Welcome to the Artifacts and Lore page, your one-stop shop for some of the mysterious and wonderful treasures in the universe of C80 and its assorted lore! Feel free to look around, but only touch at your own risk---you never know what these artifacts might be capable of until it's too late! That, and the Curator would sooner put you behind glass for all eternity than let you upset the sanctity of her museum. But, without further ado, here we go.

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    The Orb of Completely Powerful Power
  
        Its true potential has never been discovered. What is known is that it was the first orb ever created by THE ORB CRAFTER, and from it, the Globe of Power was formed. Tiny, ribbed, orange, nondescript---it was rudimentary, a starting point, not particularly eye-catching in any way, which was fortunate. For eons it was watched over by THE KAYAKING MYSTIC, whom even among Mystics was known as one of the most trustworthy and wise. By the modern age, many rumors about this Orb had spread across the world.
            When its location was finally discovered, all factions rushed to recover it. RUTHLESS CRUELLER and her henchmen, GORDO and GRODO, arrived first, but were unable to solve the Mystic's riddle. Working independently, MISTER EYE attempted bribery, but also failed. The Kayaking Mystic only bestowed the Orb of Completely Powerful Power to CAPTAIN OBVIOUS, who was traveling with an ethereal SUPER SLOW REACTION MAN and MANFRAUD DUELLER (2-9-SSRM5).
            A mighty battle ensued over the Orb, but its powers only activated when touched by Super Slow Reaction Man, and it gave him life anew, ending his neon-dependent limbo existence and restoring his original powers. It is uncertain precisely what happened after that, but those who were there that day seem to think the magic of the Orb, coupled with the powers of THE SILENT NARRATOR nearly killed all present before the Orb slipped away from this dimension to lay dormant and hidden, lest those with evil in their hearts abuse its powers (2-9-SSRM5).
            It has not been seen since (by mortal eyes, anyway).

    The Globe of Power
   
            Easily one of the most famous creations of THE ORB CRAFTER, the Globe of Power was created using the first orb, the Orb of Completely Powerful Power, in ancient times. For a time, the Globe of Power sported a look of molten fury, but over the eons it cooled and retained the appearance of the planet Earth itself.
            When the world was accidentally flooded by THE WIZARD, the Orb Crafter used it to craft the Orb of Evolution, the Cloning Sphere, the Orb of Life, and the Orb of Strife. It was then given to NOAH to hand over to his trusted mechanic, AVERAG E. GUY, who became the superhero SUPER SLOW REACTION MAN after connecting with its powers (3-21-WZ1).
            The tipping scales of power surrounding this Globe have caused a constant struggle between SSRM and his arch-nemesis, MANDREAD CRUELLER. Following their first real showdown, the Globe fell into Mandread's hands (1-1-SSRM1). However, when Super Slow Reaction Man recovered the Globe, the reconnection was so powerful that the shockwave incapacitated Crueller and GORDO, and killed FARM LAD (who upon being cloned was his old self again). In addition, on that day the Globe became infused in Super Slow Reaction Man's body, where it remained for some time (1-3-SSRM2).
            Following the fall, return, and disappearance of Super Slow Reaction Man, some worried that the Globe of Power had forsaken the world, but in a time of doubt, PORCU-DUCK assured CAPTAIN OBVIOUS that the Globe would always live on in the hearts of those who truly believed (2-14-DB3).
            Much later, Super Slow Reaction Man returned to the forefront of heroism, and, in an attempt to assist his fellow comrades in their fight against evil, transported LAWFUL GOOD, DEFICIENCY BOY and himself into a spiritual plane existing within the Globe so that the latter two could embark upon a training exercise (5-37-DB11).
            In more recent times, Super Slow Reaction Man has taken to carrying the Globe of Power itself around again so that he may use it as a tool---most recently revealing its capacity to judge the hearts of others and as a navigation aid (7-54-SHS1).

