"(Miss)ISLAND GIRL" Story Bryan Michael Stoller, February 1, 2002 Screenplay by Bryan Michael Stoller and Robert Caspari To be Produced and Directed by Bryan Michael Stoller in Los Angeles and on location in Hawaii. EXT. ISLAND -- EVENING 1 What looks to be a remote island surrounded by endless ocean waves. Superimpose: SOMEWHERE IN THE PACIFIC OCEAN. EXT. JUNGLE -- NIGHT 2 A team of EXPLORERS are making their way through the jungle. Thick foliage makes their trek more difficult. The team is led by an INDIANA JONES-TYPE character, complete with tan leather jacket, hat and whip. Several of the tribe explorers move ahead of Jones. One Explorer stops in his tracks, unable to speak. The other looks over and there it is: EXT. NOAH'S ARK -- EVENING 3 Noah's ark! Exactly what it is imagined to be. It's wood surface perfectly polished, gleaming in the moonlight. The Indiana Jones character pulls out an oversized universal cell phone. It's a rotary phone. He dials. JONES We found it. We found Noah's ark! INT. PRESIDENTS OFFICE -- DAY 4 The President (resembling Clinton) is on the other end of the phone. PRESIDENT That's wonderful. We'll have Navy and Air Force out there immediately. I need to know exactly where you are. Let me get your coordinates. As he reaches for his pen, we hear Jones on the other end of the phone. JONES (O.S.) We are deep in the heart of the jungle on {static} Island.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2. PRESIDENT Could you repeat that. We're getting interference... JONES We are exactly eight-hundred miles off the {static}. PRESIDENT Please repeat. It's your damn cell phone... EXT. JUNGLE -- EVENING 5 Jones is positioning himself to try and get better reception with his cell phone. JONES Mr. President? Hello, can you hear me, Mr. President? A puddle on the ground ripples. Suddenly, the ground begins to shake. Distant footstep THUMPS are heard. The native explorers begin to scramble. Jones is preoccupied on his cell phone. Without warning, a giant prehistoric foot STOMPS down on Jones. Silence. ANGEL ON: A GIANT PREHISTORIC PIG looms up into FRAME against the deep blue sky. The creature is as big as a Tyrannosaurus Rex. It lets out a horrible pig-like shrill. One of the native explorers looks upwards and points to the prehistoric swine. EXPLORER (shouting in his native tongue) Janissaca Pigahoon! Superimpose: "JURASSIC PORK!" Jone's cell phone now lies on the ground. We hear the President's voice calling from the cell phone. PRESIDENT (from the cell phone) Tell me your coordinates. Hello? INT. PRESIDENTS OFFICE -- DAY 6 The President hears the sound of loud GIANT FOOTSTEPS on the other end of the phone, and then a shrill SCREAM.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3. EXT. JUNGLE -- EVENING 7 The President's voice is heard calling from the cell phone. PRESIDENT (O.S.) Hello? Hello? The prehistoric pig's hoof enters FRAME, crushing the cell phone. The phone is silenced. The native explorers scramble as the "Jurassic Pork" chases one of the explorers along the ocean shoreline. As the explorer and creature exit FRAME we hear the explorer scream; A loud CRUNCH and then a prehistoric BURP. INT. PRESIDENTS OFFICE -- DAY 8 The President hangs up the phone and turns to his computer. He quickly logs on to a website and types in some information. CAMERA moves in on the computer screen to see: GET-A-DATE.COM. The President continues typing. The screen shows his typing: "I LOVE TO GO FOR LONG WALKS ALONG THE BEACH. I ENJOY A GLASS OF CHABLIS BY THE FIREPLACE WITH THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE." EXT. VATICAN -- DAY 9 The POPE stands on the balcony waving to the crowd of thousands. We hear a DOORBELL ring. The Pope turns around and exits the balcony. INT. POPE'S ENTRANCEWAY -- DAY 10 The Pope opens the door to reveal a delivery man. He hands a box marked, "FEDERAL EXPRESSO" to the Pope, who takes something (we do not see it), and rolls it up in bubble-wrap and places it into the box. The courier seals the box as the Pope blesses the package. The courier SNEEZES. POPE (to the courier) Bless YOU! The courier turns as the Pope closes the door. P.O.V. OF THE FEDERAL EXPRESSO PACKAGE - OVER OPENING CREDITS 11 Package being put in truck, doors close, picture goes BLACK. Doors open, Package is taken out, the Messenger TRIPS. POV of the package being dropped. He picks it up. Various POV's of the package.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 4. INT. AIRPORT -- DAY 12 POV of the Federal Expresso package going through the X-ray machine. EXT. RUNWAY -- DAY 13 A pretentious news reporter, Brandon Starr stares into the camera as we see an airport runway behind him. Several planes are seen landing in the background. STARR Are we on? (his face transforms to happy) Today is an exciting day here at the BBX. Flight 360 is bound for Japan for the annual Miss Universal pageant. (beat) And behind me, the contestants are lined up on the runway. We see the beauty pageant contestants on the airport runway, walking towards the plane and waving, as if they were on a pageant runway. STARR (CONT'D) Today, I am one lucky guy. I have been asked to join these beautiful young ladies on their pageant adventure. (then a sly smile) It's a good thing my divorce went through last month. He continues to smile to the camera - a little too long. A few more news camera shots of the girls on the runway entering the plane. EXT. RUNWAY -- DAY 14 Several of the beauty contestants are walking along the runway towards the plane. As they wave to the Camera, they look like they are on display to a pageant audience. We hear Brandon Starr's voice-over: STARR (V.O.) And here comes Miss Florida. She's a graduate of Florida State with top honors with a Master in Dentistry. She plans on pursuing her career in Orthodontics or modeling. How appropriate that a contestant interested in dentistry wants to fill the crowne.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 5. STARR (V.O.) (CONT'D) (chuckles) Let's hear it for Miss Florida. She smiles her perfect teeth as she passes the Camera. She is followed by Miss Arkansas. STARR (CONT'D) Miss Arkansas. What a beauty. A graduate of Arkansas High School, Miss Arkansas has been pursuing her dream of painting for the last ten years. Her works can be seen on display at Jake's Diner on Lakeside Drive in the downtown. Her specialties are; watercolors, pastels, crayon, and finger paints. Miss Arkansas. She waves to the Camera as she trips on the tarmac. She keeps her frozen smile. INT. COCKPIT -- DAY 15 Mike Sanders, a lanky man of twenty-eight is doing a flight check. The youthful looking co-pilot checks his flight manual. Enter, Maximus Power, the studly pilot, who frames himself in the doorway. With him is a young woman, one of the contestants, who bares a strong resemblance to Sandra Bullock. She wears a contestant banner that reads: MISS CONGENIAL. Max is showing off to her. MAX And this is where it all happens. Mike acknowledges them. Mike takes a key and unlocks "The Club" from the plane's steering column. MAX (CONT'D) That's your co-pilot, Mike Sanders. He's brighter than he looks. (to Mike) This is Miss Congenial. She wanted to see my cockpit. Miss Congenial lives up to her name and gives Mike a warm smile. MISS CONGENIAL It's so wonderful to meet you, Captain Sanders. MAX We like to call him, Colonel.