A Secret Untold - Chapter 7

Sleep did not come easily to me last night. Strange dreams haunted me; I cannot remember much aside from the presence of Aragorn. It was disturbing. I spent most of the night lying awake, thinking. Thinking about Valrodiel, about Aragorn…about how I feel. I keep wondering if its merely loneliness of being here alone, trying not to admit to myself that I have been feeling this way since before I came here.
It was then that I realised.
I had, it seemed fallen in love.
Not with Valrodiel.
With Aragorn.
'No,' I told myself, almost screamed it out loud. 'it cannot be!'
Then it came to me. He had Arwen. It *couldn't* be. The heir to the throne of Gondor, and I, the prince of Mirkwood. It would cause scandal across middle earth. Even the orcs would be laughing at us. It could never be.
Getting out of the bed, I walk over to the balcony door, and stand momentarily in the moonlight which floods through the opening, before stepping outside onto the balcony.
Staring out across Rivendell, its buildings highlighted by the moon, its trees whispering quietly to each other, I felt empty. Valrodiel was beautiful, and lovely…but what I felt for here simply did not equal the magnitude of what I felt for the ranger.
I stood there for hours, leaning on the balcony edge. As dawn approached, I could not help but sing, yet my song was of grief, my grief. The words came from my mouth automatically, I was not thinking of them, they just came. I stood and sang out loud, unable to stop, tears trickling down my face. A figure dashing into the house below caught my attention and I stopped singing. Aragorn? *Crying?*
Returning to my bed, I lay awake waiting for the sun to rise.
What is wrong with Aragorn? I have not seen him crying before. Something must be devastatingly wrong if he was crying. I assumed he had not slept during the night, for he was returning to the house when I saw him; no one had left through the hours I was standing outside. I wondered where he must have been, what he had been doing.
Thinking about him pained me, but I could not stop myself. Tears threatened to fall down my cheeks again as I sang quietly to myself.

"Why does it feel like my hearts torn in two
When really I should be happy for you?
I wish you the best in all sincerity
But devotion has all but consumed me
I never planned to feel this way
But the heart beats true that's all I can say…

It is true, I didn't plan to fall for the ranger. He was my comrade, my confidant, my greatest friend. Feeling like this was the worst I could do for him. Telling him - or anyone - of my feelings was out of the question. Aragorn was too troubled, something like this would push him over the edge.
I couldn't bury these thoughts, these feelings, couldn't erase them from my mind, stop my heart beating true. Ignoring them was my only option, to pretend they're not there, pretend everything is fine, try to live this lie, and remain only friends with the ranger.
I could not stop seeing him, aside from looking suspicious, he needs the friends he has right now, and I needed the company.
If I could make one wish, it would be for his happiness. I can live with loneliness, though it is painfully hard. My duty is to my kingdom, and to my friends.
Why is it, that the heart beats so strongly and yet is so easily broken? Why does it pain me so to see Aragorn with Arwen; when I should be happy for both of them?
The answer, I realised, was simple:
Love is pain.