    The Globe of Milkish Freakyness
   
            THE ORB CRAFTER has never spoken of this Orb openly, but it has seemingly always been a symbol of evil despite her good intentions---if indeed she created it at all. With its relation to food due to its milky nature, it has always lain hidden amongst our groceries, waiting to be found.
            It first gained notoriety when discovered in a box of cereal by MANDREAD CRUELLER, though it is unknown how it got into the cereal in the first place. It gave him power---more terrible power---though his nature was already too twisted to alter. Crueller used the Globe to twist FARM LAD into madness on one occasion (1-3-SSRM2).
            The Globe then made its way into the hands of Mandread's brother, BAD GUY, who used it (once more against Farm Lad) to trap the heroes in a crushing illusion-world (1-6-SSRM3). Once the brothers joined forces, Mandread attempted to infuse Bad Guy with the Globe of Milkish Freakyness, which for reasons unknown, actually failed (1-6-SSRM3.5).
            Following the death of SUPER SLOW REACTION MAN, when the Crueller brothers had left the active villain scene, their sister RUTHLESS CRUELLER inherited Milkish Freakyness and hatched a plan to combine the nefarious globe with the Orb of Completely Powerful Power. When she failed to obtain the latter, Ruthless hid the Globe of Milkish Freakyness within turkey-in-a-basket and got rid of the evidence before the heroes could suspect anything (2-9-SSRM5).
            Floating downstream, the Globe went dormant until the day it was discovered on the shore by the young mermaid, HEZEDIPAPA, who was immediately empowered and twisted to evil by its energy. So powerful was the darkness within her that even when she slipped up and lost the Globe momentarily, she retained her wicked power. As for the Globe, using it to attack DEFICIENCY BOY transformed the novice hero into the novice villain, DUPLICITY MAN, a reflection of the darkness dormant within Manfraud after being cloned from Mandread Crueller. When LAWFUL GOOD tricked Duplicity Man long enough for Hezedipapa to steal the Globe back, Duplicity Man transformed back into Deficiency Boy, but the embers of evil remained forever within him, waiting to be ignited (2-12-DB1).
            For a time after that, the exact whereabouts of the Globe were uncertain, though presumably it remained with Hezedipapa even after the Orb of Evolution temporarily robbed her of her powers and turned her into a pacifist (3-17-DB6). Countless struggles and exchanges of power went by, but eventually, due to the fall of ANARCHY LAD, Hezedipapa once again recharged her Globe and claimed the top villain position in the resulting power vacuum. Enlisting PRIVATE MOUNTAIN MAYBE and someone she thought to be DEMONVADER into her crew, Hezedipapa struck a deal with DUPLICITY MAN in an attempt to get the Orb of Life, so she could, of course, combine it with the Globe of Milkish Freakyness. Before she could do that, however, Demonvader revealed himself to be Super Slow Reaction Man, who absconded with the Orb of Life (5-37-DB11).
            Not long after this setback, Hezedipapa ascended to a sneakier plane of existence, leaving behind the Globe of Milkish Freakyness for Duplicity Man to eventually claim.
            With the Globe in hand, Duplicity Man became immune to the effects of the Egg of Complete Neutrality that he stole from the farm of DADDER FRAMPTON and his daughter, FARM LASS. Though he was forced by the heroes to relinquish the Cloning Sphere he possessed, Duplicity Man is still in possession of the Globe of Milkish Freakyness to this day (7-54-SHS1).

    The Cloning Sphere
   
            One of the last orbs THE ORB CRAFTER created using the Globe of Power, this sphere contains great and mysterious powers coveted by many---and the number of times it has been stolen over the ages is a testament to just how much it's coveted. It does not react the same to everyone, and indeed, there are those who've grasped the Sphere with no effects whatsoever... but in the wrong hands it is devastating.
            Somehow, the Cloning Sphere fell into just such a pair of hands: those of scummy mailmen and corrupt corporate executives, who in conjunction allowed the orb to be mailed straight to MANDREAD CRUELLER. Following FARM LAD's death after their first encounter at his hideout, Mandread knew SUPER SLOW REACTION MAN had cloned him back to life using a cloning trampoline, technology that lost its power after one use (1-1-SSRM1). Mandread and GORDO planned to use the remnants of Farm Lad's DNA on the trampoline in combination with the Cloning Sphere to create an evil version of SSRM's sidekick, to be dubbed "Crimson Lad."
            However, Gordo was not the most attentive henchman, and distracted by a member of the opposite sex, he carelessly left the Cloning Sphere on a bench, where Mandread sat on it. The result was a clone of Mandread Crueller, christened "MANFRAUD DUELLER" by PORCU-DUCK. Though Manfraud was a clone of Crueller, he was not necessarily evil incarnate, though he did switch sides many times thereafter. Of course, this is one of the most famous known uses of the Cloning Sphere (1-6-SSRM3.75).
            While away on business, Mandread entrusted the Cloning Sphere and the Orb of Evolution to Gordo's care, and Mandread's brother BAD GUY finessed both orbs away from the henchman using a bottle of Primal Essences Shampoo. In the area investigating the mail fraud that was responsible for Mandread acquiring said orbs, Super Slow Reaction Man ran afoul of Bad Guy, who'd used the Orb of Evolution to become HORRENDOUS GUY. Horrendous Guy tricked SSRM into touching the Cloning Sphere by telling him it was the other orb. In the hands of the hero, the Cloning Sphere discharged and cloned his powers, reversing them, turning him into SUPER FAST REACTION MAN, with the power to react to injuries before they were actually inflicted---leading directly to his almost immediate death (1-8-SSRM4).
            At the end of that horrific battle, THE WIZARD, just beginning to remember his true self and long-searching for his own sealed powers, used the confusion to slip and and steal both the Cloning Sphere and the Orb of Evolution, which he erroneously believed to be the Moon Sapphires (1-8-SSRM4). Finally fretting over her possessions, the Orb Crafter stepped in after that and took back her creations, putting them in her garden where they remained for a time.
            Much later, when the power struggles seemed to be out of control and the Orb Crafter used her Orb of Evolution to remove everyone's powers, she used the Cloning Sphere to give DEFICIENCY BOY his powers back after learning that ANARCHY LAD had cheated and kept his own (3-17-DB6).
            Time passed without incident until the fateful day that the Orb Crafter went on vacation and entrusted her orbs to Deficiency Boy. At this time, the Cloning Sphere and the Orb of Life were stolen from the garden by GORDO and GRODO, who, under orders from Duplicity Man, laid a trap for DB with the orbs. When Deficiency Boy touched both orbs, their powers combined and cloned Duplicity Man out of Deficiency Boy, finally giving his dark side a body of his own. While Duplicity Man lost the Orb of Life to Hezedipapa and then Super Slow Reaction Man, he retained the Cloning Sphere for his own nefarious purposes (5-37-DB11).
            Sometime between the minting of his new body and his next encounter with the heroes, Duplicity Man used the Cloning Sphere to create a Temporary Cloning Sphere, a lesser, synthetic version that could nonetheless create temporary decoy clones of himself. Following the death of Deficiency Boy, SSRM and LAWFUL GOOD finally tracked down Duplicity Man and to preserve his evil plans he traded the orb for his own freedom, escaping (mostly) empty-handed. The heroes then used the Cloning Sphere on the remains of Deficiency Boy (his T-shirt) to resurrect the superhero as good as new. Lawful Good then entrusted the orb to DB personally before leaving the group (7-54-SHS1).