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 6. MISS CONGENIAL Nice to meet you Colonel Sanders. MAX And I am Maximus Power. You can call me Captain Power. MISS CONGENIAL What a strong name. I feel very safe knowing you are piloting the plane. MAX Well thank you Miss. (to Mike) Miss Congenial here is also with the F.B.I. Miss Congenial pulls out what looks like a badge holder and proudly holds out a silver badge that has the initials: F.B.I. MIKE (intrigued) The Federal Bureau of Investigation? MISS CONGENIAL Actually, Fashion Bikini Industries. They supply the swimwear for the Miss Universal Pageant, and they chose me to represent them. MAX They have excellent taste. His eyes sweep over Miss Congenial like a scanner sliding across a photo. MIKE A pleasure meeting you Miss Congenial. (beat) You should take your seat now. We're ready to take-off. MISS CONGENIAL It was so nice to meet you both. A little flirt, Miss Congenial gives a cute wave and smile, and exits the cockpit. EXT. AIRPLANE TAKE-OFF-FOOTAGE -- DAY 16 The plane taxi's on the runway. The plane leaps into the sky, the wheels go up. The plane is airborne.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 7. INT. COCKPIT -- DAY 17 Max Power is at the controls. He lives up to his name - it's like Hercules is flying the plane. Mike, quite a contrast to Max, flips switches and looks like he has to put a lot of thought and effort into his job. MIKE Okay, we can turn the seatbelt sign off now. MAX Man, we've got to be the luckiest men alive. We're transporting major babes here. MIKE Yeah, like they're interested in us. MAX Speak for yourself virgin boy. Max steers the plane with a big grin on his face. INT. PLANE/FRONT AREA -- DAY 18 The plane is indeed carrying a cargo of beautiful bevies. They look like they are ready to parade on the runway (modeling runway). Each wears their banner proudly displaying their State origin. Starr is strapped in his seat, as he holds up his microphone and looks into the Camera. STARR Well, all systems are go. Get ready to sit back and take-off on an exciting adventure with a plane cargo of some of the most beautiful women in the world. Several of the girls look at Starr, not seeing a camera anywhere and wondering who the hell he's talking to. INT. AIRPLANE-SERVING AREA -- DAY 19 A handsome flight attendant in his mid-thirties, RON PHEPS, is counting the flight meals. Ron bares a strong resemblance to Tom Cruise. The flight attendant, JULIE, a wholesome girl-next-door type with a great smile, hands Ron the Federal Expresso package. JULIE Hey, Handsome. This package just arrived.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 8. JULIE (MORE) (glances at the address) It's got your name all over it. Indeed, his name is written all over the package. She hands the package to Ron, who holds it delicately. He looks over the box and reads the logo to himself. Federal Expresso: "We get it there while it's still hot." RON Thanks, Julie. Julie starts helping to sort the flight meals. JULIE So, welcome to Sky-High Airlines. Ron smiles. JULIE (CONT'D) I heard it was your first flight with us. You're gonna love it. Great perks, paid vacations and free travel as long as you're employed. Ron turns over the package, shakes it. RON (seemingly preoccupied) That's great. JULIE You seem a little edgy. RON (hesitant) Well, actually.... (trying to cover up the real reason) I'm afraid of flying. Julie looks at him with astonishment, just as the flight attendant call-light flashes. JULIE You sure picked the perfect job to face your phobia. (beat) Need to attend the passengers. She turns around quickly and hurries off. INT. AIRPLANE/FRONT CABIN -- DAY 20 Julie is handing a pair of headphones to Miss Nebraska.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 9. JULIE That will be five dollars please. Miss Nebraska hands her some change. JULIE (CONT'D) Do you have six cents? MISS NEBRASKA Why yes. Yes I do. She just stares at Julie. JULIE Six cents? MISS NEBRASKA (completely serious) Yes. (beat) I see dead people. Julie looks at her like she's crazy. She grabs the headphones back and continues down the isle. INT. AIRPLANE-SERVING AREA -- DAY 21 Ron is opening the Federal Expresso package. He unwraps what seems like miles of bubble wrap to reveal a pair of slick dark sunglasses. INT. PLANE/FRONT CABIN -- NIGHT 22 Julie wheels the cart past Miss Nebraska, who is now carrying on a conversation with ELVIS who is sitting next to her. Miss Iowa stops Julie. MISS IOWA (nervously) Can I get a double double Scotch with a twist, on the rocks - no ice? Julie kneels down to her level. JULIE Flying is just as safe as driving in a car -- maybe even safer. MISS IOWA Why? JULIE Well......
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 10. JULIE (MORE) (beat) Because there are less vehicles in the sky to collide with. She smiles confidently as if she said the perfect thing and walks off. Suddenly, loud POPS are heard coming from the front of the plane. Miss Iowa's eyes go wide. INT. AIRPLANE-SERVING AREA --DAY 23 CLOSE-ON BUBBLE-WRAP, as Ron is having a field day popping the plastic bubbles. Julie pops her head through the curtains. JULIE You're making the passengers nervous. She disappears back behind the curtain. Ron finishes unwrapping the contents and holds up a pair of sunglasses from the package. He slips them on. P.O.V. IN THE SUNGLASSES -- DAY 24 For a second, a video game image comes on, and then after some electronic static an image of the POPE wavers into the perspective of the glasses. The images in the sunglasses, from Ron's POV are seen in stereo. Through the sunglasses behind him, the serving area can be seen as well. The POPE begins speaking. POPE Good evening Mr. Pheps. RON (to the image) Good evening. POPE Here is your mission. Should you wish to accept it. The CAMERA circles around Ron in the close-quarters of the serving area. He is now oblivious to anything and anyone around him. Julie walks by and sees Ron standing like a zombie wearing the dark sunglasses. She stares at him, thinking there's something definitely strange about this guy. As Ron just stands there like a zombie watching the images in the sunglasses, Julie walks off.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 11. JULIE (to herself) Must be waiting for his laxative to kick in? INT. AIRPLANE-FIRST CLASS -- DAY 25 Julie walks past Miss Nebraska, who is now in deep conversation with MARILYN MONROE. She passes Mike, the co-pilot who is sitting next to Miss Delaware, trying to make conversation. She is ignoring him. MIKE So do you come here often? Maybe we can get together sometime..... She gives him a look. He gets up from his seat and moves to the next empty seat in front of him. He sits down next to Miss Maryland. MIKE (CONT'D) Hey, how you doing? So what's your sign? Miss Maryland gives him a look. Uncomfortable, Mike gets up and moves to the next empty seat in front of him. He sits down next to Miss Florida. MIKE (CONT'D) Hey how's it going? Great weather we're having. So, you wanna go out sometime? Miss Florida gives him the same look he's getting used to. He gets up and moves on to the next girl in the next seat. INT. AIRPLANE-SERVING AREA -- DAY 26 Ron is still staring into the sunglasses. Ron presses a finger to one ear, as he continues to listen intently. The Pope continues to address Ron in the sunglasses. POPE (V.O.) The great ark has been discovered. RON Joan of Ark? POPE (V.O.) No, stupid. Noah's Ark. No relation. The Pope's image fades and an image on the sunglasses exhibit a rendering of the one and only Noah's Ark.