I don't believe it.
I really don't believe it. That arrogant, stupid, son of a... he thought I was going to hit him. What kind of genius is McKay anyway? Why would he think that? Any genius, who has known me for the shortest amount of time possible would surly know that I would never hit anyone under my command. That just wouldn't be football. I wouldn't hit McKay, despite the odd fantasy might have had about it.
Maybe he thought I was angry at him about the last mission. Though I'm not of course. I'm actually kind of proud of him. And worried when I saw him fall. Dammit, I trust my team, I respect them and I care about them. But I'm not supposed to care about my team as much as I do. Last time I cared so much about a team I ended up being exiled to Antarctica.
I think my heart nearly stopped when I saw it happen. We were running back to the Stargate after the mission went wrong as usual. As we ran we could hear the sound of energy weapon's being fired at us. The Puddle Jumper was almost in sight when Ford stumbled, his foot catching in a root. Without thinking about it, McKay slowed, his hand reaching out to steady Ford. Something he would never have done before. And then a damned energy blast clipped him in the shoulder, sending him flying. He gasped as his hand jerked away from Ford, his whole body ploughing into the ground, face first.
I expected him to get up or at the very least start to complain loudly. Silence. Utter silence. The blasts had stopped as well and I doubled back, reaching McKay and pulling him over so his face was facing the sky. A rock. He had hit his head on a damned rock and a small trail of blood was trickling down his grey face. Getting him back to the Jumper and then back to Atlantis was all a blur. Waiting while Beckett and his team worked frantically on him was a blur. Waiting for him to wake up was a blur.
When he started to wake up, I couldn't resist making a joke, to mask my concern. He just groaned and tried to shut his eyes. I had to keep him awake though, until Beckett could check on him. Things just when down hill from there. He snapped and I snapped. Then he bit his lip and I knew, I just knew he was going to apologise. But if he did that, then it would just show how much pain he was really in. McKay would never apologise when he was feeling fine. So I refused to let him apologise because I didn't want to acknowledge how badly he had been hurt.
I think I hurt him then. I expected him to say something back, in his whining tone, to let me know he was okay. Instead he just stared at me, the blood draining from his face as I had just told him I hated him. I leaned forward and...
He flinched. He God damn flinched.
“Major Sheppard?” The voice buzzes on my radio, the soft Scottish lilt giving it away as belonging to Dr. Beckett. Maybe Rodney has taken a turn for the worse? I ignore the fact that he has changed from McKay to Rodney in my head.
“Sheppard here, what's up Doc?”
“Major, is Rodney with ye?” He tries to speak in a calm voice but there is an undercurrent of worry in his voice. Wait... Why would Rodney be with me?
“What? No, the last time I saw him he was in the infirmary...” and I left him instead of talking to find out why he flinched because I didn't want to hear the answer. I don't want to know that he's hurt or broken. I want to simply carry on thinking he's my arrogant scientist who talks more than is good for him. I want to simply think he's my friend... however twisted that sounds. I don't want to have to accept that someone as confident as him, with his massive ego can be hurt just like the rest of us.
“He's not here, he's gone.” Beckett's voice whispers to me and I freeze, before reacting.
“Gone? How can he be gone? Are you telling me he just walked out of there and nobody thought to stop him?” I keep my voice calm, not even raising it, but anyone who knows me at all will know I'm getting annoyed.
“I didn't see him go! I do have other patients Major. I went to check on one of them and when I looked back he had gone.” The defensive tone fades from his voice to be replaced by pure worry. He doesn't even bother to mask how he feels. “You have to find him Major, he's still got a head wound and I gave him some strong pain killers, he won't be thinking clearly...” he trails off, but I'm not listening to him any more.
God... he's probably obsessing over what ever hurt him in the past. He probably thinks I hurt him. That neurotic fool! He could get hurt... what the hell does he think he's doing, leaving the infirmary? Oh right, he's not thinking clearly, because of the head wound. Plus with the drugs, he'll be as high as a kite.
“Major? Major? Are you still there?”
“I'm here Beckett. I'm going to go look for him. Tell Weir what happened.” I said, taking control as always.
“Right, Beckett out.” He says, clearly relived. I grab some power bars, a torch and everything else I think I might need, stuffing them carelessly into my backpack. I've got to find Rodney before he does something stupid.
Before he gets hurt again.
Go Back: Friendship
Go Forward: The Scent of Lemons