    The Orb of Evolution
   
            One of the last Orbs THE ORB CRAFTER forged using the Globe of Power, it is one of her most powerful and sometimes dangerous creations to date.
            During its tenure with the Ancient Swiss, this orb was used in experiments to reverse-engineer a much-less-potent object known only as the Cube of Slight Improvement---an artifact that was presumably lost when the Ancient Swiss were destroyed by their own creations some time later.
            It stayed hidden for centuries, until, somehow, due to the same post-office error that allowed MANDREAD CRUELLER to get a hold of the Cloning Sphere, it fell into the hand's of Mandread's brother, BAD GUY.
            Getting wind of this, SUPER SLOW REACTION MAN and FARM LAD hurried to the Village of Ted to stop the mail fraud, but were too late to stop Bad Guy. Using the Orb of Evolution, he increased his powers tenfold, transforming into HORRENDOUS GUY. When the battle began, Horrendous Guy easily gained the upper hand by tricking SSRM into grasping the wrong orb, the Cloning Sphere, which reversed his powers and made him an easy kill for the villain. In an uncharacteristic turnabout, instead of dying, Farm Lad grabbed the Orb of Evolution and turned into CAPTAIN OBVIOUS, a transformation that remains permanent to this day. Horrendous Guy, on the other hand, reverted to Bad Guy after the battle was over.
            THE WIZARD, thinking the Cloning Sphere and Orb of Evolution were his precious Moon Sapphires, stole them both in the confusion of the moment (1-8-SSRM4). The Orb Crafter, of course, took her creations back from the Wizard sometime thereafter.
            The Orb of Evolution came into the thick of things later on, after the Orb Crafter saw how her creations were being abused and, in an effort to scale back the damage, she used that particular Orb to power down all the other orbs in the area---effectively rendering DEFICIENCY BOY, CAPABLE LAD, HEZEDIPAPA and even MO THE SURFING MYSTIC powerless for a time. Her de-evolution also affected the Orb of Strife, though ANARCHY LAD used his powers to cheat and retain exactly that: his powers of anarchy. Still, this move by the Orb Crafter shook up the balance of power for some time. Intended mostly as a precautionary measure, it is thought that most of the orbs affected by the de-evolution eventually regained their strength again, though some needed more time (and help) than others (3-17-DB6).
            Continuing his usual muleheaded persistence and defiance, The Wizard once again stole the Orb Crafter's things from her, including the Orb of Evolution and the Orb of Life, which he tried to sell at a garage sale. The Orb Crafter was able to intervene and buy all of her possessions back for the small price of some salt (3-18-CGS).
            Eventually the Wizard came to realize that the Orbs were not the Moon Sapphires and left well enough alone. When THE GOLD ORB CRAFTER emerged from Hell in all her wickedness and wrought havoc with her own orb, the Orb Crafter assembled a team to fight back: bestowing to NOAH the Orb of Life, she, ironically, lent the Wizard the Orb of Evolution. In the scuffle with the Minions of Strife, the Wizard was knocked unconscious by DEMONOBI, allowing Anarchy Lad to use the Orb of Evolution on the Orb of Strife, finally restoring the orb's own powers in addition to his own. The Wizard recovered the Evolution, however, and after the battle the blue sphere was returned to the Orb Crafter, where it remains safely in her possession (4-30-DB9).

    The Orb of Life
   
            The basic nature of this Orb, created by THE ORB CRAFTER using the Globe of Power, is fairly simple: to sustain, create, and give life.
            During the era when the orbs were watched over by the Ancient Swiss, the Orb of Life was used in numerous experiments, all attempts to try and somehow reverse engineer them. One of the researchers, subsequently known as NOMAD, was accidentally given the gift of immortality from this orb during one of the experiments---thus he was spared the destruction of the civilization when the experiments went awry (8-64-SHS5).
            After the fall of the Ancient Swiss, a Mystic known as DORGO was appointed the guardian of this orb. However, after a time, Dorgo promised the villagers nearby great rewards from the orb, only to twist the orb's power to that of death, and murder the entire village, earning him the moniker of "Dark Mystic." The Orb Crafter immediately punished Dorgo and sealed his soul away nearby, but as for the Orb of Life, it remained hidden away in a forest near the Fall of Power for ages without a guardian (8-60-SHS3).
            While DEFICIENCY BOY was on sabbatical, fellow hero LAWFUL GOOD sought to claim the Orb of Life as he thought it might help the return of SUPER SLOW REACTION MAN from wherever he'd vanished to. With CAPTAIN OBVIOUS and CAPABLE LAD in tow, Lawful Good neared the Orb's location, but wasn't the only one who'd done his homework that day. The wicked HEZEDIPAPA and THE CONFUZZLER snuck in before the heroes could take note and switched the Orb of Life for the Orb of Strife (2-16-DB5).
            Escaping with the Orb of Life, the villains were careless, and the orb was recovered by the Orb Crafter, who placed it in her garden (3-17-DB6) before THE WIZARD stole it in turn, thinking it to be a Moon Sapphire. The Orb Crafter wasted no time in getting all her property back from the Wizard's impromptu garage sale and keeping it safe once more (3-18-CGS).
            Later, during THE GORB CRAFTER's attack on all that was good, the Orb Crafter gave the Orb of Life to NOAH to use in battle---and indeed, he did try to use it against the Gold Orb, but was unsuccessful as the Orb of Life really has no weaponized powers (4-30-DB9).
            After that, the Orb of Life and the Cloning Sphere were stolen from the garden while the Orb Crafter was on vacation by GORDO and GRODO, who used them in tandem to clone DUPLICITY MAN out of Deficiency Boy and into a body of his own. Hezedipapa and Duplicity Man then fought over the Orb of Life, but luckily it was recovered from their villainous clutches by a mole in her ranks her turned out to be Super Slow Reaction Man. Returning the sphere to the Orb Crafter, it remains safely in her care for the time being (5-37-DB11).

