Movie Characters Quotes!


Alice in Wonderland

  • “It would be so nice if something would make sense for a change.” ~Alice
  • “If you don’t think, you shouldn’t talk.” ~The March Hare

An American Werewolf in London

  • "A naked American man stole my balloons." ~Boy in An American Werewolf in London
  • "I'm going completely crazy." ~David Kessler
  • "I didn't mean to call you 'Meatloaf,' Jack." ~David Kessler
  • "Why would a thief want to give me two pounds?" ~David Kessler

Atlantis: The Lost Empire

  • "You are a scholar, are you not? Judging by your large forehead and diminished features, you are suited for nothing else!" ~Princess Kidagakash to Milo Thatch
  • “If you gave back every stolen item in a museum, you’d be left with an empty building.” ~Roarke
  • "I consider myself an even-tempered man. It takes a lot to get under my skin. But, congratulations. You just won the solid gold Kewpie doll." ~Roarke to Milo Thatch
  • “These guys are kind of cute when they’re not, you know, formed into a fiery column of death.” ~Milo Thatch
  • “I know, why don’t you translate, and I’ll wave the gun around?!” ~Milo Thatch


  • "Christmas means carnage!!!" ~Ferdinand the Duck

Batman Begins

  • “Ignorance is bliss, my friend. Don't burden yourself with the secrets of scary people.” ~Carmine Falcone
  • “With all the pushups you've been doing, you should be able to lift a bloody log.” ~Alfred Pennyworth
  • “Bats are nocturnal!” ~Bruce Wayne, using an excuse for sleeping until 3 PM that I wish I had...
  • “Well, you know how it is, Mr. Fox... You're out at night looking for kicks, and someone's passing around the weaponised hallucinogens...” ~Bruce Wayne

Bridget Jones's Diary

  • “You seem to go out of your way to make me feel like an idiot every time you see me, and you really needn't bother. I already feel like an idiot most of the time." ~Bridget Jones

Brothers Grimm

  • “Trust the toad!” ~Wilhelm Grimm
  • “These people are much better funded than we are.” ~Wilhelm Grimm
  • “Life without Jake... Only a few seconds, now...” ~Wilhelm Grimm

Curse of Monkey Island (Okay, it’s not a movie... But where else am I gonna put it?)

  • “So do post-impressionist paintings, Mr. Threepwood. So do post-impressionist paintings.” ~King André
  • “Oh, dear... He’s had a sudden and completely unexpected relapse of death.” ~Griswold Goodsoup
  • "You're not quite stable, are you?" ~Lemonhead to Guybrush Threepwood
  • "I'm not a vandal! I'm a pirate!" ~Guybrush Threepwood
  • “I wonder why trashy media always comes in threes...” ~Guybrush Threepwood
  • " I try to keep the number of sharp, pointy objects down my pants to an absolute minimum." ~Guybrush Threepwod
  • "If you kill Elaine, won't she hate you even more?" ~Guybrush Threepwood


  • “He’s not a president, he’s an ordinary person. I can kill and ordinary person.” ~Bob Alexander
  • "You don't really know how much you can do until you stand up and decide to try." ~Dave Kovic
  • I’m the government!” ~Dave Kovic

The Day the Earth Stood Still

  • “It isn’t faith that makes good science, Mr. Klaatu, it’s curiosity.” ~Dr. Barnhardt
  • “There’s nothing strange about Washington [D.C.].” ~Character in The Day the Earth Stood Still
  • “I’m impatient only with stupidity. My people have learned to live without it.” ~Klaatu

Death at a Funeral

  • "Didn't notice him? He's four [phracking] feet tall!" ~Robert
  • "Tea can do many things, Jane, but it can't bring back the dead." ~Sandra

Dog Soldiers

  • "If we do happen to make contact, I expect nothing less than gratuitous violence from the lot of ya. Because we're firing blanks doesn't mean we have to be thinking nice thoughts." ~Sgt. Harry Wells


