Stranded

By Michele

"This is all *your* fault."

They are at it again. Same theme, different variation. Spike is pacing the two strides that the cave allows, and back again. Angel is where he's been since we settled in for the night; propped against the wall.

"I did not make the boat sink, Spike."

I've been watching him for the last hour and I don't think he's moved once. He just sits there, never rising to the bait, never twitching no matter what Spike says. A statue that occasionally blinks and says a few words. Guess all those long hours of brooding have paid off. Even his voice is a calm monotone… almost makes me want to…

"Maybe not, but you're the reason we were on it in the first place!"

They've been having this argument for the last three and a half hours. Which is almost as long as we've been holed up in this cave with a tiny little fire to keep me from freezing to death.

"*You* were the reason we were on it, not me."

I don't know why Angel even bothers to argue especially if he won't even raise his voice.

Going out and taking my chances in the snow is starting to look very attractive. Between the two of them, they've got about four hundred years of experience. You'd think they'd be a little more mature by this time, wouldn't you?

"Yeah… like it's my fault that the one person you think can help me lives in the middle of a cold, snowy, fuckin' nowhere that can only be reached by boat."

That's it… I can't listen to it again. It's worse than being in re-run hell… at least with those you can rent a movie or something. But this…. "Guys.... we've been over this already and it's not…"

"SHUT UP!"

"Okay, okay… I'll just sit over here and freeze.. no problem." Well, excuse me! I mean I think I've done pretty well here so far. No panic, no mention of the fact that I didn't *have* to come along as the third they needed and not one single 'I told you so'.

"You're not going to freeze, Xander. Someone will be along before too long." Angel, the brooding optimist, strikes again.

I can't help it, I have to whine. Dammit, I'm cold, I'm hungry, and I'm stuck in a cave at the end of the earth with two vampires I really, really hate. Well, mostly hate… sort of… okay, hate's a strong word…. we'll go with dislike… most of the time. "That's what you said four hours ago."

"Yeah, well… if we don't see anyone by tonight, one of us will go for help."

Sure, Angel, that makes me feel so much better. I can go freeze, you can leave me with Spike or I'm left alone with you. None of those choices make me stand up and cheer.

"Go *where * for help, Angel? There's probably no one around for miles." Again, I know I'm whining, but I think I deserve it.

"The whelp's right. We haven't seen a soul since we've been here and we didn't see anyone once we left that stupid 'trading post'. And by the by, I haven't noticed any tasty animals gallivanting around outside our cave door either. What are we going to do for food?"

I hate it when Spike looks at me like that. "Hey!.. "

"Oh, come on, Xander. Don't tell me you never thought about it. The rest of your friends know what it's like, even the Watcher… don't you feel a little left out?"

Giles has been bitten? What the….

"Spike, leave him alone."

Angel actually moved. His head, anyway. And changed his tone of voice. I guess Spike is finally getting to him.

"Don't be such a poof! You feed off him and then I'll feed off you…"

Now doesn't that paint a lovely picture?

"In your dreams, Spike. Now leave him alone."

Now see, that's the problem, Angel. He probably *does * dream about it… Okay, I don't want to go there...

"Why don't you make yourself useful and go have a look around before the sun comes up."

"Fine…. don't know what good it will do... but I'll go... mainly just to get away from you lot. Stupid wankers…"

Is it just me or does Spike act like a ten year old sometimes? Yeah, I know, big, scary vampire but that little 'rude hand gesture and stomping away' thing he does reminds me of my ten year old cousin Mark. Of course my cousin is just trying to get attention… hmmm…

"Xander?"

While I've been adding twigs to the fire and ruminating on Spike's childish ways, Angel has moved closer to the fire without me noticing. It's a little unnerving that he can still startle me like that after all this time.

"What?"

He's looking at me funny. Is he… is he smiling?

"How would you like to mess with Spike's head a little… keep ourselves entertained?"

Okay, now I'm getting scared. I'm not usually afraid of Angel... well, not much. But this is a little creepy. But seeing as how there is absolutely nothing to do except listen to water drip or watch Spike pace….