 

    The Gold Orb ("Gorb")
   
            The Gold Orb was not, unlike most, created by THE ORB CRAFTER. It was actually created by her evil counterpart, THE GOLD ORB CRAFTER, or "Gorb Crafter." Its evil rivals that of even the Globe of Milkish Freakyness.
            In the space of a single day on earth, the Gold Orb Crafter was able to use this "Gorb" to nullify her counterpart, the Orb Crafter; she transformed CAPABLE LAD into the crazed METH LAD, as well as send BOOGIE BOY into a coma, and last but not least, it was used to once again turn DEFICIENCY BOY into the depraved DUPLICITY MAN (4-26-DB8/4-30-DB9).
            What other powers it holds, none can say. When the Gorb Crafter returned to earth, causing the Crafter Stalemate, the Gold Orb lost its powers with the rest of the orbs until she went to do battle with the Orb Crafter. With the interference of Deficiency Boy, and the resulting power explosion, the Gold Orb became a prison for the Gorb Crafter, who is now trapped inside of it, unable to escape (7-50-DB14).

    The Orb of Restoration
   
            During the wave of evil set upon the Earth by THE GORB CRAFTER, the wise ORB CRAFTER was temporarily incapacitated by the Gold Orb---when she awoke to find METH LAD in her garden, she quickly created this, the newest of her orbs. Its name means what it says: it has the power to right wrongs and restore balance.
            Swiftly the Orb Crafter set to work, first using the Orb of Restoration on Meth Lad, transforming him back into CAPABLE LAD. She then attempted to use it on ANARCHY LAD, who used DUPLICITY MAN as a human shield. Consequently, Duplicity Man became DEFICIENCY BOY again. The Orb Crafter's attempts to use it on MO THE SURFING MYSTIC yielded no results, for whatever evil he was perpetrating was of his own capricious whims, thus there was nothing to be restored (4-30-DB9).
            Some time later, she (somewhat "symbolically") used the Orb of Restoration on THE WIZARD to give him his job back---but not as the fully powered up Enforcer of Deity Force, but rather as Deficiency Boy's new (and still powerless) sidekick, complete with a parole officer (5-34-DB10).

    The Moon of Miscellaneous
   
            Another mysterious creation of THE ORB CRAFTER, the Moon of Miscellaneous has only ever been glimpsed by a few, as it is usually hidden far from prying eyes due its unpredictable and difficult to master nature. Thought to be a possible boon for DEFICIENCY BOY's sidekick CAPABLE LAD, and as such the latter was sent on a quest to retrieve it (4-30-DB9). The heroes were unaware, however, that the orb was guarded by several horrific traps. Capable Lad, though valiant, was unable to overcome them, and was killed. However, after Capable Lad's failure, the mysterious NOMAD made his way through the traps himself to recover the orb, which he kept thereafter on his person (8-60-SHS3). After the orb was claimed, it was said that SUPER SLOW REACTION MAN and LAWFUL GOOD came looking for Capable Lad and discovered his body (6-43-DB13).
                The powers of this orb were finally glimpsed when Nomad appeared to LUCKY TWITCH and FARM LASS near the Falls of Power; Nomad was drawn there by the escape of DORGO THE DARK MYSTIC from his arboreal prison (and into the body of BERNARD FORESS). Nomad used the Moon of Miscellaneous to survey Lucky and Farm Lass for dark possession, to scan the tree, and most importantly, to generate enough flames and energy attacks to do battle against the Dark Mystic's formidable powers. He also, incidentally, tried to kill Deficiency Boy with it, but the latter was quick to dodge (8-60-SHS3).

 

