NOTES: Legolas's POV

A Secret Shared - Chapter 8

Aragorn challenged me today about Boromir. Said, I seemed 'discomforted' by his presence. I told him something about how I disliked the man, that he was uncouth. He did not seem to fully believe me. I felt him watching me as I was walking away. If only we could tell the world about our love. I would happily shout it from the rooftops, I would go as far as to ride to every household in Middle Earth - including that of the Dark Lord's - in order to announce it. But I cannot. Aragorn and I agreed that it was not the time, that people wouldn't accept it.

But where does that really leave us?

And why does everybody frown upon such love? If Aragorn were an elf maiden, we could announce our love and people would congratulate us. As we are, we would only be condemned for feeling like we do.
To add to this trouble, there is Boromir. Boromir, who would probably lay a girl as soon as look at her; Boromir, who would try to seduce Galadriel herself away from her husband. Boromir, the man who infects my dreams with his own image, the man who kissed me fast and harshly without my consent...the man who seems to be taking over part of my heart.

But this is purely ridiculous! My heart in its whole belongs to Aragorn, it always will do. I don't really feel anything for Boromir, these things I *think* I feel are merely brought on by our encounter amongst the trees, and that dream which haunts me so. And because the man seems to be trying hard to seduce me. I don't *really* have any feelings for him...do I?

An unanswerable question, the type I dislike even more than the questions that have answers I wish were different. I could not tell how I felt about Boromir, or even whether I felt anything for him at all. Only time will tell how I truly feel.

But right now, it seemed as if my heart was being torn in two.

I saw the Gondorian in the morning, and he stopped me to talk, without any real reason.

"Good morning, Legolas,"

"Good morning."

"A great day for a walk, you should try it!" he said rather *too* enthusiastically.

"That is my intention," I had replied, trying to be polite.

"But what other intentions do you have?" he asked in a low voice, raising an eyebrow suggestively.

"I-" I began, but stopped when I saw him raise his hand, looking back towards the house. Turning, I followed his line of vision, and saw Aragorn, gazing down at us from his window. Smiling, I gave him what I hoped looked like a friendly nod, to which he waved back, and I took my chance to go on my way into the gardens, away from Boromir. I wonder if it was this short conversation with the man that drove Aragorn to question me about the way I acted around him.

I cannot help the way I feel around Boromir. He causes me to feel confused about my feelings, and I find myself acting in ways I wouldn't usually, and saying things I wouldn't usually say. This makes me angry, angrier still due to the fact that I feel both repelled and attracted to the man.

After seeing him in the morning, I half wished I could see him again. I found myself purposefully going into one of the communal rooms in the house, in which I had often seen him sitting in.

I sat about for ages, waiting to see if he turned up. He glanced in the room momentarily, before disappearing back into the darkness outside. I waited some more, anticipating his return, missing his presence, wishing he was there, until suddenly, he was. Yet we did not talk, for I realised I had nothing to say. I had no real desire to speak to him. So we said nothing to each other, speaking only every so often to others. But I could not help but keep glancing over at him, wishing he would come and talk to me, even if it were only to be rude and suggestive as I often found he was.

Eventually, I went to my rooms, and slept an uneasy sleep, in which I was misfortuned enough to have another dream of Boromir.

This time, we were on a dark road at night. I was leaning against a nearby fence and we were talking, when suddenly he grabbed my hand, and we began to run down the road, which was at a slope, until we reached this small house in which a cheery looking woman lived. She welcomed me with a smile and opened arms, yet she looked at Boromir with a scowl of mistrust, folding her arms tightly across her chest. Other things happened within this dream, yet I cannot recall them.

When I awoke, I questioned my dreams once more. Why was I dreaming of Boromir? I did not like him, I was sure of that. He irritated me. The thought of being with him made me feel physically sick, and I felt guilty inside, as if I had cheated on Aragorn. Yet this was madness! How could I cheat on one so noble as Aragorn, with a human as unwholesome as Boromir? This tangle of thoughts almost drove me to question my sanity. Maybe I was going a little mad. After all, I *appeared* to have feelings for Boromir, when my heart belongs to Aragorn. But - and I shuddered to think of this - what if I *am* loosing all good judgement, and my feelings for *Aragorn* are merely a figment of my imagination? If this were true, and it were discovered, it would ruin any chance left of friendship that I had with him, not to mention the terrible matter of breaking his heart. And I did not want to be the one to do that. Yet, if I am perfectly sane of mind, then these thoughts of Boromir were not anything to do with insanity. And if Aragorn discovered these thoughts, then this too, would break his heart, and cause an unhealable breach between us.

So as with much of life, all I can do is wait. Wait and see what unfolds, and pray to Elbereth that everything works out for the best.