  • ”Quit killing people; that’s high-profile.” ~Azrael
  • “Never let it be said that your anal retentive attention to details never yielded positive results.” ~Loki to Bartleby
  • ”Tell someone you're the Metatron and they stare at you blankly, mention something out of a Charlton Heston movie and suddenly everyone's a theology scholar.” ~The Metatron
  • ”One of the drawbacks to being a martyr is that you have to die.” ~The Metatron

Down With Love

  • “Catch, you’re the best friend a guy with twenty diagnosed neuroses could have!” ~Peter McManus

Dudley Do-Right

  • “You'll be alright my son, provided they don't attack you with sticks." ~Prospector Kim Jay Darling
  • "Use it in peace, not war." ~ Prospector Kim Jay Darling giving a chainsaw to Dudley Do-Right
  • “But you’re not wearing black, Snidely. That’s blue.” ~Dudley Do-Right (sorry... I suppose it was really the _delivery_)

Ed Wood

  • "You're much scarier in real life than you are in the movies." ~Ed Wood to Bela Lugosi
  • "It's not a monster movie. It's a supernatural thriller." ~Ed Wood
  • "Look, Lugosi's dead and Vampira won't talk. I had to give somebody the dialogue." ~Ed Wood

Empire of the Sun

  • “You taught me that people will do anything for a potato." ~James Graham

The English Patient

  • “A woman should never learn to sew, and if she does know how she shouldn't admit to it.” ~Katharine Clifton
  • “Heaven does not interest mankind; it is too much like a never ending Sunday afternoon. It is [Tartarus] that captivates us.” ~John Talbot


  • "Cleric, I can only hope to one day be as uncompromising as you." ~Brandt

Escape from Monkey Island

  • "Why do you sound like a sick Kraken?" ~Brittany in response to Guybrush's "picking up wenches" voice
  • "What is this compulsion you have to dress me up, you pantalooned freak?" ~The Dainty Lady Figurehead to Guybrush
  • "I can't imagine a man letting a duck peck at his nose for hours on end and not seeking medical help." ~Freddie
  • "Evil needs no face!" ~Murray
  • "Well, I have manly things to do in a sensitive way." ~Guybrush Threepwood
  • "Aw, how cute! Little, itty bitty boats floating around carrying little itty bitty pieces of something that appears to be edible!" ~Guybrush Threepwood on sushi boats
  • "Starfish Date 123: The Gamma Quadrant monkeys." ~Guybrush Threepwood

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

  • "I'm a vindictive little bitch, truth be told!" ~Clementine Kruczynski
  • "Adults are, like, this mess of sadness and phobias." ~Mary

Fierce Creatures

  • "Oh, great. Terrific! He decides to keep the zoo open so you kill him! Brilliant! Well done, thank you so much! Especially for shooting him right between the eyes so that it doesn't look like an accident… Because the people at Octopus will know that he was coming to close us down, so there's our motive for murdering him. Stunning! Well, Mr. Brain of Britain, what are we going to tell the police, who are, of course, already on their way here?! Another example of the thoroughness of your plan. Go on, I'm all ears. What do you suggest we do with the body of the incredibly famous man who you have just ASSASSINATED?! Sorry, I didn't…quite catch it… What? What was that? Pop him in the blender?" ~Rollo Lee
  • "There is no cure for a bullet in the brain. It is very fatal." ~Willa Weston

A Fish Called Wanda

  • "To call *you* stupid would be an insult to stupid people!" ~Wanda Gershwitz
  • “Wasting old ladies isn’t nice!” ~Otto West
  • “Not you, Ken. You have a beautiful speaking voice. When it works.” ~Otto West
  • “Are you thinking, or are you in mid stutter?” ~Otto West
  • “It’s a Buddhist meditation technique. The monks used it before going into battle.” ~Otto West
  • "[America] did not lose Vietnam! It was a tie!” ~Otto West
  • “Avoid the green ones. They’re not ripe yet.” ~Otto West
  • “Look! It’s K-K-K-Ken, c-c-c-coming to k-k-k-kill me!” ~Otto West