    The Orb of Strife
   
            The very last of the Orbs created by THE ORB CRAFTER using the Globe of Power in the Garden of Eden. Sort of an afterthought, it was smaller than the other globes created at that time, but possessed a dangerously mischievious nature at its core. Like the Egg of Freedom, it did not react the same way for everyone.
            After THE WIZARD's lapse in judgment resulted in a world-wide flood, GOD "fired" him and left the details for NOAH and the Orb Crafter to sort out. She used the Orb of Strife to erase the Wizard's memory, dubbing him RANDOM REPORTER GUY and causing him to wander the earth in a stupor until his memory was inadvertantly restored eons later (3-21-WZ1).
            During the period in which the Orb Crafter was off fighting her own battles, and entrusted her creations to the Ancient Swiss, this orb was also in the possession of one GENERAL CHEWAGUMABAR, leader of Ancient Swiss efforts to reverse engineer the orbs. However, a clever entity in of itself, the Orb of Strife somehow rolled away from its masters, lost to the ages for some time after that (8-64-SHS5).
            The Orb of Strife somehow, ages later, fell into the hands of THE CONFUZZLER, who, under the instruction of HEZEDIPAPA, used it to play a cruel trick on LAWFUL GOOD by switching it for the orb he was seeking, the Orb of Life. When the chaotic orb came into contact with Lawful Good, he transformed into the unpredictable ANARCHY LAD and also lost his memory of his life as a superhero---and he retained the Orb of Strife for his own nefarious purposes (2-16-DB5).
            When the Orb Crafter attempted to foil the growing evil in the world by using the Orb of Evolution to power down the orbs, curiously enough, the Orb of Strife lost all its powers, but due to the chaotic nature of Anarchy Lad, he himself kept his powers anyway (3-17-DB6).
            Later, during a skirmish with the Orb Crafter and the Wizard, Anarchy Lad was able to use the Orb of Evolution to restore the Orb of Strife's original powers, which, coupled with his still-retained ones, effectively doubled his power---though his attempts to use it on MO THE SURFING MYSTIC had no effect (4-30-DB9). He used this power to kidnap THE SILENT NARRATOR and attempted to force the Narrator to give him the rank of Mystic, but the appearance of HOBO SANTA turned him back into Lawful Good, and all his powers evaporated. As penance for his misdeeds, Lawful Good immediately returned the Orb of Strife to the Orb Crafter (5-34-DB10).

    The Perfectly Spherical Egg of Freedom
            A quirky mystery of a creation, this artifact of THE ORB CRAFTER showed up only briefly in the pages of history. During the period, following their initial battle, when MANDREAD CRUELLER had stolen the Globe of Power from SUPER SLOW REACTION MAN... that was when FARM LAD showed up ready for retaliation (1-1-SSRM1). He carried with him the Perfectly Spherical Egg of Freedom, an oxymoronically-named orb of mystery.
            Larger than most other Orbs, and bright pink, it is seemingly harmless, but its chief purpose appears to be, well, setting things free. Farm Lad wielded the Egg against GORDO in an attempt to set him free from Mandread's control, but it only served to knock the lackey unconscious. When Mandread and Gordo used the Globe of Milkish Freakyness to brainwash Farm Lad, the Egg of Freedom served to assist the Globe of Power in destroying the mind control. Ironically, Farm Lad also died, but following his revival, the Egg of Freedom was never seen again, by anyone that we know of.
            The E-BAY GUY employed by Mandread was known to have been selling bootleg knockoffs of the Egg online, but the original seems to have vanished into history (1-3-SSRM2).

    The Sword of Shribdia
            The true origins of this legendary blade are not fully understood, and though it is presumed to have been forged by THE ORB CRAFTER, only she knows for sure. What is quite clear is this: the Sword was in high demand following MANFRAUD DUELLER's rise to super-hero strength as DEFICIENCY BOY.
            For centuries, the Sword was kept locked up, under the semi-watchful eyes of MO, THE SURFING MYSTIC at the Edge of the World. After his harrowing transformation into DUPLICITY MAN for the first time, Deficiency Boy feared that his powers alone were not enough to keep him on the good side (2-12-DB1), so he sought out the Sword of Shribdia, traveling to the Edge and pleading with Mo for a taste of the blade. The Surfing Mystic was eager to please, but had lost the key to the lock, or rather, given it to his sister, THE KAYAKING MYSTIC, who had been busy up until recently watching over the Orb of Completely Powerful Power herself.
            Using the "Bush of Wisdom" to glean the location of the key to Shribdia's lock, the Surfing Mystic led Deficiency Boy to RALPH, who was holding the key for Mo's sister as a favor. Unfortunately, HEZEDIPAPA had been hunting the sword the entire time, and she also happened to be Mo's ex-girlfriend. While Deficiency Boy was able to unlock the Sword of Shribdia and keep it at his side since---before Hezedipapa could steal it---it was at the cost of losing Mo to her evil will for some time (2-13-DB2).
            The Sword of Shribdia is a source of extra strength for Deficiency Boy, but he rarely finds himself wielding it. Once, durSH instigated by MISTER EYE, Deficiency Boy was goaded into slaying CAPTAIN OBVIOUS with the blade. Thanks to the influence of evil still within his body following a previous run-in with the Globe of Milkish Freakyness, DB became his evil alter-ego, DUPLICITY MAN---though Captain Obvious soon self-resurrected and set things to rights (2-14-DB3).
            The Sword of Shribdia sat quietly at Deficiency Boy's side until the day that THE GORB CRAFTER showed her face on earth, and used the Gold Orb to turn him into Duplicity Man again. While he was evil, she suppressed some of the powers of Shribdia using its evil sister-sword, the Blade of Brishdia. Duplicity Man notably used both Brishdia and Shribdia together to overpower NOAH and his duel-flamingo martial arts (4-26-DB8). After the Orb of Restoration turned him back into Deficiency Boy, it is possible our hero retained both swords, though after his death it seems he only possesses Shribdia (7-50-DB14/7-55-SHS2).