"Um… okay... but it's not going to make him want to kill me, is it? I mean, any more than he already does? 'Cause if he gets that thing out of his head, I don't want to be first on the menu…."

"It will be fine, I promise... just a little fun at his expense."

That would be a welcome change. Spike and his games are one of the reasons I agreed to come along on this trip. I know you're probably thinking: 'But if he gets the chip out aren't you afraid he'll come back and kill you all'? No, I don't. Angel said he'd take care of it and I believe him. Maybe I'm being stupid, but since the Initiative was destroyed and with it, his only hope, Spike has been hanging out with us even more than before. He doesn't have to hide from the soldiers any more, but he still has a bunch of demons after his head. AND HE'S DRIVING US CRAZY! Me especially since I, apparently, don't have a life. He's in my room every time I turn around, watching my T.V., eating my food, even inviting himself to stay the day! I'd say a little payback is definitely in order.

"Okay, what do I have to do?"

"Do you think you can kiss me without…."

"KISS YOU?"

Angel has evidently gone insane while I wasn't looking.

"Yeah, do you think you could kiss me and make it seem real?"

"NO! And what does kissing you have to do with messing with Spike?"

Why am I bothering to ask? It's not like I *want * to kiss Angel. Not like I've *ever * thought about what two hundred years of practice could teach a guy. Not like I've ever wondered what it would take to break through that aura of calm he tries to surround himself with… No, I *do not* want to kiss Angel.

"Doesn't matter now, does it? If you can't, you can't."

He says that so easily. He's not even going to try to convince me! "You can't say something like that and not explain. Now spill."

"It would take too long to explain and he'll be back soon. Do you trust me Xander?"

Now what kind of question is that? I volunteered for this little adventure, didn't I? "Yeah… I guess… why?"

Okay… okay… he's scooting even closer now. So close my knee is against his thigh. Why does he have to get so close? I wonder if he can hear how fast my heart is beating now.

"Then trust me when I say that Spike will be very put out if he catches us kissing. Do you want to practice once before he comes back…so you know what to expect?"

"P..p..practice?" Very smooth, Xander. Nothing like a little stuttering to show how unaffected you are.

"If you don't want to…"

"No! I mean, yes. Yes, I think practice would be good."

There's that little grin again. Is it getting hot in here?

"Unzip your coat and put your arms around my neck."

"This is just practice, right?"

"Yes, just practice. But if Spike is going to believe it, we have to do it right."

"Oh, okay... um... "

I unzip my parka and start to move my arms towards him. It's going to be too awkward this way.

"Hold on."

I can't believe I'm doing this! Maybe the air is thin up here or something but I'm actually getting up on my knees and turning so I can put my arms around Angel!

"Good idea…"

Now he's on his knees and sliding his hands inside my coat. He's even colder than usual… but right now, that's not a bad thing. He moves my coat aside a little and suddenly we're pressed together from knees to chest.… oh… oh... this is so not good…

"Are you all right, Xander? You look a little… um... flushed."

I don't trust myself to say anything so I just nod.

"Now relax a little… put your arms around me…act like you actually want to be doing this."

Act like I want to be doing this! Can't he feel how much I want to be right where I am?

"Xander… you've got to relax… "

He pries my hands off his biceps and loops them around his neck then returns his hands to my lower back under my coat. The whole time he's still wearing that quirky little smile. I really think I'm going to pass out.

"You're all stiff and you look like you're ready to throw up… Am I really that repellent?"

When is he going to shut up and… "Kiss me, Angel."

There's no easy way to describe what I'm feeling, how *he * feels against me. I can only think in sensations now… cold, smooth, hard, wet, hot… emphasis on hard…. And that noise he's making, something between a breathless moan and… wait…. that's me... that can't be me…

"Xander…. Xander… open your eyes."

But I don't want to. I don't want the moment to be over. And I know that it is just a moment. There will never be anything more than this… this game we're playing.

