I. Jennifer

This is the main character. She's a cashier who just happens to have an asshole as a[n] [ex-]boyfriend, and a nosebleed problem.

Quotes-

"You're crazy!"

"AH!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Leave me alone!"

II. Craig

This is Jennifer's ex-boyfriend. He's sort of a punk, and he wants Jen back. He's a really tough guy, and he can take on 5 guys at once. He's most famous for throwing Sam Raimi into a Diet Pepsi display.

Quotes-

"We didn't do it!"

"Leave her alone!"

"Do I look like I'm kidding?"

III. Bill

Bill is one of the owners of the store, and has been working there for many many years. In fact, he really loves it there, and would do just about anything to keep it from being sold. He's a little crazy, but he's mostly harmless.

Quotes-

"Don't you see? I'm just crazy about this store!"

"I own 49%, he owns 51!"

"SON...OF...A...WHORE!!!"

IV. Randy

Randy is the butcher at the supermarket. He's a rather cynical guy, and often makes rude or sarcastic remarks. Naturally Sam Raimi was cast in the role, as he's a wiz at bugging people.

Quotes-

"Blow the f**k off!"

"I had two weeks paid vacation coming up!"

"LOST YOUR JOB, JOE!"

V. Produce Joe

He basically just sits in the basement and chops up watermelons (and other produce) while listening to cheesy music.

Quotes-

"...Working..."

"Once we got into this fight, and I kicked his a**!"

"..."

VI. Bub

Bub is a rather annoying individual. He has a weird voice, and was once supposedly Craig's best friend. I don't know much about him, but I'm guessing that all he likes to do with his free time is smoke pot in the attic [when his parents aren't home.]

Quotes-

"Anal itch got you down?"

"If my brother hadn't hit him in the head repeatedly with a blender, he would've killed me."

"Very funny, Tim, you dick!"

VII. Linda

Linda is the not-as-cool cashier of the store. I think that she's Jennifer's best friend, but I'm not sure. She has a slightly jerky boyfriend with a passion for beer. As nice as she is, I'm not surprised she's the first to die.

Quotes-

"Leave her alone!"

"Stop fighting!"

"A blender?..."

VIII. That Old Guy

A guy that is old. He's rather cranky. His role may be small, but it's definitely one of the most important.

Quotes-

"Hold hands, you lovebirds!"

"Am I interrupting something here?"

"I'm sorrier!"