    The Blade of Brishdia
            The true origins of this dark and sinister sword are not fully understood, and though it is possible that it was forged by THE GOLD ORB CRAFTER, only she knows for sure. Brishdia is the sister-sword of the Sword of Shribdia carried by DEFICIENCY BOY.
            Brishdia was given to DB's alter-ego, DUPLICITY MAN, as a means for his world domination schemes to come to fruition, by the Gorb Crafter. Upon bestowing him the blade, Gorby also seemingly used it to suppress some of the powers of the Sword of Shribdia, though Duplicity Man duel-wielded both blades to defeat NOAH and THE WIZARD in the Garden of Eden (4-26-DB8).
            Following DM's return to being Deficiency Boy, it's possible our hero retained both blades, though it's unknown for sure---and after his violent death, it's unclear whether or not this sword might be lost for good (7-50-DB14).

    The Egg of Complete and Utter Neutrality
            It's not known for certain just who is responsible for creating this artifact---or indeed, even how many of them there might be out there exactly. What we do know is fairly simple: The egg, when held, bestows upon its bearer a complete and utter feeling of almost paralyzing neutrality. MANDREAD CRUELLER was known to have abused one of these at one point (1-3-EGG), though later on it was revealed that more than one existed, as DUPLICITY MAN happened to have stolen one from the homestead of FARM LASS. Using the Globe of Milkish Freakyness he was able to remain immune to its neutral aura, though given that the FRAMPTONS admitted to making an omelet out of one once, it seems their potency varies from Egg to Egg (7-54-SHS1).
                The Ancient Swiss also experimented with Eggs of Neutrality, even mentioning that they used a film extracted from one of them so as to be able to safely handle the various other orbs they were experimenting with (8-64-SHS5).

    The Shard of Chewagumabar
   
            The Shard of Chewagumabar is a relic from a forgotten time, existing in rumor and legend for eons. Little was known about it for so long, but it was revealed recently that its origin comes from a manmade artifact known as The Chewagumabar, reverse engineered from the Orbs by the Ancient Swiss working under the wicked GENERAL CHEWAGUMABAR, during a period where their race watched over the orbs in THE ORB CRAFTER's stead. One of the scientists on the project, known later as NOMAD, sabotaged the Chewagumabar the day before its field-testing. When it was tested, a horrific magical explosion caused a cataclysm that destroyed all the Ancient Swiss save for Nomad, who'd been protected by the Orb of Life. The Chewagumabar's explosion did not destroy it, however, but caused it to break into many pieces (8-60-SHS3/8-64-SHS5).
            Just how many shards exist or how they came to be is shrouded in mystery, but as for this particular piece, we do know this much: its energy does not react the same to everyone. It is an object of latent power, and thus was able to remain hidden for eons despite its legendary strength. It passed from nation to nation, unnoticed. Somehow, it ended up in the hands of the young PRIVATE MOUNTAIN DONT as he was discharged from the service in the United Nations. Down on his luck and looking to make a profit, he sold the Shard to MANFRAUD DUELLER in the Township of Schwartz for eleven cents.
            The instant Manfraud wore the Shard of Chewagumabar, his dual character traits polarized into the super-hero, DEFICIENCY BOY and his evil alter ego, DUPLICITY MAN. Deficiency Boy seemed to be dominant but Duplicity Man took over when the hero touched the Globe of Milkish Freakyness. Even after becoming Deficiency Boy again, he retained the Shard's powers for some time (2-12-DB1).
            When the Orb Crafter took away everyone's powers using the Orb of Evolution, Deficiency Boy was also affected, even though by that time the Shard had become infused in his body. Eventually, the Cloning Sphere was used to restore his powers and those of the Chewagumabar fragment (3-17-DB6).
            Later, DB became more powerful, using the Mystic powers he'd been bestowed (2-14-DB3), after finally getting the training to use them (5-37-DB11). Combining this with his power source, he was able to develop the ability to use rudimentary telekinesis (6-43-DB13) and the power to heal others (7-55-SHS2).
            When Duplicity Man enacted his evil plan to gain more power using the Cradle of Death to clone the Shard of Chewagumabar out of himself as the Darkshard of Chewagumabar, he gained a massive power upgrade, and as a side-effect, so did Deficiency Boy's Shard (8-64-SHS5).
 

    The Fragment of Chewagumabar
   
            This piece of Chewagumabar was found in Europe by LUCKY TWITCH at some point in the past, bestowing upon him the potential to exert his telekinetic abilities powerfully. When he came to America and teamed up with DEFICIENCY BOY, who carried another shard, it seemed coincidental and they weren't even aware of it at first, finding out only after DUPLICITY MAN tried to manipulate DB's Shard to his own ends (8-64-SHS5).
 

    The Moon Sapphire(s)
   