"Xander, Spike will be back any second now. Look at me."

I do as he asks and I start shaking even worse than before. He's looking at me… looking *into* me. "What?"

"That was nice. I can hear Spike, this time it's for real, okay?"

Real! Real! Like it wasn't… oh! His lips are on mine again, his tongue caressing the roof of my mouth… fire… I'm on fire… his hands are warm now… pulling me closer… moving down to my hips… grinding himself against me... I think I'm going to…

"WHAT IN THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN HERE?"

No! Don't stop.. don't… Oh, right… Spike.

"Find anything?"

How can he sound so calm… so unaffected? If he hadn't had his groin pressed against mine, I would have believed it.

"You didn't answer my question. What are you doing to my Xander?"

*His* Xander? When did I become his Xander?

"Mine now. You waited too long. Your loss."

Okay, the whole world has gone insane, not just me.

I pull away from Angel and sit down hard. Not that I had any choice about sitting down. My legs are jelly. And Spike… Spike is… Uh oh… This is not of the good. And Angel is just as bad. They're standing toe to toe practically growling at each other. I think I've missed something important.

"You keep your damn hands off him! I didn't spend the last three months working on him for fun, you know. You can't have him… he's mine!"

"See what you get for trying to *plan*? You should know better by now. He was kissing *me* and liking it so I'd say he's mine."

Yep… I've been sucked into 'The Outer Limits'… cue 'Twilight Zone' music… or maybe the 'X-Files'… or maybe when the boat sank, I bumped my head real hard and I'm just dreaming all this… Those are the only explanations I can come up with for me freezing in a cave, kissing Angel and liking it, and having two vampire fighting over me. Yeah, a dream…. I wonder if Giles has these kinds of dreams after he gets knocked out? "Guys… this isn't funny anymore. Cut it out and help me wake up."

"Did you forget who your Sire is, boy?"

"Did you forget that I don't take orders from a souled wuss?"

"I can still take you down, soul or no soul."

"Yeah, well, I can still take you down, chip or no chip."

"Guys! Really… this is so not necessary… "

They're ignoring me. Great… guess I'll take a little stroll outside and get out of the way of the 'battle of the vamps'. I'm starting to get cold again so I zip up my parka and stand up. The mouth of our little home away from home is only about five feet away. I can see that it's starting to get light out… good, they won't be able to follow me.

"Xander... just where do you think you're going?"

Caught….damn, but at least Angel sounds like he's back in control again.

"I want to wake up so I'm going outside."

One of those wonderful hands wraps around my forearm and I hear a growl from Spike.

"Wake up? You're not asleep… what are talking about?"

"No, I'm sure I'm dreaming, 'cause that's the only way any of this is happening."

I can't look at either one of them. I hear movement behind me and Angel let's go of my arm. Before I can move again, I'm caught between them. Spike is behind me, not letting me move that way, and Angel in front, blocking my escape.

"Why do you think you're dreaming, pet?"

"Because this is all too weird for words. You don't want me, Spike. You've been annoying the hell out of me, but it was just because you're an evil vampire who has nothing else to do. And you, Angel, you were kissing me because, for some reason, it will make Spike mad. Oh, and you're both vampires, both male and I'm not gay! It has to be a dream…"

They're laughing! Well I'm glad I can still amuse, even in my sleep, but that's not exactly the reaction I was expecting. It's better than them about to rip each other's throats out, but…

"You enjoyed it… I could feel how much you were enjoying it!"

"Shut up, Poof…that's not what he wants to hear."

"And I suppose *you* know what he wants to hear?"

"I don't want to hear anything! I want to wake up!" Boy do I want to wake up. I want to be in my boring little basement in my boring, but warm little bed having boring dreams before going to my boring job. I take back every wish I ever made about wanting my life to be more exciting.

"He wants to hear that we *do* want him. That it's not a dream and that it's not a game."

"No, that not what I want…" Is it? No, it can't be. I don't want Angel and I don't want Spike. Angel and Spike. Angel and Spike wanting me… touching me… teaching me… ARRRGGG! Stop me before I fantasize again!

