Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, or Pokemon, or any of the stuff making a cameo in this fic. Don't sue me. Yaoiness and OOC-ness are present. Thanks to all the nice people who responded to the first one. Here's another round of laughs for ya! (I hope) Dedicated to Malaca, who's always helping me with my fics and Cypher who gave me some of the ideas for this one. Also dedicated to the nice people who respond to my fics. Want another sequel? Feedback is the key!

Somewhere, I Wrote Another Pathetic Fairy Tale

If you remember the last really pathetic fairy tale correctly, Heero was naked.

Stop laughing. It's the truth, is it not? See, I had a point.

Well, Heero was naked until Quatre used his magic scepter to try and get him some pants. That didn't go over very well, so he got stuck in a sparkly green dress. And what did he pull out of that dress? Ash Ketchum.

Somewhere, a woman screamed.

She was probably missing her dress. Anyways, to get rid of Ash, Quatre used his magic scepter. What did we get from that? Gary Oak.

Somewhere, a group of women cheered. The narrator was one of them.

Stop looking at me like that. I love Ookido Shigeru, what can I say? I can say Gary Oak too! Shut up! Stop mocking me! Ookido Shigeru sounds better though.

Somewhere, a woman yelled, "Get on with the friggin' story!"

Alright already! Sheesh. I'm gonna have hell with the characters, and now readers are bitching me out. Narrating is a tough business, ne? Of course, when you have Pokemon trainers, the Pokemon are sure to follow. Maybe the PikaCthulu will too, but I don't watch horror movies. End of discussion, next subject please.

The scene opens at Gary and Ash's place. Why? Who the hell knows? I'm just the narrator. Unpleasant sounds are coming from upstairs.

Ash and Gary come downstairs.

Nothing happens.

ASH AND GARY COME DOWNSTAIRS.

Still nothing happens.

The narrator goes upstairs and bursts open the bedroom door. Gary is sprawled across the bed and Ash is buried in his lap so to speak-uh..... I'm shutting up now.

"Would ya mind..... letting us finish?" Gary stifles out. Ash mumbles something inaudible, and the narrator slams the door and goes somewhere else.

^_^;;; Uh.... heh heh.... gomen nasai minna-san. I was NOT expecting that.

Elsewhere, in Quatre's castle, Quatre is drinking tea. Heero is trying to build a self destruct device out of pancakes. Wufei is selling one of Quatre's sisters to a prince in Guamesia. Duo is chatting with a friend I don't know yet, and Trowa is being silent.

Big frickin' surprise on that last one.

Duo hung up the phone. "Guess what?!"

"What?" was the collective answer.

"My friend is coming over! He's got blue hair."

Heero went back to his self destruct device. "I'm sure that makes him special."

Duo pouted. "You're so mean Hee-chan! My friend is very smart! He's smarter than you even!"

"But he's nowhere near as indestructible as me." Heero replied.

"And he's nowhere near as naked as you either." Quatre giggled. Heero wasn't naked this time, but that had become an inside joke since the last pathetic fairy tale.

"Dunno about the naked part, but I'm sure he's highly indestructible!" Duo gleamed.

Somewhere, someone rang a gong.

Somewhere, that same person told me this joke was getting old. That's the last time I ever let a Hashiba make a cameo.

Duo got the door. "Rowen!" he cheered. "Ya made it!"

"I ran inta tha freaky narrator ya told me about-" Rowen was cut off by a pissed 'freaky' narrator.

Somewhere, a blue haired guy was thwapped by a pissed off narrator.

*We now resume the pathetic fairy tale*

"You'll get yours!" Rowen yelled, vowing vengeance.

"Come on in!" Duo ushered the weirdo-

"Hey!" Rowen snorted.

No one messes with the narrator and gets away with it.

Rowen muttered inaudible cursings. The narrator smirked.

"Come on Ro-chan! You gotta meet everyone!" Duo grabbed Rowen by the arm and dragged him to the dining hall.

"Wu-bear!!! I brought Ro-chan!" Duo exclaimed.

Wufei snorted. "Do not call me Wu-bear."

Duo grinned, and traced Wufei's chest with his finger. "You didn't say that last night."

Wufei turned an awkward shade of red, and then made a mad dash for the nearest tissue box.

"That was Wufei. You know about him already."

"I figured." Rowen replied. Duo put his finger to his lips and grinned some more. He snuck up behind Trowa, and shoved his hand down the banged boy's pants.

"...!!!!!!"

Duo giggled. "Okay I'll save that for later. Right now," he pointed to Rowen, "this is my friend Rowen I've been telling you about."

"......"

Rowen nodded, "Nice to meet you too."

Duo pointed to Heero. "That's Hee-chan. We sort of adopted him into our group. He's Quatre's koi."

Rowen took one glance at the self-destruct device, and was interested immediately. He sat down next to Heero.

"Whatcha got there?"

Heero looked at the new person, and waited for him to say "West siiiiiiiide!!" or something.

Rowen looked at Heero, and then at the narrator. "I'm not from New York."

You sure as hell could fool me.

Rowen snorted again. Serves him right for trying to pick a fight with the narrator.

With that said and done, Rowen and Heero spent the next few hours working on the self-destruct device, using any kind of food they could find. To make a long story short.

"Too late." Wufei snorted.

Excuse me, this is a pathetic fairy tale, not Clue, got it?

