On this page is the expansive tome that is our character guide.
LAST UPDATED: 07-21-09

BRAND-NEW ENTRIES: Ronald Rump, Secretarius, Doorjamb, Begonia Billsley, Dale Danvers, Anthony Rex, Renee Stimpson, Max Bullets, Murphy Lawrence, Dr. Thomas Goodenough, Vacation Home Security Advisor, Senator Mukumukunukunukuapua'a
UPDATED ENTRIES: Dingorius Dongway, Frank Marconi, Libby the Lab Tech, Jurgen, Death, Doorbell, John Johnson, President Robert E. Wee, Vice President Charlotte “Chips Ahoy” Keebler, Ex-Vice President Nathaniel Cookies Nathaien, Swiss Rolls

C80 CHARACTERS
Warning: Does Contain Spoilers
Page 2

Name: Lady of the Lake, The
Actor: Jeremy White
Found: Season 5: Episode 39
About: Mythical being. She told Arthur Pendragon to “shake it for Excalibur,” which he did. She then gave him the sword and got her lake back. Spl-ash!

Name: Lana/Laura #1
Actor: Lily Nisbet
Found: Season 2: PDA
About: One of Koby's party-hard friends, she shows up at a party with another “chick” and shows Koby's friend Paul why drinking is fun. She'll make out with anyone (except Paul).

Name: Lana/Laura #2
Actor: Holly Janka
Found: Season 2: PDA
About: One of Koby's party-hard friends, she shows up at a party with another “chick” and shows Koby's friend Paul why drinking is fun. She'll make out with anyone (except Paul).

Name: Lancelot
Actor: Jeremy White (voice)
Found: Season 5: Episode 39
About: One of King Arthur's knights of the round table. He had an affair with Arthur's woman, Guinevere.

Name: Lauren Arabia
Actor: Julia Cleary
Found: Season 5: Episode 40; Season 6: Presidential, Episode 44
About: This twitchy woman is completely unhinged in ways we will never be able to fathom. She was also the assistant to the head of Darkham Asylum for the criminally insane, in the Village of Ted. In exchange for turning Swiss Rolls' first sidekick into a candy bar, she got Death to kill Donnie Darkham, the head of the asylum, so she could run the place. She proceeded to release Ex-Vice-Mayor Tim and with Death, the three of them plotted to befoul Swiss Rolls. She was, unfortunately for her, eventually apprehended by the detective and put back in Darkham---this time in her own cell, as a patient. Doorstop succeeded her as head of the asylum. She has a thing for smoke grenades, and, of course, twitching.

Name: Lawangsha Grabbitz
Actor: Jeremy White
Found: Season 5: PDA3
About: A trashy girl, friend to Bangma Krotch and Johnisha, with whom she hosts a slutty talk show, “The Bangshawang Hour.” Considering that Bangma is from another existence, it's unknown how the trio met, but they are great friends regardless. Like, totally.

Name: Lawful Good (AKA: Lawrence H. Lawson, Anarchy Lad)
Actor: Jeremy White
Found: Season 1: Episode 6; Season 2: Episode 12, 15, 16; Season 3: Episode 17, 22; Season 4: Episode 26, 30; Season 5: Episode 34, 37; Season 6: Episode 43; Season 7: Episode 50, 54
About: This upstanding defender of justice and fellow superhero came into play when Mandread Crueller and Bad Guy had hatched a particularly evil plan, and Super-Slow Reaction Man needed a little extra help. Once the deed was done, Lawful Good sprang out of there as quickly as he had entered. Not much is known about his background, other than the fact that his father's death at sea influenced his path to becoming a superhero. After his first encounter with our heroes, Lawful Good procured himself a sidekick---Hobo Santa---and attempted to help Deficiency Boy get his bearings after the young clone gained super powers himself. Always willing to help others, he considered himself a mentor to Deficiency Boy and his sidekick Capable Lad until tragically, on a quest to obtain the Orb of Life for SSRM, he was tricked into grabbing the Orb of Strife and transformed into the nefarious Anarchy Lad, with no memory of his former life. Joining Hezedipapa's evil World Domination Squad, he became quick friends with the Confuzzler and when the Orb Crafter took away everyone's powers, he was the only one to retain his due to his chaotic nature, and rose to the position of prime villain. However, even with the assistance of the Surfing Mystic and Anarchy Lad's eventual sidekicks Narcolepsy Girl and Boogie Boy, his evil plans were never quite a success. Eventually, after he and his minions had nearly succeeded in world conquest---even kidnapping the Narrator to harness his powers---Anarchy Lad met his defeat when DB and the Wizard forced him into an encounter with Hobo Santa. Seeing his old sidekick turned him back into Lawful Good, and he vowed to never again walk the path of evil. He was seen assisting Deficiency Boy and SSRM in their fight against Duplicity Man, Hezedipapa, and Gordo. Recently he and SSRM discovered the fate of Capable Lad, returned with Hobo Santa to DB's side, and fought with the Wizard to save his powers from the clutches of evil. Once the Wizard's powers were secured, the assembled heroes tried to make sense of the rest of the prophecy of the tablet. The orbs, due to too many Crafters being on earth, went dark, leaving all three Crafters vulnerable. As Newb Crafter and DB went off to fulfill their destiny, Lawful Good, SSRM and the Wizard did battle with the last remnants of Hezedipapa's forces, namely Mo and Boogie Boy. Injured during the fighting, Lawful Good then led the charge into Orby's garden to find they were too late to save Deficiency Boy from death, though he had taken the Gorb Crafter with him. Setting out with SSRM, Lawful Good intended to reclaim the Cloning Sphere from Duplicity Man so as to bring back their friend Deficiency Boy. When a theft of breakfast items at the farm of Dädder and Sally Frampton led LG and SSRM to Duplicity Man as well as a quick-footed assassin named Kalmundo and a stranger in a top hat called Thaddius, things got dangerous once again, and though Lawful Good did trade DM's momentary escape for the Cloning Sphere at last, it caused him to reconsider his place. Following the resurrection of Deficiency Boy, Lawful Good revealed his intent to hang up the superhero mantle and retire. Entrusting the Cloning Sphere to DB, Lawful Good set out on his own to fix some of the problems with the justice system, and was elected Chief Justice the very next day. Somewhere out there, Judge Lawrence Lawson is doing his part to continue the fight against evil, his own way.

Name: Legolad
Actor: Alex Parker
Found: Season 1: Episode 6
About: Part of Odo's Fellowship of the Thing. He and Thimbli later part ways with Odo, and go off to defeat Saruman and Gomorrha.

Name: Leopold Schnitzel
Actor: Joey Cleary
Found: Season 7: Episode 51
About: A “critical critic” seen in the summer edition of Movie Mayhem (its third episode). He talks about various summer movies including “Brass Man” and “The Last of the Native Aboriginals (Starring Tom Cruise!).”

Name: Le Stupid
Actor: John Nielsen
Found: Season 5: Preview Special
About: Friend of French doctor Francois Le Onion, the world's second-worst brain surgeon (but the best in France). Le Stupid suffers from a span of memory that only lasts five seconds, which tends to get him into quite a few jams. When Dr. Onion is murdered, Inspector Jeu le Deu implicates him as the prime suspect in the crime, despite the fact that he didn't do it (though he did witness the murder). Le Stupid's name is later cleared when Jeu le Deu and MacGunda arrest the real culprits in the case.

Name: Libby the Lab Tech
Actor: Margaret Lacey
Found: Season 7: Episode 56; Season 8: Episode 61
About: Eager Libby is a lab technician working for the crime scene investigation lab in the Village of Weiß. With a mind for science, she is the first person the team looks to when double-checking their evidentiary finds on any given case. She works under Dingorius Dongway, the team leader, who was recently joined by Frank Marconi. Her assistance was invaluable on the recent case to discover who was trying to kill, and then, who did kill, rapper Fifty Six. Though the murder case itself was a dud, anytime there's a real murder to be solved, Libby is the one to ask: “What did the tests find?” Speaking of real murder, when a real one---that of the famous Ronald Rump--came along, Libby upgraded herself to field operative as well as lab rat to help Marconi and Ding Dong solve the crime. Outside the lab, things can get risky, as Libby found when the team encountered not only highly dangerous radioactive fish, but Death himself, who offered to personally give Libby lung cancer.

Name: Librarian
Actor: Kirstin Mueller
Found: Season 3: Episode 18
About: This conservative librarian was walking down the street one day, reading her favorite book, when suddenly a mailman walked up beside her, and scared the bejeezus out of her. She immediately went to the Postbusters, at that time at three-man team. Though Suck wanted to probe her, getting the info they needed didn't prove to be that difficult. He later saved her from demonic mail itself and offered to probe her again, and that time got slapped.

Name: Librarian's Friend
Actor: Solveig Mueller
Found: Season 3: Episode 18
About: She was enjoying a trampoline with her librarian friend when their mail attacked them. Luckily, Suck Vacuum, a Postbuster, saved them in the nick of time.

Name: Limbs of Life
Actor: Michael Cunningham (voice)
Found: Season 1: Episode 1
About: A kindly talking tree. It saved a kid in an orange vest from being mauled by a rabid mountain beaver, and was interviewed by Joe Chapman for its efforts. It deserves a medal, but it's doubtful we could find one large enough.

Name: Linear Sequence, The
Actor: Michael Cunningham, Anthony, Ryan Wheeler, Various Computers (voice provided by TextAloud)
Found: Season 1: Episode 6; Season 2: Episode 9, 10, PDA; Season 7: Episode 53; various minor cameos
About: The master of math, the manipulator of men… the Linear Sequence. This dastardly computer program set out to cover the world in equations, but didn't count on Dodge Neo pulling the calculators off its face and defeating it. Rebooting itself with a new interface, the Sequence then sent forth its Agents---Smythe, Sum, and Square---to destroy Neo, Snooze, Doze and Infinity for their crimes, but failed a second time. Following its failure at the whole 'world domination' thing, the Linear Sequence's hobbies included hosting spoofapaloozas, nefarious online dating, and tricking people into trying to steal the 2004 Amuck. Its only love was Gertie, before her friends convinced her that dating a computer was a bad idea. Doubles as the special effects system for George Lucas. Recently, it was chosen as a running mate by John Online Beta in its campaign for the 2008 presidency, though its political aspirations were set ablaze when John Online was assassinated before the election. It was likely that event that set the Linear Sequence back to its original business---conquering the world with math. Having only Agent Smythe left to serve it, the Sequence created a new wave of improved agents (Trig, Geo, and Landau) to assist Smythe in destroying the Linear Sequence's arch-nemesis, Dodge Neo. This time, however, Smythe, annoyed at the Sequence's demands and lack of understanding as well as power-hungry, hacked his master and took over its powers completely himself. As Smythe went on to be destroyed by Dodge Neo, it's safe to say the Linear Sequence has finally been silenced (… we think).

Name: Lingwaan
Actor: Jeremy White
Found: Season 6: Episode 42
About: Featured in a segment with Cobblepot, in which he helped show off a product called “Legal Age.” Legal Age is an alcoholic beverage that many underage drinkers are now seeking due to the fact that no matter your true age, when drinking Legal Age, you ARE of legal age! Also, according to Cobblepot, the product can be smoked in London---and when Lingwaan heard this, he bought a plane ticket immediately. He is the brother of Luushwaan.

Name: Link
Actor: Brian Wise
Found: Season 3: Episode 17, 18, 23
About: The Hero of Time, the savior of Hyrule, etc. First he saves the lovely Villager #65, then he gets his own cooking show, “Lettuce with Link”---that's just the way it goes in C80. On Lettuce With Link, Link is plagued by the evil Gamindork, who causes Link to slice his hand open and go to the emergency room. Not one to be fooled that way twice, Link is always more careful next time. In subsequent episodes, Villager #65 and even Princess Zelda guest star. Eventually, Link disappears, and his show is usurped by the Mario Brothers.

Name: Linky
Actor: Nathaniel Woodley
Found: Season 6: Episode 41
About: Bonanza Bade’s second assistant, Linky met Bade over the internet before meeting him in person and working in his old assistant, Twinky-Joe’s, stead. According to Bade, Linky is a “special friend” and is a great influence in his life. Together, they joined forces with Safari Jim and Bonanza Bob’s butler, Dinky, to defeat the evil vampire, Count Drixon. They succeeded, and it was revealed that Drixon was actually a cousin of Bade’s out to destroy the family.

Name: Lisette Marteau
Actor: Johännah Larsen
Found: Season 5: Episode 33
About: A French diplomat. On her first visit to the United States, she was greeted by President Robert E. Wee and Vice-Mayor Alan and his men of the Village of Ted. During her tour of the village, however, she was murdered by the Scottish Ex-Vice-Mayor, Tim, in order to drive down tourism in the “town that spurned him.” She recognized him as the Scot from the United Nations who “enjoyed making love to sheep.” Her murder was soon solved by the combined efforts of the Blind Mayor, Swiss Rolls, and Inspector Jeu le Deu.

Name: Littering Loiterer
Actor: Jeremy White, Nathaniel Woodley
Found: Season 6: Episode 41
About: Loitering in the park, or possibly littering, or maybe even bootlegging a CD, this guy had no chance when “Securitiez” officers Wibbens and Burnowski caught up to him one fine day. As the show displayed in a dramatic re-enactment, this criminal was tackled by Wibbens, who then proceeded to break both of the man’s legs. He was taken to the station, where he apparently had his legs “re-attached,” a process that took many men and “many man hours.”

Name: Little Girl Tumorickis
Actor: Johännah Larsen
Found: Season 4: Episode 29
About: One of the thirteen children of Tumorickis. She wants her father to fix one of her toys.

Name: Little Girl Tumorickis #2
Actor: Holly Janka
Found: Season 4: Episode 29
About: One of the thirteen children of Tumorickis… which is probably why he can’t even remember what grade she’s in. She doesn’t want to go to school.

Name: Little Man Chad
Actor: Chad Finch
Found: Season 6: Episode 47
About: This member of Jesus Jones's congregation was having a spiritual crisis when the preacher happened upon him at the church one night. As it happened, the preacher, Jones, was on a date with a woman named Grace as part of an episode of “Visually Impaired Date.” Little did Jones know, Chad stole Grace's heart, and at the end of the episode, even though he was not one of the eligible Bachelorishes, Chad and Grace ended up together---and then ended up running away together, to get away from the other competitors vying for Grace's affections.

Name: Llama Peterson
Actor: Joey Cleary
Found: Season 4: Episode 32
About: The voice-actor for most of the roles in the English version of “FFVII: Advent Children.” He is secretly also the true form of actress Mena Suvari---whom they apparently “made up” for the film American Beauty because they “liked rose petals.” In reality, “Mena” has no career, a fact that amuses Llama Peterson greatly. Interviewed during the second episode of Movie Mayhem.

Name: Loogie
Actor: Joseph Chapman
Found: Season 1: Episode 6
About: According to the evil Saruman, Loogie is “the most annoying invisible friend ever.” He is sent by Saruman and Gomorrha after young Odo to try and retrieve the Thing from him. Loogie, instead, tries to get the Thing (which he refers to as “the tasty”) for himself. Odo is not fooled, and sends him away.

Name: Loopi Goldenstein
Actor: Julia Cleary
Found: Season 8: Episode 57, 58
About: Though she is a civilian, Loopi's mysterious insights into the human condition have earned her the position of ship's counselor aboard the Conglomeration Starship “Epitaph.” Spending most of her time running the ship's bar and hawking her Coca-Cola-related wares, Loopi always takes the time to dispense pearls of wisdom to her fellow crew members, giving them a much-needed shoulder to cry on in times of crisis. How helpful her advice actually is depends on what you take away from it, and some of it is clearly questionable, but one thing is for sure: she will never stop dispensing it. Ever mysterious, little is known about her other than the fact that her people were largely wiped out by the Whorg long ago.

Name: Lor Crawford Tumorickis
Actor: Jeremy White
Found: Season 6: Episode 48
About: Eldest of the thirteen children of Tumorickis. When he was five, his father, Tumorickis, tried to drown him, but divine forces intervened to ensure his survival. From then on, he possessed the power to sense and banish demons from our world. Now a knowledgable adventurer with ties to many communities, Lor goes by “Lor Crawford” and is known popularly as the “Tomb Checker.” He encountered the demon Zurukan the Manipulator, who possessed Marty, an associate of Lor's, while they were trying to trap it. After banishing Zurukan, Lor worked to shut down what he called a “demon gate”---an entryway into our world for the evil entities. Using numerous contacts, including Jeffer, Madam Palm Olive, and Richard Ningling, Lor and his apprentice, Calvin, were able to ascertain the demon gate's location. Unfortunately, a colleague of theirs, respected demonologist Chilton Blazer, had been possessed by Calairo the Defensive (another demon), and had to be destroyed. After nullifying the demon gate, Lor and Calvin continue their work in the field, hoping to someday gain enough knowledge and power to dispel Zenegal the Dominator from the body of Betty Blasphemie. Lor is unaware that his father survived the plane crash seen in “Misplaced.”

Name: Lord Dibbs
Actor: Turtle (Voiced by Joseph Chapman, John Nielsen)
Found: Season 4: Episode 29; Season 5: Preview Special; Season 7: Episode 54
About: One of the turtle lords of a desert island. Dibbs keeps mostly to himself, letting Lord Fluffy do the ruling of the subjects. Lord Dibbs works part-time delivering messages for people like young Julia, though this method of communication is quickly being usurped by F-Mobile. Originally a skeptic, George Buttersworth came to worship Dibbs and Fluffy and credited them for helping the inventor create himself a wife, Mrs. Buttersworth. Somehow, during his part-time job as a deliverer of messages, Dibbs was abducted by Dädder Frampton and kept as livestock on the man's farm, where he often had his daughter Sally (better known as Farm Lass) attempt to milk the turtle for profit. Dibbs is the brother of Lord Fluffy.

Name: Lord Fluffy
Actor: Turtle (Voiced by Joseph Chapman)
Found: Season 3: Episode 18; Season 4: Episode 29
About: Ruler of an island of unknown location, though he took a brief journey to the mainland and accidentally ended up in The Wizard's garage sale. The Wizard, however, protected his interests until he was able to return to the island. Fluffy soon encountered a group of castaways after a celebrity-laden plane crash dumped them all on his island. Most were unappreciative of the accomodations and longed to go home, but Tumorickis bonded with Lord Fluffy (partly due to the fact Tumorickis had a decent grasp of Fluffy's click-filled language). Lord Fluffy crowned Tumorickis 'prince' of the island and allowed him to stay as long as he wanted. Dislikes children as a rule. Brother to Lord Dibbs.

Name: Louis Lane
Actor: John Nielsen
Found: Season 4: Episode 29
About: A knife salesman from New York, Louis is a family man. On a business trip, his celebrity-filled plane crashed, stranding him and several others on a desert island. Never one to let a business opportunity escape him, he still attempted to sell all the other survivors sets of cutlery. One of his knives is a spoon, though he insists it merely looks like one. Eventually, Louis and the other castaways were rescued by the Love Boat, and returned home.

Name: Louis the Lousy Monkey
Actor: Puppet
Found: Season 1: Episode 3
About: Timid and terrified of everything. Carrier of Mad Monkey Disease. Bit Bonanza Bill and never appeared again.

Name: Lou M. Barr
Actor: Nathan Clark
Found: Season 4: Episode 31
About: Lumberjack and head of a profitable lumber company, Lou is an associate of fellow lumberjack Cho Parr. His thoughts on trees are simple---“cut ‘em down, sell the shit.” He is interviewed by Joseph Chapman during a closeup on trees and later takes part in a forum debate on the same subject. He believes that if hippies aren’t going to let him obtain lumber from trees, they need to leave America.

Name: Lou Xemberg
Actor: Michael Cunningham
Found: Season 7: Episode 52
About: The ambassador to France from neighboring Luxembourg, Lou hired Inspector Jeu le Deu and MacGunda to help him locate the missing jewel once belonging to King Louis XVI. The detectives do indeed discover the gem, but when Lou vanishes along with the prize, Jeu and MacGunda are forced to track him down. Teaming up with Swiss Rolls, who drove through the English Channel during his vacation to interfere, and American crime-scene-investigator Dingorius Dongway, the French detectives get to the bottom of the case: it seems Lou kidnapped himself (and the gem)---due to a poorly-made ancient treaty, if the gem ever fell into non-French hands, France would suddenly get annexed by Luxembourg. Ambassador Xemberg, however, was caught, tranquilized, and relieved of his right to rule.

Name: Low-Budget Cameraman
Actor: Joseph Chapman
Found: Season 1: Episode 2
About: Cameraman for the Low Budget Children's Entertainment Show. When the show is hijacked by a terrorist, the cameraman and everyone else gets stabbed to death.

Name: Low-Budget Entertainment Host
Actor: Daniel Clark
Found: Season 1: Episode 2
About: Host of a low-budget children's entertainment show, he voiced “Mr. and Mrs. Ballooney-loon.” That is, until a maddened terrorist hijacked the show. Stabbed multiple times and left for dead.

Name: Low Standards
Actor: Jon Hornaday
Found: Season 2: Episode 10
About: The contestant for the second installment of “Visually Impaired Date.” Blindfolded, he chooses between three “bachelorishes” with varying degrees of appeal. He is forced to duel one of them to the death before advancing to the next round, during which he goes on a date with Putan the caveman, and Victoria Eufegenaia, a slightly unhinged flower-lover. In the end, he opted not to actually pursue any of them romantically.

Name: Lucifina (AKA: Lucifer, Lucy, Satan, The Devil)
Actor: Holly Janka
Found: Season 4: Episode 26; Season 5: Episode 39
About: The devil takes many forms… in most documented cases, a sultry female one. Part of the “Anti-Deity Force,” she opposes God and the Orb Crafter, and all the forces of good. During the Gorb Crafter's attack on earth, she sends her servant Demonobi, a demon-ninja from Hell, to earth, to assist Anarchy Lad. The Wizard claims to have beaten Lucifer “ten times,” though that was likely still when he retained all his powers. Recently, we finally saw the face of evil itself as Satan was called along with Demonobi and the Gorb Crafter to serve as prosecution for the hearing of The Wizard.

Name: Lucky Twitch (AKA: Devlin Donovan)
Actor: Jeremy White
Found: Season 7: Episode 55; Season 8: Episode 60
About: Hailing from Europe, Devlin, or Lucky Twitch, is a telekinetic superhero. After his teammate the Blazing Elbow died in a plane crash in 2006, he found himself working with Mega Mime and Super Sidekick instead. In early 2008, however, Mega Mime and Super Sidekick were killed by Thaddius Morten, leaving Lucky the sole survivor. Eventually he traveled to the U.S. looking for Morten as well as some new superfriends to pal around with, and that was when he met Super Slow Reaction Man (whom he fancies calling “Super Muscle Man”), Deficiency Boy (whom he mistook for Mandread Crueller), and Farm Lass. Hearing that they were after Thaddius, he eagerly teamed up with them and his telekinetic abilities proved useful in warding off attacks from Kalmundo Rifkin, Bernard Foress, and the others. Despite his vendetta against Thaddius, he seemed content to chase him off for now, and indicated his intention to continue traveling with SSRM, DB, and Farm Lass. After becoming DB's roommate, Lucky traveled with him and Farm Lass to the Falls of Power to search for Duplicity Man. Instead, they met the mysterious Nomad, an ancient Swiss wanderer who was looking for both Deficiency Boy and Dorgo, an escaped Dark Mystic---who happened to possess Bernard of all people. LT and FL assisted Nomad, and eventually DB too, in battle with the newly-powerful Bernard, but Nomad did most of the work. When both Nomad and Bernie vanished, Lucky wasted no time in bringing DB up to speed so they could get back to SSRM, and their search for Duplicity Man.

Name: Luigi
Actor: John Nielsen
Found: Season 4: Episode 32
About: Yes, it’s that Luigi. Super Luigi! Of the Mario Bros. He and his brother Mario made their way onto C80 when they trapped Princess Zelda in a crystal, usurping the cooking show “Lettuce with Link” and replacing it with their own, “Melee Munchies.” In their first episode, the Mario Bros. are joined by Ness, their “friend from another land,” and also party-crashed by Wario. Luigi often does things that Mario takes credit for, not that he seems to mind very much.

Name: Lushian Queen
Actor: Melanie Stepp
Found: Season 8: Episode 58
About: Queen of a civilization of largely pre-pie aliens living on the planet Lushious III. Several crew members of the Starship “Epitaph”---Captain Clark Lurk, Deckland Pierce, Quinn Versailles, Marcus Fax, Erin Moon, Tupok Jones, and Harry Scuttlebutt beamed to the planet in two-to-three-man teams to track down an energy source they intended to use to power their damaged engines. However, upon Scuttlebutt and Jones stealing the energy source from the queen herself, they discovered it to be her egg, which proceeded to hatch. When the crew realized their mistake and returned the alien baby to its mother, she had one of her chief warriors reward the crew with another engine part they had failed to detect before---and even kissed the captain farewell.

Name: Lushian Warrior
Actor: Carrie Stepp
Found: Season 8: Episode 58
About: A warrior woman of the planet Lushious III, a largely pre-pie culture. When the crew of the starship Epitaph beamed in and abducted the queen's egg, which they thought to be an engine part, she attacked them fiercely, shooting Quinn Versailles in both of his arms, and shooting new captain Clark Lurk in the chest. Deckland Pierce, recently promoted to ship's medical officer, did his best to patch them up. When the egg hatched and the crew returned the baby to its mother, the warrior, at her behest, presented them with an actual engine part they could use to repair their damaged ship, and they parted ways peacefully after that.

