Disclaimer: I'm a Pretender, all hail Joss the master!

Notes: In this fic, Spike can bite as long as he doesn't intend to kill. and also 'cause I say so *g*. This fic was partly inspired by beautiful story written recently by Spyke Raven called 'Perspective', thanks pet! (*Not* that this tawdry little tale even comes *close* to the quality of said fic I might add)

Awakening

by
Rune

He wasn't exactly sure how the kiss happened.

One minute, they were sitting on the sofa, and it was James Woods kicking major vampire ass in 'Vampires' and the next it was Spike's tongue halfway down his throat.

It was the girl who had done it... well, not the girl exactly, more the sight of the Master vampire's fangs piercing her inner thigh and her blood trickling down his chin as he fed that did it.

Xander was well aware that vampires could smell arousal; in fact on more than one occasion, Spike had taken great pleasure in letting slip that he knew when Xander had been having a little one-on-one with his right hand in the shower. Well, with Anya gone, what's a horny boy to do?

This time however, it was Xander who could sense the sudden change in the blonde vampire's demeanour whilst he watched his alter-ego onscreen feed from a helpless and beautiful girl.

The boy had known something was bound to give; hell, the scene had even given him a semi-stiffy. Glancing sideways nervously at Spike, Xander could see the ice-blue eyes glaze over and the vampire's thin lips tremble almost imperceptibly.

Spike cleared his throat and shifted uncomfortably in his seat, thin, pale hands meeting to twist in his lap like trapped birds.

Then he sighed deeply, a shuddering, desperate sigh that almost made Xander feel sorry for him.

'Still hurts, huh?' the boy murmured, not knowing quite what to say.

Spike turned to face him, pinning Xander to the spot with those laser-beam blue eyes, his voice throaty and full of need.

'Oh bloody hell Xan, it never stops, it just never stops. I'm so hungry pet... not just for the blood... I need... I need...someone'

Xander's brown eyes widened and time seemed to stop as the vampire's hand reached out and gently cupped his chin, one cool thumb scraping lightly against the short layer of stubble that had grown there. The boy noted with alarm that Spike's eyes were heavy with lust, and he gulped hard as the tip of a moist, pink tongue flicked out to lick those pale vampire lips...

Lips which were suddenly on his.

Lips which were surprisingly soft and pliant.

Lips which were gently coaxing his lips apart, allowing Spike's tongue to slither sensuously across them before probing tentatively, but then deeper deeper into his mouth, sending white-hot flares of sensation straight to the base of Xander's cock.

Spike moaned deep in his throat and his hands slid to the back of Xander's head where long fingers entangled themselves in the silky, dark pelt of hair and tugged gently in tandem with his probing tongue.

Moving his body closer with a predator's grace, Spike's lean frame hugged the boy's and he clung to Xander like a drowning man, hips undulating with increasing urgency against the boy's trembling body, and all the while emitting throaty, breathy sighs and moans as his lips slid wetly against Xander's and his tongue probed deeply.

Xander was barely able to draw breath; the vampire's assault on his mouth was relentless, as was the assault on his senses. Waves of sensation flooded Xander's body, hardening nipples and, to his dismay, hardening his cock. The boy found himself pressing back against the vampire and gasping his own soft moans into Spike's mouth.

Suddenly, the boy pulled away; horror twisting his handsome features.

'NO! I can't do this Spike... I'm not gay, for Christ's sake. What ever made you think I was gay? Did I ever mention that I was gay? I think fucking not!'

Spike blinked in confusion.

'Xan... luv, what's wrong? Gay? What are you talking about? Look... You want me, I want you; what's the big deal? For fuck's sake pet I can smell it off you, you want me.'

Xander shook his head violently, hot tears suddenly, treacherously filling his eyes.

'You don't get it Spike. This *can't* happen, this *won't* happen, I don't do...MEN! I don't want MEN. I don't want YOU!'

The boy huddled miserably in the corner of the sofa desperately seeking some route of escape from this... this... madness.

But oh fuck, he suddenly realised that he did want it - hewantedithewantedit oh fuck he craved it but it was wrong, wrong, wrong he was a man and he couldn't, he mustn't, he shouldn't but oh gods... he wanted it, he wanted it so bad...

Wanted Spike so bad.

Spike glared at him, eyes glittering dangerously. Wetting his lips he inclined his head and then visibly steadying himself he once again faced Xander, his voice low and steady.

