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“Have you noticed we haven’t had a Sue to kill in like a week?”

Krishna rolled her eyes. “Of course I noticed, Serenity. What do you expect, I’m stupid or something?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Shut up, Ser.”

“I wonder if we’ll ever have to kill another Sue again . . .”


“There’s your answer.”

Serenity made a rude gesture to Krishna and examined the story more closely. “Oh, shit.”


“We’ve got two Sues this time. Oh, Goddess. Extreme OOC.”

“Crap. Where are we going this time?”

“It starts at the Council . . . ugh, they attend the freaking thing.”

“Damn . . . wait. Elves?”


“Yay yay yay!” Krishna squealed, jumping around the room. “Rivendell and Elves! Yay!”



“Shut up.”

“No thanks.” Krishna grinned. “Elves!”

Serenity sighed and gathered the equipment. “Krishna, do you know how to work any of the gadgets?”

“Not really. At least, not until you get it ready. I let you handle that stuff. Besides, I like the old fashioned killing.”

Serenity closed her eyes and counted to ten. After a deep breath, she turned back to Krishna to see her looking at something closely. “What are you doing?”

Krishna turned around. “Oh, nothing.”

“Uh-huh. Anyway, let’s go.”

“Okay!” Krishna hopped into the portal Serenity opened.

Serenity followed, yawning.

“Why are you yawning?” Krishna inquired.

“I ate too much chocolate. I think I’m slipping into a chocolate coma.”

“Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT fall asleep on me while killing the Sue.”

“I was being sarcastic.”

“I know. It’s just fun to annoy you.”

“Why do I have the feeling I’m going to be annoyed through this entire thing?”

“Maybe you can tell the future? No, wait, you’re not that gifted.”

“Shut up.” Serenity scowled at her partner.

Krishna grinned at the annoyed Serenity.


Silence followed.

“Do you have PMS, Ser?”

Serenity just glared at her.

“the one ring has been found,” Elrond’s voice floated toward them.

“No capitals? Charge her,” Krishna said, hurrying to see the Sues.

“Fine, fine. Why don’t you bring a notebook for a change, Krishna? No, I have to every single freaking time,” Serenity muttered.

“Will you stop complaining, damnit! It’s going to ruin the kill,” Krishna whispered. “Besides, I feel like making fun of them first.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, it’s all about Krishna.”

“Will you shut up?”

Serenity rolled her eyes, but didn’t reply, turning her attention to the mission.


Aragorn: 0.o…and mine too.

Krishna groaned. “What the hell is a sward?”

“Do not ask and you shall not get the scary answer.”

“Good point. I am not asking.” Krishna sighed. “Put the spelling in the charge list and no complaining.”

“You really think I won’t complain by saying that?”

“No but it’s worth a try.”

Lauren: and you have my bow.

Legolas: and my bow too.

Gimli: and you have my ax

Boromir: I WANT TO GO TO!!!!!

Everyone: O.o;;;

“I swear, what is up with all this no capital letters? Whoever their high school English teacher was must have been high.” Serenity rolled her eyes.

“Oh, like yours!”

“Will you shut up?”

“No.” Krishna grinned.

Sam: *comes out of a bush* Mr. Frodo isnt going any where with out me!

Lauren: why? Are you guys married or something? i thought you liked Aragorn


Sam: *Blush* N-No!

“Okay, first of all, how can Sam be that OOC?” Krishna ticked off her fingers.

“Do not ask and you shall not get the scary answer,” Serenity repeated.

“Okay, not asking again. Now, how did they get that Sam was gay? And what is the freaking problem with it?”

“Homophobes, probably.”

“Ugh. Now put the apostrophe, or excuse me, lack of one, in the charges.”

Serenity sighed and jammed her MP3 player in her ears, turning Muse up loud.

“Fine, make me do all the boring shit.”

Serenity nodded. Krishna wasn’t sure if it was because of the beat of the music, or in response to her remark. She decided not to find out.

Elrond: ok we have a fellowship of shall set out at dawn.

Lauren: NO! 8:30 I need my beauty sleep!

Sammy: you need a lot of that

Lauren: *GASP* SMACK!!!!!