Name: Luushwaan
Actor: Johännah Larsen
Found: Season 6: Episode 42
About: Featured in a segment with Cobblepot, in which she helped show off some ordinary macaroni and cheese. Illiterate, Luushwaan hoped the cheese would gain her more friends. She was sent on her way by Cobblepot to “fetch some butter.” She is the sister of Lingwaan.

Name: MacGunda
Actor: Julia Cleary
Found: Season 5: Preview Special, Episode 33; Season 7: Episode 52
About: The uncannily clever assistant to Inspector Jeu le Deu, the French detective. MacGunda has a little more MacGyver in her than the rest of us, and can make just about anything out of the smallest pieces of assorted crap---be they truth serums, fingerprinting powder, truth “energizers,” or whatnot, she can do it. Her only flaw is that she tends to take vital evidence from the crime scene itself and use it to make her inventions. Her assistance, however, is invaluable to Jeu le Deu. MacGunda is responsible for crafting a translator for Number One that finally allowed the human-doormat to speak English, rather than just saying “hello” all the time. Returning to France with the Inspector, MacGunda was later shopping for carpeting for her French villa when she and Jeu were hired by an ambassador from Luxembourg to find a missing French gem. When both gem and ambassador disappeared, MacGunda and Jeu were forcibly joined by Swiss Rolls and Ding Dong on the case. It eventually became apparent that the ambassador himself had staged the kidnapping just to get his hands on the jewel (and rule France with it), but the four detectives solved the case in time.

Name: Madam Palm Olive
Actor: Julia Cleary
Found: Season 5: Episode 35; Season 6: Episode 48
About: Manages the “Museum of Crappy Arts (and Egyptian Relics).” She hires Philadelphia Jones to recover the stolen statue of Anubis, which she wishes to put in her museum. This is despite the fact that her museum does not hold Egyptian art in high esteem. Recently visited by Lor Crawford, a demon-hunter, for clues as to recent possible demon activity. She revealed that she will display Anubis in the museum as soon as enough of the other crappy art has broken down, so she can stack Anubis on top. Rival to the Curator.

Name: Malcolm P. Downer
Actor: Ryan Wheeler
Found: Season 4: Episode 27
About: President, C.E.O., and resident tyrant of the rival network, Channel 586. He's such an asshole that he steals things from his own office. When faced with a ratings crisis, he fired his own star, Safari Jim, and replaced him with Bonanza Brian. However, when Jim returned to protest and later ousted Brian, Downer gave the man his show back. As a compromise, Malcolm arranged a deal with Channel 80 News for Bonanza Brian to appear there.

Name: Male Contestant Person
Actor: Nathan Clark
Found: Season 1: Episode 2
About: Contestant on the first installment of “Visually Impaired Date.” He wants to date Savannah, but clearly they are a match made in somewhere other than heaven, so it falls through.

Name: Mandread Crueller
Actor: Manfred Mueller
Found: Season 1: Episode 1, 3, 5, 6; Season 3: Episode 21, 22
About: This mild-mannered high school student accidentally snorted milk up his nose, corrupting him so much that he became one of the greatest villains the world has ever seen. Arch-nemesis to Super Slow Reaction Man and all that is good, Mandread is always seeking to take over the world. His exploits include the corruption and murder of SSRM's sidekick, Farm Lad, on more than one occasion, through technology and use of the Globe of Milkish Freakyness, which Mandread discovered in a cereal box. He stole the Globe of Power from Super Slow Reaction Man and laid low briefly before attempting to destroy our hero through a dastardly internet-related scheme. Through an attempt to create a dark copy of Farm Lad, “Crimson Lad,” using the Cloning Sphere, Mandread accidentally created a good clone of himself, Manfraud Dueller, who would go on to become the superhero Deficiency Boy. One can usually find Mandread's chief lackey, Gordo, at his side, ready to do his evil bidding. After Super Slow Reaction Man's fall, Mandread Crueller took an extended tour of Europe, returning once only briefly to try and convert Deficiency Boy to his side (and of course, kill SSRM again). Bad Guy and Ruthless are his brother and sister, and carried on his work after Mandread left. Still, one can never count out Mandread Crueller… his evil may very well resurface one day.

Name: Mandy
Actor: Jill Severson
Found: Season 2: Episode 10
About: Friend to Bethany. According to Death, if Bethany had never been born, and thus, unable to warn her about what a slime he was, Mandy would end up dating Bryan----much to Death’s own dismay. Death apparently holds a candle for this woman, though it’s clear she’s never going to call him. In the end, Bethany chooses to live, and Mandy declares that “she is free.”

Name: Manfred Mueller
Actor: (As Himself)
Found:
About: Appearing the in first episode and sporadically in reports here and there after that, this is Manfred's reporter persona.

Name: Manfred Online (AKA: MOL)
Actor: ---
Found: Season 2: Episode 9, 10, 11, 12, PDA, 13, 14, 15, 16; Season 3: Episode 20; Season 7: Episode 49
About: Internet service provider created to rival AOL. Was released in the following versions: 1.0, 3.0, 11.0, 12.0, 12.0 Optimized, 15.5, 16.34566579 (which was elected president), and finally 33.0 (which got married). It eventually endorsed “John Online Beta” as its successor, and later showed up at John Online's deathbed to speak with Kyle Online. Last seen going to upload its platinum version to some computers in the U.K.

Name: Marathon Man
Actor: Jordan White
Found: Season 3: Episode 18
About: An overzealous fan of the Postbusters. He runs after their moving car just to give a high-five to one of the members.

Name: Marcus Fax
Actor: Joseph Chapman
Found: Season 7: Episode 51; Season 8: Episode 57, 58
About: The chief science officer of the Conglomeration Starship “Epitaph.” Marcus's analytical mind and expansive expertise in multiple fields has saved the crew on more than one occasion. Assumed to be from a long-lived race of very enlightened humanoids, Marcus serves aboard the ship with honor and a calm mind under pressure. Usually found with a tricorder in hand, Marcus is often found on away missions, such as the disastrous trip to Tacomabydos, where Fax, Quinn Versailles, Dr. Linda Coy, and Captain Charles Chewkotay were attacked by the aliens known as the Whorg after dropping off some Koosh diplomats. Marcus worked hard to dispel the localized interference preventing them from beaming back to the Epitaph while the others worked to break free of the forced field generated by the Whorg ship itself. However, on the planet, Captain Chewkotay and Linda were assimilated by the Whorg, and only Marcus and Quinn were able to beam back safely. Soon, the Conglomeration brass sent another engineer, Erin Moon, to assist Scuttlebutt, and a new captain, Clark Lurk, to head the ship. Lurk took them to Lushious III, where Fax and most of the crew explored the planet to find an energy signature they believed could help fix their engines. After a misunderstanding (and a firefight) with the Lushians, they did indeed get the engine part they needed, albeit not the original energy source they'd detected, and went on their way.

Name:Mario
Actor: Jeremy White
Found: Season 4: Episode 32
About: Yes, it’s that Mario. Super Mario! Of the Mario Bros. He and his brother Luigi made their way onto C80 when they trapped Princess Zelda in a crystal, usurping the cooking show “Lettuce with Link” and replacing it with their own, “Melee Munchies.” In their first episode, the Mario Bros. are joined by Ness, their “friend from another land,” and also party-crashed by Wario. Mario enjoys letting other people do work and taking credit for it. He also continually threatens to put Luigi “in another crappy game” when he doesn’t behave.

Name: Marjorie Bergen
Actor: Johännah Larsen
Found: Season 6: Episode 47
About: Featured as the third of a series of five “Bachelorishes” on the return of the popular show “Visually Impaired Date.” Marjorie is an older woman, from the midwest (or Canada, possibly Minnesota, or Nebraska) whose parents were sheep farmers. As such, she and her fifteen cats “follow the herd” wherever it goes. Sensing her need for companionship, Marjorie's brother and sister put her on a plane from California to the show, where she competed for the hand of Grace, the contestant. Despite easily being one of the most normal Bachelorishes, her date with Grace at the Holiday Inn Express ended with Grace hailing a taxi to get her and Marjorie as far away from the other contestants as possible. Marjorie enjoys knitting and baking, as well. When she wasn't chosen by Grace, Marjorie did end up going to a fancy restaurant with Jesus Jones, one of the other Bachelorishes, instead.

Name: Marmoset Cameraman
Actor: Nathan Clark
Found: Season 1: Episode 2
About: Cameraman for “Who Wants to be a Marmoset.” He ends up being declared the winner of the game show due to a fluke.

Name: Martha Stewart
Actor: Johännah Larsen
Found: Season 3: Episode 23
About: The great domestic diva herself! Feared by many and worshipped by a select few, Martha is generally reviled in the C80 universe. Having gone to prison for insider trading, upon her release, her new show tanked in the ratings---so Martha went back to prison to be with the friends she had made there: inmates Skinner, Hob-Nob, Cokey, Smokey, and the Genie (her former servant). She has a personal clone of herself named Mothra, whose construction was imperfect. She was interviewed by news correspondent Joseph Chapman, who was a witness to her cleverly crafted jailbreak of all her inmate friends and cult followers. After Skinner and the others escaped, he recruited Wreathrina, Sticky, and Cutter into the Martha cult, and attempted to obtain the legendary Anubis Statue, which had the power to judge souls, for Martha. Stewart herself kept her hands clean of this incident, which was fouled up by the interference of Philadelphia Jones. Keep your eyes peeled, for we have NOT heard the last of Martha Stewart.

Name: Martini Cameraman
Actor: Joseph Chapman
Found: Season 2: Episode 11; Season 5: Episode 35
About: The cameraman for Donna Martini’s adventure show, he followed her and Philadelphia Jones on the quest for the missing Anubis statue. When it was deemed too dangerous for Donna to continue following Philly, the cameraman continued along, so that she could do voiceover work on his footage later. He eventually followed Donna and her brother Ingo Martini to the Jones Family Retreat in Decembuary 2007, where he witnessed Donna’s death—she was killed by pants. The cameraman’s fate is unknown.

Name: Marty Party (AKA: Zurukan the Manipulator)
Actor: Ryan Wheeler
Found: Season 6: Episode 48
About: An eager young lad who opted to join Lor Crawford and Calvin Citruscide in tracking down a demon known as Zurukan. Unfortunately, due to his carelessness and inexperience, Marty became the demon's host quite quickly. Thanks to Lor and Calvin, Marty's life was saved and Zurukan was banished, but for his own safety, he was expelled from the demon-hunting squad.

Name: Marvelous Megan
Actor: Megan Cleary
Found: Season 7: Episode 53
About: One boring day, she decided to call 'Book Phone' to find something to read. She was not disappointed.

Name: Mary-Lynn Ashley Lohan
Actor: Ashley Wright
Found: Season 7: Episode 51
About: This recently jailed out-of-control Hollywood starlet appeared on “The Rear View” as part of her talk-show-circuit effort to restore her, um, “good” name. Starla Simmons, of course, wanted all the gossip she was unwilling to part with, such as the scorching details about her “accidentally” released sex tape. Before Starla could get much out of her, though, Mary-Lynn was arrested yet again, this time by undercover cops working a sting operation on The Rear View.

Name: Matilda
Actor: Holly Janka
Found: Season 3: Episode 18
About: Character from a radio show run by Holly Janka, Brian Wise, and Will. She visits The Wizard's garage sale, but isn't impressed with the merchandise.

Name: Max Bullets
Actor: Jordan White
Found: Season 8: Episode 61
About: The man of action! The guy of risk! The dude of danger! It's… MAX BULLETS. Max is drawn to, magnetized in the direction of, aroused by, and directed at DANGER. He was a contestant on the fourth installment of “the Weirdest Link,” where that quality was never more apparent, which is perhaps what led to him being the first person voted out. Despite no longer being an active part of the game show, he continued to pester the other players in hopes that one of them might be dangerous enough to give him that rush he so desires. He was last seen gazing up longingly at what was supposedly a falling jet engine.

Name: Mayan King
Actor: Chris Steere
Found: Season 4: Episode 31
About: King of the Mayan Empire, he was responsible for conquering the Aboriginals after their tribe’s alpha-male left to become governor of Suburban City in 2002. And make no mistake, the King is a ladies man, always meeting with the subjugated peoples to “counsel them” and offering to “show them the size of his great tiki man.” When his wife, the Queen, discovers his infidelities, they fight over the Idol of Zurukan, which breaks in half. Taking his half, the King hires Safari Jim, an explorer from another network, to help him gain both halves again. Eventually, Bonanza Bob defects to the King’s side as well, despite being hired by the Queen. Finally, another explorer, the golden-hearted Vinerita Amazon-Yoder-Schmidt, convinces the King and Queen to love again, and their marriage (and the Idol) is restored.

Name: Mayan Queen
Actor: Holly Janka
Found: Season 4: Episode 21
About: Queen of the Mayan Empire. After the Mayans conquered the Aboriginals, the Queen discovered that her husband, the somewhat flirtatious King, was cheating on her with the people they had conquered. Furious, she fought with him over the Idol of Zurukan, which split in half. Hiding her half in a safe place, she hired Bonanza Bob to recover her husband’s half of the idol. She found Bonanza Bob to be less than loyal, however, as he soon defected to her husband’s side of the issue. Frustrated, the Queen then hired a female explorer, Vinerita Amazon-Yoder-Schmidt, and her sidekick, Bargain Ben. In the end, with the Aboriginals gone, to form their own sovereign land again, the Queen and King made up, and their marriage (and the Idol) was restored.

Name: Mayor Seymour Gals
Actor: Anthony
Found: Season 3: Episode 20
About: The mayor of Dumbsville. Interviewed by news correspondent Joseph Chapman during the “Dumbsville Disaster” of 2005, when half the town’s residents disappeared. Due to his rather dumb choice of hat and glasses, he can’t really see where he’s going. A Blindocrat, though he is not truly blind.

Name: Melinda Chipperwood
Actor: Johännah Larsen
Found: Season 4: Episode 29
About: Melinda is a very “chipper” camp counselor from ‘Camp Nicetaknowya.’ One fateful day, the celebrity-filled plane she was on crashed, marooning her and several others on a desert island. She quickly bonded with Tumorickis, a man with thirteen children. Melinda also spent a lot of time with Vinny, and generally got along well with everyone thanks to her camp-counselor training. She used a lot of her craft skills to help the others as much as she can. Finds Lord Fluffy amazing, and looks up to Super Sidekick (even though he threw her into a bush to “save” her). She can make a bird feeder out of a pop can and glitter. Eventually, she and the other castaways were rescued by the Love Boat.

Name: Meningicoccal Announcer
Actor: Lily Nisbet
Found: Season 2: PDA
About: Relays the dangers of kissing and/or sharing drinks with one (or more!) of your classmates without being properly vaccinated.

Name: Mercenary Zato
Actor: Chris Steere
Found: Season 4: Episode 28
About: A gun-for-hire that clearly has history with Agent L, AKA Laticia. When faced with the prospect of a resurrected Yakuza, Laticia seeks Zato's assistance once more, and “promises to pay him this time.” Zato joins their cause, along with Ned Farious and Agent Randy. They are too late to stop Yakuza's resurrection, but when it comes down to blows, Zato and Yakuza go head-to-head in a fierce battle. Though Yakuza and Hännah-Hero knock out Laticia and Ned and kidnap them, Zato was able to rescue them from Agent A while he was distracted by Randy. The whole group ended up at Eaty's, where Zato's expertise helped them defuse a bomb left to destroy them by the former vice president. As of late 2007, it seems that Zato has given up the mercenary business, opting instead to fix cars in New Jersey.

Name: Meth Addict
Actor: Melissa Larsen
Found: Season 5: Episode 36
About: This recovering meth addict was seen placating a craving for the hard stuff with Thirsty Paper Towels.

Name: Mibdo
Actor: Jordan White
Found: Season 2: Episode 12
About: An extremely paranoid boy who only worsened his various complexes by getting lost in a mysterious forest with three strangers: Star Method, Cameraman Jake, and Monkey. Afraid of everything, Mibdo nearly freaked when they found the remains of a campsite and encountered Death himself. Death explained the grisly fate of the campers, who'd stayed there some time ago. Soon, everyone got separated, and Star, followed by Jake, were eaten by the horrifying Salem Gypsy. Sticking with Monkey, who kept collecting the sunglasses of their fallen comrades, proved wise until the Gypsy attacked them, and Monkey grabbed Mibdo's own glasses just as he died.

Name: Middle-Eastern Friend
Actor: Joey Cleary
Found: Season 7: Episode 51
About: The so-called Middle-Eastern friend of the rapper Fifty Six. He appeared alongside her to help promote her newest album, “Unabombin' 4 Peace.” Um, don't worry about that time bomb strapped to his chest… he's just holding that for a friend. Really.

Name: Military Man
Actor: Michael Cunningham
Found: Season 4: Episode 25
About: A representative of the military, he is interviewed by news correspondent Joseph Chapman. He attempts to convince Joe that there is no such thing as “happy,” despite the newsman’s bribery. Also responsible for the abduction of the Windows operating system (which looks an awful lot like a sock). When Vinerita Amazon-Yoder-Schmidt appears on the scene, he attempts to take control of the situation, but is (mostly) killed by the Silent Narrator.

Name: Mind-Controlled Cadet
Actor: Jordan White
Found: Season 7: Episode 51
About: An ensign from the Conglomeration Starship “Epitaph,” seen in the “Aliems” trailer on a few ground missions with the crew. He got mind-controlled by a Nookiee and injured in a firefight. Marcus, Harry and Quinn tried to get him out of there, but it's unknown if he survived or not.

Name: Miney McOlridge
Actor: Jeremy White
Found: Season 6: Episode 42
About: Featured in a segment with Cobblepot, this easygoing guy recently fell down a mine shaft, but climbed out in time to show off a death mask supposedly responsible for killing a great deal of the population of eastern Africa. He also bought the emo CD released by SadSadBoy76, which was previously endorsed by Cobblepot (who said it “cheered his day”). Frightened by the mask itself, Miney jogged off but apparently fell straight “into the lava.”

Name: Minto
Actor: John Nielsen
Found: Season 6: Episode 46; Season 7: Episode 49; Season 8: Episode 60
About: An episode of “Securitiez” about an undercover drug bust featured Minto, a guy so gone he doesn't even know what decade it is anymore. Not that it matters to Minto---this hardcore junkie is always hanging out with his pal (and supplier) Swiss, snorting mints, “staying frosty,” and all manner of other drug habits so strange even his stoner friends won't partake. Still, despite this, Minto is a fairly mellow guy and often talks about “inner peace” and “chilling out.” He got busted by officers Burnowski and Turner, but having overdosed, he was instead sent to the hospital. He was in critical condition, but seems to have recovered. Minto was later seen during a C80 Closeup about “cabbits,” dangerous drug-related candy-rabbit hybrids that he seemed to have no qualms about testing the effects of on camera.

Name: Miss Dumbsville 2000
Actor: Jeremy White
Found: Season 3: Episode 20
About: Resident of Dumbsville, this woman is dumb as a post, and that's an insult to posts everywhere. She was elected “Miss Dumbsville” in 2000, but her pageant days are clearly years behind her. She is interviewed by news correspondent Joseph Chapman during the “Dumbsville Disaster” of 2005, when half the town supposedly went missing. Miss Dumbsville later showed Joe her “spacious apartments,” which was almost certainly a trash can.

Name: Miss Rosethorne
Actor: Johännah Larsen
Found: Season 6: Episode 42
About: Featured in a segment with Cobblepot, this Southern belle came all the way from her plantation to show off a bizarre creature she found. According to Cobblepot, it attaches itself to your face and then “tells jokes,” though Miss Rosethorne’s precious dog, Woofy, seemed to die from the experience. Thanking Cobblepot (she has seen ALL of his movies), she rushed back to Alabama.

Name: Mister Cleo
Actor: Daniel Clark
Found: Season 1: Episode 2
About: Psychic and master of the supernatural ability of predicting the future! Depending on which crystal ball Mr. Cleo is employing, he is either the “Ultimate Cleo” or the “Mysteeerious Cleo.” He has an assistant named Reo, and seems reputable enough, for a psychic. Rival psychic Cypress the Wise considers Cleo “a scam.”

Name: Mister Eye
Actor: Jeremy White
Found: Season 2: Episode 9, 14; Season 5: Episode 36
About: An enigmatic, umbrella-carrying character, Mr. Eye appeared on the scene shortly after the death of Super-Slow Reaction Man. At first seemingly allied with Captain Obvious and Manfraud Dueller, it quickly became clear that Eye was out to help only one person: himself. Capable of seeing both sides of every issue, Eye loves nothing more than to play with both sides of a conflict and then observe how things play out. He briefly attempted to obtain the Orb of Completely Powerful Power for himself, but the Kayaking Mystic wouldn't take his bribe. Other than this, however, Eye doesn't seem to desire power. For instance, he goaded both sides of a conflict between the Mystics and the Amish over a river, until finally former allies Captain Obvious and Deficiency Boy were forced to battle one another. In the end, they realized his scheme. He was chased out of town by an angry crowd of Mystics, Amish, and superheroes. More recently, he was seen putting his powers to more practical use---selling cars at “Mister Eye's Car Spree.” His brother, Mister You, a man with a somewhat more limited perspective on things, joined the World Domination Squad only to be killed at the Cave of Grrraaasssh by Super-Slow Reaction Man.

Name: Mister Wrong
Actor: Joseph Chapman
Found: Season 1: Episode 2
About: Look, you may think you're right, but you're not. I'm sorry. With this over-zealous talk show/game show host in control, you are most certainly always WRONG. Henceforth, you'll think things over until you realize this truth.

Name: Mister You
Actor: Kyle Noon
Found: Season 6: Episode 43
About: The lesser-known brother of Mister Eye. While his brother has been known to see both sides of an issue, Mister You sees only one side at any given time, on the other hand. Once Mr. Eye was reduced from power player in the superhero universe to used car salesman, You sat around, trying to figure out a way to take over the world on his own. Happened upon by Boogie Boy, the Surfing Mystic, and the Noob Crafter, he joined their troupe in an effort to steal the Wizard's powers at the Cave of Grrraaasssh. However, in the battle that broke out at the cave, Mr. You was felled in a duel with Super Slow Reaction Man.

Name: Mobile-P Customer
Actor: Jeremy White
Found: Season 3: Episode 20
About: Tired of being physically injured by using cell phones whose technology is far outdated, he is convinced to upgrade to F-Mobile’s Mobile-P cellular phone (which still hurts, but far less).

Name: Moonshine Wildebeest
Actor: Holly Janka
Found: Season 4: Episode 31
About: This woman is a tree-hugging hippie, and proud of it. She lives in a tree with her fellow hippie, Tigerpaw Tsunami, and refuses to leave the tree for any reason, opting instead to die in it (when her time comes, of course). Moonshine and Tigerpaw take part in a forum debate and are interviewed by Joseph Chapman about trees. She might be wild in the sack.

Name: Monkey
Actor: Ryan Wheeler
Found: Season 2: Episode 12
About: A monkey trapped in the body of a boy, or otherwise? No one knows, except that Monkey is definitely a monkey, even if he doesn't look like it. Wandering into the forest, he encountered three strangers: Star Method, Mibdo, and Cameraman Jake. They found the remains of a campsite, in which Death explained to them the fate of its previous inhabitants. Soon, Star was eaten by the Salem Gypsy, the beast of the forest, and Monkey found her sunglasses (the only thing left), and put them on himself. He did likewise when Jake was eaten, and finally, out-and-out betrayed Mibdo to get his glasses when he died too. Somehow, though, Monkey's animal nature allowed him to make friends with the Salem Gypsy, and together they escaped the woods, where Monkey latched onto Death and became his newest sidekick. As of today, Monkey still hangs around Death all the time, though he isn't often seen.

Name: More4us
Actor: Jordan White
Found: Season 7: Episode 53
About: Freedom-fighter and friend of Dodge Neo. More4us is one of the captains amongst the rebels fighting the Linear Sequence, and helps lead the team as well as train recruits new and old whenever Neo runs off and vanishes to do his “the One” business. More4us came into play during the third and final battle with the Sequence in particular, battling against the Sequence and Agents Landau, Geo, Trig and Smythe with the assistance of Neo, Infinity, Doze, Sahara, and Rat. He and Sahara have some sort of complicated history that Crystal Ball gives him some cryptic advice about. In the end, More4us is one of the survivors of the battle for freedom. Some things never change… and some things do.

Name: Moriarty Minion #1
Actor: Rodger Fickel
Found: Season 1: Episode 7
About: One of two thugs working for the evil Dr. Moriarty. They murder Professor Guy and steal all his Egyptian relics (except the eye of Ra). They then attempt to make their getaway by car, but not before shooting the professor… again.

Name: Moriarty Minion #2
Actor: Manfred Mueller
Found: Season 1: Episode 7
About: One of two thugs working for the evil Dr. Moriarty. They murder Professor Guy and steal all his Egyptian relics (except the eye of Ra). They then attempt to make their getaway by car, but not before shooting the professor… again.