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 12. INT. PLANE/FRONT AREA -- DAY 27 Mike is now sitting next to Miss Spain. She has a pair of headphones on (we can faintly hear loud rock music coming from the headphones). MIKE ...And then my family moved again. It was hard making friends. I saw Sally again, she was in the fourth grade. Her family had moved three times before that. I thought it was fate, but then her family moved away again and last I heard she married her sixth grade teacher. Miss Spain hasn't heard a word Mike has said. INT. PLANE/FRONT CABIN -- NIGHT 28 Max is sitting next to Miss Texas. They are staring into each other's eyes as they carry on their conversation. MAX And I can do four reps of thirty, and I'm pushing almost two-hundred pounds. He shows her his biceps. Miss Texas glances out her window, to see a little girl pressing her face against the airplane window - from outside. Miss Texas looks out and realizes it's another plane right next to them, almost right up against them. She turns to Max with a curious look on her face. MISS TEXAS Do you think we're flying a little too close to that other plane? Suddenly the plane bumps and jolts. Max jumps out of his seat. INT. COCKPIT -- NIGHT 29 Mike is getting back into his seat as Max runs into the cockpit. MAX I thought you put us on automatic pilot? MIKE I thought you did?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 13. They struggle to get the plane back on track and away from the smaller plane. MIKE (CONT'D) We almost hit that small plane. MAX We're okay now. Pull up at 180 degrees latitude. The circumference is 86, over 30. Ten, four. Mike looks to Max, having no idea what he's talking about. INT. AIRPLANE-SERVING AREA -- DAY 30 P.O.V. IN THE SUNGLASSES -- DAY 31 The Pope continues as Ron stares into the sunglasses. POPE The sacred ark has been discovered, they believe, somewhere off the coast of the Pacific. This is the reason you are under-cover as a Sky-High Flight attendant. (beat) You are currently flying at thirty-two thousand feet over the Pacific Ocean. At this moment Heidi walks through the serving area. She looks at Ron curiously. She can't hear the voice he hears through the sunglasses. JULIE Ron? Ron? Miss Idaho can't get her seat belt unbuckled. Could you be a dear and help her. Of course Ron doesn't hear her. Heidi continues on her way. Ron remains fixed on the image in the sunglasses. IN THE SUNGLASSES: POPE (V.O.) The aircraft is due to fly over the location of the ark at approximately Twenty-Two Hundred Hours. POPE (V.O.) (CONT'D) (beat) Good luck with your mission, which we will call: Raider's of the Lost Noah's Ark." (beat) Oh, I almost forgot....
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 14. POPE (V.O.) (CONT'D) (beat) These sunglasses will self destruct in five seconds. Ron is frantic. He quickly whips off the sunglasses and glances around. He opens one of the bathroom stalls and throws the glasses in. After a few seconds there is a loud EXPLOSION. Smoke puffs from the lavatory. INT. COCKPIT -- DAY 32 Max and Mike are at the controls when the plane shakes violently. MAX What the hell was that? MIKE Some kind of explosion. MAX (sarcastically) Did you go to school for that? The plane dips to the right. Mike tries to hold onto the controls. MIKE We've lost control of our left rudder. MAX Speak for yourself. Mike begins flipping every switch in sight. Max keeps his eyes on the sky as he fights to stabilize the steering column. INT. AIRPLANE-SERVING AREA -- DAY 33 Ron begins to remove his flight attendant outfit, to reveal a jumpsuit underneath. Just then he sees Heidi on her way towards him. He immediately undoes his jumpsuit to reveal another flight attendant suit underneath. Heidi grabs something from the server area, smiles at Ron and walks off. Ron removes his flight attendant suit to reveal another jumpsuit underneath. He looks around and then makes his way to the emergency door. He opens the door, as the cabin begins to lose pressure -- the wind blowing madly. INT. PLANE/MAIN CABIN -- NIGHT 34 All the girls are in their seats, sleeping, reading, talking. A strong blast of wind, from the plane losing pressure, blows
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 15. the girls hair wildly -- no one seems to notice, as they continue to do what they're doing. INT. PLANE/FRONT AREA -- NIGHT 35 Ron hugs the frame of the exit, as he positions himself to jump. He takes a beat, and then jumps out of the plane. A moment later, Julie runs up to the door and looks out. She holds up a parachute and yells out. JULIE Ron! You forgot something. She shrugs it off, decides to throw the parachute, then uses all her strength to close the door. She pats her hair back into place and heads back to the main cabin. As Julie walks out of frame, the lavatory door behind her opens, and Miss Washington walks out. Her clothes are ripped to shreds and she is covered in black from the explosion. Dazed, she makes her way back to her seat. INT. AIRPLANE-FIRST CLASS -- NIGHT 36 Miss Iowa, who was terrified earlier, is now comforting a passenger OFF-CAMERA. MISS IOWA You've got such a terrified look on your face. The flight attendant told me there's nothing to be scared about. Flying is very safe, really. Camera now cuts to the masked killer from the movie "SCREAM" and "Scary Movie." The mask displays the infamous look of terror - but a little more pronounced. He has his hands pressing against his head to amplify the effect. INT. COCKPIT -- NIGHT 37 Max and Mike are still fighting the controls. Mike looks up and looks straight ahead and sees something. MIKE Oh, my God! MAX What? MIKE Look out for that Expresso plane! It's too late. They run smack into a Federal Expresso plane. We hear an explosion, as the lights start to flicker and then everything is in shadows.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 16. INT. PLANE/MAIN CABIN -- NIGHT 38 The plane is being thrown around, the pressure is dropping and everyone and everything is being blown around. Julie, is still serving drinks and giving out peanuts without missing a step. There are SCREAMS everywhere. Miss Iowa screams out. MISS IOWA We're losing attitude. Miss Spain angrily corrects her. MISS SPAIN Altitude, you idiot, altitude! CAMERA shoots around the plane, whipping shots, Close-ups of girls screaming. Brandon Starr looks to camera and lifts his microphone to his mouth. He reports calmly as only a newscaster can. STARR The plane is going down. We are going to die. Close-ups of Max and Mike screaming. INT. COCKPIT -- NIGHT 39 Through the cockpit, the CAMERA is shaking violently, but we can just make out that the plane is in a dive and we are dropping through layers of clouds, and then finally a huge body of water is coming up upon us. There is a loud splash and then suddenly the picture goes BLACK and SILENT. EXT. BEACH -- DAY 40 We hear the calming sound of the OCEAN WAVES, as CAMERA pans down from the deep blue sky to reveal the vast ocean. The water sparkles as it catches the brilliant reflection of the cloudless sky. CAMERA continues to follow the tide as it makes its way, sweeping over a sandy beach. The CAMERA stops a moment, until another wave meets the sand and CAMERA follows the wave as it dissolves into a harmless lap of water on the sandy shore. The wave begins to dissipate as it blankets over -- a motionless FEMALE BODY, scantily clad, face down in the sand. CAMERA stays a moment on the still female form lying on the shore. CAMERA pulls back and over more motionless FEMALE FORMS in various contorted positions, soaked from the ocean, sprinkled with a dusting of sand.