'Xander... pet. It's perfectly simple. You want me. I want you. Now, what the bloody hell do you think this is, chopped liver?' The blonde vampire reached across and cupped Xander's very obvious erection and squeezed it gently, emitting a loud groan from the confused boy.

Spike's eyes closed momentarily as Xander's groan sent a wave of desire crashing over his body. He squeezed the boy's erection again a little harder this time and sidled up close to him, murmuring softly.

'You feel that pet? Ohhhhh yeah... it feels good, doesn't it luv.'

Xander's eyes fluttered closed and his mouth opened slightly as he moaned again, treacherous pelvis moving against the vampire's firm grip, searching for more sensation.

Spike's lips moved against the boy's cheek as he slowly pulled down Xander's zipper and his cool hand slid underneath cotton boxers to free the hot, raging erection beneath. The vampire hissed as he slid the palm of his hand the full length of Xander's hard cock, relishing it's smoothness, it's length; his fingers tips rolling a sticky, silky drop of pre-cum between them and smearing it around the smooth, sensitive tip, as the boy moaned, rutted and gasped beneath his sensuous touch.

Spike cooed softly into Xander's ear, teasing the boy with long, slow strokes of his cock.

'Ohhhhh Xander... That's right, let go pet... Give yourself to me, luv...let me take care of you... give yourself to me Xan...'

Their lips met again and Xander whimpered into the vampire's mouth, his hands frantically pulling at Spike's t-shirt; desperate to feel that cool skin slide against his.

Spike reluctantly relinquished his grip and sat up, slipping the black t-shirt over his head slowly and tossing it to one side before his hands slid leisurely to the button of his jeans which he undid slowly, pushing them over impossibly thin hips and freeing his own aching, hard member.

The boy watched hungrily, feeling somehow detached from his body; hovering over this painfully erotic scene as the beautiful, blonde vampire bared himself to Xander, offered himself, offered relief and pleasure and an end to futile, painful fantasy.

Spike had removed his clothes and now pulled Xander to his feet, helping him remove his own and moving him toward the bed.

Naked at last.

Warm, smooth velvet tempered cool, silky satin as their skins touched; their bodies met, entwined and fell backwards onto the bed amid a chorus of soft growls, sighs and moans.

Xander pulled the blonde on top of him, hands and sensitive inner fore-arm devouring the cool softness of Spike's flesh against his. He gathered the vampire's face in his hands and plundered his mouth frantically, inhaling Spike's musky scent and tasting him, tongue rasping against tongue; erections duelling for friction, sliding with sweat and pre-cum, desire beyond fever-pitch, beyond return, beyond shame.

Breaking the kiss gently, Spike moved slowly down the boy's body, blunt teeth nipping hardened nipples, tongue tracing a course to the centre of Xander's need, the centre of Spike's desire. Swirling his tongue in Xander's navel, Spike's fist wrapped itself around the boy's cock as if it belonged there and pumped firmly with aching slowness, tongue reaching its target and dipping into the little slit at the tip, tasting the slightly salty, viscous fluid that gathered there.

Spike took the boy's length between his lips and drew it firmly into his mouth. The vampire smiled as he felt the boy's hands grip his hair tightly and he moaned with pleasure each time Xander did, sending vibrations along the length of the boy's cock and making him arch his back and cry out.

Raising his head Spike spoke softly to the boy.

'Xander, look at me luv.'

When the boy opened his eyes, Spike's tongue darted out and licked the tip of his cock. Xander's groaned and his eyes closed again.

Spike chuckled.

'No, Xan... open your eyes. I want you watch... watch what I'm doing to you.'

Bending his head, the vampire slowly took the boy in his mouth again, head bobbing slowly as he sucked him hard. His eyes darted to Xander's face; he wanted to watch the boy watch him; wanted to see the pleasure on his face wanted to see the need.

'Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh godssssss........' Xander hissed, eyes firmly fixed on Spike's mouth as he fucked it, hips bucking of their own accord. Spike pressed his hands firmly down on the boy's hips holding him still as his mouth slid up and down, up and down, eyes never leaving Xander's face.

Xander was transfixed. He had never seen a more erotic sight; watching Spike suck him was good on it's own, but watching coupled with sensation was incredible. Then there was the added thrill of knowing Spike was getting off watching him. The vampire was moaning with every stroke now and Xander knew that neither of them would last much longer at this rate.

Reluctantly, he gently pushed Spike's head away and pulled the vampire up towards him, capturing his mouth and tasting what was pure Xander on the vampire's lips.

