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Village of Bob Bulletin	The third fastest responding news team for the village of Bob. We bring you news from the lair of evil to the trees of goodness and from the dairy to the cereal factory! You'll find everything you need to know right here.

Unknown man in top hat
wanted for questioning.

The Village of Bob coroner's office responded to a tragic scene this Thursday, finding all of the participants of the township top chess tournament murdered and left with their queen pieces.

There was one survivor, the janitor who discovered the bodies upon climbing out of his closet. He recalled a man in a top hat leaving the scene of the crime.

Channel 80 News Criminal Sketch artists have produced the rendering seen above. If you have any information you are urged to submit it to channel80news@hotmail.com .

Township Supreme Court
Elects New Head Justice.

In a unanimous decision made on the morning of October 12th, 2008 the Supreme Court of the national district of Townships elected Lawrence H. Lawson as Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. In his first act as Chief Justice, Judge Lawson single handedly reorganized the order of laws based off of the format of his award winning autobiography series. This single change resulted in an astonishing 500% increase in the amount of cases able to be held and a drop in court costs of at least 50%.

In related news, Lawson presided over the retrial of Curley's Dairy for the unlawful handling of mutagenic waste that lead to the empowering of Mandread Crueller. The dairy has been fined and new laws have been forged to regulate the sensitive material in the future.

When asked for a quote the honorable Judge Lawson declined in favor of assisting a retired group of elderly girl scouts across the street. A statue will be erected in his honor next to the village's police department on January 9th, 2009.

The Lustful City News	The Only Newspaper with the Village of Ted in Mind You can count on us to be the first to break the news way after it's happened unless it's really daft.

Village of Ted in the news again for the right reasons

Village of Ted wins the "Bloomiest Village" competition for the fourth year in a row. Never before has a town won this prize as many times in a row as Village of Ted has. Maybe this just goes to prove a point that no one in Village of Ted has got anything better to do with their time.

Village of Ted Football Team lose 15 - 0 after hearing star player Doormat is missing.

Ex-vice Mayor Tim Charged With Sheep Molesting

Ex-vice mayor Tim from Village of Ted United States was yesterday charged with molesting sheep. Mr. Tim was caught in a national park by the famed detective Rolls who deduced the facts based on Mister Tim's clothing and heritage. A neighbor added "I've known Ex-vice mayor since he was a baby and have always had my doubts about them Tim's". Mr. Tim is currently being held in The Darkham asylum for the chronically insane. His father only released a brief statement, saying "He is truly in love with Molly and plans to ask her to wait for him until he is released." Molly was unavailable to comment on the situation.

Dumbsville
Digest

The number one place for information about what is going on around you... and the only place if you actually live here.

Miss Dumbsville 2007 Pageant a Success thanks to Taco Ball

Dumbsville High's senior class of 03-06 cheered today at the revelation that their pageant would not be canceled. Former Miss Dumbsville 2000, saddened by the recent disappearance of her cat, came to the rescue by providing the pageant with her most recent employer, Taco Ball. Taco Ball only made one request, that the ending ceremonies be conducted while dressed as Taco Balls. Miss Dumbsville 2000 agreed on behalf of the students.

DumbAss. inc makes mint on Hoisters, CEO accidentally eats profits.

The Corporate Executive officer of Dumbsville Assets Incorporated was taken to the local hospital today from copper and silver poisoning after he consumed all of the profits made from sales of his company's hoisters.

The CEO's stomach was pumped and the profits were retrieved, but doctors were baffled to find a check book as well. The CEO responded he thought "checkolot" would go well with the mint.

Extensive Planning in works for Falling Back this year.

It is time to start batting down the hatches people, except for Misses Miller on forty third who must keep the hatches open so she may continue to use her outhouse. Daylight Savings Time will come to a start or end this upcoming fall, and doctors warn that there are more injuries during these events in Dumbsville than even last year's Broken Glass Menagerie fair.

Dumbsville's privately run Accident Suspension Support & Emergency System suggests that Dumbsville citizens should wrap themselves up in foam rubber and seran wrap after Matilda Honeystuffer called in explaining she kept her pears and former husband from bruising that way before he got his large hat.