Fivel Goes West

  • “The eensy weensy spider caught a mouse in its web. The inky dinky spider BIT OFF the mouse’s head!” ~Chula
French Kiss
  • "I get around as nature intended. In a car." ~Kate from French Kiss
  • "What do you think; the plane is going to crash and we are all on the ground in a thousand pieces, dead? I promise you - if it happens, you won't feel a thing." ~Luc Teyssier
  • "For me, bologna is like breathing." ~Luc Teyssier

For Your Consideration

  • "I don't want to throw the baby out with the bath water, because you'll get a wet, critically injured baby." ~Lane Iverson

Galaxy Quest

  • “You broke the bloody ship!” ~Alexander Dane

George of the Jungle

  • “Don’t worry – nobody dies in this movie. They just get really big booboos.” ~Narrator
  • “Meanwhile, at a very expensive waterfall set…” ~Narrator
  • “The better man won, that’s all. Or, should I say, the one who brought the mercenaries won, that’s all!” ~Lyle Van de Groot


  • “I feel like the floor of a taxi cab.” ~Dr. Egon Spengler
  • “Sorry, Venkman. I’m terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought.” ~Dr. Egon Spengler
  • “Gozer the Gozerian: good evening. As a duly designated representative of the City, County and State of New York, I order you to cease any and all supernatural activities and return forthwith to your place of origin or to the nearest convenient parallel dimension.” ~Ray Stantz
  • “Ray, when someone asks you if you're a god, you say YES!” ~Winston Zeddemore

The Grand Canyon

  • “It is an inappropriate response to get a headache in the presence of a miracle.” ~Clare

Four Weddings and a Funeral

  • “Excuse me. I need to be where other people are not.” ~Charles

The Great Mouse Detective

  • "There is always a chance, as long as one can think." ~Basil of Bakerstreet

Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone

  • “I lent ‘im to Dubledore to guard the—I shouldn’t have said that.” ~Rubius Hagrid
  • “I wasn’t lookin’ at its feet; I was a bit preoccupied with its heads!” ~Ron Weasley


  • “My car doesn’t drive so good with a tree in it.” ~Jack Withrowe


  • "Memo to me. Maim you after my meeting." ~Hades
  • "The son of my hated rival trapped forever in a river of death. Is there a downside to this?" ~Hades
  • "When I'm with you, I don't feel so...alone." ~Hercules to Megara
  • “You know how men are. They think ‘no’ means ‘yes’ and ‘get lost’ is ‘take me, I'm yours!’” ~Megara
  • "I'm a damsel, I'm in distress... I can handle this. Have a nice day!" ~Megara
  • "Dreams are for rookies. A guy can only take so much disappointment." ~Philoctetes

Horatio Hornblower

  • "Never underestimate the enemy, Mr. Hornblower, but never over estimate an ally." ~Major Edrington
  • "I thank God daily for the good fortune of my birth, for I am certain I would have made a miserable peasant." ~Major Edrington
  • “Look at this place, Mr. Hornblower. No artiliery would dare to cross here, and if they did, my maMA could beat them off with her parisole.” ~Major Edrington
  • "I would consider it my duty to help speed your release from this world, sir." ~Acting Lieutenant Horatio Hornblower in response to Tapling's desperate "You would withhold rations from a dying man?"
  • “Well, I’d imagine [the bridge]’s a bit bigger than the river, Matthews.” ~Lieutenant Horatio Hornblower
  • “I wouldn’t worry, Mr. Kennedy. We’ll drown long before we burn.” ~Horatio Hornblower
  • "Each of us can find a maggot in our past which will happily devour our futures." ~Horatio Hornblower
  • “[Darn] this animal! What it needs is a rudder.” ~Lieutenant Horatio Hornblower on a horse
  • "See, Horatio, if you had been rich enough to afford a commission as well as a new uniform, you could have joined the army, instead." ~Acting Lieutenant Archie Kennedy
  • "From Acting Lieutenant to commander of a dung cart in less than a step. My career is looking up." ~Acting Lieutenant Archie Kennedy
  • "Fine thing to die in someone else's war…" ~Acting Lieutenant Archie Kennedy
  • "It's not history that concerns me. It's the future. It's far more uncertain." ~4th Lieutenant Archie Kennedy
  • “There was a time, Hornblower, when you would have needed some convincing about the merits of any...economy with the truth.” ~Sir Edward Pellew
  • “Explosives are nothing to worry about. Unless you’re careless. Then your worries are over.” ~Seaman Thomas Wolfe
  • "You see? Better already." ~The last words of the characters in the Horatio Hornblower series