Name: Mortimer McMime (AKA: Mega Mime, Masta Mimah)
Actor: Will
Found: Season 4: Episode 29
About: A talking mime and a real performance artist. Mortimer was on a celebrity-filled plane to his next performance when it crashed, stranding him and several others on a desert island. Using his mimicry to try and survive, he quickly bonded with George Buttersworth, and later “Super Sidekick,” who briefly turned him into a superhero called Mega Mime. Mortimer has no problems with being a talking mime, and in fact, used to be a rapping mime, by the name of “Masta Mimah.” He has since given up that career, however. Eventually, he and the other castaways were rescued by the Love Boat. After leaving the island, Mortimer embraced his new superhero persona, Mega Mime, and took on fellow castaway Sid, AKA Super Sidekick, as his sidekick. The duo traveled to England and teamed up with another group of superheroes that included Lucky Twitch. However, it wouldn't last… in 2008, Mortimer, Sid, and Lucky were ambushed by Thaddius Evilnear Morten, who slit Super Sidekick's throat before throwing Lucky and Mega Mime off the London Bridge. McMime attempted to mime a raft to save them, but drowned, leaving Lucky Twitch the only survivor.

Name: Mother McDonnie
Actor: Joey Cleary
Found: Season 3: Episode 24
About: A mother of four children---Susie, Billy, Clawie, and Neddy McDonnie---whose birthdays all apparently fall on the same day. For their birthday party, she invites two of the Postbusters, Blacky and Radon, to entertain the children, but the kids are NOT impressed. Though the mother says that having the Postbusters at the party is “all they’re going to get,” she apparently gives them a microwave as well. What a mother.

Name: Mothra Stewart
Actor: Brian Wise
Found: Season 3: Episode 23
About: An imperfect clone of Martha Stewart, whom she keeps around for her personal amusement. Interested in many of the same things that Martha is, Mothra is completely unskilled himself, and isn’t held in very high regard by Martha or the inmates/cult members she calls friends. Its only true talent is playing the piano, and singing, which is the only time Mothra ever speaks. Featured in a C80 closeup about Martha and her cult.

Name: Movie Mayhem Hobo
Actor: Kyle Noon
Found: Season 7: Episode 56
About: Not even the cutting reviews of the most scintillatingly gripping fall movies can wake this man. Trust us.

Name: Mr. Bimmy
Actor: Kyle Kertay
Found: Season 7: Episode 56
About: This man is the renowned inventor of the aquatic craft known as the 'Skippy-Doo,' as featured on the “Today in Sports History” segment. Though it took him many tries to perfect his invention, eventually he did it, and was met with grand success.

Name: Mr. Jackass
Actor: Michael Cunningham
Found: Season 6: Episode 42
About: Featured in a segment with Cobblepot, who refers to him as “a jackass.” He gives Cobblepot a portal to another dimension, from which the latter pulled a disc entitled “Now That’s Shooting Your Load!,” which apparently contains the best and “most polite” British porn. Mr. Jackass then leaves with the disc as a parting gift.

Name: Mr. Jones
Actor: John Nielsen
Found: Season 2: Episode 11
About: Patriarch of the Jones family and proprietor of the Jones Family Retreat, a pricey vacation spot. Usually helps in the running of the resort, but Mr. Jones was away on other business when it was attacked by rabid pants and his wife and part of his large family was killed. He stows away in the car of fleeing Ingo Martini in order to get to Canada. He travels with Ingo to the border, but finds his teenage son Jim there, dead, and while examining the body, the same pants that killed his son leapt off and killed him too. Husband to Jennifer Jones; he is the father of Jim, Paul, Jeb, Canuck, Distraction, and Tall-Skinny Jones, and possibly countless others (no one really knows). He is also the uncle of the famed archaeologist, Philadelphia Jones.

Name: Mr. Kittyface
Actor: Joey Cleary
Found: Season 4: Episode 27; Season 6: Presidential
About: Part cat, part human, Mr. Kittyface is a guest on the first episode of “The Rear View” with Starla Simmons. Starla interviews Kittyface, who is apparently an old friend of hers that she has interviewed before (in some other venue), about his various political beliefs (Kittyface is an extreme liberal). Allergic to asparagus. Author of a new book, “I Peed and I Came,” (sequel to his first book, “I Peed and I Went”) which is apparently causing high schoolers to drop out. He voted for Frank Marconi, current Blindocrat candidate for president in '08, but also worked with rival candidate Robert E. Wee.

Name: Mr. Raccoon
Actor: Puppet/Michael Cunningham
Found: Season 1: Episode 5
About: Candidate for the 2002 Suburban City Governor Elections, representing the Fashionless Party. Debates with fellow Fashionless nominee Jimmy J'Jimmajim, until rival Cheesemonger Party candidate Wild Aboriginal chokes him into unconsciousness. Jimmy advances to the next round, and Mr. Raccoon advances to the ICU.

Name: Mrs. Buttersworth
Actor: Syrup Bottle
Found: Season 4: Episode 29
About: The wife of the inventor, George Buttersworth. He “created” her while marooned on the island of Lord Fluffy. She is, in fact, a container of syrup, but as far as George is concerned, she is “sweeter than he ever could have hoped she would be.”

Name: Mr. Vandervert
Actor: Kyle Kertay
Found: Season 5: Episode 40
About: A doddering old man, Mr. Vandervert decided to make some Jiffy Pop one day, and decided to extend an invitation to Muriel, an elderly woman. In his day, they didn't have popcorn, they had seeds, but somehow the two elderly folk manage to pop the corn. Mr. Vandervert recently returned from a one-year voyage to Antarctica. Possibly incontinent, and wears a hearing aid.

Name: Mud Analyst
Actor: Nick Odom
Found: Season 1: Episode 6
About: The second mud analyst to be interviewed by John Johnson during the mud exposé. He replaced Tom'n'Dick'n'Harry. Seems to know a lot about mud.

Name: Mud Hippie
Actor: Manfred Mueller
Found: Season 1: Episode 6
About: He loves mud and everything about it. He loves contemplating it. He loves stealing a chair because of it. But mostly he likes the way it makes his feet feel.

Name: Muriel
Actor: Melissa Larsen
Found: Season 5: Episode 40
About: An old lady that lives with several cats, including a particularly cranky one named Buttons. Invited by Mr. Vandervert to his home for some Jiffy Pop, she was delighted to join him. Seen as part of “Adventures with the Elderly.”

Name: Murky McSwim
Actor: Jordan White
Found: Season 7: Episode 56
About: Well, okay. Not THE Murky McSwim. Er, Marty McFly. Um, Murky. Well, playing him. Whatever. The remake of “Back 2 the Present” will have him replacing the original actor, Foxy McJay… or whoever… using computer generated graphics. This is all revealed during Movie Mayhem's Fabulous Fall Flicks episode. Whatever happens, and whoever he is, the movie will probably make some money.

Name: Murphy Lawrence
Actor: John Nielsen
Found: Season 8: Episode 61
About: Nothing ever seems to go right for poor Murphy. With a lifetime of near-death experiences, missed opportunities, freak accidents and general piss-poor luck at his back, he decided to try his chances on the fourth installment of the game show “Weirdest Link.” Max Bullets, a fellow contestant and dangerphile, seemed drawn to Murphy's aura of impending doom. As luck would have it, Murphy was one of the final two contestants, up for the win, but lost to Begonia Billsley, taking second place as well as sustaining an accidental injury after the fact. Last seen in the care of Dr. Thomas Goodenough while shouting “A jet engine,” it seems either a funeral or a malpractice suit are likely in Murphy's future---and that's the silver lining.

Name: Museum Bookkeeper
Actor: Jill Severson
Found: Season 5: Episode 35
About: Bookkeeper for the Museum of Crappy Arts, she works for Madam Palm Olive. Sent with Philadelphia Jones on a quest to find the Anubis Statue, the Bookkeeper was given permission to write checks to pay for anything Philly needed---be it a new hat or an entire pyramid to pay Ramses Carr with. Reluctant to spend too much money on frivolous things, she nonetheless did pay for everything, though she and Donna Martini departed from the quest early so they wouldn't get killed.

Name: Myface Jeremy
Actor: Jeremy White
Found: Season 7: Episode 54
About: Concerned about where his friend Michael had disappeared to, he checked and found out that it was “Myface,” a social networking website. Once Michael showed him the ropes, he too became addicted to its features.

Name: Myface Michael
Actor: Michael Cunningham
Found: Season 7: Episode 54
About: He became addicted to the social networking website “Myface” and went about showing his friend Jeremy its perks. He's a Myface whore, but only on the weekends.

Name: My Want Jobb
Actor: Joseph Chapman
Found: Season 1: Episode 3
About: Contestant in the first episode of Weirdest Link. After the host is voted off and Caution Tape Guy becomes the host, Jobb takes Caution Tape Guy's seat in the contestant swings. As you may suspect, he wants a job. Suffers a heart attack mid-show, and before he could recover, he was presumably killed by Caution Tape Guy like all the other contestants.

Name: Napoleon Bonaparte
Actor: Jordan White
Found: Season 5: Episode 39
About: Yes, it's the French dictator you know and love. But what you don't know is WHY---why he conquered Europe in a fury. That, it seems, was due to Random Reporter Guy's intervention. After being called “short,” Napoleon knew no bounds. These days he is apparently residing in Hell, and spends his time sneaking back to earth, as well as bothering the Gorb Crafter.

Name: Narcolepsy Girl
Actor: Johännah Larsen
Found: Season 4: Episode 26
About: In the top of her university class, Narcolepsy Girl sports an impressive resumé---which is probably why Anarchy Lad hired her to become one of his evil sidekicks in the “Minions of Strife” (despite the fact that Anarchy Lad clearly did not have a good idea at first of what the word “narcolepsy” meant). She is indeed narcoleptic, though her ability to fall asleep without any notice can apparently be inflicted on others, as she demonstrated on Deficiency Boy. During the fierce battle over Eden, The Wizard used his wand to clog Narcolepsy Girl's arteries, though there didn't seem to be any immediate ill effects. Coupled with her narcolepsy is her tendency to wander, which makes her somewhat unreliable. She has been romantically linked to the Surfing Mystic Mo, according to the Confuzzler, though the thought makes Anarchy Lad ill. Now that Anarchy Lad has become Lawful Good again, it is unknown what will become of Narcolepsy Girl. Last seen at “Mattress World.”

Name: Nathan Clark
Actor: (As Himself)
Found:
About: Demonstrator of side-effects, host of “America's Least Wanted,” and many other things. Basically whenever Nathan appeared as himself.

Name: Native Aboriginal #4
Actor: Rodger Fickel
Found: Season 1: Episode 3
About: Part of a tribe of Aboriginals attacked by Bonanza Bob and Bonanza Ben. Partially responsible for the death of Bonanza Ben.

Name: Native Aboriginal #5
Actor: Claire Hoover
Found: Season 1: Episode 3
About: Part of a tribe of Aboriginals attacked by Bonanza Bob and Bonanza Ben. Partially responsible for the death of Bonanza Ben.

Name: Native Aboriginal Girl
Actor: Wendelin Mueller
Found: Season 1: Episode 3; Season 4: Episode 31
About: Her assistance as a guide was sought by the Cameraman of Nebraska Avenue in the jungles of the same name after the show's host, Bonanza Bill, was infected with Mad Monkey Disease. Though her initial importance was dismissed by the tribe's alpha male, the Wild Aboriginal, when he left the tribe to become governor of Suburban City in 2002, she attained a position of importance. Even after the Aboriginals were conquered by the Mayan Empire, she held fast to her beliefs, and eventually was part of an Aboriginal revolution that left them as rulers of their own sovereign nation once more.

Name: Native Aboriginal Priestess
Actor: Kirstin Mueller
Found: Season 1: Episode 3; Season 4: Episode 31
About: Priestess in a tribe of Aboriginals attacked by Bonanza Bob and Bonanza Ben. When the alpha male, the Wild Aboriginal, leaves the tribe to become governor of Suburban City in 2002, she takes a position of refined importance in the tribe. Though the Aboriginals were later conquered by the Mayan Empire, she and the other female members of the remaining tribe asserted their independence, eventually seceding to form their own sovereign nation once more.

Name: Native Aboriginal Seeress
Actor: Solveig Mueller
Found: Season 1: Episode 3; Season 4: Episode 31
About: Priestess in a tribe of Aboriginals attacked by Bonanza Bob and Bonanza Ben. When the alpha male, the Wild Aboriginal, leaves the tribe to become governor of Suburban City in 2002, she takes a position of refined importance in the tribe, especially given her gift of Foresight. Though the Aboriginals were later conquered by the Mayan Empire, she and the other female members of the remaining tribe asserted their independence, eventually seceding to form their own sovereign nation once more. Safari Jim appreciates her shiny garb a little too much.

Name: N. D. Cisive
Actor: Anthony
Found: Season 1: Episode 3
About: The first guest of the first episode of “People” with Hollywood Lamaramar. N. D. Cisive wants to sing, but can't decide which song he'd like to sing, and thus, cannot sing. Also, he's from Tallahassee, Florida. He is, as you might expect, aptly named.

Name: Neddy McDonnie
Actor: Jordan White
Found: Season 3: Episode 24
About: A small child having a birthday party with his siblings Susie, Clawie, and Billy (apparently they all have the same birthday). His mother invites two Postbusters members, Blacky and Radon, to entertain at the party, but the kids are not impressed.

Name: Ned Farious
Actor: Anthony
Found: Season 2: Episode 12; Season 4: Episode 28
About: The one-time lover of Laticia, also known as Agent L, a prestigious American secret agent. When they broke up, Ned turned to evil. In 2004, he hired the Freshly Laundered Russian to steal some secret plans from Dr. Karen Smart. After paying the agent handsomely for the plans, he was confronted by Laticia. Ned confessed that he still loved her and wanted to use the plans to get her back, but during his confession, Karen snatched the portfolio from his hands. After that defeat, Ned became depressed. In 2006, he actually teamed up with Laticia (in another attempt to get her back again, which fizzled) on another caper involving the plans. He was seen eating at Eaty's, after having helped defuse a bomb left for them all by the scorned vice president. Most recently he surfaced as an extremely successful photographer for Playboy Magazine, where he seems to have finally found his calling.

Name: Negative Two-Time Street Bowling Champion
Actor: Nathan Clark
Found: Season 1: Episode 2
About: His name says it all, really. How he won negative-two-times is unexplainable. Has two reluctant girlfriends as well. Seen on a Sports Junk presentation of “Street Bowling.”

Name: Ness
Actor: Anthony
Found: Season 4: Episode 32
About: Better-known in the game “Super Smash Bros.” and “EarthBound,” Ness is a friend of the Mario Bros. “from another land.” He joins them on the inaugural episode of their cooking show, “Melee Munchies.” Not very talkative but enjoys hitting things with his baseball bat. When his antics get out of hand, the Koopa Troopa beats the ever-loving crap out of him and “escorts” him offstage.

Name: Never Longbottom
Actor: John Nielsen
Found: Season 2: Episode 9
About: Whether he exists on some level, we don't really know… but it's likely that he's a complex hallucination experienced by Harry Potter. He claims to be one of Harry's friends, though Harry is the only one who can see him. He tells Harry not to forget him.

Name: New Orb Crafter, The (AKA: The Newb/Noob Crafter, Nooby)
Actor: Julia Cleary
Found: Season 6: Episode 43; Season 7: Episode 50
About: As of yet, little is known about the mysterious Newb Crafter. Created by the Wizard, presumably to annoy the Orb Crafter, in ancient times, she was put into a deep slumber when the Wizard lost his powers and was promised that she would someday awaken when he redeemed himself. When that day came, she immediately woke and sought out her idol/creator. Somewhat naive, she joined forces with Mo the Surfing Mystic and Boogie Boy in an effort to track down the Wizard. When it came time for the restoration of the powers, a three-way tussle for the Moon Sapphire ensued, and Nooby ended up with some of the Wizard's powers herself, as well as Mo and the Wizard (to the latter's great annoyance). After a “power struggle,” they settled their differences for the moment. Nooby's destiny is part of a greater prophecy, however, and her true purpose was recently revealed. It seems her awakening set about a chain of events that would change the face of power on the planet, starting with the Gorb Crafter's return to Earth. With three Crafters walking the land, a stalemate arose, and all the orbs went dark. The Wizard sent Nooby and Deficiency Boy to the exterior of the Orb Crafter's garden, and Nooby gave Deficiency Boy the courage to enter it, as was his destiny. She also gave him the egg-key she herself crafted, so that he could break through the forcefield. Following the events in the garden, which included sealing away Gorby and the self-sacrifice of DB, Nooby pledged to walk the earth and “craft something three-dimensional,” as well as stalk and keep an eye on her “father,” the Wizard (to his inevitable annoyance, surely).

Name: Nigel Weatherby
Actor: Jeremy White
Found: Season 1: Episode 6; Season 2: Episode 9
About: Originally a mild-mannered and subdued British man, Nigel was the host of “Not-So-Masterpiece Theater.” Previously seen with some upside-down tome in his hand and with that coffee filter on his head. After telling the two tales of “The Linear Sequence,” Nigel has since undergone a far-too-hip makeover in appearance and personality, and hosts a far-too-hip biographical show on another network.

Name: Niles
Actor: Anthony
Found: Season 1: Episode 7; Season 3: Episode 20
About: If nothing else, Niles is a clean freak. He is seen on a preview for “Acquaintances,” when it was still a comedic show about acquaintances living in a welfare tenament. He became so fed up with that lifestyle, however, that he somehow left for his own pristinely sterile pocket dimension. He later emerged to compete in “Acquaintances: The Home Version,” in which his opponent was the hobo, Jeffer, and the prize was getting to be the roommate of the prestigious Rico Suavé. Niles competed hard, though the dirtyness of the experience nearly broke his psyche (again). In the end, though, Niles beat Jeffer, and got to be Rico's roomie---though whether or not that's a good thing remains to be seen. Niles' best friends are Lysol and bleach.

Name: Nixon Nutso
Actor: Jeremy White
Found: Season 2: Episode 9
About: Harry Potter's friend and fellow mental patient. He thinks he's Richard Nixon, which isn't much better than believing you're Harry Potter. It's possible that after Harry's death, he escapes, but we can't know for sure. WATERGATE!

Name: Noah
Actor: Jeremy White
Found: Season 3: Episode 21; Season 4: Episode 26, 30; Season 5: PDA3; Season 6: Episode 43
About: A more uncommon carpenter than you may think: Noah was considered special at an early age by God, and was let in by Him on the secret of the cosmic alliance known as “Deity Force.” As such, The Wizard was his co-worker, and Noah gained a great dislike of him. When The Wizard accidentally played with God’s one-way pipes and flooded the world, it was the last straw. Ordered by God to craft an Ark to carry two of every animal, Noah also assisted the Orb Crafter, whom he considers to be a close friend, in forging the Moon Sapphires that would lock away the Wizard’s powers in the Cave of Grrraaasssh. After that, he promoted one of his most trusted mechanics into “Deity Force” itself, and that man became Super-Slow Reaction Man. The Wizard claimed that Noah had a wife at one point, but he is clearly single now. The whole “ark” incident also shaped Noah’s worldview, in such a way that he likes anything that comes in a pair. Contrary to popular belief, Noah is still around today, and was recently forced into an alliance with The Wizard by God when the Gorb Crafter turned almost everyone evil. In his spare time, he cruises the seas for chicks in his Ark. Also invented Zout!, a cleaning product, and recently helped promote F-Mobile’s newest wares. Following the verdict to the Wizard's hearing requiring that his powers be restored, Noah re-forged the Moon Sapphires into a single sapphire, which he mailed to the Wizard. Noah then loaded up his Ark, and flew into outer space with it, not wanting to be anywhere near the Earth when the Wizard got his powers back.

Name: Nomad
Actor: Joseph Chapman
Found: Season 8: Episode 60
About: The mysterious wanderer. Originally a member of the advanced Ancient Swiss culture, he was present when the Orb Crafter entrusted her orbs and creations to the Swiss so that she could be free to fight evil on another plane. Precisely what occurred is not completely known yet, but it seems Nomad was forced off of the research projects due to objections about how they'd gone too far in trying to reverse-engineer several of the orbs for their own military gain. Before he was fired, however, his work with the Orb of Life accidentally rendered him immortal---thus when the research resulted in a powerful artifact that spun out of control and caused an explosion that destroyed all of his countrymen, Nomad was able to survive, and wander the centuries. The orbs became entrusted to the Mystics for a time, but in the modern age, more and more began to show up on American shores and in the hands of vigilantes, superheroes, and major villains, which Nomad found unacceptable, particularly in the case of Deficiency Boy. Sometime within the last couple of years, he foiled the traps surrounding the Moon of Miscellaneous and claimed the orb as his own, unaware that doing so would lead to the death of Capable Lad. Nevertheless, he appeared near the Falls of Power in 2009 immediately following the escape of Dorgo the Dark Mystic from his tree prison into the body of Bernard Foress. Enlisting the assistance of Lucky Twitch and Farm Lass, Nomad fought Bernard to try and subdue the evil force within him, but in the flash of energy amidst the battle, they were separated. Afterwards Nomad related some of his history to and was seen commiserating with Kalmundo.

Name: Non-Marmoset
Actor: Jessica Glantz
Found: Season 1: Episode 2
About: She was a contestant on “Who Wants to be a Marmoset.” Got a little ahead of herself… she's not a Marmoset yet. She didn't win either.

Name: Nookiee Mind-Controller
Actor: Kyle Noon
Found: Season 7: Episode 51
About: While the most famous member of his kind, Irkofh Neckich, crash-landed on Earth in the 1970s and became part of a famous rock band, not all of Neckich's kind were so friendly to humans eons later, in deep space. This one is seen in the “Aliems” trailer mind-controlling a helpless ensign from the Starship “Epitaph” while on a ground mission. He was then attacked by Harry Scuttlebutt and Marcus Fax, who defeated him.

Name: Not Mandread Crueller
Actor: Manfred Mueller
Found: Season 1: Episode 3
About: Actually, it probably was Mandread Crueller. Don't believe everything you hear. ;D

Name: Number One (AKA: Doormat)
Actor: Kyle Kertay
Found: Season 3: Episode 17, 22; Season 5: Episode 33; Season 6: Episode 44
About: The successor to Zero and the doormat prototype, Number One is a walking, talking doormat hybrid, and Swiss Rolls' “best sidekick.” Always by the detective's side, Number One is usually cheerful, though one never quite knows what he's thinking, as he speaks a language where every word comes out as “Hello!” Death has tried to defeat Number One on several occasions, but for some reason is either unable or unwilling to do so. Doormat, as he is fondly called, is also the one who turned Swiss Rolls' house into a car-house. Recently, when Rolls was forced to team up with Inspector Jeu le Deu, the French detective's sidekick, MacGunda, crafted a translator for Doormat, so that he is now capable of speaking English while wearing it (though he mostly just invites people into houses and asks them to wipe their feet on him). Number One recently went on a “mating trip” and returned to Swiss Rolls with heightened senses. He also was the one component needed to upgrade the Key to the City.

Name: Obi-Two Stevenson
Actor: Ben Wibbens
Found: Season 3: Episode 19
About: Founding member of the band “Toxic Mayonnaise,” a band spanning all musical genres. Obi-Two is the bass player and backup vocalist for the band. He and his brother grew up together in a small town, and after Obi-Two got fired from Denny's, they decided to use a new thing called “music” to be their platform to success---this was 1971. Two years later, they met the drummer, Irkofh Nekich, after hitting him with their car. While other bands fell victim to the temptation of drugs or other life-altering substances, Toxic Mayonnaise stayed true to themselves, and were met with prosperity. Today, they are one of the most well-known bands in the world. Obi-Two is the brother of Gunner Stevenson, his ex-bandmate. I say “ex” because in more recent years, it seems Obi-Two was expelled from Toxic Mayonnaise after robbing a McDonald's. He was replaced by Sally Jessy Raphael II.

Name: Odo
Actor: Anthony
Found: Season 1: Episode 6
About: A young ribbit from Central-Earth. Gandalf the Clumsy gives him the unfortune cookie known as the Thing and bids him to go on a quest to Mt. Doomed and destroy it. On his quest he enters a Fellowship with comrades Legolad and Thimbli and confronts the dark forces of Saruman and Gomorrha, as well as Loogie, the most annoying invisible friend ever. In the end, alone on the top of Mt. Doomed, Odo gives up, eats the Thing, and reads his unfortune (“You Are the Weirdest Link”). This, ironically, makes him the first person in C80 to win that game show. Oh, and Central-Earth, of course, is saved.

Name: Officer Burnowski
Actor: Michael Cunningham
Found: Season 6: Episode 41, 46
About: This member of “E.T. Security,” along with his partner Officer Wibbens, patrols the streets and parks of Glendale with fervor and unwavering dedication. Featured on the beat in an episode of “Securitiez,” Burnowski is the more relaxed of the two, contributing in a fair more lawful manner while his partner tends to go off the deep end and beat the living snot out of criminals. Still, they make a balanced, if not-quite-law-abiding team. Recently he transferred to Salem, where he and his new partner Officer Turner worked together to bust a den of drug-users.

Name: Officer Turner
Actor: Jeremy White
Found: Season 6: Episode 46
About: This member of “E.T. Security,” along with his new partner Officer Burnowski, patrols the streets and parks of Salem with his street-smarts and rookie enthusiasm. Seen on the beat in the second episode of “Securitiez,” Turner got to know his new partner as they went deep undercover into a den of drugs and thugs. Doing their best to blend in with the criminals, Burnowski and Turner sent two felons back to jail and one to the ICU---how's that for security?

