In my dreams
I dreamt a dream of you
you promised me I would see you again
I searched
high and low
up and down
or is that the same thing?
not sure
floating through the plane of existance
which my mind created for me
a pond ahead
the reflection the truth
the waters calm
a mound 
in the center of the pond
a walkway out to the mound
the mound of grass and dirt thatched leaves twigs
somehow familiar
have I been here before
a door at the end of the walkway
the door is simple enough
but yet beautiful
I must open the door
THERE IS NO HANDLE
panic as I search for a way to open the door
there are no hinges
I look around 
anything to open the stubborn door
I look back
saddened to find
nothing 
absolutely 
nothing
utterly
nothing
only the shimmering pond
mocking me
I dive in
there never was a pond
I find only sand
I dig
the sand moves
and fills back in
the battle continues
I sit back 
defeated
fading
noooo
can’t wake up
must finish
I do not know
how many more days passed
the dream returned
back in this place 
I feel like I have been here before
instead of the pond
I find a single note
“I’m sorry I couldn’t see you again
I waited you never showed up”
Anguish
pain
the agony of lungs without air
a heart dissolved
stabbing
throbbing
the memory of the dark-haired girl
shreds still clinging to memory
she no longer has her face
the same feeling as before
of failure
of awakening
the terror
unknown


5-24-02

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