The House That Dripped Blood

  • "That's the problem with modern day horror films - there's no realism! Not like the old ones, no, great ones. Frankenstein, Phantom of the Opera, Dracula. The one with Bela Lugosi, of course, not this new fellow." ~Paul Henderson
  • "It's too new. I want a wardrobe that looks as though it's been lived in. Or died in." ~Paul Henderson

How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

  • “If I had a nickel for every time I got in a fist fight during a chickflick...” ~Thayer

The Hunchback of Notre Dame

  • “I had a little trouble with the fireplace.” ~Judge Claude Frollo

I Am Legend

  • "I like Shrek." ~Robert Novak

Ice Age

  • “You’re a little low on the food chain to be mouthing off, aren’t you?” ~Diego
  • “Do we have to get a newsflash every time your body does something?” ~Diego
  • “I’m still trying to get rid of the last thing I saved.” ~Manfred Mammoth
  • “You’re hanging out with us, now, buddy. Dignity’s got nothing to do with it.” ~Sid
  • “I wanna maul!” ~Zeke

Interview with the Vampire

  • “Your body’s dying, Louis. Pay no attention.” ~Lestat
  • “You’ll soon run out of chickens, Louis.” ~Lestat
  • “Claudia, you’ve been a very, very naughty little girl.” ~Lestat
  • “I am afraid, Madame, my days are sacrosanct.” ~Lestat
  • “But there was a [Tartarus], and no matter where we moved to, I was in it.” ~Louis

King Arthur

  • “I don't like anything that puts a man on his knees.” ~Sir Launcelot on religion
  • “Imagine what a lovely, quiet place the world would be if everyone had their throats slit.” ~Sir Galahad

Laurel Canyon

  • "I wasn't excited, I was hysterical. There's a huge difference between hysteria and excitement." ~Sam

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen

  • "If you can't do it with one bullet, don't do it at all." ~Alan Quartermain

LeChuck's Revenge

  • "There's something about your weakness and ineptitude that I find infectious." ~Elaine Marley to Guybrush Threepwood

The Lion King

  • "Sorry for not jumping for joy. Bad back, you know." ~Scar

Lord of the Rings: Return of the King

  • “Keep breathing. That’s the key. Breathe.” ~Gimli, Son of Gloin

Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

  • “Po-TA-toes!” ~Samwise Gamgee
  • “Don't talk to it, Merry. Don't encourage it.” ~Peregrin Took

Love Potion No. 9

  • “No! Don’t tell him! He’s the enemy!” ~Paul Matthews

Men in Black

  • "This definitely rates about a 9.0 on my Weird-[Stuff]-O-Meter." ~Agent Jay
  • "You ain't gonna be happy until you fricassee somebody's brains out." ~Agent Jay to Agent Kay
  • "Human thought is so primitive it's looked upon as an infectious disease in some galaxies. Kinda makes you proud, doesn't it?" ~Agent Kay


  • "That's not my future... NO! I don't want to be a WAITER!" ~Valentine

Mom and Dad Save the World

  • “Look at me – I’m the most intelligent person here, and I’m an idiot.” ~King Raff


  • “We don’t want to hurt you; we just want your organs!” ~Doctor
  • “I’d like to know if I’m dead!” ~Stu Miley

Monsters Inc

  • “I’m sorry, Wazowski, but Randall said I’m not allowed to fraternize with victims of his evil plot.” ~Fungus
  • “Spoons?” ~James P. Sullivan

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

  • "Well, let me have just a little bit of peril?" ~Sir Galahad
  • "It's only a model." ~Patsy, spoiling everyone's fun

Monty Python’s The Life of Brian

  • “Where's the fetus going to gestate? You gonna keep it in a box?” ~Reg to “Loretta”
  • "Blessed are the cheese makers." ~some guy