Name: Officer Wibbens
Actor: Alex Prescott
Found: Season 6: Episode 41
About: This member of “E.T. Security,” along with his partner Officer Burnowski, patrols the streets and parks of Glendale with his harsh brand of street justice. Featured on the beat in an episode of “Securitiez,” Wibbens takes down creek-surfers, the elderly and possible loiterers in a brutal manner that likely breaks several laws concerning racial profiling and assault itself. Uncompromising in his, um, “dedication” to the law. His law, mostly.

Name: O’Hagen
Actor: Joey Cleary
Found: Season 1: Episode 8; Season 5: Episode 33; Season 6: Presidential
About: This leprechaun enjoys dancing in crop circles, and was indicated as one of the possible causes for the “Mysterious Mecca of Mayhem.” Years later, he was seen selling P8 to poor Irish women that take pleasure in drinking eight kinds of potatoes.

Name: O’Hännah
Actor: Johännah Larsen
Found: Season 5: Episode 33, 34, 36
About: At first, she lamented her inability to drink potatoes, a food she loves. When the crop circle leprechaun O'Hagen appears and offers her P8, a drink made from eight kinds of potatoes, she can't refuse. She later gives up drinking P8 to drink Water Classic instead, realizing how incredibly chalky a drink made from eight potatoes really tastes. Soon, she was even seen selling Irish Spring, a product made specifically for scrubbing the chalky taste of P8 from one's mouth.

Name: Old Hobo of the Train
Actor: Victor Prescott
Found: Season 3: Episode 19
About: An old and possibly-wise (but probably not) hobo, found by Obi-Two and Gunner Stevenson in the seventies, as they waited at the train station to leave their hometown for fame and fortune as the newly formed band, Toxic Mayonnaise. The old hobo, on the other hand, is patiently waiting for a train to Australia. Friends with a rock he named “Pal,” whom he insists “lives witchoo.”

Name: Olga
Actor: Johännah Larsen
Found: Season 4: Episode 25; Season 5: Episode 36; Season 7: PDA4
About: Shows up on the dorm-step of Koby and Paul for one of their drunken parties, along with her friend, Helmut. She and Helmut had just arrived from Sweden and were eager for a taste of America. Olga hits it off with one of the “American-party-time-fun-boys,” Koby, and hooks up with him quite eagerly, though it is entirely likely that he spiked her drink. Olga, in her native land, lives in a windmill (no joke), and wants a mobile phone for Christmas from the Questionable Santa. Later, she is still dating Koby and seems to have settled into the American lifestyle quite well, looking to gain her green card from whomever wants to offer her one.

Name: O'Malley
Actor: Joseph Chapman
Found: Season 6: Episode 45
About: This Irish assassin was a long-time member of the Syndicate of international crime lords. In late 2007, Crocker's face was finally seen as the latest configuration of the Syndicate: he, Bernard Crocker, Nathaniel Nathaien, double agent Downy and the Darth Don---sought to steal the latest cookie plans from President Wee and destroy America once and for all. On orders from the Don he kept pace with Nathaniel's movements and barred Agent A's path with some explosive soap to keep the ex-vice-president safe from harm. O'Malley and Agent A did battle, but perhaps aided by the soap, Agent A proved too slippery for him, and he failed. Agent A then assassinated the Irishman to keep him from following after. His death helped to seal the final fall of the Syndicate.

Name: Oprah Winfrey (AKA: Ohp’er)
Actor: Oprah Winfrey (voiced by Joey Cleary)
Found: Season 5: Episode 35
About: Yes, THAT Oprah. Talk show titan and the bitter nemesis of Starla Simmons, host of “The Rear View,” a rival talk show. When her own ex-chef chose to give an interview on The Rear View rather than Oprah's own show, she made an appearance via satellite video phone to face off with Simmons. Dated every incarnation of “Star Trek.” Was also possibly raised by the Curator, though we're not sure how or why.

Name: Orange-Vested Youth
Actor: Anthony
Found: Season 1: Episode 1
About: He was attacked by a Rabid Mountain Beaver. Though traumatized, his life was saved by a nearby tree's Limbs of Life, and seems to be getting on with his life.

Name: Orb Crafter, The
Actor: Johännah Larsen
Found: Season 2: Episode 15; Season 3: Episode 17, 18, 21, 22; Season 4: Episode 26, 30; Season 5: Episode 34, 37; Season 6: Episode 43; Season 7: Episode 50; Season 8: Episode 60
About: Created in the Garden of Eden by God at the dawn of time, she is a divine and influential force on this world even now. Part of the cosmic alliance known as “Deity Force,” she is responsible for the objects of power known as “orbs.” First, she created the Orb of Completely Powerful Power, from which she created the Globe of Power---later entrusting those orbs to the Kayaking Mystic and Super-Slow Reaction Man, respectively. With the Globe of Power, she created the Orbs of Life, Evolution, and Strife, the Cloning Sphere, the Globe of Milkish Freakyness, the Completely Spherical Egg of Freedom, the Egg of Complete Neutrality, the Bjorn, and the Anti-Bjorn, among possible others (most recently the Orb of Restoration). Former co-hort of The Wizard, after his fall from grace she used the Orb of Strife to erase his memory, and helped Noah make the Moon Sapphire that keeps The Wizard's powers locked away in the Cave of Grrraaasssh. She was also forced to seal the spirit of Dorgo the Dark Mystic in a tree for centurires after he used her Orb of Life to murder an entire village instead of merely watching over it. Still, despite these powers she is a quiet and gentle soul. She first became involved with Deficiency Boy when he sought her out to repair the Bjorn, and she was attacked by Hezedipapa. Soon after, the Orb Crafter elected to use the Orb of Evolution to remove everyone's powers---though Anarchy Lad kept his, and eventually she gave Deficiency Boy back his as well. Lately, especially given the appearance of her evil counterpart, the Gold Orb Crafter, Orby has taken a more active part in the protection of our world (though she did take a vacation that cost her one of her orbs). Most recently, a deadly prophecy came to light which drained all the orbs of their powers and left the Crafters locked in a stalemate. Orby was approached in her garden by the Gorb Crafter, and the two began to do battle. Only the interference of DB broke the stalemate, as the superhero born of the orbs was able to destroy himself in order to once and for all seal away the Gorb Crafter in one of her own orbs. The balance of power restored, Orby found herself terribly shaken by the loss of DB, and has opted to return to Eden for some time, entrusting the eventual return of her Cloning Sphere to SSRM and Lawful Good.

Name: Osama bin Laden
Actor: Michael Cunningham
Found: Season 1: Episode 1; Season 7: Episode 54
About: Osama bin Laden, need we say more? Taken down by “Freedom on a Stick”… twice.

Name: Parched Guy
Actor: John Nielsen
Found: Season 5: Episode 36; Season 7: Episode 49
About: This poor guy is just… really, really thirsty. He was seen partaking of both Thirsty Paper Towels, and later, Water 2, to quench his nearly unquenchable thirst. This thirst soon becomes so unbearable he retreats to the outdoors, where he discovers “Water Diet.”

Name: Parched Mountaineer
Actor: Michael Cunningham
Found: Season 7: Episode 49
About: Just a really thirsty guy who'd love to partake of the luxury of fresh glacial waters. Instead, he partakes of some “Diet Water,” a product with half the burden on one's mind.

Name: Paul
Actor: John Nielsen
Found: Season 2: PDA; Season 4: Episode 25; Season 7: PDA4
About: This straitlaced college student enjoyed playing the piano and minding his own business until his party-hearty friend Koby invited him to a drunken party while the latter's roommate was out of town. Paul quickly fell into the sordid world of drinking after that, and failed a good deal of his classes. The next year found Paul and Koby as roommates themselves, with Paul depressed about the state of his life. Unfortunately for him, even depression couldn't stop the partying, especially when some free-and-loose foreigners showed up at the door. Later he had a fling with the “campus slut” before getting in a drunken car accident during a later Spring Break (he was hit by the car he was driving in). Ah, another victim of the drinking problems of the ages.

Name: Paul Jones
Actor: John Nielsen
Found: Season 2: Episode 11
About: One of the many sons of Jennifer Jones and Mr. Jones, owners of the Jones Family Retreat. When pairs of pants started killing everyone, he attempted to warn the attending guests, Donna and Ingo Martini, but the pants were right behind him, jumped on his face, and caused him to drown in the pool. Brother to Jim, Jeb, Canuck, Distraction, and Tall-Skinny Jones, and cousin to Philadelphia Jones.

Name: Penguin, The
Actor: Joseph Chapman
Found: Season 6: Episode 44
About: The nefarious birdman, as featured in a Meaning of Life segment.

Name: Perry Noid
Actor: Rodger Fickel
Found: Season 1: Episode 3
About: Guest on the first installment of “People” with Hollywood Lamaramar. He's deathly afraid of just about everything… which is why he can't sing.

Name: Peter Newman
Actor: Jeremy White
Found: Season 4: Episode 32
About: The director of the English version of “FFVII: Advent Children.” He is supremely sorry. Interviewed by Joseph Chapman on the second episode of Movie Mayhem.

Name: Pettigrew Applebee
Actor: John Nielsen
Found: Season 2: Episode 11
About: Co-host, along with Joseph Chapman and guest star Grandma, on an episode of Cooking Corner dedicated to marinade sauces. In the absence of Joey Cleary, he was chosen to taste-test the food, but his incredible dislike earned him an assassination straight from the cranky hands of Grandma herself.

Name: Philadelphia Jones
Actor: Joey Cleary
Found: Season 5: Episode 35
About: Famed archaeologist, Philly has been on many an adventure. Most recently, he was hired by Madam Palm Olive of the Museum of Crappy Arts to recover a stolen statue of Anubis. With his assistant, Ward, and his cousin, Tall-Skinny, in tow, he soon met the lovely Donna Martini, who followed along on the quest to produce an adventure show. Philly also found himself racing against members of the Martha Stewart Cult, as led by Skinner, for control of the Anubis Statue, which possesses the power to judge souls. Proud of his “zero-kill-count,” Philly's record was unfortunately undone on the quest, during which a member of the cult died, as well as Philly's own cousin, Tall-Skinny. Still, Philadelphia Jones used his wits to obtain the idol, and brought it to the museum for safekeeping. His dealings with the Martha Stewart Cult are surely not over yet. His aunt and uncle, Mr. Jones and Jennifer Jones, run a resort known as the “Jones Family Retreat,” to which Philly sends Donna during their adventure. Philly is the cousin of Jim, Paul, Jeb, Canuck, and Distraction, who were murdered by pants along with his aunt and uncle at the end of 2007, and Tall-Skinny Jones, who was vaporized by the Martha cult in the beginning of 2007.

Name: Pig Farmer
Actor: Jordan White
Found: Season 5: Preview Special
About: This man loves, above all other things, his pigs. He wants “big, juicy piggies.” Thus, he comes into contact with Shady, a dealer of various pig-enhancing drugs, but is unable to afford the man's price. The two hatch a plan to have someone buy the pig farm, and then kill them, so as to collect the cash but retain the piggies. Their mark is Dr. Francois le Onion, a French doctor with more money than he knows what to do with. He does indeed buy the farm, and then the farmer and Shady kill him. However, the crime is soon solved by Inspector Jeu le Deu and MacGunda, who arrest the farmer and Shady.

Name: Pink Ninja
Actor: Joey Cleary
Found: Season 4: Episode 29
About: Why this guy dresses up in a pink ninja hood, no one will know. Mugged Sid Sidler, Boomshifa, and Sid’s brother, as they left a movie theater. Responsible for the deaths of Boomshifa and Sid’s brother. A year later, Sid confronted him as a superhero, but the ninja once again kicked his ass, prompting Sidler to realize that he would never be good as anything more than a sidekick---and “Super Sidekick” was born.

Name: Pinky
Actor: Emily Felt
Found: Season 2: PDA
About: The assistant/wife to Bonanza Bridget. Bridget is protective of her, even reprimanding the cameraman for sneaking up on them. She provides moral support and gives advice to Bonanza Bridget. After their encounter with the Pygmy-Back Nielsen, Bridget and Pinky abducted the hotel owner's wife and vanished without a trace.

Name: Pockey Pickett
Actor: Joey Cleary
Found: Season 6: Episode 42
About: This not-so-skilled pickpocket showed up for a tour of Gypsy Heights, an apartment building that had been built on the site of a series of murders perpetrated by the Salem Gypsy several years prior. Donald Heath, the real estate agent, was actually Death disguised as a human, seeking to kill Pickett and the others to feed the Gypsy’s hunger. Unlike other run-ins with the Gypsy, however, Pickett and the other would-be victims did not fall victim to the Salem Gypsy, and in a laundry-room showdown, actually destroyed the beast. At the time of the incident, Pickett also seemed to be wanted by the local authorities for a recent burglary, but strolled out of the apartment building unhindered nonetheless.

Name: Popsi Announcer
Actor: Joseph Chapman
Found: Season 2: Episode 10
About: Announces the invention of the new Popsi soda product, “Frist,” over the radio---before segueing into the sounds of “Tainted Love.”

Name: Porcu-duck
Actor: Joseph Chapman (voice)
Found: Season 1: Episode 6; Season 2: Episode 14; Season 4: Return to Memory Avenue; Season 5: Preview Special
About: Very little is known about the entity that calls itself “Porcu-duck.” Obviously a cross between a porcupine and a duck, it is more than just a crossbreed, as Porcu-duck clearly possesses telepathic abilities and a fierce sense of justice. First encountered by the newly-cloned Manfraud Dueller at the Tree of Soles, Porcu-duck's gentle guidance helped the clone of the archvillain Mandread choose a life of good for himself. Later, when Captain Obvious was slain by Duplicity Man, Porcu-duck's spirit reassured the former that the Globe of Power was not lost, but was within all things if they looked hard enough. It seems that when a hero needs guidance, Porcu-duck will be there. Most recently the creature was interviewed in its natural habitat by the kindhearted explorer, Vinerita Amazon-Yoder-Schmidt, though little new knowledge was gained about its nature.

Name: Postmaster General
Actor: Ryan Wheeler
Found: Season 3: Episode 18
About: The undeniable leader of the group of mutant mailmen combatted by the Postbusters. When encountered by our heroes, he forces them into a fight with a dragon after asking them to “choose their delivery.” Diabetic, like all mailmen, which of course means that when jelly beans are frosted and then consumed by him, he will explode. He did just that.

Name: Pot-Shot Macintosh
Actor: Julia Cleary
Found: Season 5: Preview Special
About: This maniac huntress knows only one thing: firearms. A contestant on the third episode of “Weirdest Link,” she will shoot anything she deems worthy with her itchy-trigger finger. Doesn't like trees. Before too long, she shoots herself in the face by mistake, taking herself out of the running.

Name: Pozer the Posterian
Actor: Jordan White
Found: Season 3: Episode 18
About: Second-in-command to the Postmaster General. He uses his evil mailman powers to turn unsuspecting Dana McRaina into an envelope.

Name: President Robert E. Wee
Actor: Jordan White
Found: Season 2: Episode 16; Season 4: Episode 28; Season 5: Episode 33, 38; Season 6: Presidential, Episode 45; Season 8: Episode 61
About: President of the United States, elected in 2004. To say that he's a little strange would be putting it lightly---he seems positively senile. In '04, commissioned Dr. Karen Smart to craft him the most secret of “plans,” which were then stolen by the Freshly Laundered Russian and Ned Farious. After ordering Agent A and Agent L to recover the plans, the president sat back and let them do the work. The plans were not only not recovered right away, but later completely lost, to “Bob's” dismay. In 2005, he and his Vice President, Nathaniel Cookies Nathaien set out to stop the suspected terrorist, Yakuza, employing Ex-Agent X and Agent Laticia----and the president himself accidentally made friends with the Laundered Russian, who he thought was Santa Claus. In 2006, Agent A went crazy and resurrected Yakuza, but somehow, the plans were recovered and the president finally got his favorite thing: chocolate chip cookies. However, he had the Vice President arrested for “stealing his beard” (which he didn't do, though he most certainly did set up several botched assassination attempts with bombs). Wee also traveled the to Village of Ted to meet with a visiting French diplomat, Lisette Marteau, only to witness her murder. He was interviewed by both Swiss Rolls and Jeu le Deu before returning to Washington. He recently appointed a new vice-president, Charlotte “Chips Ahoy” Keebler. During the final crisis of 2007, the President tried to stay out of the agents' way and keep to his political duties. Following the fall of the Syndicate of international crime lords on his watch, Robert Wee's popularity soared (despite certain hairbrained decisions such as paving up to the Canadian border) With his political opponent, JOL Beta, at death's door following an assassination attempt from other internet service providers, President Wee went on to beat out Frank Marconi in the 2008 presidential election, securing his second term for the next four years. In 2009, Wee revealed a secret bill he'd kept hidden from Congress and VP Keebler, a bill he'd developed with Hawaiian Senator Mukumukunukunukuapua'a to get rid of Canada and give all its land to Hawaii. Nathaien appeared and ripped up the bill on live TV as soon as Wee signed it, however.

Name: Pretty Plumper-Upper Spokesguy
Actor: Joseph Chapman
Found: Season 7: Episode 54
About: The spokesman for a very special brand of toilet paper---because after all, peeing is the inevitable conclusion of drinking.

Name: Pretty Thirsty Guy
Actor: Michael Cunningham
Found: Season 7: Episode 54
About: First he tried drinking from the pool, and that didn't go so well, so he found a drink in his fridge instead. But what goes in, must come out… and that is where Pretty Plumper-Upper Toilet Paper comes in handy.

Name: Princess Zelda
Actor: Jeremy White
Found: Season 3: Episode 23; Season 4: Episode 32
About: The princess of the video-game kingdom of Hyrule, as you’ve never seen her before. Guest starring on Link’s cooking show, “Lettuce with Link,” she assists in the making of various delicious treats. Petty, foul-mouthed, and jealous of Villager #65, Zelda is always competing for Link’s attention. She enjoys making weird faces, gasping at perceived danger, and playing with Link’s sword. She despises being trapped inside of crystals by the evil Gamindork, which seems to happen often to her. Sometimes attempts to use telepathy, and has the power to magically open doors. After she guest-starred, Link departed for other lands and the Mario Bros. usurped the show by ambushing Zelda in her dressing room and trapping her in a crystal. Despite what she says, she really does look better on the TV than in person, as the Gamer attests.

Name: Private Mountain Dont
Actor: Jordan White
Found: Season 2: Episode 12
About: A young soldier in the army, he'd just completed his tour of duty in an unknown land and had been discharged when he found himself down-on-his-luck in the Township of Schwartz. Happened upon by Manfraud Dueller, the private eagerly sold the only trinket he had to his name---a Shard of Chewagumabar---for eleven cents. Little did the soldier know, grasping the Chewagumabar instantly turned Manfraud into the superhero, Deficiency Boy. After that, Mountain Dont met the newly-evil Hezedipapa, and for a fee of (you guessed it) eleven cents, he joined her World Domination Squad as a henchman. Soon, he was defeated in battle by Lawful Good's sidekick, Hobo Santa, who threw a beer can at him. Hezedipapa then killed the private out of frustration that he was a horrible henchman. We may never know where he picked up that Shard, or whether there are more to be found elsewhere.

Name: Private Mountain Maybe
Actor: Jordan White
Found: Season 5: Episode 36
About: The brother of Pvt. Mountain Dont, Mountain Maybe received word that his brother had gotten a job working for Hezedipapa, and somehow followed up on the lead three years later (ironically also three years after his brother died working for her). Joining Hezedipapa's newly refurbished World Domination Squad, Mountain Maybe was surprisingly not out to avenge his brother's death but instead out seeking revenge against Duplicity Man for stealing his giant pancake. Last seen pursuing SSRM with Hezedipapa.

Name: Professional Semi-Whatever Karaoke Guy
Actor: Nathan Clark
Found: Season 1: Episode 2
About: Performs a rap rendition of Dr. Seuss's “Yertle the Turtle,” as well as an original rap, for the “Society Junk” segment.

Name: Professor Guy
Actor: Jon Hornaday
Found: Season 1: Episode 7
About: After years of searching, he finally found the Ancient Egyptian Relics of Magic (and Gods, and Power) in the Jungles of Nebraska Avenue. With his assistant, Shutup, in tow, he planned to take them, including the most powerful, the eye of Ra, somewhere safe to study. However, he was jumped by thugs, and shot several times (and then shot again from a car that may or may not have been driving by). With his dying breath, he bid Shutup to protect the Eye of Ra, and died.

Name: Psychiatrist
Actor: Kirstin Mueller
Found: Season 1: Episode 3; Season 2: Episode 9
About: Clearly a supporter of the bygone days of treating the mentally ill with various torturous “cures,” this woman has her work cut out for her. On the first episode of “People,” she weighs in from the audience with her professional psychiatric opinion regarding guest Perry Noid; later, she harrasses Harry Potter and other mental patients.

Name: Public Disservice Announcer
Actor: Brian Wise
Found: Season 2: PDA; Season 4: Episode 25; Season 7: PDA4 (voice only)
About: This concerned citizen can often be found denouncing the use of alcohol on college campuses through the venue of public service announcements. Showing us examples of the drinking problems of the ages, he refuses to intervene directly on the behalf of those drinking, but rather, observes, silently---and sometimes creepily. Speaking only to the viewers, preceding and following these little segments, the PDAnnouncer has a penchant for supernaturally appearing in closets, under beds, and anywhere he can observe (and silently condemn) the drunken debauchery.

Name: Pupinsmeala
Actor: Kyle Kertay
Found: Season 6: Episode 42
About: Featured in a segment with Cobblepot, who refers to him as “an idiot.” He shows off some sort of strange and lethal weapon crafted mostly of duct tape, which Cobblepot calls “the ultimate killing machine.” While joking around with the device, Cobblepot accidentally (or deliberately) poisons Pupinsmeala, who dies in the jolly British man’s arms.

Name: Putan (AKA: Bachelorish #2)
Actor: Joey Cleary
Found: Season 2: Episode 10
About: Bachelorish #2 on the second installment of “Visually Impaired Date.” He is a caveman, and went on the show because he thought he could find a woman, but was slightly confused. Still, he went on a preliminary date with the contestant, Low Standards, and got distracted while spear-fishing. In the end, Low Standards does not choose Putan… “mostly because he’s kind of a man.”

Name: Pygmy-Back Nielsen
Actor: John Nielsen
Found: Season 2: PDA; Season 6: Episode 42
About: An infestation of these was found at the Eastside Hotel, and Bonanza Bridget was hired to come in and take care of it. They enjoy stealing towels and hiding behind furniture, but they were no match for Bridget's knife. Widely considered to be the worst kind of Nielsen. Bonanza Bob's butler Dinky was later seen trapping one by baiting it with candy.

Name: Queen Elizabeth I
Actor: Holly Janka
Found: Season 5: Episode 39
About: The Virgin Queen of England… was that way for a reason. Sitting in her private garden one day, debating who to marry, she was greatly bothered by the appearance of Random Reporter Guy---who so offended her that she swore off men forever.

Name: Questionable Santa
Actor: Jeremy White
Found: Season 4: Episode 25; Season 5: Episode 36; Season 7: PDA4
About: An acquaintance of Paul and Koby, this guy jumps in on any drunken college parties he can find. He has been drinking so long, he doesn’t remember his real name, though he takes his role as Santa semi-seriously. Brings two underage students to one of Koby’s parties, and proceeds to make everyone sit on his lap… including the PDAnnouncer. Light and easygoing, though clearly questionable in most of his dealings. Paul accuses him of “liking men,” which probably isn’t too far off-base. Later he returns to save Koby and Paul's spring break after his 'other friends' (implied to be Swiss, Angeline, and Minto) are arrested by Securitiez.

Name: Qui-Gon Luke
Actor: Nathan Clark
Found: Season 1: Episode 4
About: Contestant for the second episode of Weirdest Link. He thought he was Qui-Gon, but Mr. Wrong declares him to be Luke. Doles out punishment to other contestants who fail to answer their questions correctly. Puppets calm him.

Name: Quinn Versailles
Actor: Jeremy White
Found: Season 7: Episode 51; Season 8: Episode 57, 58
About: The helmsman of the Conglomeration Starship “Epitaph.” While his piloting skills are a boon to the ship, his understanding of other species and willingness to talk things out has sometimes been of even greater importance to the crew. When the Epitaph found itself escorting the Koosh aliens to Tacomabydos, Quinn with his knowledge of their culture and the ruins on the planet was an easy choice to be on the away team, which also included Marcus Fax, Captain Chewkotay, and the doctor, Linda Coy, to monitor the ambassadors' vitals. After dropping off the Kooshes, however, the crew found themselves under attack by the Whorg and unable to beam back to the ship. Splitting into teams to find the localized interference, Quinn was quickly incapacitated by Whorg aliens, leaving Linda to be captured and assimilated, later along with Charles. Marcus was able to intervene before Quinn became one of them himself, and after the Epitaph broke free of the forced field, they were able to beam back aboard. Quinn recovered thanks to (newly promoted) doctor Deckland Pierce, but was hit hard by the loss of Linda and Charles, being close to both of them. However, when Conglomeration leaders appointed a new captain, Clark Lurk, instead of promoting Commander Oray to the post, Quinn was careful to be welcoming to Clark, knowing others on the ship might have a hard time accepting him. Soon, Quinn, Fax, Lurk, Pierce, Tupok Jones, Harry Scuttlebutt, and new engineering team member Erin Moon beamed to the surface of Lushious III in search of something to fix their now-damaged engines. During the firefight with the Lushian aliens, Quinn and Clark were both injured and later patched up by Deckland. Eventually, the crew realized they'd stolen the queen's egg and returned it to her, with Quinn assisting in the translations (though Clark making out with her transcended the language barrier a bit). Grateful, the queen bequeathed them a crystal they could actually use for their ship, and they peacefully departed.

