Rules of EMS

1. Air goes in and out, blood goes round and round, any variation on
this is a bad thing. 
2. Sick people don't bitch. 
3. The more equipment you see on an EMT's belt, the newer they are. 
4. When dealing with patients, supervisors, or citizens, if it felt good
saying it, it was the wrong thing to say. 
5. All bleeding stops......eventually. 
6. If the child is quiet, be scared. 
7. EMS is extended periods of intense boredom, interrupted by
occasional moments of sheer terror. 
8. If the patient LOOKS sick, then the patient IS sick. 
9. If the patient is sitting up and talking to you, then the patient is not in
V-Fib, no matter what the monitor says. 
10. It is generally bad to use the words "holy shit" on scene, in
reference to the patient's condition. 
11. When responding to a call, always remember that your ambulance
was built by the lowest bidder. 
12. Never get into the front of the ambulance with someone that is
braver than you are. 
13. The number of drugs a patient has on board is directly proportional
to the number of knuckles tattooed. 
14. If you respond to an MVA after midnight and you don't find a
drunk, keep looking - you've missed a patient. 
15. A tourniquet around the neck solves all problems 
16. All fevers eventually fall to room temperature. 
17. Asystole is a very stable rhythm. 
18. A patient's weight is in direct proportion to their altitude in the
building. 
19. When a call comes in 2 minutes before shift change, you will
always pass your relief 1 block from the 
station, he/she/it will be laughing and waving at you. 
20. Universal Precautions - Is it wet? Is it yours? If it is, and it isn't than
leave it alone. 
21. Death is a stabilization of the patient's condition. 
22. Being in Emergency Services means you get to celebrate your
holidays with all your friends, while on duty. 
23. There are two kinds of EMS calls: "Oh-shit!" and "Bull-Shit!" 
24. The more reflective stripping there is on your jumpsuit, the easier it
is for the only drunk driver going by the MVA to find you. 
25. We are all slaves to the god "Motorola" 
26. The stereo must always be louder than the radio. 
27. Your patient will get new symptoms after the radio report and
pulling up to the ER. 
28. Don't get excited about blood unless it's your own. 
29. No matter how many times and ways you ask the patient
questions their story will always change once they get into the ER 
making you look like an ass. 
30. People don't call an ambulance because they did something right. 
GOD MUST LOVE STUPID PEOPLE....HE MADE SO MANY OF THEM 

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