Jess: May I have your address and home phone number for fornication purposes, please?
Josh: Done by Creamy and Josh.
Carmen: Why do you have to insult my writing?
Josh: I’m not insulting it. I’m interpreting it.
Jess: Do me a favour and go lift Randy’s pant leg.
Randy: I do all my cooking, cleaning, sewing, ironing…
Adam: Allow me to buy you a bra.
Guy on the floor: I would love to help that with you…
Josh: Confused empathy.
Jess: No, I already took two of Donna’s rectal pills.
Jess: You guys (Adam and Shawn) went to the bathroom together.
Adam: We secretly hold hands.
Jess: Randy is the one who brought it to our attention.
Adam: Randy’s jealous.
Randy: Until you become, uh, dead.
Josh: I can’t make payments because I can’t walk to my mailbox ‘coz I really gotta shit.
Jack: Look THAT one up in How-To.
Josh: Lord Kaiser Von Velmington… the III.
Nick: We can be Jick… or Nosh.
Nick: Kraakrkk… salty.
Josh: “Can I get them today?” “Do you have money?” “No.”
Adam: Oh, I can beat that. Bleeeeeeeuuurgh.
Randy: You guys can have a 10 minute smoke break, though.
Josh: Oh thank Christ.
Josh: You paint a putrid pink elephant for the Americans.
Adam: Your poor kid’s gonna have to make his own turkey on Thanksgiving.
Jordan: You should have gotten a Canadian TL to come in and do a rebuttal.
Carmen: Randy’s writing in his livejournal.
Jordan: My butt thinks it has teeth.
Josh: You want some crap candy?
Adam/Shawn/Peter Griffin: I have a new ass. My old one had a crack in it.
Shawn: ATTACK! (makes stabbing motions with a tack)
Adam: Yes. It is a tack.
Shawn: It was a pun.
Josh: Crapital One.
Randy: Never SIN.
Nick: Reuben sandwich, I choose you! HAM ON RYE!
Jordan: You’re too DUM2 own a credit card.
Randy: Including drug traffickers, Adam.
Adam: All you need to know is there’s a Fuck List and we don’t do business with ‘em!
Randy: You’re a terrorist, remember?! And he’s a crackhead!
Jess: If I wanted to deal with a 19 year old, I would have started at 6.
Jess: Fuckin’ waah.
Jess: Where ya goin’?
Shawn: I’m going to get a drink of water.
Josh: Why aren’t you bringing Adam with ya?
Jess: A telemarketer called me today… I listened to her.
Jess: That’s Deuce Bigalow right there.
Jordan: Riverview gigolo.
Josh: Customer service retardation.
Jordan: How-To should be called Might-Be.