"I do want you, Xander. I wouldn't have started this if I didn't."

How does Angel do that? His voice is so soft, so sincere, so sad…. like it hurt him that I would even question his motives….

"And why do you think I've been hanging out in the dismal little basement of yours? It's not like I couldn't find some place else to go."

"Why now? Was this trip just get me alone?"

"No, we really were going to go see a guy about getting that thing out of Spike's head."

"And I wasn't planning on doing anything about this until we got back. But, as usual, the poof screwed it up."

They still haven't moved and I'm beginning to get a little uncomfortable being sandwiched between the two of them. Okay, I can be honest, it's not really a bad uncomfortable and it's making my mind wander a little, but still… "Um… guys... could you give me a little room here?"

"You aren't going anywhere, mate. Not until we have this straightened out."

I can tell Angel is looking at Spike over my shoulder and then we're moving back towards the fire. Why do I feel like those two agreed on something without saying a word? And should I be worried?

"Sit down, Xander. I guess we need to talk about this." Angel, the ever reasonable one.

"There's nothing to talk about. You got to kiss him, now it's my turn." After a moment, Angel nods and moves back a little. Wait a minute… *I* didn't say Spike could… Here we go again… the same, yet different. Spike is rougher, greedier, he doesn't ask, he takes… but… he's not hurting me, he's not forcing me… and just when I think I'm going to pass out from lack of air, his lips leave mine… and I feel… what? No, no, no, no… this is all wrong... I'm sick, I need serious help….

"Not bad, pet. Again?"

My head bobs in the affirmative without my permission and he's on me again, this time pushing me down to the cold cave floor. I feel the chill at my back and realize that somehow, my coat has been removed without me noticing.. and there's too many hands pushing my sweater up. Angel… I feel him now, on the other side of me… licking my ear… I feel a hand tug at my chin and then I'm kissing him… Angel… and Spike is…. Oh... Spike is licking my stomach and….

::Ring:: ::Ring::

I startle awake, sitting up, breathing hard. Basement, bed, clock…. 6:30 p.m… Spike in his chair…. dream… just a dream…. I don't want them… I *don't*… it doesn't mean anything… nothing at all… and it's not like it will ever happen… so it doesn't matter if I want them or not…

::Ring:: ::Ring::

Phone.. right.

"Hello?"

'Xander, I have something I'd like to discuss with you. Could you come over right away?'

"Giles? Is that you?"

'Um… yes… Xander, are you all right? You sound a bit… off.'

"Sorry… yes, I'm fine. You woke me up from a… you woke me up. So, what's up?"

'I prefer to discuss it in person, but Angel needs your assistance with something. Can you get over here quickly and uh… bring Spike?'

"Angel? He's there… right now? Why? He was just here last week."

'We can discuss it when you get here…. Xander, are you sure there's nothing wrong?'

"Is this about Spike?"

'Well… yes… but…'

"Giles, have you ever been bitten?"

'What kind of question is...'

"Just answer me… have you?"

'Um… yes... It was a long time ago and…. why do you ask?'

"No reason. I… uh… I've got to go. Tell Angel I'll go with them but I'm picking the boat this time. I'll be over in a little while, okay?"

'Go? Boat? How did you know…'

"Bye, Giles."

Yeah, right, just a dream. Stupid Hellmouth. So it's really going to happen… they really do want me… Hmmm… I wonder if my sleeping bag will be big enough….

I feel like rubbing my hands together and perfecting my evil laugh, but that would be a bit cheesy. So, I settle for getting out of bed and standing over Spike, grinning madly.

Forewarned is forearmed. I heard that someplace but now I finally understand what it means. I have the upper hand for once… and I know just what I'm going to do with it….

"HEY! Toothless… wake up! We're going on a trip, only this time, it's going to be a little bit more comfortable for me."

"I am awake you wanker…and I'm not going anywhere with… Pet? Um... Xander? Why are you looking at me like that?"

 

~Fin~