            Once a sparkling gem of undetermined power, the Moon Sapphire was broken apart into many tiny, glittering gems for a specific purpose long ago. When THE WIZARD accidentally flooded the world and was relieved of his position as Enforcer of Deity Force, his powers were taken away and impounded in the Cave of Grrraaasssh. NOAH was commissioned to configure the Sapphires as keys to the seal keeping the Cave closed; with THE ORB CRAFTER's help he achieved this (3-21-WZ1).
            The Wizard, when he began to regain his memory ages later, feverishly began hunting for the Sapphires. More than once he mistook the Orbs for his quarry and snatched them away; only later, during an interview about his life, did the Wizard learn that Noah had the Moon Sapphires and rushed off to confront him.
            During a time of necessity, GOD ordered Noah to strike up an alliance with the Wizard despite their rocky history. Noah gave the Wizard one tiny Moon Sapphire as incentive to join his side, knowing full well it would do no good by itself. Following that crisis, Noah vowed to scatter the remaining Sapphires "across the galaxy" though before he could do that, he was ordered to return them to the Orb Crafter for the time being (4-26-DB8;4-30-DB9).
            When as a part of his rehabilitation the Wizard was commanded to become the sidekick of DEFICIENCY BOY and got himself a parole officer, INSOMNIAC LASS, the officer in question was given the bag of Moon Sapphires to keep the Wizard in line, and a fragment of their ambient energy was used to temporarily charge his wand (5-34-DB10).
            Soon after, the verdict handed down at the Wizard's hearing dictated that he receive "almost all" of his powers back, and thus Noah was commissioned to forge the Sapphires into a single Moon Sapphire again, the completed gem being given to the Wizard to finally open the Cave of Grrraaasssh. Opening the cave, the imprisoned powers secreted themselves into the Sapphire itself, and realizing this, a fight broke out between the heroes and villains over control of it. Simultaneously grabbing the Moon Sapphire were the Wizard, THE NEW ORB CRAFTER, and MO THE SURFING MYSTIC, all of whom received carbon-copies of the Wizard's assorted powers (6-43-DB13).

    The Bjorn
   
            Created by THE ORB CRAFTER, the mermaid artifact "Bjorn" is an object of mysterious powers, notably holding sway over several types of terrain in their application.
            We do know that several centuries ago, "Bjorn" was used to inflict a terrible curse upon MO, THE SURFING MYSTIC: as long as the Bjorn remained in the ocean, he could not enter it for any reason, effectively trapped on the shore. Unable to enter the water and thus, unable to retrieve Bjorn, he remained cursed for many years, until the "love of his life," a mermaid named HEZEDIPAPA, came along and brought the Bjorn to him from the surf. Freed from the curse, Mo was able to surf again and once again took up his rightful throne as lord of the waves (2-13-DB2).
            This artifact later came into the possession of DEFICIENCY BOY, who later sought out the Orb Crafter to hone its powers---ironically for use once again versus Mo the Surfing Mystic, who was at that point in cahoots with an evil Hezedipapa. During the struggle, it was used by LAWFUL GOOD to defeat Mo, but it was soon nullified and cancelled out by the Anti-Bjorn (2-15-DB4).
            The Orb Crafter recovered both the Bjorn and the Anti-Bjorn after the battle, but somehow they were both stolen from her briefly by THE WIZARD, who attempted to sell them for a profit (3-18-CGS). She got them back and after that, neither was seen for some time.
            Later, when ANARCHY LAD kidnapped THE SILENT NARRATOR, the Orb Crafter appeared to lend a hand---and used both the Bjorn and the Anti-Bjorn to trap Mo the Surfing Mystic on the grass he was standing on (5-34-DB10), where he remained trapped until he freed himself using his latent Mystic abilities some time later (6-43-DB13).

    The Anti Bjorn
   
            Also created by THE ORB CRAFTER, this artifact, the dark mermaid doll, is the polar opposite of the Bjorn. After DEFICIENCY BOY discovered and wielded the triple-threat powers of the Shard of Chewagumabar, Sword of Shribdia, and the Bjorn, his enemies sought to curse him. HEZEDIPAPA and MO THE SURFING MYSTIC plotted to use the Anti-Bjorn to trap Deficiency Boy in the ocean forever, just as the Bjorn had trapped Mo on land for centuries.
            The powers of the opposite mermaid dolls clashed that day, but cancelled one another out (2-15-DB4). Eventually, the Orb Crafter took both of them back into her care, with the exception of a brief period in which THE WIZARD stole them to spite her (3-18-CGS). She recovered both dolls with a clever dash of salt, and they remained dormant for some time.
            Later, when ANARCHY LAD kidnapped THE SILENT NARRATOR, the Orb Crafter appeared to lend a hand---and used both the Anti-Bjorn and the Bjorn to trap Mo the Surfing Mystic on the grass he was standing on (5-34-DB10), where he remained trapped until he freed himself using his latent Mystic abilities some time later (6-43-DB13).

    The Egg Key
   
            Created by THE NEW ORB CRAFTER during an unknown era, the Egg had but one purpose: to help fulfill the Prophecy of the Crafters. When the Newb Crafter, GORB CRAFTER and ORB CRAFTER all set foot on earth, nullifying all their powers in one giant stalemate, the Orb Crafter's garden became a hive of energy unable to be entered by any except those bearing the Egg Key.
            Nooby gave it to DEFICIENCY BOY so that he could enter the garden at the appointed time and meet his destiny, which he did admirably (7-50-DB14).

     The Wizard's Wand
   
            A wand belonging to THE WIZARD during the period in which he had no powers. His only weapon, the wand could only do one thing, and that was clog people's arteries. While he killed a man with it once (3-18-CGS), its powers, even when aided by the Moon Sapphires, are mostly ineffective, as evidenced by the Wizard's attempts to attack NARCOLEPSY GIRL and later ANARCHY LAD with it (4-26-DB8/5-34-DB10).