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 17. All is quiet except for the calmness and lapping of the ocean tide. Suddenly, the RINGING of a CELLULAR PHONE pierces the silence. The bodies begin to stir. Miss Florida, still face down in the sand, slowly raises her head, her eyes squinting from the harsh sunlight. She spits out a mouthful of sand. Dazed, she slowly sits up and glances around. She obviously has no idea where she is or what has happened. All the girls sit up, each one checking her cell phone. The RINGING continues, no one can figure out whose phone is ringing. Miss Nebraska realizes it's her phone. MISS NEBRASKA (pleasantly) Hello? (listens) I'm sorry. You have a wrong number. (listens) No, that's okay. Bye. She turns her phone off. EXT. TREE -- DAY 41 Her eyes open. Miss Spain, startled, slowly gets up, realizing she's in a tree. She starts to climb down. EXT. JUNGLE -- DAY 42 Mike is walking along, when suddenly Miss Spain jumps to the ground (seemingly out of the sky). Mike looks up at the sky, as she walks by. MIKE What happened to you? MISS SPAIN I landed in that tree. I guess it broke my fall. She wipes off some leaves and branches and walks off, as Mike watches her go. EXT. JUNGLE -- DAY 43 Max is hitting on Miss California. They pass some jungle foliage and a beautiful waterfall. Camera tilts down to reveal a sign that reads: PLEASE KEEP OFF THE WATERFALL.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 18. EXT. CLIFF -- DAY 44 Mike climbs a shallow cliff. He reaches the top and looks out over the vast ocean. He continues to survey his surroundings when something in the distance catches his eye. EXT. BEACH -- DAY 45 Mike runs across the beach. He stops and looks down. A motionless body lies on the sand, face-up. The body is clothed in sandals, slacks and a red pullover shirt. A floppy navy sailors hat covers the face. Mike slowly moves over to the body and removes the hat. It's Bob Denver (Gilligan from Gilligan's Island). He's much older than he appeared on the show. He's obviously been on this island awhile. Mike begins to remove Gilligan's sandals. He has one off, and is about to remove the other -- when a hand enters frame and SLAPS him away. Mike looks over to see: Gilligan sitting up. GILLIGAN Can't a guy take a nap? He grabs his sandals back from Mike and walks off into the Jungle. Mike sits down in the sand -- a little stunned. EXT. BEACH -- NIGHT 46 Miss Spain is on all fours, clawing through the sand. She seems to have lost something. Miss Iowa walks by and innocently questions Miss Spain. MISS IOWA Did you lose something? Without looking up, Miss Spain continues to dig in the sand. MISS SPAIN I lost a damn contact lens. MISS IOWA Oh. Miss Iowa walks off. As she does, Miss Spain miraculously finds the needle in the haystack - she's found her contact lens. She starts digging like a dog who's found a buried bone. She doesn't hesitate and pops it back in her right eye. She blinks a moment and then smiles at her good fortune.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 19. EXT. CAVE -- DAY 47 Mike climbs up another hill. He sees a cave. He approaches. He may have found himself a cave for shelter. EXT. BEACH -- DAY 48 Miss California is trying to make her way across the sand - in her three-inch heels. She passes by Miss Texas who is applying fresh lipstick. Miss Florida plops down beside her. MISS FLORIDA I'm starved. When do we eat around here? MISS TEXAS I'm on a diet. Miss California trips in front of them. MISS CALIFORNIA I only eat out at fancy restaurants. There's nothing to eat around here. She gets up, brushes the sand off her and continues on her way - in heels. EXT. CAVE -- NIGHT 49 Mike is out collecting twigs and branches for his fire. He sees Miss Spain sitting on a rock nearby. She glances over and appears to wink at him. Mike can't believe it. He's not sure. He looks over again, and sure enough she winks once more. He drops his firewood -- most of it on his foot, and tries to walk confidently over to Miss Spain. MIKE So...uhmm, you surviving okay? Miss Spain is trying to do her nails. MISS SPAIN (rudely) I'm doing fine, thank you. Mike feels unwelcome, but then she winks at him. MIKE So, uh -- You want to see my cave? MISS SPAIN (abrupt) Why would I want to see your cave, you little dweeb.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 20. She appears to wink at him again. Mike begins to think this is how women play hard-to-get. MIKE (trying to be suave) You want to see my cave - don't you. Don't you. MISS SPAIN I'm out here minding my own business, and you can't take a hint. On that, she winks again. MIKE (thinks she's playing) You know, I've had a crush on you ever since I saw you in Low Down magazine. (proud) I've collected every one of your posters. Miss Spain takes a good look at Mike. She winks again, and again, and again. She starts to contort her face as her right eye begins watering. We now understand it's her sand-filled contact lens. Mike just stares at her, confused. MISS SPAIN Creep. Loser. I wouldn't come back to your cave -- even if I was stranded on a desert island. She storms off, winking, blinking as she goes. Mike sits by himself, dejected. INT. CAVE -- NIGHT 50 Mike pulls a Miss Spain poster off the wall of his cave. He looks at it sadly, and then finally rips it up. He uses the shredded poster to fuel his fire stove. EXT. ROCKS -- DAY 51 Max is sitting on some rocks overlooking the ocean. Mike and all the girls are sitting around. MAX We can't just mope around feeling sorry for ourselves. And we can't just wait patiently hoping to be rescued. (beat) That could happen in a week, a month, a year -- or never.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 21. MAX (MORE) (beat) We've got to learn to survive -- now! Miss Nebraska puts her hand up. MAX (CONT'D) Nebraska. MISS NEBRASKA Why don't we form two tribes. We need to get some organization going here. MAX Good idea, Neb. I'll captain the North tribe. You be the captain of the South. Miss Congenial stands up. MISS CONGENIAL One tribe should go to get food. The other should start collecting wood and things to build a boat. They all nod and chatter in agreement. EXT. SHORE -- DAY 52 The girls and Mike are lined up at the shore. Max and Miss Nebraska are walking down the line like drill sergeants inspecting their troops. Max inspects each of the women, up and down. He is picking his team carefully. He stops at Miss California and admires her shapely form. His eyes stop at her cleavage. MISS CALIFORNIA I'm up here, captain. Only slightly embarrassed, Max makes quick eye contact. MAX You'll be in my tribe, California. MISS CALIFORNIA Thank you, Sir! She salutes him like a soldier and joins him on his side. Mike stands in the line-up amongst the beautiful beauty contestants. He disparately wants to be picked for any team. Miss Nebraska is now inspecting the line. She gives a shrewd look to some of the girls -- studying them. She approaches Miss Texas.