How long ‘till Nov. 12?

Like most of you poor fanboys I’ve been waiting with too much baited breath for the release of Star Wars Ep. 2 on DVD. The thing is, I only got to see the movie three times, and, well, it just wasn’t enough. Even though I’ve put Lucas’s adopted kids through college by now with my numerous Star Wars related purchases, I wished I could have seen Ep. 2 more. The lights, the sound, the Yoda! I mean, there was too much to watch in that movie to get it all in just three viewings.

The summer, of course, was agonizing, waiting for the announcement about the release of Star Wars on DVD. Episode 1 took for freakin’ ever to come out. George had to make sure it was done making money in the theater, I guess (psst, just get over it Georgie boy, you’re not going to beat Titanic). So he waited, and waited, and all those guys down at Lucasfilm sat around on their asses, saying things like “Hey, wouldn’t it be great if we just sat on our asses and did nothing about putting the Star Wars movies on DVD? I mean, the idiot fans will buy it no matter when it comes out.”

So that’s what they did. But, regardless, it was worth the wait (see, here I man, idiot fan), the Episode 1 DVD turned what was a mediocre Star Wars movie into a freakin’ sweet deal. It had everything you could ask for, documentary where we get to hear McCallum swear (kinda. . .oh, this is f---in brilliant), we get extended takes from our favorite scenes (weee, more Gunga City for mesa and yousa), and even get to see Padme fall out, a-la Oola in ROTJ (just kidding, you nasty porn freaks, stop fast forwarding the DVD, it’s not there).

And it doubled as a great little Frisbee, for those of us that don’t have a DVD player.

Anyway, we now know how cool Star Wars DVDs can be. I mean, if the weakest Star Wars movie makes a kick-ass DVD, what will a kick-ass Star Wars movie be like? Kickin’ your ass from here to bespin, man, I’m telling you. So, that’s part of the reason I’m looking forward to this new DVD (and I need a new Frisbee).

But I’m human, dammit! I’m not anything else, and I just couldn’t wait until November 12, the official release date for the new DVD. So, you ask, what did I do? I mean, there’s really not all that I can do, it’s not like I can transport myself into the future. . .can I? No. So, I’ll tell you what I did to stem my appetite for the new Star Wars movie: I downloaded a bootleg. Now, I know some of you hardcore people are screaming “blasphemy! George Lucas is loosing money because of people downloading his movies!”

Ok, there is a big inherent flaw in this logic. George Lucas isn’t loosing any money. . .and even if he is, it’s an insignificant amount. I mean, George could drop a thousand dollar bill every hour on the hour for the rest of his life and he’d still be just peachy. I mean, he’s got his own private army and all, it’s not like he’s stretching for cash. Now, don’t get me wrong, stealing is wrong.

But so is making me wait for the DVD. Doesn’t Lucasfilm care about my needs? Don’t they? No, they don’t. And so, last night, I downloaded the Episode 2 in its entirety (I love you high-speed internet connection). I have to say, it was marvelous to go back to the world I visited such a long time ago (three months). It had it all, the opening scrawl, the explosion on the landing pad, the chase through the city, the climactic arena fight, Jar-Jar being mutilated by a Nexu, the duel between Dooku and Yoda. Ok, it didn’t have the Jar-Jar thing, but it did have everything else.

And it even managed to simulate my movie-going experience. You know how, when you go to the cinema, Mr. Bighead always manages to find a seat directly in front of you? And you have to spend the rest of the movie squinting and fidgeting in order to see the screen? Well, the quality of the picture is so bad that I spent most of my time watching it squinting and fidgeting.

Let me stress the quality thing again. . .it was really, really bad. And it was at an angle to boot, so I had to watch it with my head tilted. Eventually I got tired of tilting my head and propped my laptop screen up with my history book (I wasn’t using it anyway).

So, you may ask, what’s your point, Mr. Star Moors writer-guy? My point is that I like bacon. So, there you have it.

Stealing is wrong.

Until next time.