Billy Crystal hosts the awards for the fourth year in a row!  He holds up a horse's head, saying that it was sent to all Academy members by Al Pacino, nominated (and winner) for Best Actor in Scene of A Woman.

Crystal took a moment to honor his mentor and predecessor of the awards, the 90 year old, Bob Hope!

From the Monologue

The most nervous people in the audience have to be the people in The Crying Game, who are thinking, "Don't say a thing."  (referring to the surprise revelation in the film).  I will say that The Crying Game proved one thing ... White men CAN jump!

The theme tonight is Women in Film and I have to say that it has not been a great year for women in film.  In fact the only good parts this year were Sharon Stone's parts. 

There were some wonderful films this year -- A Few Good Men, the J. Edgar Hoover story.  

Aladdin was a marvelous hit.  It made almost as much money as David Eisner did.  Disney is now working on a new movie, an animated Amy Fisher story.  It's called Beauty and the Middle-aged Beast.  

For the first time a nomination was disallowed.  The Uruguayan film, A Place in the World, was disqualified in the Best Foreign Film category. Apparently the South American director had an American nanny.  

On Clint Eastwood - Clint of course played that ruthless character.  He used those same tactics while Mayer of that lawless town, Mt. Carmel. California.  He instituted the no crème broule after 10p.m. rule.  

On his own outfit - It's sort of Armani meets Jiminy Cricket. 

On Jack Nicholson - I love Jack.  He's sitting right there, smiling at me.  I feel like a Laker girl.

Musical Bits: 

Hooray for Howard's End! (to the tune of Hooray for Hollywood)

You see a pair of flashing eyes.  Your hand starts creeping up her thighs.
You hurry to a spot, you're hot to trot for this dame! 
Those eyes!  Those thighs! Surprise!  It's the Crying Game! 

Unforgiven (to the tune of Unforgettable)

Other Bits

Our next presenter won an Oscar for Misery (Kathy Bates) ... just narrowly beating out Pat Buchanan.  Pat couldn't be here tonight, he is currently on a ski trip in Colorado.

Our next presenter was not only the star of Basic Instinct, she's the only one who understands the ending.  And for those of you at home, Sharon Stone is wearing underwear - I am not.