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 22. MISS NEBRASKA I understand you're good with numbers? MISS TEXAS Yes, Sir! I mean, Ma'am! MISS NEBRASKA Could come in handy. Miss Texas gives a salute. MISS TEXAS Thank you, Ma'am! She joins the others on the team. Max is string down Miss Spain. Miss Spain is staring him back with equal strength. They stare at each other what seems like an eternity. Then Max lightens up, smiles and: MAX Okay. My team. Miss Spain is overjoyed. She hops over to her new team mates. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. SHORE -- EVENING 53 The teams have been picked. Mike is the only one left. The two teams don't even acknowledge him. They march off in opposite directions, leaving Mike alone by the shore. Max' team are marching towards the bushes, Julie, picked for his team, looks back towards Mike. She hesitates then drops back from the group. Julie runs up to Mike, concerned. JULIE Hey, it's no big deal. I never got picked for the cheerleading team. MIKE Neither did I. JULIE I'll stay here with you. We'll form our own tribe -- just you and me. Mike doesn't like being felt sorry for. MIKE (defensive) Hey, I can survive on my own. I don't need someone to take care of me.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 23. MIKE (MORE) (looks off) You better hurry up, you're gonna lose your tribe. Julie doesn't know what else to say. She turns and runs off to catch up with her group. Mike, now alone by the shore, drops to his knees dejected. He scoops up some sand in his hand and watches it pour out. The tide suddenly comes in and soaks Mike sitting at the shore. Startled, he jumps to his feet. The tide comes in again -- this time, bringing a Federal Expresso package by his feet. He bends down and picks up the package. He studies it a moment and then opens it. Mike opens the box, removes some padding and pulls out: A Coleman camping stove. At this moment, another package washes ashore and bumps at his foot. He reaches down. And then another. INT. CAVE -- NIGHT 54 It's dark, it's damp -- but it's home -- for now. He turns on the gas grill. EXT. SHORE -- DAY 55 The girls are trying to start a fire, by rubbing some sticks together, to no avail. INT. CAVE -- NIGHT 56 Mike is cooking some meat on his new portable coleman stove. He turns the meat over with a Swiss Army knife. Next to the stove is an icebox and a blender next to several opened Federal Expresso boxes. Boxes and boxes of Federali Expresso packages are piled up in the cramped cave. EXT. SHORE -- NIGHT 57 The girls are still trying to rub sticks together to start a fire. They aren't having much luck. INT. CAVE -- NIGHT 58 Mike sits down on an inflatable chair (obviously from one of the packages), and picks up another Expresso box. He opens it carefully, curiously.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 24. There is a greeting card inside. He opens it to read: LIFE IS LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES -- IT CAN BE BITTER OR SWEET." He opens the enclosed box of chocolates and takes one with white frosting. He chews, chews, then makes a face and spits it out. EXT. SHORE -- DAY 59 The girls are still at it. It looks like there could be an ant-size puff of smoke. Miss Nebraska starts blowing like crazy to make the smoke catch onto the dry leaves. It goes out. EXT. SHORE -- NIGHT 60 The girls are still trying to start a fire. EXT. SHORE -- DAY 61 It's getting ridiculous. Miss North Dakota finally collapses in frustration. Miss Florida, frustrated, storms off. She sits down at a nearby rock and lights up a cigarette. She takes a few puffs. All the girls are giving her the evil eye. She looks at her lighter, realizing what their looking at. EXT. SHORE -- DAY 62 Mike sits on the sand, carving a stick. Something catches his eye. A Federal Expresso courier emerges from the ocean and calmly walks with the tide. He approaches Mike, hands him a pen and a package. COURIER Sign here. Without asking questions, Mike signs for the package. The Courier turns around and heads back into the ocean. Curious, Mike carefully opens the package. There is a note. It reads: NOTE: The contents of this package is not an advancement to the plot of this movie. However, it does fulfill the obligation to our sponsors for PRODUCT PLACEMENT. Mike removes a can of PEPSI from the box, and several other PRODUCT PLACEMENT items. He removes objects that are too numerous or too large to ever fit in the delivered box.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 25. Mike pulls a Pepsi from the pack and pops it open. Several SHOTS of Mike drinking the Pepsi that look like a slick commercial for the soft drink. Camera comes around Mike to reveal JULIE, standing behind him. JULIE I'm kinda thirsty. Mike turns around to see her. He gives her a Pepsi. INT. JUNGLE -- EVENING 63 Mike and Julie are walking through the jungle, drinking their Pepsies. JULIE So I heard you're living pretty comfortably. MIKE (straight faced) Yeah, I guess. As comfortable as one could in a cave. MIKE (CONT'D) (beat) Furnished. Working stove. Indoor outdoor plumbing. Automatic climate control. Solar powered to save energy at night. (beat) I'll survive. JULIE I'd love to see your cave. MIKE Why? (defensive) It won't impress you. JULIE (sweetly) You don't have to impress me. MIKE I don't? JULIE I'm already impressed. MIKE Really?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 26. Julie smiles, takes a sip of her Pepsi. Mike is getting comfortable with Julie. MIKE (CONT'D) Can I talk to you about something? JULIE Anything. MIKE There's this girl, I can't stop thinking about her. Julie smiles, thinking he's talking about her. MIKE (CONT'D) She's the most beautiful woman in the world. But I turn into a jerk everytime I try to talk to her. Julie continues to be all smiles. JULIE I think she likes you too. MIKE You think so? JULIE She has for a long time. MIKE She sure has a strange way of showing it. JULIE Why don't you just tell her how you feel. MIKE I thought I did already. JULIE Maybe you didn't make it clear. Mike thinks about it a moment, and then gives Julie a big hug. She savors the hug. MIKE Thanks Julie. You're the greatest. (beat) I'm off to find Miss Spain, to tell her how I really feel. Mike excitedly runs off, leaving Julie stunned.