  • “I’ll get that arrow, pretty boy. And I’ll do it with my shirt on.” ~Yao

The Mummy/The Mummy Returns

  • "My friend, there is a fine line between coincidence and fate." ~Ardeth Bay
  • "...if he turns me into a mummy, you're the first one I'm coming after.." ~Evelyn Carnahan
  • "Everyone else we've bumped into has died, why not you?" ~Jonathan Carnahan
  • "Do I bloody look alright?" ~Jonathan Carnahan
  • “I lie to everyone. What makes you so special?” ~Jonathan Carnahan
  • "Izzy, you were right... You're going to get shot." ~Rick O'Connell
  • "Folks, knowing my brother-in-law, he probably deserves whatever you're about to do to him, but this is MY house and I have certain rules about snakes and dismemberment." ~Rick O'Connell
  • “I only gamble with my life, never with my money.” ~Rick O’Connell

Muppet Treasure Island

  • "Kill Squire Trelawny and Mr. Bimbo, and you'll have to...negotiate strenuously." ~Rizzo the Rat
  • "Never trust a silver platter." ~Long John Silver

My Date with the President’s Daughter

  • “I was just impaled on a jelly bean.” ~Duncan Fletcher


  • “No, we’re just a bunch of angry kids with no money.” ~David Jacobs to Jack Kelly’s “If we go on strike, we are a union.”
  • “It ain’t lyin’, it’s just improvin’ the truth a little.” ~Jack Kelly
  • “We was beat when we was born.” ~Jack Kelly

The Notebook

  • “Well that's what we do, we fight. You tell me when I am being an arrogant [jerk] and I tell you when you are a pain in the [tail feathers]. Which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain-in-the-[tail-feathers] thing.” ~Noah Calhoun

Once Upon a Time in Mexico

  • "Okay, Okay. I'm going to freak right out." ~Agent Sheldon Jeffrey Sands

Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl

  • “People are easy to search when they’re dead.” ~Barbossa
  • “That’s interesting.” ~Captain Jack Sparrow
  • “Funny ole world, iddn’t it?” ~Captain Jack Sparrow
  • “Why’s the rum gone?” ~Captain Jack Sparrow
  • “Must’ve been terrible for you to’ve been trapped here, Jack. Must’ve been terrible. Well it bloody is now!” ~Captain Jack Sparrow
  • “Stop blowing holes in my ship.” ~Captain Jack Sparrow
  • “Not all treasure is silver and gold, mate.” ~Captain Jack Sparrow
  • “Of the two of us I am the only one who hasn't committed mutiny, therefore my word is the one we'll be trusting.” ~Captain Jack Sparrow
  • “The fact is I was going to not tell Barbossa about bloody Will in exchange for a ship because as long as he didn't know about bloody Will I had something to bargain with. Which now no one has, thanks to bloody stupid Will.” ~Captain Jack Sparrow
  • “Women in London must have learned not to breathe.” ~Elizabeth Swann

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

  • “I want my jar of dirt.” ~Captain Jack Sparrow
  • “Where’s that monkey? I need to shoot something.” ~Captain Jack Sparrow
  • “I feel sullied and unusual.” ~Jack Sparrow

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End

  • "[Sao Fang] is much like me, absent my merciful nature and sense of fair play." ~Captain Hector Barbossa
  • "Close your eyes and pretend it's all a bad dream. That's how I get by." ~Captain Jack Sparrow
  • "If I may lend a machete to your intellectual thicket..." ~Captain Jack Sparrow
  • "Death has a curious way of reshuffling one's priorities." ~Captain Jack Sparrow
  • "Utterly deceptive twaddle-speak, says I." ~Captain Jack Sparrow
  • "Let us not, dear friends, forget our dear friend the cuttlefish." ~Captain Jack Sparrow


  • “I know you want it to stay pleasant around here, but there are so many things that are so much better. Like silly or sexy...or dangerous or brief. And everyone of those things is in you all the time, if you just had the guts to look for them.” ~David Wagner