Name: Raajneesh
Actor: Tylor Stepp
Found: Season 7: Episode 56
About: This young rapper is a friend of the Middle-Eastern Friend of fellow rapper Fifty Six. While Raajneesh and 'Fitty' had been known to fraternize in the past, they hadn't actually done “the deed” (meaning collaborate on an album) as far as anyone knew. When Fifty Six survived several attempts on her life, the crime lab team from Weiß came to interview Raaj about his possible involvement in the assassination attempts. Raaj's denials only threw more suspicion on him, especially from Dingorius Dongway, but it seems his secretive nature was merely trying to disguise the fact that he and 56 had indeed made an album together on the “down-low” due to be released in the future. When it appeared that Fitty had really been iced, Raaj came clean, though the joke was on the CSI team in the end, as both rappers had worked to fake Fifty Six's death to cause an avalanche of publicity for the new album when the time came. Unlike his fellow rappers, Raaj seems to have ample respect, and possibly attraction, for fellow rapper Snub Puppy---though this seems to be because he thinks a rapper who also happened to be an actual puppy would be “beautiful.” In the end, with their respective names cleared, Raaj and Fifty Six came clean in a press conference about the album's release.

Name: Rabid Mountain Beaver
Actor: Manfred Mueller
Found: Season 1: Episode 1
About: Attacked the Orange-Vested Youth for no apparent reason other than its rabid beaver nature. Dislikes fruit. It also attacked Joseph Chapman, who was reporting at the time.

Name: Radon Spandex
Actor: Jeremy White
Found: Season 3: Episode 18, 24
About: Member of the anti-mailman fighting force, the Postbusters! Together with Ego, Suck, and eventually Blacky, Radon Spandex does his best to rid the world of the evil monster mailmen that plague it. Probably the least clever of the Postbusters, though he's the most easygoing. Gets along well with the rest of the team, though is sometimes at odds with Blacky. Radon drives the signature Postbusters car. The Postbusters first defeated the evil Postmaster General, and years later, were called in to defeat Steevo, a postcard monster who kidnapped Elaina McRaina's baby, Bologna.

Name: Ralph
Actor: Jai Salzwedel
Found: Season 2: Episode 13
About: A resident of the Village of Fred, it is unknown how he is acquainted with not one, but two Mystics, as well as Hezedipapa, but the Kayaking Mystic entrusted to his care the key to a lock that held the Sword of Shribdia in place. When Mo the Surfing Mystic and Deficiency Boy sought out Ralph, he gave them the key, thus netting DB the Sword of Shribdia. However, Ralph got caught in the ensuing battle between Mo and his ex, Hezedipapa, and though he might not be quite dead, he won't be showing up again anytime soon.

Name: Ramses Carr
Actor: Kyle Noon
Found: Season 5: Episode 35
About: This Egyptian guide was hired by Philadelphia Jones to help locate the statue of Anubis. Owner of the Anubis Ring, an artifact capable of locating the statue, Ramses charged several scarab beetles and a pyramid as payment for his services. His services, however, left much to be desired, at least in the eyes of Philly, who grabbed the ring from Ramses---which was immediately stolen by Martha Stewart Cult member, Cutter. Ramses does not have an accent, but won't tell you why. Trust in the ring!

Name: Rat
Actor: Jeremy White
Found: Season 7: Episode 53
About: Freedom-fighter and friend of Dodge Neo. Despite being on the team of rebels fighting the Linear Sequence for at least four years, Rat is still considered sort of 'new blood' and occasionally has a hard time swallowing the whole “Neo is the One” business. Rat came into play during the third and final battle with the Sequence in particular, battling against the Sequence and Agents Landau, Geo, Trig and Smythe with the assistance of Neo, Infinity, Doze, More4us, and Sahara. Consulting both Crystal Ball and Infinity on the matter of Dodge Neo, Rat eventually made the choice to believe in the fate of the “One.” In the end, Rat is one of the survivors of the battle for freedom.

Name: Reaper Fangirl
Actor: Holly Janka
Found: Season 3: Episode 17
About: Apparently, she's a big fan of Death. Photographs him during his Spring Break dance show. She somehow avoids the shootout caused by Swiss Rolls.

Name: Rebecca
Actor: Bethany Loberg
Found: Season 7: Episode 49
About: This average teenager is seen on the 8th episode of “The Rear View” with Starla Simmons. She comes on the show to declare her love for her narcissistic boyfriend, Brett Astard, a guy so full of himself he can't even remember Rebecca's name. A nerdier and more-well-meaning suitor, Ambule, storms onto the show to tell Rebecca how much she means to HIM, but unfortunately he can't seem to find the proper words and HE can't remember her name either! By the end of the episode, with a little encouragement from Starla, this girl has embraced girl power and dumped both sorry losers. Oh, and Starla finds out the hard way that Rebecca does NOT like to be touched.

Name: Redneck Bigfoot
Actor: Victor Prescott
Found: Season 3: Episode 19
About: Like regular Bigfoot, only more redneck. Plaguing the area with its stench was the last straw for Bonanza Bade and Twinky-Joe, who chased down Redneck Bigfoot and trapped it to put an end to the stink.

Name: Reginald
Actor: John Nielsen
Found: Season 2: Episode 10
About: Friend of Joseph Leonard Michael Trogdor Cleary. Tragically, this teen jumped off a bridge because others were doing it too. However, his ghost came back to earth to WAAARN Joseph about the dangers of conforming, as well as drinking the new soda, Frist.

Name: Renee Stimpson
Actor: Margaret Lacey
Found: Season 8: Episode 61
About: Yes, it's the Emmy Award-winning actress! Riding the high of celebrity, she decided to try her hand at the fourth installment of the popular game show, “Weirdest Link,” perhaps as something to do while waiting for her new movie, “Guy Meets Really Hot Girl,” to be released in theaters. Alas, her star power wasn't enough to win her the game, and she was voted off.

Name: Reo
Actor: Travis Clark
Found: Season 1: Episode 2
About: Young assistant to Mister Cleo. When asked what he sees within the crystal, you better bet he tells you the right answer. A real prodigy.

Name: Richard Ningling
Actor: John Nielsen
Found: Season 4: Episode 32; Season 5: Episode 34; Season 6: Episode 48; Season 8: Episode 59
About: Illegitimate son of the Curator and her first husband, Freud McNingling, whom she married after Richard was born. This nerdy librarian was a guest on the third and fourth episodes of “The Rear View” with Starla Simmons. Despite the fact that Richard and Starla have similar fashion sense, their televised spat on the Rear View drove a wedge between them that has only gotten worse as time goes on. Starla, for one, refuses to go out with Richard, who claimed later he didn’t want to date Simmons anyway. A fierce defender of the Dewey Decimal system, Richard believes that the internet is “a fad that will never catch on.” He also finds his mother’s obsession with putting everything in museums somewhat tedious. He has read “every book” and is also an accomplished author: He wrote the bestseller “You’ve Got to Read This!” as well as the slightly-less-popular “Everything Numbered 15 and Why They Are Numbered 15.” After appearing once on the Rear View, he also began to pen a book about why he thinks Starla Simmons is a bitch (though he came back on her show anyway). He wears prescription underwear. Richard is also a (sometimes unwilling) pal and source of information of demon-hunter Lor Crawford. He is also a smoker, a fact he hides from his mother.

Name: Richard Nixon
Actor: Will
Found: Season 5: Episode 39
About: Nothing fancy, just the former president, Nixon. It seems that his downfall has been recently attributed directly to Random Reporter Guy (AKA The Wizard), who left his recording equipment running and implicated Nixon in all SORTS of sordid affairs.

Name: Rico Suavé
Actor: John Nielsen
Found: Season 3: Episode 20
About: An extremely wealthy landowner, Rico has more time and money than he knows what to do with. So, he offered two contestants (Jeffer, a hobo from his front lawn, and Niles, a neat-freak) a chance to compete to become his roommate on “Acquaintances: The Home Version.” After giving Jeffer and Niles a tour of his home and judging three competitions, Rico declared Niles to be the victor, and gave him the position of roommate. Though he has three-hundred dollar shoes, he’s something of an exhibitionist/naturist, and doesn’t wear much else---much to Niles’ horror.

Name: Riddler, The
Actor: Jeremy White
Found: Season 6: Episode 44
About: The King of Conundrums, as seen in a Meaning of Life segment.

Name: Robin (Dick Grayson)
Actor: Kyle Kertay
Found: Season 6: Episode 44
About: The Boy Wonder, as seen in a Meaning of Life segment.

Name: Robin (Jason Todd)
Actor: Jeremy White
Found: Season 7: Episode 52
About: The other Boy Wonder, as seen in a commercial for the Joker's anti-depressant pills.

Name: Rodger Fickel
Actor: (As Himself)
Found:
About: Rodger's reporter persona.

Name: Rodrieguez “Death Spanish” Santiago
Actor: Kyle Kertay
Found: Season 5: Episode 36
About: Spanish-speaking spokesman for the incredible product “En Tube!” He appears in a commercial touting its wonders, and is later interviewed by Starla Simmons and given a free trip to her “Alrats Industries” resort. He loves En Tube, but not Starla… or the resort.

Name: Ronald Rump
Actor: Michael Cunningham
Found: Season 8: Episode 61
About: A cold-hearted real estate mogul. Tends to yell “You're Fired!” at anyone who displeases (or really, even comes near) him. Ronald Rump was worth billions when Swedish Recycla-Ball champion Jurgen came forth and picketed Rump's company, claiming they were up to their asses in dangerous toxic waste known as TU-P3Y. Rump, with only the knowledge of his trusted assistant Secretarius, attempted to dump the chemicals in the river in Weiß. Secretarius took the opportunity to murder his boss and inherit the Rump fortune as well as the company himself. When Rump's body was discovered, his murder was investigated by Dingorius Dongway, Frank Marconi, and Libby from the city's crime lab. Though they suspected Jurgen and even Death of the crime, Secretarius was arrested in the end and brought to justice.

Name: Rubrick Jameson IV
Actor: Anthony
Found: Season 4: Episode 25
About: This man runs an evil software corporation created by his father's father's father. He now wishes to acquire “happy,” whatever that may be, and use it for his own ends: namely, making a new bonus software CD for his operating system, “Lindows,” and gaining more money---because money equals happy. He also invented his own search engine, “Loogle,” and is a member of the Lepublican party. Rubrick is an uncompromising man, and employs a robot slave he has dubbed “Assistant Sir,” whom he later upgrades several times. The Fixer, a diabolical device once belonging to Bad Guy Crueller and used by Rubrick to fix his robot, nearly kills him. In the end, this software giant learns the hard way that happiness had been his the entire time (the companionship of his robot), but he let it slip through his fingers.

Name: Ruthless Crueller
Actor: Joy Schneider
Found: Season 2: Episode 9
About: The nefarious sister of archvillain Mandread Crueller, as well as Bad Guy Crueller. After Super-Slow Reaction Man's death, Bad Guy retired and Mandread went on an extended tour of Europe, leaving much of his evil empire to Ruthless. When she discovered the existence of the Orb of Completely Powerful Power, from which all other Orbs were created, she quickly moved to combine its powers with her own Globe of Milkish Freakyness. She began by tracking down Gordo, the perennial Crueller henchman, as well as Gordo's estranged brother, Grodo. The villains then moved towards the Keymaster or Kayaking Mystic, guardian of the Orb, but were in competition with Captain Obvious's group, as well as Mister Eye. Gordo and Grodo both failed to answer the Mystic's riddle, and were thus denied access to the orb, but when Captain Obvious obtained it, they ambushed the group. As Manfraud Dueller, Ruthless's clone-nephew, switched sides, it seemed they would win----until SSRM's ghost grabbed hold of the Orb and was resurrected. To hide her scheme from the heroes, she hid the Globe of Milkish Freakyness inside Turkey-in-a-basket, and tossed it into the river, before being killed by the Silent Narrator.

Name: Ryan Wheeler
Actor: (As Himself)
Found:
About: Ryan's reporter persona. You won't be seeing him much, but occasionally he comes out of hiding to help us out.

Name: SadSadBoy76
Actor: Joey Cleary
Found: Season 5: PDA3
About: Cheer up, emo kid! Or don't, and just buy yourself the EMObile. That was the message sent to SadSadBoy76, a dark and brooding lad whose mom hates him, his cat is a bitch, and his boyfriend is abusive to him. He ends up loving the EMObile, or loving it as much as anyone acting that emo can. Rumor has it he has a depressing album in the works for release in the very near future. He is known only by his MySpace handle.

Name: Safari Jim
Actor: Jeremy White
Found: Season 4: Episode 27, 31; Season 6: Episode 41
About: Explorer extraordinaire, he has his own long-running show on another network, namely, Channel 586. He returned home from a parallel world with his cameraman Bob only to find that he had been fired and replaced by Bonanza Brian, a cousin of the famed C80 adventurer, Bonanza Bob. Not one to take that sort of thing lying down, Safari Jim hunted down Bonanza Brian and beat the crap out of him to get his show back---but, sensing a kindred spirit in Brian, had the 586 network president, Malcolm Downer, phone Joseph Chapman of Channel 80 News to set up Bonanza Brian for his own C80 show. While that fell through due to Bonanza Brian's sudden return to Sydney, Australia, Safari Jim was later summoned via dimensional carrier pigeon to assist the Mayan King with the recovery of the Idol of Zurukan. Working with the King, Safari Jim later found himself allied with Bonanza Bob in an attempt to get the other half of the idol away from the Mayan Queen, who had employed yet another explorer, Vinerita Amazon-Yoder-Schmidt. Eventually, the idol was restored, and a peaceful solution was reached. Safari Jim then hired Vinerita's assistant Bargain Ben to be his own assistant, and Ben traveled to Jim's land and appeared on Safari Jim's show after that.

Name: Sahara
Actor: Margaret Lacey
Found: Season 7: Episode 53
About: Freedom-fighter and friend of Dodge Neo. Sahara is one of the captains amongst the rebels fighting the Linear Sequence, and is seen brushing up on her patty-cake-style fighting with veteran Doze. Sahara came into play during the third and final battle with the Sequence in particular, battling against the Sequence and Agents Landau, Geo, Trig and Smythe with the assistance of Neo, Infinity, Doze, More4us, and Rat. She and More4us have some sort of complicated history that Crystal Ball gives her cryptic advice about. In the end, Sahara is one of the survivors of the battle for freedom. Some things never change… and some things do.

Name: Sailor Moon
Actor: John Nielsen
Found: Season 4: Episode 29
About: Killed by Vinny Vidi Vici under the orders of his don. Though she has manlier legs than one might expect, don’t be fooled---it is still the obnoxious cartoon character you remember. Vinny stuffed her body in a dryer.

Name: Salem Founder Curly
Actor: John Nielsen (voice)
Found: Season 5: Episode 36
About: One of Salem's founders. Interviewed by Joseph Chapman. Not a fan of Enron.

Name: Salem Founder Larry
Actor: John Nielsen (voice)
Found: Season 5: Episode 36
About: One of Salem's founders. Interviewed by Joseph Chapman. Not a fan of Enron.

Name: Salem Founder Moe
Actor: John Nielsen (voice)
Found: Season 5: Episode 36
About: One of Salem's founders. Interviewed by Joseph Chapman. Not a fan of Enron.

Name: Salem Founder Veronica
Actor: John Nielsen (voice)
Found: Season 5: Episode 36
About: One of Salem's founders. Interviewed by Joseph Chapman. Not a fan of Enron.

Name: Salem Gypsy, The
Actor: Puppet/Bear
Found: Season 1: Episode 5; Season 2: Episode 12; Season 6: Episode 42
About: At first, it was a rumor… then a mysterious urban legend. Then it was a frantic whisper, and finally, a scream and an unstoppable (but fuzzy) killing force. The Salem Gypsy is a horrible monster residing in a forest at an unknown location. How long it has lived there, no one really knows. It devoured Campers Travis, Michael, Alex, Rodger, Anthony, and finally Manfred, when they trespassed in its woods on a camping trip. Afterwards, a supernatural forest grew in place of the campsite where they all met their grisly deaths. Soon, the Salem Gypsy worked its magic to draw in four strangers---Jake, a cameraman; Star Method, a rock star; Mibdo, a frightened boy; and Monkey---and killed all of them save Monkey, who became Death's pet. The Salem Gypsy itself also has an unknown connection to Death. The only thing the Salem Gypsy is incapable of digesting is your standard pair of sunglasses---it always leaves them behind for victims' friends to find. Years after devouring the forest-wanderers, the Gypsy grew weak with hunger, and teamed up with Death again (this time Death was disguised as a human) in an attempt to kill some more victims under the cover of selling an apartment. However, despite Death's efforts, the Gypsy was unable to feed, and was destroyed by its quarry--Stan Zuckerman, Pockey Pickett, and Sylvester McRoth.

Name: Sally Haverberry
Actor: Johännah Larsen
Found: Season 8: Episode 59
About: Sally, the founder of the extremely successful chain store for babies called “Recently the Result of Pregnancy,” is a guest of Starla Simmons on the Rear View's tenth episode, and, as she is a big fan of Starla's, couldn't be more thrilled. The two end up hitting it off well enough that they propose a business merger to expand her chain stores to a line dedicated only to old people.

Name: Sally Jessy Raphael II
Actor: Nathaniel Woodley
Found: Season 6: Episode 41
About: A member of the band “Toxic Mayonnaise,” Sally, according to lead vocalist Gunner Stevenson, is a “sexy beast” and replaced Gunner’s own brother Obi-Two in the band after the latter was caught robbing a McDonald’s. As for Sally Jessy, him/her/it seems well-received by the bandmates and fans alike, helping Toxic Mayonnaise to win the 2007 Battle of the Bands against “Fajita Demon.”

Name: Samantha 13
Actor: Samantha 13 (voiced by Joseph Chapman)
Found: Season 5: Episode 35
About: This little girl is a subordinate of Oprah, as seen on the fifth episode of “The Rear View.”

Name: Sam Rogueson
Actor: Anthony
Found: Season 4: Episode 32
About: Production coordinator for the English version of “FFVII: Advent Children.” He was in charge of managing the “Lifustreamu” as well as many other key production factors in the film. Interviewed by Joseph Chapman on the second episode of Movie Mayhem.

Name: Samurai
Actor: Kyle Kertay
Found: Season 3: Episode 17
About: A random assailant whom Link rescues Villager #65 from.

Name: Sandlina
Actor: Sandlina (voiced by Jeremy White)
Found: Season 5: Episode 33
About: Summoned by an evil sorceror with crazy hair, this sand-person is interviewed by John Johnson and special sand-expert Garth Gutenberg at the Edge of the World. Sandlina is very old, her daughters are the windows of the house she is sitting under. She supports assisted suicide (she just thought you'd like to know that). Suspected of being a witch, Garth punches her at the end of the interview, destroying her (for now!). There is a reward of 5000 sand dollars for the capture of Garth.

Name: Sarah Sellamenolli
Actor: Johännah Larsen
Found: Season 5: Episode 36
About: A concerned resident of Salem, OR. When Enron allowed snow to leak out, covering Salem (however briefly) in white, she was interviewed by Channel 80 News. A mother, she expressed dismay at the possibility of her children being sent home from school at “a flake's notice.” Also, she didn't want their arms to fall off.

Name:Saruman
Actor: (name unknown)
Found: Season 1: Episode 6
About: Part of the devastating alliance that is Saruman & Gomorrha. He and his evil co-horts seek to turn the entire population of Central-Earth into sugar cubes so that they may harness the forbidden power of the Thing. Their plan fails when Odo eats the Thing, and Thimbli and Legolad come back to destroy him.

Name: Savannah
Actor: Jessica Glantz
Found: Season 1: Episode 2
About: Contestant on the first installment of “Visually Impaired Date.” She rejects her suitor.

Name: Saxon John
Actor: John Nielsen
Found: Season 2: Episode 10
About: One of Bethany’s best friends. According to Death, if Bethany had never been born, John would have gotten hit by a pudding truck, crippling him for life, because she wasn’t there to push him out of the way. While Death tries to convince Bethany that saving John would have killed her anyway, John is convinced (somehow) that her momentum would have carried her past the truck too.

Name: Sea-Triscuit
Actor: Cracker Box
Found: Season 2: Episode 9
About: Found in a junkyard by a desperate and sick man, Sea-Triscuit had the potential to be the best race-winning box of crackers this side of the Mississippi. Trained hard but lovingly by its coach, no one else believed Sea-Triscuit could win a race, including its own brother, who is inexplicably human. Despite both their illnesses ravaging them, the coach and Sea-Triscuit worked hard, and in the end, Sea-Triscuit won that race… though it died doing so. Its Coach discovered, at the end, that it had not been a fancy brand name box of crackers, but had in fact been generic Woven Wheats. It was just aspiring to be more than it ever could have been, trying to reach the heights of “whatever it was possible of.” Given a burial at sea, Sea-Triscuit will always be remembered with love.

Name: Secretarius
Actor: Dylan Ransom
Found: Season 8: Episode 61
About: Working as the secretary-slash-personal assistant to real estate mogul Ronald Rump was never easy, especially given Rump's penchant for firing people, but Secretarius did the job as well as he could. When Rump's company came under suspicion of being full of dangerous chemical such as TU-P3Y, Rump tried to secretly dispose of the chemical in the river, but instead of was disposed of himself---by Secretarius. Murdering his boss let Secretarius inherit the company AND the fortune, but he wasn't out of the woods until he could get away with it, so he did his best to frame protester Jurgen and even Death's associate Doorjamb. In the end, the CSI team of Dongway, Marconi and Libby found the truth and arrested Secretarius for the crime.

Name: Secret Skippy
Actor: Jeremy White
Found: Season 7: Episode 49
About: Skippy has a secret---he uses Secret, a deodorant so flowery and un-American, he will never under its power be able to “mate” and produce two-point-five children. What to do? Thanks to the intervention of a grungy guy from the 1980s, Skippy makes the switch to “Pert Plus Perspirant,” a more manly product.

Name: Senator Mukumukunukunukuapua'a
Actor: Joey Cleary
Found: Season 8: Episode 61
About: U.S. senator from the state of Hawaii, and also supposedly the half-brother of the ousted Vice President, Nathaniel Nathaien. Mukumukunukunukuapua'a worked closely with President Wee in 2009 to put forth a secret bill that even VP Keebler was unaware of---a bill that would give all territory currently belonging to Canada to Hawaii instead. The ethical and legal ramifications of even trying this were never questioned very far, as Nathaien showed up to tear up the bill as soon as Wee had signed it.

Name: Sequence Agent Geo
Actor: Kyle Kertay
Found: Season 7: Episode 53
About: Following the deletion of Agents Square and Sum, a new set of 'agents of the system' were created---more advanced and more powerful. In an attempt to succeed where Square and Sum had failed, the Linear Sequence created the new wave with more 'emotional' attachment to the mathematics they were defending. Agent Geo was the first, and was found to be quite aggressive and hostile in his defense of the Sequence. Ambushing freedom-fighter More4us, he failed to destroy the human and later fought alongside his fellow agents against More4us, Sahara, Rat, Doze, and Infinity. Even his increased powers couldn't stop him from losing that fight and coming face to face with his own destruction.

Name: Sequence Agent Landau
Actor: Ryan Wheeler
Found: Season 7: Episode 53
About: Following the deletion of Agents Square and Sum, a new set of 'agents of the system' were created---more advanced and more powerful. Agent Landau was actually the last agent created by the Linear Sequence before Agent Smythe betrayed the system and took over for himself. A mathematical creature like the rest, Landau was unique in that he truly began to question his place in the system, and was rumored to have actually asked Crystal Ball for a prophecy regarding his eventual fate. Unlike the humans, however, Landau had a hard time believing the prophecy of the oracle and chose to return to the system. Eventually battling Infinity, Doze, Sahara, More4us and Rat alongside his fellow agents, his fate became deletion following his failure.

Name: Sequence Agent Smythe
Actor: Michael Cunningham
Found: Season 2: Episode 9; Season 7: Episode 53
About: The prime agent dispatched by the Linear Sequence after its first defeat. This Agent's interface was modeled after the original appearance of the Sequence itself before Dodge Neo pulled the calculators off its face. With the fury of the Sequence's defeat still fresh, Smythe was quite obedient and groveling in the face of his master, and went to work feverishly trying to destroy Dodge Neo, Infinity, Doze and Snooze with Agents Sum and Square at his side. When the freedom-fighters escaped, the Linear Sequence retaliated by deleting Sum and Square, though Smythe escaped deletion and remained the prime agent. During the ensuing four years of unseen battle, Smythe finally did kill Snooze, though the other rebels were much luckier. By the time the Sequence rose again to battle them, Smythe was given command of new Agents Trig, Geo, and Landau. Little did the Sequence know, however, that Smythe had tired of taking orders---not long after the new wave of agents was created, Agent Smythe betrayed the Linear Sequence and hacked it, absorbing its essence and powers for himself. He then went to battle Dodge Neo one-on-one, but was finally destroyed, and the last remnants of the Linear Sequence with him.