Sammy: OWIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Was that even supposed to be funny?” Krishna grabbed Serenity’s notebook from her bag and wrote down the spelling and grammar. She took one of the many gadgets Serenity packed. “Now how the hell do I use this?”

Serenity grabbed it and aimed it at Elrond. “Elrond Halfelven. Canon Character. Out of Character: 47%.”

“47? Holy shit,” Krishna muttered under her breath. “Wait, I thought you were listening to music.”

“Break between songs. Lord, girl, you need to learn how to work these damn things.” Serenity motioned to the rest of the gadgets in her bag.

“I’m too lazy.”

Serenity turned the volume up on her MP3.

“Now that’s nice. Ignore the nice little girl.”

“Nice little girl? Yeah right.” Serenity’s voice dripped with sarcasm.

“How can something drip with sarcasm?”

“You know, I’ve always wondered that.”

“Hit the freaking next scene button.”

“Hit it yourself.”

“I don’t know freaking how!”

“Well then you should have learned.”

“Do you want to spend all night here?”

Serenity sighed. “Good point.” She took out another gadget and pressed a button. They appeared at the next scene.

Legolas: *Holding a sleeping Lauren* Is she dead?

“We wish,” Krishna murmured.

Sammy: No *mumbles* I wish he would hold me.

Gimli: ^_^ Ill hold you.

Sammy: -.- no thanks. Ill pass.

“Even Gimli’s all for the Sues?” Krishna sounded incredulous.

“Didn’t you know, Krishna? Every character loves them!” Serenity’s voice dripped with sarcasm.

“What’s up with that dripping with sarcasm thing?”

“I have no idea.”

Gandalf: we’ll stop over there and rest.

Sammy: FINALLY!!!!! We have been walking FOR HOURS!!!

Lauren: *wakes up* Where am I?

Legolas: we left Rivendell about 4 hours ago and now we are stoping to rest.

Lauren: WHAT!!!! Why didn’t you wake me up???

Aragorn: -.- we tried *points to bruise on his head* and you kicked me! *sniffle* YOU HURT MY BEAUTIFUL FACE!!!!!

Sammy: ^_^ you mean ugly face!

Serenity clenched her fists. “May I please kill her?”

“Okay! If I can kill the Sue that enters in Lothlorien.”

“Another enters in Lothlorien? You’ve got to be shitting me.”




Boromir: do you think a girl could beat me? HA HA HA HA

Lauren: we’ll see *picks up sword and starts fighting Boromir , doing cool matrix stuff* MWAHAHAHAHAHA *takes Boromirs sword and he falls* I WIN!!!

"MATRIX MOVES?" Serenity nearly shouted. Krishna barely held her back.

"Serenity. Stay calm."

"I will not stay goddamn calm! The Matrix is one of my favorite movies!"

"You idiot! It's one of my favorite movies too!" Krishna imitated Neo's Kung Fu perfectly. "See?"

Serenity regarded Krishna suspiciously. "Are you high?"


Serenity continued to look at her suspiciously.

"I swear!"

Boromir: -.- I let you win

Lauren: look sissy boy, I won, SO LIVE WITH IT!

Boromir: no I won

Lauren: no I won

Boromir: I WON

Lauren: I WON

Boromir: I WON

“He won.” Krishna made a rude gesture at the Sue.


Lauren: NO I WON *kicks Boromir in the head*

Boromir: Like, OMG!!! You Like, messed up my Like hair!!!

“So I get to kill this one?”

Serenity nodded.


Serenity pointed one of her many gadgets at Boromir.

[Boromir of Gondor. Human male. Canon. Out of Character: 98%. CHARACTER RUPTURE!]

“I’m surprised it didn’t break the gadget.”

“You didn’t see how overheated it got.”

“Let’s get to Lothlorien. I don’t feel like all this shit anymore. Too tired.”

“Fine.” Serenity pushed a few buttons and they were transported to Lothlorien.


Lauren: O.o; FRUITCAKE!!!!!

Pippin: were? Im Hungry.

Sammy: right there *points at frodo*

Pippin: no that's..oh ok I get it *laughs*

Frodo: spank you very much

Sam: okay!

All; O.O;;;;

Sammy: That was an overshare.

“No, that was stupid,” Serenity corrected.

“Very,” Krishna agreed. “And what the hell is up with this gay Sam stuff, huh?”