The Princess Bride

  • “Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something." ~Dread Pirate Roberts
  • "You put down your rock and I'll put down my sword, and we'll both kill each other like civilized people?" ~The Dread Pirate Roberts
  • "My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." ~Could it be...Inigo Montoya?
  • "My brains, your strength and his steel against a hundred troops? And you think a little head-jiggle is supposed to make me happy?" ~Westley to Fezzik
  • "Widows happen. Every day--don't they, Your Highness?" ~Westley threatening Prince Humperdinck
  • "It's not that bad.... I'm not saying I'd like to build a summer home here, but the trees are actually quite lovely." ~Wesley

Pumpkinhead II

  • "Doesn't this look like that grave I kicked over?" ~random chick in Pumpkinhead II

Quiz Show

  • “You want to be worshipped? Go to India and moo.” ~Herbert Stemple
  • “We can't all be Bozo the Clown.” ~Charles Van Doren
  • “Cheating on a quiz show? That's sort of like plagiarizing a comic strip.” ~Mark Van Doren
  • “If you look around the table and you can't tell who the sucker is, it's you.” ~Mark Van Doren

Reign of Fire

  • “When I’m running for my life, I don’t stop to look at the plumbing.” ~Quinn Abercrombie
  • “Look on the bright side – now we outnumber him three to one.” ~Quinn Abercrombie
  • “It’s water!” ~Quinn Abercrombie
  • “Life’s got a funny way of turnin’ that differnt though, donnit?” ~Denton Van Zan

Rescuers Down Under

  • “I didn’t make it all the way through third grade for nothing.” ~Percival C. McLeach

The Road to El Dorado

  • "You can never worry too much." ~Tulio
  • "If I believed in fate, I wouldn’t be playing with loaded dice!” ~Tulio

Secret Window

  • "I killed a mirror...and my shower door." ~Mort Rainey

Secondhand Lions

  • “We’re retired. Gardenin’ is what retired people do.” ~Uncle Garth
  • “The kid gets it all. Just plant us in the [darn] garden with the stupid lion.” ~Garth and Hub’s will
  • “Just because something isn’t true doesn’t mean you shouldn’t believe it.” ~Uncle Hub
  • “Alright [dagnabit], you win. I’ll still be your [darn] uncle. But don’t expect me to be happy about it.” ~Uncle Hub
  • “What? The bad guy gets filthy rich?! What the heck kind of story is this?” ~Walter

Shadow of the Vampire

  • “No, you’re not drinking her blood now…” ~Friedrich Wilhelm Murnau
  • “I don’t expect you to understand this, and I am loathe to admit it myself, but the writer is necessary.” ~Friedrich Wilhelm Murnau


  • "Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me and go 'Ah! Help! Run! A big, stupid, ugly ogre.' They judge me before they even know me. That's why I'm better off alone." ~Shrek
  • “You dense, irritating miniature beast of burden.” ~Shrek

The Sixth Sense

  • "Some magic is real." ~Cole Sear


  • “Again?! Will you please stop shooting me?!” ~Stuart Conway after being told that he had been killed yet again


  • “Are you sure this water’s sanitary? It looks questionable to me!” ~Tantor

This is Spinal Tap

  • "So when you're playing, you feel like a preserved moose on stage?" ~Marty DiBergi
  • "As long as there's sex and drugs, I can do without the rock and roll." ~Mic Shrimpton

Titan AE

  • "An intelligent guard. Didn't see that one coming." ~Preed

The Truth About Cats and Dogs

  • “Rejection kills. Disappointment only maims.” ~Abby Barnes

Van Helsing

  • "Of course there's a brighter side to just have to look harder to find it." ~Anna Valerias

Wild in the Streets

  • “Senator, I’m sure my son has a very good reason for paralyzing the country.” ~Miss Winters

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

  • “A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.” ~Willy Wonka
  • “If the good lord had intended us to walk, he wouldn’t have invented roller skates.” ~Willy Wonka

Withnail & I

  • "I feel like a pig shat in my head." ~Withnail
  • "We've gone on holiday by mistake." ~Withnail

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