• Your house is so small, if you dropped a washcloth it would look like wall-to-wall carpeting.
• your house is so small, when I rang the doorbell the toilet flushed.
• your house is so small, the front and back door are on the same hinge.
• Your mother is so old, she knew the great wall when it was just okay.
• Your mother is so old, she gave dinosaurs head.
• Your mother is so old, she knew Cap'n Crunch when he was just a sailor.
• Your mother is so old, she needs a belt just to hold her skin up.
• Your family is so poor, your father eats his cereal with a fork so he can pass the milk around the table.
• Your family is so poor, your father was voted un-employee of the month.
• your mother is so short, when she blushes she looks like a macthstick.
• Your family is so skinny, if they carried a canoe they'd look like a comb.
• your mother is so skinny, she swallowed a marble and looked like she was pregnant.
• Your mother's like a bag of chips, she's FREE-TO-LAY.
• Your sister is like a bowling ball, she gets picked up, fingered, thrown in the gutter, and still comes back for more.
• Your sister is so loose, she sat on a bar stool and fell all the way to the floor.
• Your mother is so loose, they call her computer 'cause she's everybody's laptop.