Name: Sequence Agent Square
Actor: Jeremy White
Found: Season 2: Episode 9
About: One of the agents dispatched by the Linear Sequence after its first defeat. Working under Smythe, Square and Sum were sent to ambush Dodge Neo, Infinity, Doze and Snooze, the freedom fighters rebelling against the mathematical tyranny of the system. Square attempted to subdue Infinity, but due to a squirrel, she got away. For their failure, Agents Square and Sum were deleted and later replaced by more powerful agents, though Smythe remained in command.

Name: Sequence Agent Sum
Actor: Rodger Fickel
Found: Season 2: Episode 9
About: One of the agents dispatched by the Linear Sequence after its first defeat. Working under Smythe, Sum and Square were sent to ambush Dodge Neo, Infinity, Doze and Snooze, the freedom fighters rebelling against the mathematical tyranny of the system. Sum engaged Snooze and Doze in combat, but Neo and Infinity escaped. For their failure, Agents Sum and Square were deleted and later replaced by more powerful agents, though Smythe remained in command.

Name: Sequence Agent Trig
Actor: Johännah Larsen
Found: Season 7: Episode 53
About: Following the deletion of Agents Square and Sum, a new set of 'agents of the system' were created---more advanced and more powerful. In an attempt to succeed where Square and Sum had failed, the Linear Sequence created the new wave with more 'emotional' attachment to the mathematics they were defending. Agent Trig was created just after Geo, and unlike the latter's aggression Trig's attachment to the system manifested in a kind of pseudo-love (i.e., calculus is her lover). The Sequence sent her after Dodge Neo, but he escaped using Doze's help while Infinity fended off the agent attack. Later, Trig fought alongside her fellow agents against the rest of the freedom-fighters---Infinity, Doze, Rat, Sahara, and More4us---and failing to destroy them, found herself deleted just like her predecessors.

Name: Serene Girl
Actor: Solveig Mueller
Found: Season 1: Episode 3
About: Weirdest Link contestant during its first episode. Uses Anger-Away to be so serene. In the end, despite her serenity, she is murdered by Caution Tape Guy.

Name: Servant
Actor: Jill Severson
Found: Season 4: Episode 25
About: The all-purpose servant of the wealthy Susan B. Starr. She was sent by Starr to defeat Assistant Sir, the robot of software mogul Rubrick Jameson IV, in battle---and did so resoundingly. In doing so, however, Starr was unable to obtain “happy”---and soon the Servant was fired (or quit, depending on who you ask). Upon attempting to leave the mansion, however, she was stabbed to death by an upgraded version of Assistant Sir.

Name: Seven of 69
Actor: John Nielsen
Found: Season 8: Episode 57
About: A member of the nefarious alien species known as “the Whorg,” Seven of 69 and its associate Six of 69 beamed to the surface of Tacomabydos to ensnare the members of the Starship Epitaph's away team. Encountering Quinn Versailles and Dr. Linda Coy, the two aliens incapacitated the former and assimilated the latter to their cause, ensuring that Linda would go on to turn more crew members to their side before beaming back to their craft. The Epitaph broke free of their ship's forced-field before they could take too many, though Linda and the captain, Charles Chewkotay, were taken as members of the Whorg.

Name: Shadow Alien
Actor: Kyle Kertay
Found: Season 7: Episode 51
About: A strange alien species approached by the crew of the starship “Epitaph” on an unexplored planet. While Quinn Versailles suggested being friendly and talking to it, Spark Oray wanted to attack it. The decision was made for them when Tupok Jones noticed its energy patterns becoming hostile. The crew felled it in a firefight on the planet's surface.

Name: Shady
Actor: Ryan Wheeler
Found: Season 5: Preview Special
About: A drug dealer who deals specifically in pig steroids and various pig enhancements, he charges a high price for his wares. When the Pig Farmer wishes to buy some, they strike a deal and hatch a plan to murder a wealthy doctor after having the doctor buy the farm---so as to collect the cash but retain ownership of the “piggies.” While the murder goes off without a hitch, they are both later caught and arrested by Inspector Jeu le Deu.

Name: Shibo
Actor: John Nielsen; Manfred Mueller (extra arms)
Found: Season 3: Episode 21
About: The half-brother of Shiva, and a member of the cosmic alliance known as “Deity Force.” Mostly hangs about in Eden, but gets bored easily. Shiva forced him to sit in one spot without coming down until the twentieth day (of existence).

Name: Shirt Buyer
Actor: Michael Cunningham
Found: Season 7: PDA 4
About: This fan of wolf T-shirts is seen buying a shirt from Chief Walks-to-Walmart.

Name: Shutup
Actor: John Nielsen
Found: Season 1: Episode 7
About: Assistant to Professor Guy, he accompanied his master into the Jungles of Nebraska Avenue in search of ancient Egyptian relics---which they found. But then the professor was shot by evil minions of Dr. Moriarty, and the relics stolen, save one: The eye of Ra, the most powerful. As the professor died, he made Shutup promise to protect the eye of Ra, and so, Shutup took the artifact to the famous superspy, Germs Band. Yes, his name is actually Shutup. So shut up.

Name: Sid Sidler (AKA: Super Sidekick)
Actor: Jeremy White
Found: Season 4: Episode 29
About: Sid is a milkman with a strange past. Years ago, while leaving a movie theater with his brother and his girlfriend, Boomshifa, the group found themselves attacked by a Pink Ninja. Boomshifa and Sid’s brother were killed. Vowing to become a superhero to stop such injustice, Sid quickly found that he was bad at it, and became a sidekick instead, taking up the mantle of “Super Sidekick.” Some time later, the celebrity-filled plane he was riding crashed, marooning him and several others on a desert island. Sid was fished out of the sea by Vinny Vidi Vici, whom Sid bonded with (before Vinny learned of his alter-ego). Soon, Sid used his alter-ego in an attempt to protect the other islanders from danger, but mostly just annoyed everyone. He briefly turned fellow castaway Mortimer McMime into “Mega Mime,” but not long after the castaways were rescued by the Love Boat. Prior to his island adventure, Super Sidekick served as sidekick to a pyrokinetic superhero named Blazing Elbow, who died in the plane crash on the island. After their rescue, Super Sidekick and Mega Mime became a team and moved to England to fight crime, partnering with telekinetic Lucky Twitch after busting Mandread Crueller cheating at online auctions. Tragically, in 2008, the wicked Thaddius Evilnear Morten ambushed the heroes' team, slitting Sid's throat before throwing Lucky and Mega Mime off the London Bridge. Only Lucky Twitch survived.

Name: Sid Sidler's Brother
Actor: Jordan White
Found: Season 4: Episode 29
About: As one might suspect, he is the brother of Sid Sidler, a milkman. Some years ago, this boy and his brother Sid, as well as Sid’s girlfriend, Boomshifa, were leaving a movie theater when they were attacked by a pink ninja. Sid’s brother and Boomshifa were killed instantly… inspiring Sid’s eventual transformation into the masked vigilante “Super Sidekick.”

Name: Silent Narrator, The
Actor: Joseph Chapman (voice)
Found: Season 1-8, Various
About: The narrator of the SSRM and DB series, he lays out the story and explains the nuances of the plot or characters as they appear. Interestingly enough, the Silent Narrator does hold power over the action itself---i.e., if he speaks it, it becomes law. While this power borders on godlike, he is most assuredly not God (though the two have been known to socialize), and is content merely to narrate (most of the time).

Name: Six of 69
Actor: Jordan White
Found: Season 8: Episode 57
About: A member of the nefarious alien species known as “the Whorg,” Six of 69 and its associate Seven of 69 beamed to the surface of Tacomabydos to ensnare the members of the Starship Epitaph's away team. Encountering Quinn Versailles and Dr. Linda Coy, the two aliens incapacitated the former and assimilated the latter to their cause, ensuring that Linda would go on to turn more crew members to their side before beaming back to their craft. The Epitaph broke free of their ship's forced-field before they could take too many, though Linda and the captain, Charles Chewkotay, were taken as members of the Whorg.

Name: Skinner
Actor: Jeremy White
Found: Season 3: Episode 23; Season 5: Episode 35
About: A criminal who was sent to prison for skinning several people, earning him the name Skinner amongst his fellow inmates. While in prison, he made friends with Martha Stewart, and considers himself one of her cult followers---higher up the ranks than most, in fact. While being interviewed with his fellow inmates/cult members Cokey, Smokey, Hob-Nob, and the Genie by news correspondent Joseph Chapman, Skinner and his friends hatched a plan to escape---then ambushed the warden, and instigated a massive jailbreak. Put into prison in the early nineties, Skinner just kind of pretended that era had never ended, and goes about dressing and looking the part, secretly saddened by the lack of nineties pop culture like “Fresh Prince” or Vanilla Ice. Skinner, however, wasted no time in working towards Martha’s favor by recruiting new members into her cult---Wreathrina, Sticky, and another convict named Cutter. Together, Skinner and Cutter attempted to obtain the legendary Anubis Statue, which has the power to judge souls, to give to Martha. However, they were thwarted by Philadelphia Jones and Cutter was killed. Frustrated, Skinner has retreated for the time being. Still at large, he is likely somewhere in the proximity of Martha.

Name: Sleeping Booty
Actor: Josh Adelman
Found: Season 5: Preview Special
About: This “beautiful princess” lived a carefree life---until her sixteenth birthday, when she touched a spinning wheel and fell into a deep sleep intended to last a century. Sound familiar? Well, then some sleazy producer-types found her, and created a game show where eligible bachelors compete for the hand of a comatose sixteen-year-old girl, so… maybe not so familiar. Who will wake her?

Name: Small Child
Actor: Adam Nielsen
Found: Season 2: Episode 11
About: Guest on Cooking Corner, when the food in question was a marinade sauce. Guest star Grandma hopes, perhaps, that he is the secret ingredient for the sauce, but this was not the case. Though he wasn’t particularly small, this is undoubtedly what the “S” on his hat stands for.

Name: Smokey
Actor: Kyle Kertay
Found: Season 3: Episode 23
About: A criminal who put out a cigarette in his grandmother’s eye, earning him the name Smokey amongst his fellow inmates. While in prison, he made friends with Martha Stewart, and considers himself one of her cult followers. Smokey, despite his history, is fairly easygoing. While being interviewed with his fellow inmates Skinner, Cokey, Hob-Nob, and the Genie by news correspondent Joseph Chapman, Smokey and his friends hatched a plan to escape---then ambushed the warden, and instigated a massive jailbreak. Smokey is still at large, and is probably somewhere in the proximity of Martha.

Name: Snooze
Actor: Joy Schneider
Found: Season 1: Episode 6; Season 2: Episode 9
About: Freedom fighter and friend of Dodge Neo. Snooze was the first to help Neo in his rebellion against the math program Linear Sequence, attacking the Sequence with Neo and ripping the calculators off its face, defeating it. Soon after, Neo's appearance was recalibrated and Snooze convinced her best friend Doze to join the team. When Neo and Infinity were attacked by the Sequence's Agents, Smythe, Sum and Square, Snooze and Doze united in their patty-cake martial arts to hammer Sum long enough for Neo to escape. During the ensuing four years of unseen battle, Snooze was one of the few losses suffered, as she was destroyed by Agent Smythe. Her loss hit the team hard, especially Doze, but they eventually went on to defeat the Linear Sequence and indeed, Smythe himself. Surely somewhere her spirit watches over them from beyond the veil, likely reading a book upside-down or nibbling on some string cheese.

Name: Snowlina
Actor: Snowlina (voiced by Kyle Kertay)
Found: Season 4: Episode 25
About: A snow person, Snowlina was summoned by an evil snow sorceror with crazy hair. Upon her arrival to planet Earth, she was interviewed by weather correspondent Johännah Larsen in an attempt to find out just what “snow” really is. According to Snowlina, she is from the Planet Lina, where they have “Linas.” Snow is also just like dirt (but it comes from space). Society on Planet Lina is very female-centered, as Lina has a mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, and thousands of daughters, with no “males” in sight. She's sensitive about people touching her boobs.

Name: Snowlina XVI (to the 327th power)
Actor: Kyle Kertay (voice)
Found: Season 5: Episode 36
About: Descendant of Snowlina, interviewed by Joseph Chapman during the Enron corporate leak allowing snow to reach Salem's streets.

Name: Snub Puppy
Actor: Michael Cunningham
Found: Season 7: Episode 56
About: An “up and coming” young rapper from the Township of Tort. When his fellow rapper Fifty Six came under fire---literally, as in people were trying to kill her---the crime lab team brought in from another city to investigate immediately threw suspicion on him, especially Frank Marconi. Unlike the roll-with-the-punches rappers that have sprung up such as Raajneesh, Snub Puppy has an anger management problem that he is clearly trying to manage with meditation and channeling his energy into his work. Fifty Six's refusal to collaborate with him on an album stung hard, but despite her near-deaths and subsequent 'real' death (which turned out to be faked by her), Snub Puppy had nothing to do with the attempts on her life. When Fitty turned up alive and revealed her new album with Raajneesh, Snub Puppy's name was truly cleared, for now.

Name: Snuggle
Actor: Bear (Voiced by Joseph Chapman)
Found: Season 7: Episode 54
About: He wants to give you some toilet paper. Please just take it before he goes from borderline-creepy to full-on-creepy. Here you go~!

Name: Soak Up Life Customer #1
Actor: Holly Janka
Found: Season 5: Episode 33
About: Her boyfriend was a “party-pooper,” literally, until he tried Soak Up Life.

Name: Soak Up Life Customer #2
Actor: Julia Cleary
Found: Season 5: Episode 33
About: Though she claims to be devoid of problems that could be solved by “Soak Up Life,” the guy in the commercial uses it on her anyway, literally soaking up her life.

Name: Somebody
Actor: Amanda Shimek
Found: Season 1: Episode 1
About: Spokeswoman for “Freedom on a Stick.” Demonstrates the product's abilities to destroy Osama bin Laden.

Name: Somebody's Brother
Actor: Jeremy White
Found: Season 7: Episode 54
About: Seven seasons later and Somebody's Brother emerges from the woodwork, carrying Freedom on a Stick to sell you like his sibling before him. Yes, he whacks Osama with it too.

Name: Sophie
Actor: Amber Feldmen
Found: Season 1: Episode 2
About: Does she want to help out the Un-Native African Americans? Well, the answer she should have said was “yes.”

Name: Sophie's Friend
Actor: Jessica Glantz
Found: Season 1: Episode 2
About: Does she want to help out the Un-Native African Americans? Well, the answer she should have said was “yes.”

Name: Soud Rife
Actor: John Nielsen
Found: Season 4: Episode 32
About: A company man who was the inspiration for the character of Cloud Strife in the English version of “FFVII: Advent Children.” In reality, he’s not much like Cloud at all. The company paid him a house after borrowing his life story for inspiration, however. Interviewed by Joseph Chapman in the second episode of Movie Mayhem.

Name: Spark Oray
Actor: Michael Cunningham
Found: Season 7: Episode 51; Season 8: Episode 57, 58
About: The chief tactical/security officer of the Conglomeration Starship “Epitaph,” Commander Oray is also acting captain when the captain is otherwise indisposed. Spark's gruff exterior houses another gruff exterior under that one, but truth be told, despite the lives he's laid waste to, his “shoot first and ask questions later” style has saved the lives of those that matter most to him---the ship's crew---on more than one occasion. During a diplomatic mission to deliver the Koosh ambassadors to Tacomabydos, the Epitaph was attacked by the Whorg, an advanced and malevolent alien race. Spark, aboard the ship, did all he could to free them from the forced field so the rest of the crew, including Captain Chewkotay, could beam back aboard. The ship eventually broke free, but not only were its engines damaged badly in the escape, but Chewkotay and Dr. Linda Coy were taken by the Whorg. To Spark's shock and dismay, Conglomeration brass passed over him for a promotion to captain of the ship, instead sending in Clark Lurk as a new captain to replace Charles Chewkotay. Though Spark poured his sorrows about this decision out to Loopi Goldenstein, he didn't have time to dwell, immediately taking a shuttle back to Conglomeration headquarters to brief the admirals on the Whorg encounter. While he was away, the rest of the crew limped to Lushious III, where through several misadventures they secured the parts needed to repair their engines. It's unknown how Spark and Clark will get along from here on out, but he always has a friend in Loopi, Deckland, and the other crew members.

Name: Sports History Commentator
Actor: Johännah Larsen (voice)
Found: Season 7: Episode 56
About: Commentator for the “Today in Sports History” segment featuring the invention of the 'Skippy-Doo.'

Name: Spy #1
Actor: Joey Cleary
Found: Season 2: Episode 10
About: The leader of a group looking to level Häslichmuttiberg for their own evil purposes. He kidnapped the only heir, Helmut Poppinstuf. He likes surprising people, but mostly enjoys ruining his own plans by murdering people he shouldn’t---such as the person they were holding for ransom. He also murdered his henchmen by using their allergies against them. Danced himself to death.

Name: Spy #2 (AKA: Evil Mailman)
Actor: Rodger Fickel
Found: Season 2: Episode 10
About: This nefarious postal worker is part of the group looking to bulldoze Häslichmuttiberg for their own purposes. Still, though, his mailman duties force him to deliver a letter to the only person who could stop them, Dani Bahr. His boss turns on him and tries to kill him using his allergy to caffeine, but the mailman faked the part on the resumé that said he was allergic to caffeine in the first place. Of the three bad guys, he is clearly the most competent, and is the only one to survive at the end. In the end he seems to have changed his ways, though he is still a mailman. Surprisingly, has no known affiliation with Pozer or Steevo the Posterians, and has never met the Postbusters.

Name: Spy #3
Actor: Bethany Loberg
Found: Season 2: Episode 10
About: Part of a group hoping to destroy the youth hostel Häslichmuttiberg. She is the third in command. Not very talkative, she prefers to do recon jobs. When nervous, she makes a quacking noise. Her master uses her allergy to chocolate against her, and kills her (for some unknown reason).

Name: Stanley Zuckerman
Actor: Johännah Larsen
Found: Season 6: Episode 42
About: This down-to-earth plumber showed up for a tour of Gypsy Heights, an apartment building that had been built on the site of a series of murders perpetrated by the Salem Gypsy several years prior. Donald Heath, the real estate agent, was actually Death disguised as a human, seeking to kill Zuckerman and the others to feed the Gypsy’s hunger. Unlike other run-ins with the Gypsy, however, Zuckerman and the other would-be victims did not fall victim to the Salem Gypsy (despite Stan getting sucked into a fridge and coming out a toilet), and in a laundry-room showdown, actually destroyed the beast. Following this, Stan went on his merry way, presumably back to his family, which includes an unknown number of children.

Name: Starla Simmons
Actor: Jeremy White
Found: Season 4: Episode 27, 30, 32; Season 5: Episode 34, 35, 36; Season 6: Episode 46, 47; Season 7: Episode 49, 51; Season 8: Episode 59
About: She thought of an idea for a show: Many different women, with different views! Then, she realized, as she says, “it was all me.” Wacky and unexplainable host of the talk show “The Rear View,” one never knows what Starla will say or do on her signature couch. Brandishing her microphone like a vacuum, looking for “celebrities, gossips, and social issues,” Starla always evokes a reaction from her guests and her viewers---whether that reaction is adoration or a deathly fear. As far as celebrities go, she seems to be fond of Gary Busey and Sharon Stone, and she was once engaged to Keanu Reeves, though they've since split up. Starla has interviewed the Curator and her son Richard on numerous occasions, as well as pop stars, famous doctors, chefs, and human-cat-hybrids. Never unafraid to ask hard-hitting questions, though just what the question has to do with the guest of the moment depends on your luck. Starla also has an intense hatred for and rivalry with Oprah Winfrey, whom she calls “Oh'per.” One thing is certain: this colorful character won't be going “backstage” anytime soon.

Name: Star Method
Actor: Holly Janka
Found: Season 2: Episode 12
About: A rock star who, through some mysterious happenstance, got seperated from her band. Wandering into a forboding wood, she met three strangers: Jake, Mibdo, and Monkey, who were similarly lost. Finding the remains of a campsite, they soon encountered Death, who explained to them about the grisly fate that befell six campers who camped there some time ago. Not long after that, Star became lost in the forest, alone, and became the first new victim of the dreaded Salem Gypsy, a man-eating beast. Devoured entirely except for her sunglasses, which were found by Monkey (who, being a monkey, naturally wore them himself).

Name: Steevo the Postarian
Actor: Brian Wise
Found: Season 3: Episode 24
About: A demon residing within a postcard bearing a picture of him and the phrase “Greetings from Toronto.” Steevo desired more than anything else to escape his postcard and become part of the physical human realm---but he had far too many allergies and was sensitive to even the smallest amount of light and sound. So he hatched a plan to use mailmen to abduct Bologna McRaina, the infant son of Elaina, and use his anti-allergen baby-flesh to rise to power. Jonosh Poke’ha innocently came upon Steevo’s postcard, and got a papercut from it, an action through which Steevo was able to control his mind. Though Steevo’s plans almost came to fruition, he was attacked by the Postbusters, who used a variety of loud, flashy inventions to drive him insane, then destroying him with bottled dog drool----and the baby was saved.

Name: Steevo/Tree Jenkins
Actor: Will
Found: Season 3: Episode 24
About: One of the many mutant mailmen sent by Steevo the Postarian to kidnap Bologna McRaina for the postcard demon’s own nefarious plot. Ambushes the Postbusters, gives them a Steevo postcard, and then flees to a nearby River of Mime before being defeated.

Name: Sticky
Actor: Jordan White
Found: Season 5: Episode 35
About: Member of a cult of Martha Stewart worshippers, Sticky is a silent antagonist. Recruited by Skinner after Skinner was broken out of prison by Stewart and the Genie. Sticky faced off against Philadelphia Jones on the quest to obtain the Anubis state for Martha. He fled the battle, but not before planting a bomb on Philly's cousin, Tall-Skinny Jones, which killed the lanky fellow. Sticky is still at large, but is probably somewhere in the vicinity of Martha.

Name: Street Bowling Skater #1
Actor: Nicole (last name unknown)
Found: Season 1: Episode 4
About: Part of the Sports Junk segment “Street Bowling 2.” They try to skate around and avoid being hit by the ball, though most of the time they just skate around and try to catch the attention of the camera.

Name: Street Bowling Skater #2
Actor: Jenna (last name unknown)
Found: Season 1: Episode 4
About: Part of the Sports Junk segment “Street Bowling 2.” They try to skate around and avoid being hit by the ball, though most of the time they just skate around and try to catch the attention of the camera.

Name: Street Bowling Skater #3
Actor: Brenna (last name unknown)
Found: Season 1: Episode 4
About: Part of the Sports Junk segment “Street Bowling 2.” They try to skate around and avoid being hit by the ball, though most of the time they just skate around and try to catch the attention of the camera.

Name: Study Buddy
Actor: Jeremy White
Found: Season 5: Episode 34, 36
About: An overworked college student, Buddy often found himself staying up way too late and drinking far too many caffeinated beverages so he could study complex mathematics. His problems were lifted when he tried Water Classic, and was able to sleep again (and use it to pour on his instructors, making them ill). He later tried the successor to Water Classic, Water 2, while exercising.

Name: Stylux
Actor: Ryan Wheeler
Found: Season 5: Preview Special
About: A friendly male hairdresser, Stylux was a contestant on the third episode of “Weirdest Link.” He and Fabrizio the Great formed a sort of alliance despite the fact that that sort of thing has no bearing on the way “Weirdest Link” is played. After Fabrizio was voted out, Stylux began fawning over the host, and Fabrizio returned suddenly and strangled the man out of jealousy. His death, obviously, disqualified him from winning.

Name: Submarine Captain
Actor: John Nielsen
Found: Season 6: Episode 46
About: This harsh man has been captain of his own submarine for 23 years now. He was interviewed by Starla Simmons in the 6th episode of “The Rear View.” He apparently has a habit of jettisoning those he dislikes from his vessel via torpedo tube (run by the “Tube Squad”). Starla did not hit it off with him at all.

Name: Suburban Bethany
Actor: Bethany Loberg
Found: Season 2: Episode 10
About: Friend of Suburban Jill, Bryan, and of course, Joseph Leonard Michael Trogdor Cleary. Like most of her friends, she drinks Frist after hearing about it on the radio, and becomes a zombie.

Name: Suburban Bryan
Actor: Bryan Joseph
Found: Season 2: Episode 10
About: Friend of Suburban Jill, Bethany, and of course, Joseph Leonard Michael Trogdor Cleary. Like most of his friends, he drinks Frist after hearing about it on the radio, and becomes a zombie. Where he got that sword is completely unknown.

Name: Suburban Jill
Actor: Jill Severson
Found: Season 2: Episode 10
About: Friend of Suburban Bryan, Bethany, and of course, Joseph Leonard Michael Trogdor Cleary. Like most of her friends, she drinks Frist after hearing about it on the radio, and becomes a zombie.

Name: Suck Vacuum
Actor: Joey Cleary
Found: Season 3: Episode 18, 23
About: Member of the anti-mailman fighting force, the Postbusters! Together with Radon, Ego, and eventually Blacky, Suck Vacuum does his best to rid the world of the evil monster mailmen that plague it. Fond of the “probulator,” one of their anti-postal weapons, Suck also has a penchant for speaking his mind (mostly to women) and sticking his nose where it doesn't belong. Attempts to hit on Dana McRaina, and years later, her sister Elaina. Get mimed by postal workers a lot (and sometimes slimed). He gets along well with the rest of the team, though he tests the patience of Ego sometimes. The Postbusters first defeated the evil Postmaster General, and years later, were called in to defeat Steevo, a postcard monster who kidnapped Elaina McRaina's baby, Bologna.