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 27. EXT. SHORE -- DAY 64 The girls are positioning some chopped trees into place. They are spelling something out on the shore. After an exhaustive round of moving logs, and digging sand, the girls sit back. AERIAL VIEW OF THE SHORE In huge letter, spelled out by the logs in the sand, it reads "H E P L." INT. CAVE -- MORNING 65 Mike is now frying a fish on his new campfire grill. He even has a light connected to the clapper. There are several open Federal Expresso boxes to suggest that he has found more packages with all his needs. EXT. BEACH -- DAY 66 Max is leading the expedition, carrying a spear freshly carved from a large branch. Behind him is his new team. The girls are all wearing their high-heels and they are having a heck of a time making their way across the sand. Max turns around and watches in silent disbelief before he says anything. MAX Ladies! After falling over each other and their high-heels, they all look up. EXT. BEACH -- DAY 67 Mike looks to his watch -- it's exactly 10:30. He watches as a Federal Express package washes ashore - right on time! He eagerly opens the package. It's a small robot resembling something from Star Wars. The robot starts BEEPING. ROBOT (series of beeps) I am U2-ME-2. MIKE Wow. How cool. EXT. JUNGLE -- DAY 68 Starr's voice-over continues as an interview with Miss Florida comes up. Under the image her title is superimposed. She talks to someone off-camera.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 28. MISS FLORIDA I've had it up to here. This is doing absolutely nothing for my career. If we had just made it to the Universal pageant, I know I would have been a winner. INT. CAVE -- NIGHT 69 Miss Spain sits in a corner of the cave, a torch fire flickers against the cave walls. She is confiding with someone off-camera. MISS SPAIN We've got to get off this island. I can't stand these women anymore. (beat) I've never gone more than two days without eating out in a fancy restaurant. And I refuse to cook, no matter what situation I'm in here. I've got sand in my cuticles -- I need a manicure so bad. (beat) You're great. You're such a good listener -- I'm so glad I found you Willie. Miss Spain, looks over at Willie. ON WILLIE Willie's not even a person -- he's a PINEAPPLE with button eyes and a silly happy smile. INT. CAVE -- NIGHT 70 Mike is just finishing up dinner (fish). He glances over at the silent robot in the corner of the cave. He goes over and inspects it. Taking a screwdriver, Mike starts to try and open the front panel. He struggles with the panel, when suddenly, the robot springs to life. A beam shoots out of the robot and projects an image on the cave wall. Mike startled, leans back, watching the image. The projection is that of the Pope. It is the same message seen earlier in the sunglasses, but this time with no interruption. POPE History shall repeat itself -- unless you stop it.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 29. POPE (MORE) (beat)) Soon the rains of forty days and forty nights shall come. It will be a terrible storm. It will be the "Perfect Storm." (beat) You must find the ark, and stop it from sailing. You must destroy it before the storm hits. Mike sits watching the robot's projection. POPE (CONT'D) You see, Noah is trying to redeem himself. He believes that he made a mistake the first time around. He is boarding Apes/Chimps/Monkeys on the ark. He believes Apes were meant to be the dominant species on this planet -- not man. (beat) He does have a good point. Images of the ark, Noah and the human like apes, and some not-so human are seen boarding the ark. POPE (CONT'D) Be very careful, as it is believed that the ark is guarded by a dangerous creature. MIKE What kind of dangerous creature? The image starts to flicker and just before it fades away, a movie theater advertisement for popcorn comes on: THEATER COMMERCIAL "Let's all go to the snack bar, let's all go to the snack bar." We see a dancing animated popcorn container. Then the image disappears from the cave wall. EXT. JUNGLE -- DAY 71 Max has lead his team into the jungle. All the girls are now barefoot. They come across a huge mud puddle. Max makes his way across and turns to watch the girls. Miss Oklahoma tries to help Miss Nebraska and winds up throwing her off-balance. Nebraska falls smack into the mud. Miss Nebraska, thinking it was deliberate reaches out for Miss Oklahoma's hand -- and pulls her into the mud with her.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 30. A merry free-for-all ensues with the girls tackling each other. This is a wild mud wrestling event that would make Andy Kaufman blush. EXT. JUNGLE -- DAY 72 Max is making his way through the jungle. The girls follow behind. They are ALL covered in mud from head to toe. Max sees something through the jungle foliage. He turns to the girls. MAX Ladies, we're going to have to pull together like a team. Max motions for the girls to look over the jungle brush. ANGEL ON: A SMALL PIG. Chomping away on some foliage. The little guy is unaware that he's being spied upon. Max takes leadership, quietly he points to two of the girls to sneak up on the pig. Then he points to two other girls to sneak up from the other side. The pig is oblivious to the girls quietly and slowly sneaking up on it from all sides. Miss Texas reaches out and just misses the pig. It squeals and takes off. EXT. JUNGLE -- DAY 73 The chase is on. The little pig is darting through the jungle. The girls are slipping and sliding and trying to keep up with the pig. Max joins the chase as well. The pig stops by a large tree and looks over at Max, who slowly approaches. He raises his handmade spear. MAX Here piggy, piggy, piggy! (beat) Here piggy, piggy, piggy. The pig just stares at him. Max moves closer. The pig moves away. Max throws his spear, missing the pig by a mile. The pig retreats into the thick jungle. Max turns to the girls who have caught up. MAX (CONT'D) Stay here. I'm going in.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 31. Max moves off into the jungle like a soldier going into battle. EXT. DEEP JUNGLE -- DAY 74 Max, with spear at the ready, looks confident. It's just a little pig. MAX Here, piggy, piggy, piggy! (beat) Here, piggy, piggy, piggy! (beat) I'm not gonna hurt you. I'm just going to invite you to a barbecue. Max stops, coming across what appears to be the trunk of an enormous tree. MAX (CONT'D) Here, piggy, piggy, pig..... The huge tree-trunk shifts. Max looks up in stunned shock. ANGLE ON: GIANT DINOSAUR PIG it's Jurrasic Pork! A giant prehistoric pig. It lets out a prehistoric pig-like grunt. Max turns around in terror, and runs for his life. EXT. JUNGLE -- DAY 75 The girls are standing around as Max shoots out of the thick brush. MAX Run for your lives! The girls look at Max like he's crazy. MISS IOWA What is it? MAX The pig! The girls think Max has lost his mind. INT. CAVE -- DAY 76 Julie is having a confidential conversation with Willie, the pineapple.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 32. JULIE I really care about Mike, but he probably doesn't know I exist. Willie just stares, with his frozen smile. EXT. BEACH -- NIGHT 77 The girls are huddled around the campfire. Max is sitting there, now totally oblivious of all the beauty around him. He is still terrified. MAX I tell you, I saw it! It was the biggest pig I've ever seen in my life. MISS CAROLINA It didn't look that big to me. MAX It wasn't the little pig you saw. (beat) I think this was the daddy. The girls don't believe him. Julie looks up at the night sky. After a moment of thought, she looks off into the night and gets up, leaving the campsite. EXT. JUNGLE -- DAY 78 Willie sits on top a rock, a turtle saunters behind the pineapple. Mike is talking to Willie. A poster of Miss Spain is tacked to the cave wall behind Mike. MIKE She's so wonderful, Willie. I don't know what to say to her. Every time I see her I turn into an idiot. (beat) She's kind, sweet and sensitive. But I've never had a real girlfriend. She's not going to be interested in me. Willie looks on with his goofy smile. INT. CAVE -- NIGHT 79 Mike is in the cave working on adjusting his Direct TV satellite dish. Julie comes knocking.