'Oh god, Spike...' Xander moaned, his hand reaching down for the blonde's erection and encircling it firmly, wanking him as his tongue swept over the vampire's sensitive nipples, teasing, teeth gently biting.

'Tell me luv, tell me... tell Spike what you want.' Spike whispered hoarsely 'Tell Spike what you want him to do to you...'

Xander groaned 'Fuck me Spike... please... fuck me... fuck me now.'

Spike chuckled softly, blunt teeth nipping Xander's ear-lobe and cool tongue probing into the ear's depths.

'Are you sure you want it Xander? Are you sure you want me to fuck you? Will I fuck you hard pet? Will you moan for me?'

Xander writhed against him frantically.

'Ohhhhhhhh please... please Spike. I need it. Please Spike... make me come...please'

Spike straddled the boy and pushed his fingers into Xander's mouth, watching the boy suck them, get them wet.

Slowly the vampire slid first one, then two moistened fingers inside Xander; smiling as Xander's mouth made an 'o' of shock and then pleasure as he crooked the fingers inside him sending shockwaves of pleasure throughout the boy's body.

Hooking Xander's legs over his shoulders Spike gently began inserting his cock into the boy's tight channel, barely able to restrain himself from thrusting into him hard, tearing him, fucking him viciously until he screamed.

But that was for another night, the vampire mused smiling inwardly.

Inch by deliciously painful inch, the vampire slid into Xander until he was completely inside him. Moving slowly, he pulled out a little and then sank back in; each time a little further, a little deeper until Xander was crying out beneath him in pleasure; begging him, pleading with him to go faster, harder.

Spike's thrusts deepened, quickened.

'Tell me what you want pet... tell Spike what you need' the vampire moaned orgasm nearing.

'Please... please... make me come Spike, make me come...' The boy was nearly weeping with frustration now.

Spike wrapped his cool fingers around Xander's pulsing, aching cock and pumped in time with his thrusts, panting now; eyes shimmering from blue to gold and the sweet ache of fangs sliding free from his gums as his demon roared to the fore.

Xander cried out Spike's name and bared his neck, allowing the vampire to sink needle-sharp fangs into his flesh; moaning with pain and incredible, white-hot pleasure as he exploded hot seed over Spike's hand and his own belly as Spike growled and sucked the sweet nectar from the boy's veins, raising his head and roaring when his own orgasm hit him like a jack-hammer.

The vampire gripped Xander's head tightly, still thrusting inside him and growled loudly, his mouth stained with the boy's blood...

'Mine! Say it... say it, boy.'

Willingly, Xander answered him breathlessly.

'Yours... always yours Spike... yours'

The vampire's mouth descended on his and he tasted first his own blood and then Spike's as the vampire slashed his own lips with his fangs and bade the boy drink.

Xander's senses span as the rich, copper tang first made him retch, but then made him never want to stop drinking.

Pulling away gently Spike stared at the boy for a long time, his face gradually morphing back to human form.

Xander stared back.

'What are you thinking Spike?' the boy ventured.

Spike smiled 'Only that we should have done this a long time ago' he chuckled 'How about you? Regrets? Comments? Questions?'

A shadow fell over Xander's face.

Spike's eyes narrowed. 'What? What is it, what's wrong Xan?'

'I'm not sure, Spike. Not sure about this, not sure about us. It's just so... I dunno, sudden. I've never been gay before and...'

Spike laughed 'I would never have guessed pet.'

The vampire stared hard at Xander for a moment before saying softly

'Xander. Thing is, you're mine now. I've marked you... you've fed from me. That means... well, you're under my protection; you're my responsibility. In vampire terms you're my... pet. I own you. Do you understand? There's no walking away, there's no leaving of me.'

'I'm not a damn vampire Spike, I'm human, and *you'll* have to understand I need time. I'm not saying I don't want to be with you, I'm just saying I need time to... think, to adjust.'

Xander put his arms around the blonde.

'Please Spike... just give me some time, some space. OK?'

Wordlessly, Spike got up, dressed and left.

Xander wept.

For a long time.



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Two weeks later: Christmas Eve.

'Xander! Hello, how have you been... where have you been. Buffy and I were beginning to think you'd gone into hibernation. Is everything alright?'

'Sure, everything's cool G-Man. Spike around?'

'Ermmm no, I haven't seen him... thankfully.'

'Oh. Any idea where I could find him?'

'Actually, yes. In the same place he's been for the past fortnight, I expect. Drunk. In his crypt. I wouldn't bother him if I were you, he's been acting very strangely, drinking a lot and so on. Incidentally, why are you wearing... is that a Santa Claus costume of some kind? Xander?... Xander?... oh well. Bloody kids...'