Name: Sue Krose
Actor: Julia Cleary
Found: Season 7: Episode 52
About: A guest-host of an episode of “Cooking Corner.” Sue is quite skilled in the area of muffins, which is what she supposedly helps Joseph Chapman and Dexter Krose create in that episode. Only Joey Cleary's taste buds know for sure.

Name: Summer Santa
Actor: Nathan (last name unknown)
Found: Season 1: Episode 5
About: Lazes about in the background of the 2002 Suburban City Governor Elections.

Name: Super Slow Reaction Man (AKA: Perfectly Normal Guy, Averag E. Guy, Super Fast Reaction Man)
Actor: Michael Cunningham
Found: Season 1: Episode 1, 3, 6, 8; Season 2: Episode 9; Season 3: Episode 21, 22; Season 5: Episode 37; Season 6: Episode 43; Season 7: Episode 50, 54, 55
About: Originally a mechanic working for Noah to help build his Ark, this perfectly normal guy found himself in an extraordinary situation. After the Wizard was stripped of his powers for flooding the world, Noah and the Orb Crafter elected this guy to take the Wizard's place enforcing good on Earth. With the Globe of Power in hand, he became Super Slow Reaction Man, the world's first superhero. What events may have passed during those hundreds of years are yet untold, but in the modern age, he met Farm Lad and made the lad his sidekick, and together they battled the evil forces of Mandread Crueller and his family, who held the power of the Globe of Milkish Freakyness. Though the Globe of Power was lost to SSRM after his first bout with Crueller, he recovered it and became infused permanently with its powers in the midst of heated battle. While ordinarily he possesses super-slow reactions that allow him to take countless blows without feeling pain (until later), he was eventually tricked by Bad Guy Crueller into touching the Cloning Sphere, which cloned his powers and reversed them, turning him into Super Fast Reaction Man. As SFRM, he would take damage before actually being struck, which led directly to his untimely death. Still, he spiritually communicated with an upgraded Farm Lad to keep Crueller's sister from obtaining the mother of all orbs. Somehow, with the Orb of Completely Powerful Power in hand, SSRM was resurrected, though not quite as good as new. Leaving the next generation of hero, Deficiency Boy, to fight evil in his stead, SSRM travels the world performing unknown tasks, but is never far away when a hero is needed. In more recent times, SSRM has once again returned to the forefront of heroism, fighting villainy alongside other heroes. Most recently, he helped the Wizard and Lawful Good battle the last remnants of the World Domination Squad, and managed to turn new leaves for Boogie Boy and Mo the Surfing Mystic. Too late to stop the seemingly long-foretold death of DB, he and Lawful Good went forth on a mission to recover the stolen Cloning Sphere from Duplicity Man to use to bring back DB. As SSRM and Lawful Good continued their search, they ran afoul of not only Duplicity Man, but new faces like the swift-handed Kalmundo Rifkin and the mysterious Thaddius Morten, as well as farmers Sally and Dädder Frampton. Making a deal with DM, they traded the Cloning Sphere for Duplicity Man's quick getaway, but not before a scuffle revealed Sally's affinity with livestock---thus she became Farm Lass, SSRM's new sidekick, filling the void left when Farm Lad became Captain Obvious and struck out on his own. With the resurrection of Deficiency Boy, Lawful Good announced his intent to retire from superheroism and instead take on the justice system, leaving SSRM, Farm Lass, and DB to further the cause of good. Soon, SSRM and his team welcomed a new member, Lucky Twitch, and took on the true evil of Thaddius Morten, as well as the continued wickedness of Kalmundo and Dädder. In the forest of the Village of Bob, a great battle was staged, one which SSRM and Farm Lass nearly died fighting, if not for DB's healing abilities.

Name: Surfing Mystic, The (AKA: Mo)
Actor: Kyle Kertay
Found: Season 2: Episode 13, 15; Season 3: Episode 17, 22; Season 4: Episode 26, 30; Season 5: Episode 34; Season 6: Episode 43; Season 7: Episode 50; Season 8: Episode 60
About: One of the eternal beings known as Mystics, Mo the Surfing Mystic resided at the Edge of the World, where he reigns over the waves and the souls of surfers across the globe. Many years ago, an unknown foe of his used the “Bjorn,” a mermaid idol, to trap him forever on the shore as long as the Bjorn remained at sea. However, a real mermaid named Hezedipapa retrieved Bjorn for him in the land of Schnuglblob, and they fell in love. Eventually breaking up due to Mo's dislike of her scales, they went their separate ways and Mo reigned over the ocean once more. More recently, Deficiency Boy sought him out to retrieve the Sword of Shribdia that he watched over. Traveling inland to get the key to Shribdia's lock, they met Hezedipapa, now evil, who seduced the Surfing Mystic into joining her World Domination Squad. Since then, Mo and his “fist of doom” have been a hindrance towards the forces of good. When the Orb Crafter removed everyone's powers, Mo returned to the sea to recuperate, but eventually came back to work under Anarchy Lad. Though Mo was once Deficiency Boy's friend, he seems to find nothing wrong with working for the forces of evil. To boot, he is where he is of his own volition---Neither the Orb of Restoration, nor the Orb of Strife have any effect on him. He is the brother of the Kayaking Mystic, who once guarded the Orb of Completely Powerful Power. Recently, Hezedipapa has vanished, leaving Mo in charge of the World Domination Squad---and as such he decided to get the Wizard's soon-to-be-restored powers for himself, though not necessarily for evil reasons so much as his usual selfish and capricious ones. Indeed, at the Cave of Grrraaasssh, a struggle ensued over control of the Moon Sapphire in which the powers were housed, and in the end, not only did the Wizard and the Noob Crafter get the powers, but so did Mo. He was seen surfing off to flex his new skills in ways only he could likely enjoy, before later regrouping with Boogie Boy to one last time try to take over the world. After a heated battle with the forces of good, Mo revealed to SSRM and Lawful Good that he never really knew Hezedipapa was evil. SSRM has guided Mo to a place where he feels the Mystic will finally be able to use his powers for the good of the planet, which Mo seems content to do. Recently, Mo felt the cosmic tremors associated with the escape of Dorgo, the Dark Mystic, from his tree prison---but given that he was surfing in a hot tub at the time and quite content to stay there, Mo chose not to act this time

Name: Susan B. Starr
Actor: Emily Loberg
Found: Season 4: Episode 25
About: The illustrious Susan B. Starr is the heiress to the wealthy Southern Industries, and through her fortune, has purchased an entire amusement park and closed it just so no one else can obtain “happy,” a commodity she feels only she is worthy of. Her family is, according to her, “most noble,” and has “come from the kings and queens of Europe.” Interviewed by Joseph Chapman as part of the “Search for Happy.” Susan employs one Servant, whom she treats rather lousily---and when she learns that she has competition for “happy” in the way of software mogul Rubrick Jameson IV, she sends her servant to destroy Jameson's robot, Assistant Sir, in battle. Following this, Starr fires her Servant, indirectly causing her murder at the hands of an upgraded Assistant Sir. Despite feeling momentary guilt for this, Susan B. Starr really doesn't care, because she “wasn't that good of a servant anyway.”

Name: Susie McDonnie
Actor: Johännah Larsen
Found: Season 3: Episode 24
About: A small child having a birthday party with her siblings Billy, Clawie, and Neddy (apparently they all have the same birthday). His mother invites two Postbusters members, Blacky and Radon, to entertain at the party, but the kids are not impressed.

Name: Suspicious Person
Actor: Anthony
Found: Season 2: Episode 10
About: Drawn in by the seductive voice of the Linear Sequence, this criminal attempts to steal the 2004 Amuck, but little did he know, he walked into a trap. Activating the car’s theft-deterrent “chastisement system,” he is attacked quite brutally by the Trunk Manny security system, and flees for his life.

Name: Suspicious Person #2
Actor: Chris Steere
Found: Season 4: Episode 31
About: This guy tries to steal the 2006 Universal, but ends up becoming a source of fuel for the vehicle instead. Gruesome!

Name: Svetlana Hockalooga
Actor: Kirstin Mueller
Found: Season 3: Episode 18
About: Appears as a guest on “People” with Hollywood Lamaramar. Representing the Ukraine, she complains to the other guest, José, that Taco Bell is responsible for flooding in Ukraine due to drooling over the tacos. Though Svetlana herself at first claims to “scoff at” tacos, she too admits to drooling over them. In the end, a fair compromise is reached---canals will be built to utilize the drool for farming---and the two settle their differences.

Name: Swampy
Actor: Victor Prescott
Found: Season 6: Episode 41
About: Bonanza Bade’s secretary, who is a relatively normal guy except for his hand and his presumed swamp origins. He appeared just in time to unmask Count Drixon.

Name: Swiss
Actor: Kyle Kertay
Found: Season 6: Episode 46; Season 7: Episode 49
About: An episode of “Securitiez” about an undercover drug bust featured Swiss, a free-spirited felon with a lot of time and drugs on his hands. Getting most of his “hot” supply from “Dr. Chaz,” what drugs Swiss doesn't buy he grows himself, being something of an “experimental horticulturist.” He is never found without his “piece,” except, of course, the one day he needed it---the day he and his drug-buddies were busted by Officer Burnowski and Officer Turner. Last seen being hauled off to jail.

Name: Swiss Rolls
Actor: Joey Cleary
Found: Season 1: Episode 8; Season 3: Episode 17, 22; Season 5: Episode 33, 40; Season 6: Presidential, Episode 44; Season 7: Episode 52
About: A detective whose appeal defies logic (especially given the fact that most of his clients end up dead). Swiss Rolls lives in a crooked house, later remodeling it into a car-house, in the Village of Ted. At first employing both an assistant, Zero, and an anthropomorphic doormat, he soon simplified matters by combining them to make a talking doormat-assistant hybrid, Number One. He has been hired to find a missing plot, stop Spring Break, and solve the murder of an important French diplomat. Swiss Rolls, of course, is always inexplicably at odds with Death and his various minions---at first because Swiss Rolls suspected his dragon of eating the plot, but afterwards merely because he enjoys antagonizing the Grim Reaper. Friend of the Blind Mayor, though she once tried to tear down his house because he owed her back-taxes. Swiss Rolls is never one to slip out of a bind and prefers confronting the situation (whilst insulting everyone). God (yes, GOD) has referred to Swiss Rolls as “the thing that makes everything go,” though this may just be a comment on his entertainment value to bored deities such as God. Swiss Rolls has certainly made enemies-- aside from Death, Ex-Vice-Mayor Tim isn't a fan either, nor is Rolls' French rival, Inspector Jeu le Deu, with whom he was forced to team up on a recent caper. Recently, Swiss Rolls attempted to go on vacation, only to find a plot to destroy him (and his dock) by Death, Ex-Vice-Mayor Tim, and Lauren Arabia, the assistant head of Darkham Asylum. More recently, he solved a mystery involving the Key to the City, a Vice-Mayor missing for ten years, and his own past. He was later in England for a family reunion with his cousin Dingorius Dongway when a mystery in France required him (or, heck, he just did it) to drive his car through the English Channel to assist Inspector Jeu le Deu and MacGunda once more. If there is a mystery, Swiss Rolls is the one to call.

Name: Sylvester McRoth
Actor: Kyle Kertay
Found: Season 6: Episode 42
About: This fussy archaeologist showed up for a tour of Gypsy Heights, an apartment building that he believed had been built on the site of an ancient civilization he wished to research. In reality, the building had been built on the site of a series of murders perpetrated by the Salem Gypsy several years prior. Donald Heath, the real estate agent, was actually Death disguised as a human, seeking to kill McRoth and the others to feed the Gypsy’s hunger. Unlike other run-ins with the Gypsy, however, McRoth and the other would-be victims did not fall victim to the Salem Gypsy, and in a laundry-room showdown, actually destroyed the beast. Of the survivors, however, McRoth’s fate alone is unknown, as he was last seen in an elevator with Death, set to go “further than the basement.”

Name: Tabasco Master
Actor: Anthony
Found: Season 1: Episode 8
About: Wandering into a plentiful garden, this simpleton asked the resident Wild Strange Indian Thing what resources he'd found there. When presented with a mysterious bottle of Tabasco, he did what any of you would have done, and made a wish---and the Genie was loosed. He quickly discovered that despite being a Genie, this creature was either incapable or unwilling to grant any real wishes, though it kept promising him rain. Soon, he realized the horrible truth: this Genie worked for Martha Stewart! Then the area exploded.

Name: Tall-Skinny Jones
Actor: John Nielsen
Found: Season 5: Episode 35
About: One of the many sons of Jennifer Jones and Mr. Jones, owners of the Jones Family Retreat. Unlike his siblings, Tall-Skinny did not assist in the running of the family resort, but rather got a job at the Museum of Crappy Arts in early 2007 instead. Soon finding himself bored, Tall-Skinny begged his adventurer-cousin Philadelphia Jones to take him along on the quest for the Anubis statue. Traveling in a “capsule,” he soon caught up with Philly and the others with him (Tall-Skinny likes to travel in a gaudy manner). However, at the showdown with the evil Martha Stewart Cult for possession of the statue, one of the cult members, Sticky, planted a bomb on Tall-Skinny and vaporized him. His loss hit the Jones family hard, though eventually they opened the doors of their resort again later that year to Donna Martini, who had traveled on the quest with Tall-Skinny and Philly. Tall-Skinny is the brother of Jim, Paul, Jeb, Canuck, and Distraction Jones---all of whom would, surprisingly, die horribly themselves later that year, killed by pants.

Name: Ted Nujann
Actor: Joey Cleary
Found: Season 7: Episode 56
About: The translator for the film “Narutard” as featured on Movie Mayhem. He seems to have given up all faith in the hope that any of his work from Japan might make sense anywhere else.

Name: Test Jenkins
Actor: Will
Found: Season 3: Episode 24
About: This postal worker was trapped and put in a lab by Ego of the Postbusters, and was used to test many of the anti-mailman inventions Ego wished to upgrade the rest of the ‘Busters to. While he is the most normal looking evil mailman they’ve seen in some time, he has the ability to spit and cough up slime---which he does in the face of Suck Vacuum after being sprayed with dog drool.

Name: Test Subject
Actor: Ryan Wheeler
Found: Season 3: Episode 18
About: Suck Vaccum is running psychological tests on this boy before Ego tells him that they no longer need to do any experiments. He also nearly gets eaten by a mailman later, but escapes thanks to the Postbusters.

Name: Thaddius Evilnear Morten
Actor: Joey Cleary
Found: Season 7: Episode 54, 55
About: This man in a top hat hails from England, and is shrouded in mystery. He showed up in the townships recently telling everyone he wished to observe them---from Lawful Good to Duplicity Man, hero and villain alike---and merely stood by while conflicts were worked out, before critiquing both sides to his liking. Soon thereafter Thaddius clearly marked himself as a supervillain by murdering an entire boy scout troop just to lure SSRM and the others to their deaths. He fought fiercely with SSRM and Farm Lass, stabbing and electrocuting both of them and nearly killing them--in fact, only his zeal to be the one who killed the entire group rather than have help from Kalmundo allowed them to survive, as he left them for dead to go kill Deficiency Boy---not expecting to find Lucky Twitch, his one-time adversary from across the pond, whose former comrades Super Sidekick and Mega Mime he had murdered in cold blood earlier that year. Reluctantly teaming up again with Kalmundo, Dädder Frampton, and Bernard Foress, he fought the heroes fiercely, only leaving them when he professed a boredom with the proceedings. It's safe to say we haven't seen the last, or the worst, of Thaddius Morten.

Name: That Guy Over There
Actor: Michael Cunningham
Found:
About: This is Michael's reporter persona, and also the guy he plays when acting out various horrible side effects of many of C80's advertised products.

Name: These #1
Actor: Jessica Glantz
Found: Season 1: Episode 2
About: When asked “and what are these?” the answer was simple: These are the girlfriends of the negative-two-time street bowling champion. Duh. And yes, there are two of them.

Name: These #2
Actor: Amber Feldmen
Found: Season 1: Episode 2
About: When asked “and what are these?” the answer was simple: These are the girlfriends of the negative-two-time street bowling champion. Duh. And yes, there are two of them.

Name: Thimbli
Actor: Michael Cunningham
Found: Season 1: Episode 6
About: Part of Odo's Fellowship of the Thing. He and Legolad later part ways with Odo, and go off to defeat Saruman and Gomorrha. He was transformed into a sugar cube by Saruman, but… he got better.

Name: Things That Change Director
Actor: Michael Cunningham
Found: Season 7: Episode 56
About: He was once the star of the blockbuster “Things That Change,” but once Sheeaiyeya LeBooehh signed on, he was written out and suddenly told to direct the film instead. So he did.

Name: Thirsty Paper Towel Announcer
Actor: Johännah Larsen
Found: Season 5: Episode 36
About: Spokeswoman for Thirsty Paper Towels, as in seen in the product's commercial.

Name: Thirsty Scholar
Actor: Melissa Larsen
Found: Season 5: Episode 36
About: She was just a little bit thirsty, and used a mere scrap of Thirsty Paper Towels to solve her problem. Under a lot of stress, is she about to come unhinged?

Name: Tic-Tics Announcer
Actor: Joseph Chapman
Found: Season 7: Episode 54
About: The voiceover announcer for “Tic-Tics” freshmints.

Name: Tigerpaw Tsunami
Actor: Chris Steere
Found: Season 4: Episode 31
About: This man is a tree-hugging hippie, and proud of it. He lives in a tree with his fellow hippie, Moonshine Wildebeest, and refuses to leave the tree for any reason, opting instead to die in it (when his time comes, of course). Tigerpaw and Moonshine take part in a forum debate and are interviewed by Joseph Chapman about trees. He might be wild in the sack.

Name: Tim Norton
Actor: Jon Hornaday
Found: Season 1: Episode 7
About: A tragic example of today's youth, Tim was just a normal teen until his friends told him that trying candy was “cool” and that “everybody was doing it.” His curiosity piqued, Tim went and bought some candy from a dealer on the street. He got busted by an undercover cop for possession of candy, and was sent to prison---but not before volunteering his story to news correspondent Joseph Chapman in a candid exposé, so as to warn others before they met the same fate.

Name: Tom
Actor: Tom Howe
Found: Season 5: PDA3
About: Friend of Julia. He is supposed to come to her place for dinner to give her fashion advice. Seen as part of a new F-Mobile commercial.

Name: Tom Brokaw
Actor: Joey Cleary (voice)
Found: Season 7: Episode 56
About: The real NBC anchorman… you know it! Heard grilling rappers Fifty Six and Raajneesh at a press conference following their announcement of a new album release (and that Fifty had not actually been murdered by anyone). He asks the tough questions, people.

Name: Tommy Jason (AKA: 'Honest' Fercano the Thrifty)
Actor: Joey Cleary
Found: Season 5: Preview Special; Season 6: Episode 48
About: This innocent young man signed up to be a contestant on the third episode of “Weirdest Link”---or did he? We don't really know, and neither does Tommy, for he was instantly possessed by a car-salesman-demon named Fercano, who maintained control of his body for most of the game show. As Fercano, he just wanted to sell everyone a car. At the end of the competition, the host of the game show exorcised the demon, and Tommy Jason woke up to find himself free---albeit the runner-up. Two years later, Tommy was visited at his home by renowned demon-hunter Lor Crawford Tumorickis, who attempted to get some information out of him. According to Tommy, Fercano possessed him through a car key, and though he hasn't returned since the banishment, Tommy seemed to be possessed by at least one other minor demon (who called himself “Ted,” the brother of Fercano, and who was banished by Lor). Tommy claims that Jesus Jones and Vinny Vici are his twin brothers, both of whom changed their last names after going their separate ways. According to Tommy, he retains the original last name of the family.

Name: Tom'n'Dick'n'Harry
Actor: Joey Cleary
Found: Season 1: Episode 6; Season 6: Presidential, Episode 47
About: This mud expert was interviewed by John Johnson during the mud exposé. What is in mud? WHAT IS IN MUD?? Oh, he'll tell you… with the foulest language he can muster. And then get fired. Since then he has been seen here and there.

Name: Tube Alien Ambassador
Actor: John Nielsen
Found: Season 7: Episode 51
About: A friendly alien that communicates through a series of tubes that also happen to be its face. Encountered by the crew of the starship “Epitaph” on a strange planet, it eventually invited Quinn, Marcus, and Spark to dinner.

Name: Tumorickis
Actor: Kyle Kertay
Found: Season 4: Episode 29
About: A man from the South, without the hinderance of a Southern accent. Tumorickis is a father of thirteen kids, which drives him insane. He claims that his wife and the priests “tricked him” into his marriage, and clearly regrets becoming a father… thirteen times. He was on a celebrity-filled plane when it suddenly crashed, marooning him and several others on a desert island. Asking if anyone has seen his gun from the luggage compartment, it is strongly suspected that Tumorickis was on the verge of getting rid of his children rather more permanently, or at least offing himself. However, on the island, Tumorickis finds a new freedom, no longer held back by his family. He bonds quickly with Melinda Chipperwood, a camp counselor, though he can’t imagine how she does her job. Half of Tumorickis’s children are clearly screwed up, while the other half are apparently scholars of ancient civilizations---thus how the man is able to understand the clicky language spoken by Lord Fluffy, the turtle king of the island. Fluffy, becoming friends with him over their mutual dislike of kids, not only allows Tumorickis to forever remain on the island, but crowns him “prince.” When the other castaways were rescued by the Love Boat, Tumorickis stayed behind, in his own personal paradise. It was recently revealed that his eldest son is Lor Crawford Tumorickis, who uses his mother's maiden name to avoid association with the father who tried to drown him at the age of five. Lor is famous for “tomb-checking” and demon-hunting, and believes that his father died in the plane crash (which is probably for the best, really).

Name: Tupok Jones
Actor: John Nielsen
Found: Season 7: Episode 51; Season 8: Episode 57, 58
About: A somewhat accident-prone officer aboard the Conglomeration Starship “Epitaph,” Tupok works in several fields including logistics and assisting both Marcus Fax and Spark Oray in analyzing various data. During the trip to Tacomabydos to deliver the Koosh people, Jones stayed aboard the Epitaph and soon found himself helping Deckland, Harry Scuttlebutt, and Spark in trying to escape the Whorg ship's forced field once they were under attack, as well as communicating with the away team. Though Captain Chewkotay and Linda Coy were lost to the Whorg, the ship did escape, albeit with engine damage. Tupok soon accompanied Marcus, Quinn Versailles, Deckland, Harry, new engineer Erin Moon, and new Captain Clark Lurk to the surface of Lushious III to search for an engine part replacement. Harry and Tupok were the first to locate the energy source and seize it from the Lushian Queen. Though they found themselves quickly under fire from the aliens, when the energy source ended up being an egg that hatched, the crew returned the baby to the queen posthaste, and for that received a crystal they could use in their engines anyway, which had previously gone undetected

Name: Trampolympics Judge
Actor: Michael Cunningham
Found: Season 1: Episode 1
About: Judge of the first “Trampolympics.” He did his job well enough during the first round, but during the second event, he joined the battle himself, and got killed, though it's entirely possible he was re-animated afterwards, like the other contestants were.

Name: Travis Clark
Actor: (As Himself)
Found:
About: You never know when the little rascal might wander on camera, but this entry calls for every time Travis has appeared as his endearing li'l self. Hosted his own segment once, but doesn't do much reporting.

Name: Treeal Estate Agent
Actor: Joseph Chapman
Found: Season 4: Episode 28
About: Helps Laticia, formerly Agent L, shop for new trees to live in in 2006. Sells all kinds of tree-al estate.

Name: Trunk Manny
Actor: Manfred Mueller
Found: Season 2: Episode 10
About: Part of the 2004 Amuck’s theft-deterrent system. When someone tries to steal the car, he jumps out of the trunk and smacks them with the “chastisement ball,” pursuing them as far as need be for the car to be out of harm’s way. Standard-issue.

Name: Tuxedo Mask
Actor: Tom Howe
Found: Season 4: Episode 29
About: Companion to Sailor Moon. Brought by Vinny Vidi Vici to the office of the don, Darth, who insisted on killing Tuxedo Mask himself. Though he looks nerdier, don’t be fooled---Mask is still the obnoxious cartoon character you all remember.

Name: Twinky (AKA: Twinkus Samuel)
Actor: Daniel Clark
Found: Season 1: Episode 2
About: The first assistant to Bonanza Bob, appearing in his first episode, as they hunted down the Newt of Doom. As Bonanza Bob currently employs Dinky, it's unknown what Twinky is doing with his time these days.

Name: Twinky (AKA: Twinky-Joe)
Actor: Ben Wibbens
Found: Season 3: Episode 19
About: Assistant to Bonanza Bade, he too is a hearty adventurer in his own right. Together they took down the Redneck Bigfoot. While on vacation, Bade's new friend Linky filled in as assistant.

Name: Undercover Cop
Actor: Michael Cunningham
Found: Season 7: Episode 51
About: Just one of the many undercover officers assigned to the streets in the fight against those who deal candy, and those who abuse it. He arrests young Tim Norton for illegal possession of candy. Years later, as a seasoned veteran, he participates in a sting operation on “The Rear View,” where he tries to arrest the host (and fails), but does succeed in arresting troubled Hollywood starlet Mary-Lynn Ashley Lohan.