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 33. EXT. BEACH -- DAY 80 A lone Fedex package sits in the sand. The waves have carried it to land. Max picks up the package and opens it. He pulls it out, revealing an inflatable raft. EXT. BEACH -- NIGHT 81 All the girls are sitting on the sand facing the raft which has now been inflated. Max paces in front of the girls. MAX The raft will only hold six of you - max! MISS CAROLINA Why are you going? MAX I'm not going. MISS CAROLINA You said it will hold six -- Max. MAX It will hold six - max. MISS CAROLINA I thought you weren't going Max? MAX Never mind. Miss California turns to Miss Texas. MISS CALIFORNIA I told you to lose some weight. MISS TEXAS Look who's talking chubby. MAX I'll be passing out these blank cards. The objective here is to vote off the winners. MISS FLORIDA You mean the losers have to stay on the island? MAX You got it baby. Max starts to hand out the cards. The girls all start eyeing each other suspiciously and writing down names on each of the cards.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 34. EXT. JUNGLE -- NIGHT 82 Miss Nebraska sits on the ground by a tree, deep in conversation. MISS NEBRASKA It's been really tough. I really want to get off this island. We'll never make it to the Miss Universal Pageant now. I was sure I would win. Miss Nebraska pauses a moment. Camera cuts to CHARLIE CHAPLIN who has been sitting opposite Miss Nebraska, listening. EXT. OCEAN -- DAY 83 The girls are crammed into the lifeboat. A periscope comes up on one side of the boat and checks out the women. P.O.V. super-wide angel of the periscope's view of the women. Checking out their cleavage etc. The periscope disappears and then a moment later it emerges on the other side of the dingy. It disappears under the ocean surface again. A moment later, and the periscope now comes up from inside the CENTER of the dingy. It does a 360 of the girls. EXT. BEACH -- NIGHT 84 Max has just finished cooking up the giant egg at his campfire. He carries a several plates and starts distributing the meal to the girls. MISS SPAIN What the hell is this? MAX Eggs - sunny side up. MISS SPAIN I can't eat this. MAX We've all been starving to death -- are you crazy? MISS SPAIN I'm a Vegan. MISS IOWA Me too. MISS TEXAS I've been a Vegetarian for five years. I'm not changing now.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 35. Max just stares at the girls' like they're crazy. EXT. SHORE -- DAY 85 Brandon Starr speaks into his microphone and looks into the Camera, as we see the girls on the beach behind him. They still do not acknowledge his presence. He is always clean shaven and does not look like he's been stranded on an island. STARR It's been five weeks on the island, and tempers are flaring. Starr imagines there is a camera and crew filming his report -- but there isn't. EXT. OCEAN -- DAY 86 The girls are in the dingy, all fast asleep. Add something funny here. Then, behind them, a huge ocean-liner slowly passes by -- it blows it's loud horn. The girls wake to see their rescue ship. EXT. SHIP DECK -- DAY 87 The girls have been rescued. They stand on the deck of the huge ocean-liner and wave to the whales. As the boat pulls away, Camera pans down to the name of the ship on the side of it's hull: TITANIC II. The boat sails off towards the horizon. EXT. ARC -- NIGHT 88 The jungle is quiet. The beautiful historic ark sits in the open. We hear voices from inside. INT. ARC -- NIGHT 89 Noah sits at a wooden table. He has just been dealt a hand of cards for Crazy Eights. He puts a card on the table. NOAH We sail in three days. A deep-voiced character speaks to Noah off-camera. HARRY (O.S.) All has been prepared by our civilians. You have made a wise choice Noah. Picks up a card and finds a spot amongst his hand.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 36. NOAH It came to me in a dream one night. As if someone from above was trying to tell me I made a mistake the first time. HARRY (O.S.) You have made the right decision this time, old man. (beat) Except you still forgot to install a bathroom. HARRY (O.S.) (CONT'D) (beat) We have begun our pairing. We will be ready. NOAH I've installed a plug this time. Forty days and Forty nights of rain can cause a lot of flooding when there's no roof. Camera now pans over to the deep-voiced character that has been speaking with Noah. Harry is a human-type Ape. He is dressed in battle clothing and wears an intimidating helmet. He snorts for the first time, showing us he is still very much an ancestor of the primitive ape. HARRY I have preparations to finish. My team is almost finished with the final sealants on the arc. I must go. The storm is coming. Harry slams down his hand of cards. He has four eights. NOAH The Perfect Storm. Harry gets up and moves like an ape towards the exit. He grabs the top of the doorway and swings his way out. INT. CAVE -- NIGHT 90 Mike is fast asleep, Julie next to him. Suddenly loud electronic sounds are heard. U2 Me2 comes sliding into the cave and bumps into the makeshift bed. Julie wakes first. U2 Me2 projects a hologram. Julie wakes Mike. The hologram image shines onto the cave wall. It's the Pope again with more of his message. POPE The arc will sail for forty days and forty nights.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 37. Mike picks up what looks like a remote control. He's about to change channels. MIKE It's just another repeat. Let's see what else is on. Just then the Pope says something that catches Mike's attention. POPE The only way to stop this catastrophic event -- is to destroy the ark. Destroy the ark and you destroy the storm. Julie looks to Mike with concern. MIKE We've got to destroy the ark. JULIE But it's our only way off the island? MIKE Julie. We have no chance. If we let the ark sail - with or without apes - the storm will destroy everyone and anything on land. The world as we know it will be gone. JULIE Then we destroy the ark, and figure out another way to get off this island. MIKE And we will find a way. Mike and Julie hold each other tight. The Pope's image is still on the wall. He smiles. It appears as if he is watching the couple. EXT. JUNGLE -- DAY 91 Mike stands by a makeshift blackboard. The group sits before him similar to an outdoor classroom setting. There is a diagram of the ark on the easel. Mike uses a pointer to illustrate his point. MIKE Now the ark will be ready to sail at exactly 11:33pm tomorrow night. That's when the Perfect Storm arrives in full force.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 38. JULIE We've got to work together and stop the ark from sailing. MISS NEBRASKA How are we going to stop history from repeating itself? MIKE We sink the ark. MISS SPAIN How the hell are we going to do that? Mike turns over the blackboard and shows another diagram that features the inside bottom of the ark. There is a giant bathroom-type plug with a long metal chain attached to it. MIKE All we have to do is pull the plug on Noah's operation. He uses his branch to point to the plug. MIKE (CONT'D) All we have to do is wait utill they set sail -- and then we pull the plug. JULIE Once the ark sinks - the storm will dissipate. MISS IOWA We have to get past that oversize pig, and then those hairy apes -- that's impossible. Mike and Julie are going over blue-prints of Noah's arc. MIKE ...And if we find a way to get inside the arc.... Mike traces a line towards the drawbridge opening of the arc. JULIE How are we going to get past the creature? MIKE I don't know, I'm just making this up as I go along.