Careful With that Lightsaber, Eugene

The title is an obvious reference to Pink Floyd, the very cool space/prog rock band of the ‘60s, ‘70s, ‘80s, and ‘90s (how’s that for longevity, U2). One of their most famous CDs is known as “Dark Side of the Moon,” which your parents may have told you about. Back in their day CDs were not around. There were these large black disc thingies known as “records.” Then the 8-track came along and replaced the “record.” Yeah, just like how Laserdiscs replaced the VHS.

Ok, enough of my revisionist history. Anyway, they would put the “record” on the “record player” and then they would smoke a lot of pot, usually whilst listening to it (the “record,” not the pot, though I’m sure they tried listening to the pot as well); though sometimes they forgot to start the “record” and just sat around listening to nothing.

We’re a lot smarter nowadays, or, at least, I am. “Dark Side of the Moon” ranks as one of the best albums ever produced, and does not require drug-induced hearing to appreciate it. But how does this relate to “Star Wars” Master Knotty? Well, just give me a minute! Sheesh, I always find a way to relate stuff to “Star Wars.”

Ok, one of the favorite things to do with “Dark Side of the Moon,” besides getting stoned to it (which you don’t need to do, drugs bad), is to synch it with the movie “The Wizard of Oz.” Supposedly cool things are supposed to happen; like the munchkins mouthing along words, and the sound effects matching the actions on the screen. So I had this great idea: instead of synching a awesome album with a crappy movie (don’t listen to your film professor, “Wizard of Oz” is dumb), I was going to synch “Dark Side” to “Star Wars: A New Hope.” I started the album right when the “A long time ago” line comes on, and I muted the movie. Here is what I found:

00:00:00 – My CD player has dead batteries. I go and replace them
00:00:30 – The opening scrawl is very trippy, what with the “heartbeat” going on in the background. Also, just as the words “restore peace and order to the galaxy” fly past, a woman starts screaming/moaning/singing.
00:01:15 – The explosions between the Death Star and the Tantative IV match quite nicely with the symbol crashes.
00:02:13 – Where’s my cheetos?
00:03:19 – When the stoormtroopers cut through the door and run inside the guitar kicks in and David Gilmour sings: “Run! Rabbit run. . .”
00:04:14 – Darth Vader appears in the scene right as track 2 starts. Track 2 has a cool fast paced groove happenin’ so it’s kinda trippy.
00:06:48 – There is a Doppler-type effect of a helicopter blade right as the shuttle escape pod zooms away from view.
00:09:34 – Right as a guitar crunches down on a chord, R2’s head swings around into position.
00:11:52 – My roommate’s bag of pork rinds is starting to look mighty good.
00:15:29 – Just as a voice in the background of a song says “I am not frightened of dying” C-39O puts his hands in the air against the jawas.
00:17:25 – Luke is whining to Uncle Owen just as a woman is screaming “ooooo-ohhh-aweeee” as if she is mocking his whiney-ness
00:19:43 – Just as the cash-register starts clinking away for “Money”, Luke jumps from cleaning R2 to confront 3PO.
00:22:49 – The main, and really kick-ass, guitar solo of “Money” starts right when Luke pours his glass of blue milk.
00:27:32 – The song “Us and Them” is playing during Luke’s confrontation with the Sand People.
00:28:25 – When David sings “Me. . .” the camera focuses on Obi-wan Kenobi. When he sings “. . .and you” it cuts directly to Luke.
00:30:12 – Man, those pork rinds look good.
00:31:43 – A chorus of angelic voices starts singing when Obi-wan presents Anakin’s lightsaber to Luke. . .whoa, man; trippy.
00:33:12 – Gilmour sings “It’s what the fighting’s all about” when Leia’s holographic messages starts to play.
00:36:50 – *crunch, crunch* Man, I love pork rinds.
00:37:17 – The song “Brain Damage” starts right as Luke and co. stumble across the dead jawa bodies.
00:38:48 – Luke looks upon the dead bodies of Owen and Beru just as David sings “And if your head explodes. . .”
00:39:40 – The door of Leia’s cell slams shut just as Gilmour sings “You lock the door and throw away the key. . .”
00:41:22 – “All that you touch, and all that you see,” is sung when Luke and co. drive into Mos Eisley.
00:42:30 – The album ends just as Luke and co. walk into the cantina.

Well, that’s about it. Cool, neh? Hmm, I guess it just proves that if you have 45 minutes to kill, you’ll probably do something dumb with them. Oh well, t’was pretty cool anyway. This is Master Knotty, signing off.

I’ll see you on the dark side of the moon. . .