Name: Unfortunate Guy
Actor: Jeremy White
Found: Season 3: Episode 18
About: He tampered with The Wizard's wand at his garage sale and paid the price---death by clogged arteries.

Name: Uninvited Guy
Actor: Joe Smalley
Found: Season 5: Episode 33
About: Thoroughly uninvited to most events, including the murder of a visiting French diplomat. He was briefly suspected by Swiss Rolls and Jeu le Deu of the crime, but MacGunda gives him a piece of tape capable of making anyone free of suspicion, and he was free to go. Later seen lurking at the climax when the true murderer was revealed, he was invited into the crowd by Number One. In the end, Inspector Jeu le Deu took him to France with his team for “his own protection,” though it's unknown why the French detective thought he needed any.

Name: Universal Customer
Actor: Jeremy White
Found: Season 4: Episode 31
About: Already an owner of the 2004 Amuck, he relishes the thought of owning the 2006 Universal, which can fit the Amuck in its trunk. He ends up purchasing the car and is a very satisfied customer indeed.

Name: Universal Theft-Deterrent
Actor: Nathan Clark
Found: Season 4: Episode 31
About: Theft-deterrent system for the 2006 Universal, it also doubles as a seductive hood ornament. Comes with a “chastisement ball” to keep pesky meter maids at bay. Also capable of beating up anyone attempting to steal the car, and turning them into fuel.

Name: Un-Native African American #1
Actor: Nathan Clark
Found: Season 1: Episode 2
About: Starving, though he's not really an African-American. Seen in a PSA. Donate to that private Geneva bank account today to stop their plight.

Name: Un-Native African American #2
Actor: Daniel Clark
Found: Season 1: Episode 2
About: Starving, though he's not really an African-American. Seen in a PSA. Donate to that private Geneva bank account today to stop their plight.

Name: Unsuspecting Guy
Actor: Brice Lucero
Found: Season 5: Episode 40
About: He just wanted to use the portable toilet. Sadly, he hadn't counted on contending with Lauren Arabia, a vengeful Swiss Rolls, and an errant smoke grenade. Presumably he took his “business” elsewhere.

Name: Vacation Home Security Advisor
Actor: Tobyn Olds
Found: Season 8: Episode 61
About: The security advisor for President Robert E. Wee's vacation home. He had doubts about the secret bill bent on getting rid of Canada and giving it all to Hawaii instead, and wasn't afraid to voice them to the President.

Name: Vested Bouncer
Actor: Brian Wise
Found: Season 4: Episode 27
About: One of Channel 586 network president Malcolm Downer's cronies. He stops Safari Jim's father from assassinating Downer after Safari Jim was temporarily fired and replaced with Bonanza Brian.

Name: Vice-Mayor Alan
Actor: Chris Steere
Found: Season 5: Episode 33
About: Successor to the position vacated by Ex-Vice-Mayor Tim, Alan works under the Blind Mayor in the Village of Ted. Somewhat new to the arena of politics, Alan hired himself a Vice-Vice-Mayor, Koon, to assist him in his duties. When a visiting French diplomat, Lisette Marteau, is assassinated in the village, the Blind Mayor orders Alan and Koon to find a way to make sure tourism doesn't plummet while the crime is solved by Swiss Rolls and Jeu le Deu. Alan, however, seems more interested in Doorbell, who, of course, has (allegedly) stolen his bell. Some time later, Alan and Koon left to vie for the Mayorship of the Village of Fred instead, leaving the Blind Mayor without a running mate.

Name: Vice-Mayor Randall
Actor: Jeremy White
Found: Season 6: Episode 44
About: Randall was the first vice-mayor to work under the Blind Mayor, and as such was Tim's predecessor. However, in 1997, when the villages moved to the “township system,” the Mayor needed her key to the city upgraded to be compliant, and sent Randall to do the deed. Randall failed, and vanished, going into hiding for ten years, until Swiss Rolls discovered him and returned him to the mayor just in time for her re-election campaign. Following the resignations of Vice-Mayor Alan and Vice-Vice-Mayor Koon, Randall regained his old job as Vice-Mayor of the Village of Ted, to the Blind Mayor's delight.

Name: Vice-Vice-Mayor Koon
Actor: Kyle Noon
Found: Season 5: Episode 33, 40
About: Assistant to Vice-Mayor Alan, who is the assistant to the Blind Mayor, of the Village of Ted. Koon seems to have his own political aspirations in the future, introducing himself to a visiting French diplomat as “Mayor.” When that diplomat is murdered, Alan and Koon have their hands full trying to keep tourism afloat in the town while the murder is being solved by Swiss Rolls and Jeu le Deu. The murderer, Ex-Vice-Mayor Tim, was also apparently responsible for stealing Koon's bike. Recently, Koon accompanied Swiss Rolls on a caper involving the detective's dock, in place of Number One, and ran afoul of Death and several smoke grenades. Through his authority, he was able to declare Doorstop as the newest head of Darkham Asylum. Some time later, Alan and Koon left to vie for the Mayorship of the Village of Fred instead, leaving the Blind Mayor without a running mate.

Name: Vice President Charlotte “Chips Ahoy” Keebler
Actor: Julia Cleary
Found: Season 5: Episode 38; Season 6: Presidential, Episode 45; Season 8: Episode 61
About: This laid-back woman was chosen as the new Vice-President of the United States after the previous VP, Nathaniel Cookies Nathaien, was fired for trying to blow up President Robert E. Wee. While VP Charlotte seems to have a better head on her shoulders than either Nathaien or Wee, it's quite probable that she got the job just because her name has something to do with cookies. She, along with Robert Wee, took part in the government sting operation intended to draw out Nathaniel Cookies. With the help of Hännah-Hero she and the president escaped the complex before it exploded. During the final crisis of 2007, she and Wee mostly just stayed out of the way to avoid getting blown up this time. After alienating the American public by letting their audience die in the explosion, Wee and Keebler did regain their political fire after the Syndicate of international crime lords was dismantled on their watch. Wee and Keebler went on to win the election in 2008. In 2009, she learned of a secret bill President Wee had developed that would give all of Canada's land to Hawaii, and as it was live TV, she was helpless to stop him from signing it---luckily, ex-VP Nathaien appeared to tear up the bill, and Keebler declared the entire thing an “April Fool's joke” despite being broadcast well after April.

Name: Victoria Eufegenaia (AKA: Bachelorish #1)
Actor: Bethany Loberg
Found: Season 2: Episode 10
About: The first of three bachelorishes on the second installment of “Visually Impaired Date.” It’s entirely possible that she was the only actual woman. The contestant, Low Standards, went on a date with her, but she seems slightly unhinged, obsessed with pretty flowers and not much else. Low Standards did not choose her (or anyone else) in the end.

Name: Victor Prescott
Actor: (As Himself)
Found:
About: Makes a good cooking show co-host. Victor as himself.

Name: Villager #65
Actor: Johännah Larsen
Found: Season 3: Episode 17, 23
About: A cheerful villager from the video-game land of Hyrule (don't ask what happened to the other 64). She is saved by Link and becomes infatuated with him, even following him onto his cooking show, “Lettuce With Link.” But when a real gamer appears and she learns that Link can't jump, she actually leaves the video game realm to be with the gamer instead.

Name: Vinerita Amazon-Yoder-Schmidt
Actor: Bethany Loberg
Found: Season 4: Episode 25, 31; Season 5: Preview Special
About: A kind-hearted explorer of the unknown, she seeks to spread goodwill and equality throughout the world. Interviewed by news correspondent Joseph Chapman during the “Search For Happy,” she expressed an interest in finding happy for happiness’s sake, so that everyone could share in its wonder. Competing against a power-hungry corporate mogul and a snobby heiress, Vinerita revealed to them at the end of the search that they’d had “happy” all along, and that it wasn’t something one could grasp or take a hold of—it differs for everyone. She freed the robot, Assistant Sir, from its master, using this theory. This was discounted by Joe, but Vinerita still believes it in her heart. Soon, she was hired as an explorer by the Mayan Queen to help recover the Idol of Zurukan, but Vinerita wanted to ensure that the treasure was used for the benefit of the Queen’s people. Competing against Bonanza Bob and Safari Jim, Vinerita eventually saw the Idol remade again, and lending her sidekick Bargain Ben to Safari Jim, she moved on to other quests (and was later seen interviewing Porcu-duck). She seems to collect last names like some people collect coins.

Name: Vinny Vidi Vici
Actor: Joey Cleary
Found: Season 4: Episode 29, 32
About: A member of the mafia, though he tries not to advertise it. After killing Sailor Moon at the request of his don, Darth Don, Vinny was on his way to a Hawaiian vacation when his celebrity-filled plane crashed, marooning him and the other handful of survivors on a desert island. Vinny quickly took charge of the situation, and considered himself and Sid Sidler to be the only competent people there (until he learned that Sid thought he was a superhero). Vinny does get along decently with Melinda Chipperwood and Tumorickis, though he is skeptical of the latter’s ability to communicate with Lord Fluffy, the turtle king. Eventually, all the castaways are rescued by the Love Boat, and Vinny vows to never associate with any of them again. Worked very briefly on the third episode of The Rear View. Vinny was later conspicuously absent from the room when Downy, the Freshly Laundered Russian, double-crossed his boss, the Darth Don, head of the Syndicate of International Crime Lords. Had Vinny been there, he might have been able to stop Downy from assassinating the Don, but it's unknown whether it was bad timing or if he was complicit in the plot against the Don. Apparently, Vinny is the twin brother of both Jesus Jones and Tommy Jason. According to Tommy, the three went their separate ways and the former two changed their last names, while Tommy kept the original. Interestingly enough, Tommy told this tidbit to Lor Crawford, who is in fact the eldest son of Vinny's castaway “pal,” Tumorickis, though it is unknown whether or not Lor and Vinny have ever met.

Name: Virginia Griffin
Actor: Bethany Loberg
Found: Season 2: Episode 11
About: A brilliant inventor and the leader of “Insta-Corp,” the makers of “Insta-Dog in a Bottle” as well as many other infamous products. She was worth billions (metrically). Just what happened to her depends on which version of the events that you hear. What we do know is that on August 81^st, 1985, something happened to her, involving a cellular phone and an FBI agent, that caused her to lose her short term memory. She eventually got around to suing the agent in 2004, and appeared as a plaintiff on “Judge Julie.” Claims as to what happened in ’85 differed greatly, and in the end, the voters of America decided not to award either party and a mistrial was declared.

Name: Wally the Writer
Actor: Michael Cunningham
Found: Season 6: Episode 47
About: A writer who finds himself somewhat obsessively on strike. He is interviewed by Starla Simmons on the seventh episode of “The Rear View.” He also might just be a giant, fighting for giant's rights. He had some issues with Starla, as some tend to. Until the demands of the guild are met, you won't find him writing anywhere around here!

Name: Wanda McWage
Actor: Bethany Loberg
Found: Season 4: Episode 31
About: Representative of the “Wegan Wagon Association,” Wanda is a supporter of the use of trees, and the wood from trees, in making homes for people across the country. She sees trees as little more than pollen-producing raw materials, and supports the jobs created by the lumber industry. She is interviewed by news correspondent Joseph Chapman for a closeup on trees. Wanda claims never to have seen a tree fairy, but that changes when she joins a forum discussion about trees and their uses, attended by the lumber industry, hippies, a scientist, and a tree fairy named Jingly.

Name: Ward Dan
Actor: Rodger Fickel
Found: Season 5: Episode 35
About: The assistant to Philadelphia Jones, Ward manages menial tasks such as driving Philly around and carrying his things while Philly punches people out. He seems to take pride in his job. Accompanied Philly on the quest for the Anubis Statue.

Name: Warden, The
Actor: Rodger Fickel
Found: Season 3: Episode 23
About: The warden of a high-security prison inhabited by Skinner, Cokey, Smokey, Hob-Nob, the Genie, and previously Martha Stewart during her sentence for insider trading. He has a bad attitude, but that comes with the job. During a C80 exposé on Martha’s cult, Stewart distracted him long enough for the Genie to spring from the fireplace and tackle him so the other inmates could brutally murder him----instigating a massive jailbreak.

Name: Wario
Actor: Joey Cleary
Found: Season 4: Episode 32
About: Yes, it’s that Wario. He gate-crashes the new cooking show of the Mario Bros., “Melee Munchies,” in an attempt to get some sugar cookies for himself. Thoroughly uninvited; neither Mario nor Luigi are very fond of Wario. The Mario Bros. beat him up and drive him away for a time, but when the cookies come out of the oven, he tries to steal them and gets burned (though they burned his legs somehow).

Name: Water 2 Spokesman
Actor: Joseph Chapman
Found: Season 5: Episode 36
About: The spokesman for the follow-up to Water Classic, “Water 2.”

Name: Water Classic Spokesman
Actor: Joseph Chapman
Found: Season 5: Episode 34
About: Announcer for the “Water Classic” commercial.

Name: Water Diet Spokesman
Actor: Joseph Chapman
Found: Season 7: Episode 49
About: Announcer for the follow-up to Water 2, “Water Diet.”

Name: Waterskiing Mystic, The
Actor: Matthew Loberg
Found: Season 2: Episode 14
About: One of the eternal beings known as Mystics. He came upon a problem when the Amish challenged the Mystics for control of the local river. After calling upon the Kayaking Mystic to help, he was visited by Deficiency Boy, who sought the Mystics' assistance in fighting the forces of Hezedipapa and the Surfing Mystic, who had gone to the evil side. In exchange for DB's assistance in ridding them of their Amish problem, they agreed to help him. Though both the Kayaking and Waterskiing Mystic agreed to put Deficiency Boy through a set of trials to make him a Mystic in his own right, the Waterskiing Mystic had little confidence in DB's abilities. In the end, the Amish and the Mystics nearly came to blows, but realized that both sides had been manipulated by Mister Eye, and opted to chase him down instead.

Name: Weirdest Link Host
Actor: Joseph Chapman
Found: Season 1: Episode 3; Season 5: Preview Special
About: The host of the popular game show “The Weirdest Link” for its first installment, during which he was voted off by the contestants. He was replaced as host by Caution Tape Guy, followed by Accident Prone Guy, in the first episode. Mr. Wrong took over hosting for the second installment, and as this Host puts it during the opening of the third episode, “it took me four years to become host of this show again.”

Name: Weirdest Link Judge (AKA: Laura)
Actor: Laura Finch
Found: Season 1: Episode 3
About: As the winner of the Olympic Swinging Sports Junk segment aired directly before the first episode of Weirdest Link, she was deemed to be its judge. And judge it she does. She also attempts to sell the viewers “Yoshi.”

Name: Wild Aboriginal
Actor: Manfred Mueller
Found: Season 1: Episode 3, 5
About: Alpha male of his tribe of Aboriginals, this wild guy first emerged from the jungles of Nebraska Avenue when Bonanza Bill came a-knockin' and became infected with Mad Monkey Disease. Knowledgable in the ways of the jungle, the Wild Aboriginal helped Bill's assistants seek out the disease's source. The Wild Aboriginal is also a sucker for scotch tape, apparently. Soon after Bill's death, Bonanza Bob came to the jungle seeking revenge but the Aboriginals drove him out. Starstruck by all this celebrity exposure, the Wild Aboriginal then moved to the city and was actually elected Suburban City governor in '02. His duties in office seem to have distanced him from his old tribemates, however, as he was nowhere to be found when the Aboriginals were later subjugated by the Mayan Empire.

Name: Wild Strange Indian Thing
Actor: Jeremy White
Found: Season 1: Episode 8
About: A simple man thrown into a world of intrigue he never wanted when he dug up a mysterious Tabasco bottle in his “plentiful garden.” Sensing some great evil, he gave the bottle to a passerby, who then opened it… well, with the sun, and the heat, one can't be SURE what he saw, but he positively hallucinated of genie. A couple of botched wishes later, and this Strange Indian Thing got to witness the explosion of a lifetime---quite possibly one that ENDED his lifetime.

Name: William Balmer (AKA: Billy Ball)
Actor: John Nielsen
Found: Season 6: Episode 47
About: Featured as the second of a series of five “Bachelorishes” on the return of the popular show “Visually Impaired Date.” William, or Billy Ball, as his friends call him, is a retired baseball umpire. In fact, all this buttoned-down fellow seems to think about is baseball, a fact that both the female contestant and the other competing Bachelorishes point out to him. When Grace, the contestant, had enough of his single-mindedness, she used a lifeline to eject him from the potential pool of competitors. However, he still managed to stalk Grace on her date with Marjorie Bergen at the Holiday Inn Express, and to their chagrin, he was a little less buttoned-up, having discovered baseball's second-greatest (or possibly greatest) use: as sexual innuendo. By the end of the show he was absolutely rejected, but seemed no worse the wear for it, delighting in his own lechery.

Name: Wilma Carrington
Actor: Johännah Larsen
Found: Season 7: PDA 4
About: Kindly Wilma Carrington is seen offering “native American” Chief Walks-to-Walmart a formal apology for injustices perpetrated against his people by the 'white man' and, on behalf of the county, giving the chief a token of symbolism representing his new casino.

Name: Windows
Actor: Puppet/Michael Cunningham
Found: Season 4: Episode 25
About: The Microsoft operating system. Abducted by the military. Needs an upgrade on its verbal patch. Interviewed by news correspondent Joseph Chapman on the “Search for Happy.”

Name: Wizard, The (AKA: Random Reporter Guy)
Actor: Joey Cleary
Found: Season 1: Episode 6, 8; Season 3: Episode 18, 21, 22; Season 4: Episode 26, 30; Season 5: Episode 34, 39; Season 6: Presidential, Episode 43; Season 7: Episode 50
About: Recently discovered to be one of the most influential (albeit cranky) forces ever to walk this earth. The Wizard was created by God, on the fifth day, to take up the role of Enforcer in the cosmic alliance known as “Deity Force.” Endowed with unimaginable powers, the Wizard was less than apt at his job, and was responsible for Adam and Eve's flight from Eden. Later, he accidentally caused a world-wide flood. When the Wizard attempted to quit, God took away his powers and impounded them in the Cave of Grrrasssh, sealed by the Moon Sapphires forged by Noah and the Orb Crafter. The Orb Crafter then used the Orb of Strife on the Wizard, causing him to lose his memory and wander the earth for millenia under the completely clueless persona of Random Reporter Guy. (He was replaced in Deity Force by SSRM.) During his history the Wizard influenced countless historical figures, sometimes by accident. An encounter with Joan of Arc caused God to mistakenly jar R.R. Guy's memory, which gradually began to return. In the modern age, as Random Reporter Guy, he stumbled onto several evil plots set forth by the Crueller family, and soon, his memory returned to a more complete degree. Thinking them to be the Moon Sapphires, the Wizard stole several of the Orbs (on several occasions). Since then, he has reunited with Noah by God's orders, and most recently, has become the second sidekick of Deficiency Boy. He retains none of his powers, but rather carries a wand that can clog arteries, and now has a parole officer, Insomniac Lass. Soon after this development, however, a hearing was called by God to determine whether or not The Wizard deserved his powers again. Satan, Gorb Crafter, and Demonobi served as the prosecution while Death and Deficiency Boy served as The Wizard's defense team. It seems that as Random Reporter Guy he also influenced the likes of King Arthur, Cleopatra, Richard Nixon, Queen Elizabeth I, Henry VIII, Genghis Khan, and “Helen 2,” among other historical figures. By virtue of his silver jacket, God finally decided to give The Wizard “almost all” of his powers back---to the shock of all present. It wasn't as easy as he'd hoped, however---the verdict was just the beginning of an ancient prophecy being fulfilled. Given a tablet (and paperwork) by Noah and Death, the Wizard had to solve a riddle in order to get his powers from the Cave they were locked in. The first part of this prophecy involved the awakening of the New Orb Crafter, an Orby-knockoff the Wizard himself had created to annoy her long ago. With the realization that the powers had jumped into the Moon Sapphire itself, a struggle ensued, resulting in the powers being bestowed not just on the Wizard, but on the Newb Crafter and Mo the Surfing Mystic as well. Several battles were fought afterward to restore the balance of good, and eventually Mo was defeated and turned a new leaf. Following the fulfillment of the latter part of the prophecy, the nullification of the Gorb Crafter and the death of Deficiency Boy, the Wizard decided to leave the super-heroing to SSRM and Lawful Good, so that he himself could once again take up his post as “the Enforcer” across the globe.

Name: Wizard's Grandmother, The
Actor: Joey Cleary
Found: Season 3: Episode 18
About: Though she is somehow identified as the grandmother of the infamous Wizard, she was in fact created after he was. When The Wizard asked God for help in his duties, God sent him the Wizard's Grandmother. She apparently serves little purpose, however, and is nothing more than a sex therapist, which The Wizard has absolutely no patience for. She was run over by the Postbusters, but obviously recovered.

Name: Woman Today #1
Actor: Jessica Glantz
Found: Season 1: Episode 2
About: One of Gary Stinger’s guests. While she was backstage, they secretly impregnated her.

Name: Woman Today #2
Actor: Amber Feldmen
Found: Season 1: Episode 2
About: One of Gary Stinger’s guests. While she was backstage, they secretly impregnated her.

Name: Wreathrina
Actor: Ashley Wright
Found: Season 5: Episode 35
About: Member of a cult of Martha Stewart worshippers, Wreathrina was forced into joining by Skinner because of her crafting skills. She can make a wreath out of anything. She faced off against Philadelphia Jones on the quest to obtain the Anubis statue for Martha, but fled from the battle. Still at large, but is probably in the proximity of Martha Stewart.

Name: Y2.2K Scientist
Actor: Joseph Chapman
Found: Season 1: Episode 1
About: He seemed bent on conducting an experiment to see if humanity would be capable of surviving in the year 2200. His experiment failed doubly, forcing him to use himself as a subject, which caused his demise.

Name: Y2.2K Subject #1
Actor: Anthony
Found: Season 1: Episode 1
About: Plucked off the street, he became the subject of an experiment to test whether humans would be capable of survival in 2200. His death was the first sign that this experiment was not going to be successful.

Name: Y2.2K Subject #2
Actor: Michael Cunningham
Found: Season 1: Episode 1
About: After the first subject of the Y2.2K experiment died during the testing, the scientist managed to wrangle this second participant into it. This one, too, met a grisly end.

Name: Yakuza
Actor: Kyle Kertay
Found: Season 2: Episode 16; Season 4: Episode 28; Season 5: Episode 38; Season 6: Episode 45
About: Yakuza, a trained swordsman, is also a one-man mafia, suspected of many terrorist activities. In the early eighties, Ex-Agent X tailed him in an undercover operation. Whatever crimes he may have committed aside, however, Yakuza is a simple and honorable man, and wanted only for his bride, Hännah-Hero, to be happy. He attempted to obtain “the plans,” a very valuable item to President Wee, as an anniversary gift for her in 2005. However, he ran afoul of Ex-Agent X, who had come out of retirement to fight him again. Bested in battle, Yakuza revealed that the plans had been eaten by the Freshly Laundered Russian, and requested that X kill him so as to die an honorable death. This wish was granted. Heartbroken, Hännah-Hero avenged his death and enshrined his body, planning to stay by his side forever. A year later, Agent A stole Yakuza's body and resurrected him, so as to have him retrieve the plans from Agent L's brain. Obeying out of gratitude, Yakuza fiercely battled Laticia and her mercenary, Zato, and beat them---and the plans were extracted. Letting bygones be bygones, everyone went to eat at Eaty's, a family restaurant, and ended up defusing a bomb left by the former vice president. During the final crisis of 2007, Yakuza and Hannah-Hero once again stood with America, this time to take down the Syndicate of international crime lords, of which Yakuza used to be a member. Proving his alliegiance to the U.S. once and for all, Yakuza and his love killed Bernard Crocker, a Syndicate higher-up, in battle. Following the destruction of the newest plans, Yakuza and Hannah-Hero went on to become diplomats in Japan. All is well now for Yakuza and his bride.

Name: Yoquiero Tacobell
Actor: Anthony
Found: Season 1: Episode 1
About: One of two sumo-wrestling combatants in the very first edition of “Trampolympics.” He and his opponent suffered a mutual loss, then got re-animated in time to send the Judge to his death.

Name: Zero
Actor: Anthony
Found: Season 1: Episode 8
About: The first sidekick of detective Swiss Rolls, Zero found his help went mostly unappreciated---which is probably why he was replaced with a talking doormat. His poor luck became complete when it was later revealed that Lauren Arabia, the assistant to the head of Darkham Asylum, had turned him into a candy bar as a favor for Death. While this fate cannot be authoritatively confirmed, it is incredibly likely.

Name: Zote Spokeswoman
Actor: Johännah Larsen
Found: Season 7: Episode 49
About: This cheerful woman would love to sell us some Zote (pink, white, or blue!) in person, OR on the interzote! From the makers of Zout and Zynoff.

Name: Zynoff
Actor: Kyle Kertay
Found: Season 6: Episode 42
About: Featured in a segment with Cobblepot, Zynoff helped show off a product… sort of. It was a pizza pan. But is Zynoff the man, or Zynoff the product? We aren’t really sure… and we will never know, because when told to fetch the pizza pan by Cobblepot, Zynoff suddenly died, possibly of a heart attack.


Characters Page 1

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