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 39. JULIE But if we destroy the arc - we're destroying our only means of transportation off the island. MIKE The fate of humanity is more important than the fate of a few castaways. JULIE You're so romantic. MIKE Besides, we'll find another way off this island. MIKE (CONT'D) I have a plan. MAX This better be good. Mike takes a piece of chalk and starts to draw a new diagram on the board. EXT. JUNGLE -- NIGHT 92 Mike, Julie, Max and Miss Florida are hiding in the thick brush, watching the apes preparing the arc for sail. MIKE (whispering) Okay, we've got to get on board. 93 EXT. BEACH -- NIGHT 94 Miss Florida discovers a giant footprint that could only belong to a dinosaur. Find the egg, don't see the footprint. EXT. JUNGLE -- NIGHT 95 They confront the Jurassic Pig guarding the ark. EXT. JUNGLE -- NIGHT 96 They get past the Jurassic Pig. And they come upon the sacred arc. They see Noah leading the apes onto the boat. It is being guarded by Planet of the Ape type guards who are heavily armed. (Or have cross bows).
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 40. EXT. JUNGLE -- NIGHT 97 Mike, Julie and Miss Florida are disguised as Apes, as they make their way past Noah onto the arc. Noah stops them for a moment, but everything is okay. EXT. JUNGLE -- NIGHT 98 The storm is starting. The wind has picked up and lightning flashes and thunder is hear. MIKE We've got to hurry! Mike grabs Julie's hand and they rush through the jungle foliage towards the ark. EXT. ANOTHER PART OF JUNGLE -- NIGHT 99 Mike and Julie emerge through the brush. But they're too late. The ark is gone. JULIE We're too late. EXT. SHORE/OCEAN -- NIGHT 100 The arc has set sail. Several of the apes have finished pulling back the ropes. Mike and Julie run up to the shore. Mike grasp onto the metal chain that has broken off from the tree trunk. As he grabs on he is being pulled into the ocean. Julie tries to help him, but to no avail. EXT. SHORE -- NIGHT 101 Mike can't hold on any longer. Julie panics. Suddenly a voice is heard: MAX Looks like it's time for some team work! It's Max and the rest of the castaways. They all grab onto the chain and begin tugging. Their strength together is great -- but not great enough to pull out the plug. The arc is determined to sail it's voyage. The storm is getting worse - the wind has picked up. Lightning is getting dangerously close. Suddenly the arc stops. The plug starts to move slightly. The team is ecstatic. But their moment of hope is gone when:
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 41. ANGLE ON: GIANT DINOSAUR PIG as it looms up into frame. The team is startled. MIKE Don't let go -- whatever you do! Mike leaves the team and stands below the creature. JULIE Mike. What are you doing? Mike grabs the remaining part of the metal chain and makes a lasso. He spins it above his head and is able to hook it over the creature's head. Mike bolts across the beach, the Jurassic Pork following close behind. Soon the metal chain goes taut again. The creature is pulled back a moment. Mike stands just a few feet away. The creature loses it's footing a moment and then regains it's stance. It jerks the chain hard enough to: ANGEL ON: THE PLUG as the metal chain goes taut -- pulling the plug out. The arc immediately begins to fill up with water. EXT. SHORE/OCEAN -- NIGHT 102 The team cheers. Julie runs over and hugs Mike. The creature catches them off-guard and runs after them into the jungle. MAX We've got to save them! INT. SHIP DECK -- NIGHT 103 Noah and the Apes are scrambling. Several Apes jump into the ocean. EXT. OCEAN -- NIGHT 104 The arc is half submerged. After a moment it swirls around and is swallowed up by the vast ocean. Bubbles appear at the water's surface. The storm abruptly stops. The sky clears. The ocean is now as calm as a lake. EXT. SHORE -- NIGHT 105 Max and the girls high-five each other. MAX We did it!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 42. MISS IOWA I knew we could. Miss Nebraska looks around. MISS NEBRASKA Mike and Julie? MISS FLORIDA They saved us. They realize Mike and Julie may have met their fate with the creature. They all drop down in the sand. A somber mood has come over the group. After a moment Mike and Julie emerge out of the thick jungle. INT. ARC -- NIGHT 106 The plug is tightly in place. It's metal chain taut, but it's won't budge. EXT. SHORE -- EVENING 107 A Federal Expresso box is swept onto the beach from the tide. Mike, walking along the beach with Julie, picks it up. He opens it to find an engagement ring. He slips it on Julie's finger. Suddenly Julie evaporates off the beach. Mike, looks around -- where did she go? P.O.V. OF JULIE IN VOID -- MORNING 108 Julie sees dream-like images coming at her, trails of clouds and other distorted images. She is frightened. She finally takes off the ring and: EXT. SHORE -- EVENING 109 Julie has removed the ring and reappears near Mike who has been searching the sand for her. They look to each other in silence for a moment, and then an old wizard in a long cloak speaks from off frame and enters: GANDLIN You gave her the wrong ring - you idiot! Gandlin grabs the ring from Julie, and hands Mike the correct ring.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 43. GANDLIN (CONT'D) Oh Lord! He spins around, turning into sand, and vanishes into the beach shore. Mike looks to Julie and places the correct ring on her finger this time. They hold their breaths - thankfully nothing happens this time. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. SHORE/OCEAN -- NIGHT 110 Mike and Julie walk along hand-in-hand, as they come upon a sight that makes them stop in their tracks. EXT. SHORE -- EVENING 111 There embedded in the sand by the beach is what looks to be the famous landmark known as the HOLLYWOOD sign. It is half submerged in the sand (reminiscent of the Statue of Liberty in the original Planet of the Apes). EXT. HILLSIDE -- EVENING 112 Mike and Julie frantically make their way up the side of the hillside. Mike reaches the top first and looks over on the other side. He now realizes where they have been all along. EXT. SAN FERNANDO VALLEY -- EVENING 113 Mike and Julie's point-of-view shows us the San Fernando Valley resting peacefully on the other side of the hilltop. EXT. HILLSIDE -- EVENING 114 They look to each other, as Mike takes Julie's hand and leads her down the hillside to their new home. A moment passes and then we hear several recognizable beeps and U2ME2 appears at the top of the hillside. He follows Mike and Julie down the other side. PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS IS ONLY SAMPLE SCENES FROM THE SCRIPT AND MANY SCENES AND SITUATIONS ARE MISSING. THIS IS FOR SAMPLE PURPOSES ONLY. 2002 Bryan Michael Stoller - Writer/Producer/Director THE END