“I do not know and do not want to find out.”

“That the third time you’ve said that in this story.”

“That’s fascinating.” Sarcasm dripped from Serenity’s voice.

“What is up with that damn dripping sarcasm thing?”

“Ignore it.”

Haldir: the Dwarf breaths so loudly we could have shot him in the dark

Gimli: Oh my god! You herd me breathing but you didn't hear them YELLING???


Gimli: *sob*

Sammy: =P~ Ha- h..hal..HALDIR!!! *runs and jumps on Haldir's back*

Haldir: who are you?

Sammy: your dreams! *gets a spacey look on her face*

“I swear, if we weren’t supposed to wait a little longer—” Krishna finished by making violent gesture in the air.

“Why do we have to wait any longer? All the Sues are here,” Serenity noticed.

“So we can kill them now?”

“I don’t see why not.”




“Shut up and kill them.”

“Okay!” Krishna charged toward the Sues.

By the time Serenity got to the commotion Krishna had caused, her partner had her two Sues by the throat. The other characters were behind some strange barrier, trying to get through. The last Sue was looking at Serenity fearfully.

Serenity pulled an arrow out of her quiver.

Krishna glanced over her shoulder from her enjoyment of choking the Sues. “Serenity,” she warned. “Charge them.”

“Oops, sorry.” Serenity flushed, glancing at Aragorn. “Keep forgetting that.”

“Just charge the damn Sues so I can kill them.”

“All right, all right.” Serenity took out her notebook. “Sammy whatever-your-last-name-is, you are charged for EXCESSIVE, and I mean EXCESSIVE spelling and grammar screw-ups; rare, rare capital letters; messing with the characters Sam, Elrond, Boromir, Aragorn—hell, basically every character in Lord of the Rings; thinking Sam is gay and acting homophobic; not liking Elrond, Boromir, and Aragorn; annoying the hell out of us; thinking you’re funny when it’s really stupid; and being a Mary Sue.

“Lauren whatever-your-last-name-is, you are charged for the same thing, which I am too lazy to repeat.

“Cindil do-you-even-have-a-last-name?, you are charged with the same thing.”

“I would clap but my hands are kind of tied up,” Krishna remarked over her shoulder. One of the Sues she was choking whimpered but shut up after Krishna’s glare.

“Don’t worry, I know you’re cheering inside.”

“Yeah, sure, whatever. Now can we PLEASE kill them?”



Serenity took out her bow and quiver and shot Sammy in the throat. Krishna slit Cindel’s throat with a dagger from her wrist and was left choking Lauren.

“Isn’t this the author’s self-inserted character?” Krishna questioned.

“Yep yep yeppers.”

“Hmm . . . we must do something special then . . .”

“Of course.”


“Ooh! Fun!”


After the building of the stake . . . and the fire . . . and putting the Sue on the stake . . . and watching her burn, gleeful, evil laughter was heard throughout Middle Earth. After a while, the assassins decided they should probably go back, and so used the portal to land back in their headquarters.

“That was fun!”

Serenity tried to glare but burst out laughing. “It really was!”

“It’s not every day you get to burn a Sue.”

“Or shoot one with an arrow. Or slit one’s throat.”

“Definitely. But I think that was one of the most OOC things I’ve ever read . . .”

“You don’t say.” Serenity’s voice dripped with sarcasm.




“Krishna? Are you okay?”


“Krishna, breathe.”

“I am breathing, damnit. But how the hell can sarcasm drop?”

“Good point.”

“Wait. You haven’t snapped at me since we got back.”


“Yeah . . . does that mean you’re over your PMS?”



“Shut up.”


[Serenity’s A/N: So that’s it. Finally. The second PPC. But this was rather disgusting. I’d hate to say it, but it was. Funny, this one seemed shorter than the last one. I pray to God it was. Less annoyance. Oh, well. But it really was fun to kill this time! ^_^ Especially after that Aragorn crack…]

[Krishna's A/N: Hee, I was in a particularly bloodthirsty mood when this was written. Plus, this story was just awful. Dammit, Sam isn't gay! I think next time I'm going to be smart and bring some music to listen Marilyn Manson. We're always on the lookout for Sues, so there'll be another murder soon!]