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KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

'PISS OFF!'

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

'Oh bloody fuck... GO AWAY!'

Angrily, Spike slouched towards the door.

Who the bloody hell was it and what the bloody hell did they want?

He'd just 'acquired' quite a large stock of Jack Daniel's (stocking up for the bloody holidays, y'see) and he was eager to test the quality.

Eager to drink himself into oblivion again, more like.

He hadn't seen Xander in two weeks.

The boy hadn't got in touch.

Shouldn't be surprised, really.

Fuck, it seemed like the only person who cared a damn about old Spike was Harmony... and he couldn't bloody well stand Harmony.

Irony was pretty fuckin' ironic sometimes.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

'Grrrrrrrrrr I'm gonna bloody kill you whoever you are!' the blonde vampire roared throwing open the door.

'Ho, ho, ho!' said his visitor.

It was Santa... no, not Santa... Xander.

Xander dressed like Santa.

Spike scowled.

'Santa. Now what the bloody hell do I want with Santa?' the vampire frowned again, before turning away and going back to his seat in the corner, leaving Xander standing at the door of the crypt.

'Hi Xander, nice to see you Xander, come on in Xander. OK, don't mind if I do!' The dark haired boy entered the crypt, closing the door behind him.

Gods, but Spikey was looking rough around the edges; still heart-stoppingly gorgeous but rough nonetheless. The vampire had the look of someone who had been on a drinking jag for the last two weeks and judging by the amount of bottles lying around and the smell of this place...

Xander felt a twinge of guilt.

No, not a twinge a huge fucking jolt.

Mind you, the past few weeks hadn't exactly been a picnic for him either.

Xander Harris had found himself with a lot of hard thinking to do.

You would never think that a simple sex-act would have such a large and devastating effect on your life, would you?

It did.

That one hour spent in bed with Spike had taken Xander's life apart and dumped it unceremoniously under the mother of all microscopes.

Xander had found himself questioning everything he thought he had ever known about himself.

He had spent days searching the depths of him for the 'real deal' on Xander; asking questions of himself that he had never thought he would have to ask and analysing every past relationship that he had ever had with a girl...

Not that there had been many of those.

Perhaps he should have known he was gay all along?

He hadn't.

Perhaps this was why his own father hated and despised him so much.

Had dear old dad seen something in his son that sickened and disgusted him to his core? That made him feel the need to pound the goddamn shit out of Xander every opportunity he got?

Was this why his daddy had never loved him?

Yup, there had been lots of hard thinking, lots of facing up to certain facts and lots of pain.

But he had survived.

Intact.

There was no cliched sense of being re-born; Xander felt more or less the same about things as he had always felt, but now there was a sense of self.

Now, Xander knew who he was.

And who he wanted.

Sighing, the boy hoped he hadn't left it too late.

A hoarse, tired voice shook him from his thoughts.

'So. How've you been then?' Spike's expression said 'Not that I give a flying fuck' but his eyes... his eyes said something else.

'Crap thanks. You?'

The vampire gestured around the crypt. 'Oh, I've been having a great fuckin' time pet. Take a look around Xan, what the bloody hell do you think?'

Spike sniffed and patted his pockets in search of cigarettes. Finding some, he lit one up and puffed nonchalantly. 'Anyhow... What brings you round these parts. You want something for Slayer, I suppose. Being the good little errand boy are we?'

Xander smiled, knowing he deserved the well-aimed dig.

'Actually' the boy began 'I'm here as a messenger boy today, Spikey. I'm here to deliver a gift. A Christmas gift.'

The vampire's eyes narrowed.

'For who?'

Xander grinned 'For you.'

Spike sniffed again. 'Huh. I don't see any gift, where is it then?'

The blonde's mouth dropped open and the cigarette fell unheeded to the ground as he watched Xander slowly remove the top half of his Santa costume and let it slide to the floor.

The boy was naked to the waist.

'It's a two-part present. This...' smirked Xander holding his arms wide, 'This is part one.'

A slow smile crept across Spike's face and his eyes gobbled up the delicious sight in front of him. 'Part one, eh?'

The vampire stood up and approached the half-naked boy. Stopping just in front of Xander, Spike reached out and gently stroked a rapidly hardening nipple with the tip of his finger.

Xander shivered.

Spike chuckled.

'Mmmmmm very nice, pet. So... what's part two then?'

Xander dropped his pants.

The End