I Thought Size Didn’t Matter!

Ok, so we all know that the proverbial “they” are releasing “Star Wars Episode 2” in IMAX format on November 1st. Since I’m “buds” with Rick McCallum, I knew about this project, like, fifty years ago. Yeah, I know “Star Wars” wasn’t around fifty years ago; yeah, I know that I wasn’t born fifty years ago. Sheesh, I’m just trying to make a joke, quit taking things so seriously!

Anyway, I’ve seen an IMAX film, years ago, I believe it was titled “Fly.” Startlingly enough, it wasn’t about flying at all. It was about the first guys to go up in hot air ballons. Ok, you ask, isn’t that flying? Not quite, I say. These guys were pretty much floating. To fly, methinks, you have to be able to control where you’re going. Now, I’m probably going to get a lot of hate-mail from avid balloonists, but come on! The movie should have been called “Float.”

But that’s beside the point; it was pretty cool to see this movie on a huge screen; but not that cool. I mean, it was a movie about old-school ballooning. The acting was pretty crappy too. And it was only about 45 mintues; lame considering that someone had to pay 10 bucks to see it (not me of course, I was small at the time, and some adult figure payed my way). If you do the math, and I’m sure that you are, that’s about 45 cents per minute. That’s always been my main beef with the IMAX format; the films are far too short.

But the plan to convert “Star Wars” into an IMAX movie got me excited when I heard about it oh so long ago. However, it does seem like an effort to squeeze every last drop of Box Office potential out of the movie. George! You’re not going to beat “Titanic,” please stop trying! Ok, I’ve got that out of my system.

Regardless, I would love to see it, but I have some mobility issues that would prevent me from heading off into the wilds of the city to see the thing. Oh well. I guess when it comes out on DVD I’ll have to just scoot really, really close to the screen to view Yoda as forty-foot tall being.

That’s another thing; why in the world is it attractive to fans to see “Star Wars” on such a huge screen? Is there some primal emotion that bigger is better? Do I really want to see an eighty-foot tall Jar-Jar Binks? Seriously, why is IMAX so compelling? I really wish I had some answers, oh faithful reader(s). I just don’t; myself, I do like things big. And loud. Very loud. And really big. Yes, and I do want to see an eighty-foot Jar-Jar; it’d be kick-ass.

But, you ask, how do they do it? How did “they” turn “Star Wars,” which played on relatively small screens, into the IMAX format? Well, they didn’t just widen the lens apature, that’s for sure (though it would have been cheaper). This is what the official IMAX site says:

“IMAX has developed revolutionary technology called IMAX® DMR (digital re-mastering) that makes it possible for virtually any 35mm film to be transformed into the unparalleled image and sound quality of The IMAX Experience®.”

Ok.

Well, needless to say, tis’ really complicated. To explain to the masses how it works, I’ve drawn this diagram:

There. Isn’t that great? Well, ok then. Now, to all of you that can go see it, please do, it’ll be really cool, I promise. And to all of you that can send Master Knotty hundred dollar bills, that’d be really cool too. Ok, this is Master Knotty, signing off.

Mai ist die Kraft mit Ihnen.