    The Idol of Osh Kosh B'Gosh
            An idol watched over by DEATH. During his embarrassing stint as host of a Spring Break special, it was stolen from him by SWISS ROLLS and NUMBER ONE/DOORMAT (3-17-SW2). Death later discovered this and in a fury recruited COUNT BITEY MCSKULL and the ACCOUNTANT OF EVIL in an attempt to recover the Idol and murder the crap out of Swiss Rolls. Death lost the fight, but found the Idol where Number One had buried it in the front yard, recovering it (3-22-SW3). It's largely unknown what the idol does, and given that GOD forgot he even gave it to Death, perhaps it's not terribly important after all---but Death would rather not see it in the possession of Rolls. Death was later seen conversing with it in frustration after a failed "kill Swiss Rolls" caper (5-40-SW5).

    The Idol of Zurukan
          This much-coveted idol was watched over by the Mayan Empire for centuries. It was a mystical idol that some said represented the demon Zurukan that had been worshipped by certain Mayan tribes in the past (6-48-LC). And demon or not, it did have definite powers---an idol made with two interconnecting halves, it was said that whoever controlled both halves would wield absolute power in the country of their origin. In its whole form, it was in the possession of the MAYAN KING and MAYAN QUEEN when a marital argument split it in two and attracted groups of treasure-hunters to see who would control the pieces.
            The Queen hired BONANZA BOB and his butler DINKY to retrieve the other half from the King, who in turn hired SAFARI JIM to get the queen's half for him. EDUARDO BAY also hired Bob, wanting to auction the artifact off for himself. When Bonanza Bob and Dinky defected and joined forces with the King, the Queen hired a female explorer, VINERITA-AMAZON-YODER-SCHMIDT and her assistant BARGAIN BEN to finish the job.
            In the end, however, the defection of the ABORIGINALS, as well as a little bit of heart-to-heart from Vinerita, mended the marital strife and the Idol halves became one again. The explorers went on their way and the King and Queen made up, promising (albeit half-heartedly) to use the power they wielded for the good of their land (4-31-BOB3). 

    The Anubis Idol
       This ancient Egyptian relic has the power to grant the bearer the ability to judge the mortal souls of whoever they see fit. When it went missing from its resting place in Egypt, MADAM PALM OLIVE, curator of the Museum of Crappy Arts, hired PHILADELPHIA JONES to retrieve it. However, the Cult of MARTHA STEWART also sought to gain control of the idol for their master, Martha.
            Philly was able to track down RAMSES CARR, an expert who had a ring attuned to the location of the Anubis Idol---however, before they could use it properly, the ring was stolen by CUTTER and SKINNER, the leaders of Martha's operation. Once Skinner and Cutter followed the ring to the idol's resting place, they found that they'd been followed by Philly and his crew, and a fight broke out. A curse was set upon the three idols so that whoever was foolish enough to grab the wrong one would face instant death, and so Cutter, grabbing a Frankenstein doll, did just that. Philly, though, knew his Egyptology, and claimed the proper Anubis Idol, which he promptly turned over to Madam Palm Olive (5-35-PJ).
            A visit to the same museum a year later by LOR CRAWFORD TUMORICKIS determined that the Anubis Idol was still not yet on display, and would be put on display pending it getting broken so it could fit with the rest of the Crappy Arts (6-48-LC).
 

    The Idol of Monkey Freakishness
       This mysterious idol has long been lost at the Edge of the World, searched for by BONANZA BAD-ASS and his assistants, SLINKY and BONANZA BABY. When they seemed close to locating it, Slinky betrayed his master, stealing his mask of power. After a physical confrontation, Slinky was beaten, the mask restored, and the location of the Idol of Monkey Freakishness revealed at last. Bad-Ass dispatched Slinky to retrieve it from its resting place, and took it back to his homestead with all of them (9-66-BAD1).

 

    The Egyptian Relics of Magic, and Gods, and Power
            After years of searching these were finally discovered by PROFESSOR GUY and his assistant, SHUTUP. They're actually pretty self-explanatory from their title, though obviously the Eye of Ra was the most special of these relics. Sadly, the Professor was gunned down in his prime by henchmen working for MORIARTY and was forced to entrust the relics to Shutup for safe keeping (1-7-GB).
            Though Shutup delivered the relics to the capable hands of superspy GERMS BAND and more importantly, his fellow agent and master of technical gadgets, J, it took a good seven to eight years to figure out how exactly they worked. When Germs was dispatched to take care of SCHRODINGER VAINGLORIOUS, he was given several of the relics---including one that granted him immunity from poisonous ferns such as those used by CROCHETTA MANSTABBER, one that protected him from cane-like weapons, and one that housed all the agency's box-shaped intelligence (9-67-GB2).
 

    The Thing of Power (The Unfortune Cookie)
            In the realm of Central-Earth, in ancient times, the evil SARUMAN forged several Things of Unfortune. Three he gave to the elves, seven to the dwarves, and nine to men, but in secret, on Mt. Doomed, he forged one Thing to rule them all: the Unfortune Cookie of Power.
            Some time after Saruman's initial defeat, he rose to power again, teaming with GOMORRHA to make an unholy alliance that would destroy Central-Earth. GANDALF THE CLUMSY bestowed upon young ribbit ODO BAGGER a quest to destroy the Thing... a Fellowship of the Thing. But as Odo's comrades fell and Gandalf's advice fell far from his ears, he began listening to the whispers of LOOGIE, the most annoying invisible friend ever, and on the slopes of Mt. Doomed, he ate the cookie, or as Loogie called it... "the tasty." While he'd been unable to complete his quest, the other members of his Fellowship had still been able to drive Saruman and Gomorrha out of Central-Earth... for now. But the Thing has a desire of its own, and the last of its evil has not been seen (1-6-LOTT).