"Like I care."

Ya know, if I wasn't so nice, I would've made you a poor peasant boy and turned this into 2x3. Or then again, I could've slashed you with Trowa Barton.

"I /am/ slashed with Trowa Barton. And Duo Maxwell. Stupid woman."

No. The REAL Trowa Barton.

Wufei snorted.

I mean, the real Trowa Barton like he is now. A dead, rotting corpse.

Wufei made a tiny whimper that was practically inaudible, snorted, and then let Duo snuggle up to him. Cause Wufei doesn't snuggle up to anyone, they have to snuggle up to him! Ha!

"Just get on with the story."

I'm not finished yet.

"Finish later."

Exactly. I'll finish the story later. I'm getting revenge.

"Do it or I'll test out this self destruct device on one of your video games!" Heero yelled.

Quatre held up a video game case. "Muwha! I have your copy of Star Ocean 2!" He tossed it to Heero.

Put that down!!

Heero grasped it tightly.

What the hell do you want from me?! I'm just the poor narrator! What the hell did I do to you?!

Quatre smirked. "You still owe us a lemon."

I said citrus! And anyway, this is just wrong! You can't take my Star Ocean away! You can't! It's not fair!!!

Rowen laughed. "You should never mess with a Hashiba!" He set the case down on the self destruct device.

Stop it! Please!!!

Evil laughter arose from the room.

Somewhere, a narrator screamed in agony because her favorite video game was in the hands of ungrateful characters.

"This will be my greatest masterpiece!" Rowen cackled with insanity. Heero stood up and struck the initiate-the-self-destruct-device pose. Every backed away from the device.

NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

All of a sudden, Tracey appeared and saved the unfortunate video game.

There was a collective blinking.

"Who the hell are you?" Wufei asked, angry he couldn't get revenge.

"Hi!" the newcomer said nonchalantly, "I'm Tracey! I'm a Pokemon watcher!

I like to draw!" Heero turned to the narrator. "I thought your secret weapon was Ash Ketchum."

Ash is busy now. You don't wanna know. A lot of people don't like Tracey anyways. Besides, if Tracey bleached his hair, he'd look like Claude from Star Ocean 2. Claude isn't the best, Dias is, but that doesn't matter.

The narrator whipped out her handy-dandy, almost completely fallen apart Star Ocean 2 strategy guide.

Tracey likes to draw, and sometimes Claude does too. Claude has a 65% chance of starting out being able to draw, and a 7.8 probability of learning how to later on in the game.

Heero tried to take the strategy guide away, but only succeeded in grabbing the cover and the pages that could still remain inside the book. The rest spilled out all over the place.

Now look what you did! You nearly blew up the game and then you make my strategy guide fall apart! I don't know how you're still my favorite!

"Baka Star Ocean 2 freak..." Wufei muttered.

Finally, because the narrator was sick of explaining things, she picked up all the pages and then Rowen's friends, the Ronin Warriors, came over. Ryo, Kento, Cye, and Sage for those of you who don't know them.

Everyone chatted and schmoozed for a while, and then the big whiny bitch Mia came over and ushered the Ronins away. Ryo stayed behind a little bit, but ran away screaming bloody murder when Mia sent Yuli for him. Duo was sorry to see his friends go. Of course, they were stuck with Tracey because the narrator didn't know what to do with him.

"I don't wanna go back to the Pokeworld! It's boring! And Misty's there! Ash isn't anymore so she uses me for her wicked schemes!!" Tracey whined.

Ash is kinda busy right now ... at least I think he is. I don't know.

"Ya know, if I bleached my hair, you wouldn't even think of sending me back."

You have a completely valid point there.

Tracey smirked and went of to some unknown area in Quatre's castle.

However, in a galaxy far, far away, evil plots were being schemed.

Okay, so it wasn't that far.

Relena Peacecraft was mad. She was the Queen of the World, but all she wanted was the naked guy.

"He's naked?!" she exclaimed.

Uhhh...inside joke. Don't ask.

"I wont then," she replied.

Okay. Now, according to her various resources, Heero lived with Quatre.

But unless you aren't paying attention at all, you would've known that already. She knew she couldn't get in there by herself, so she got some allies.

Namely, one Misty Waterflower and one twigbrowed bitch.

Said bitch eyed the narrator angrily.

Excuse me, Misty Waterflower and Dorothy Catalonia.

The bitch smiled a bit.

Now, these three were conspiring to take over Quatre's castle. Relena wanted Heero, Dorothy wanted Relena, and Misty just wanted Ash back so she could use him as her special toy.

Yes, you hentais, that's what I meant. Misty is a pervert.

*You may now take the time to gag at that thought*

This group of young women had also sold their souls to the PikaCthulu. They had evil, magical, mystical powers to their advantage.

Versus Quatre's state of the art, piece of shit scepter.

Place your bets now people. You know I don't make these things that predictable.

The Bitch Trio teleported to Quatre's castle.

What now?! The Bitch Brigade was taken!! Have you even played Grandia? Nana, Saki, and Mio. There's your bitch brigade right there. That's allI have to say about that.

As I was saying, Gary used his psychic powers- You mean you didn't know?! I'm assuming you never read 'Holy Tears' by the Cat in the Hat. It says it all there. Awesome fic by the way. I highly recommend it.

PUT DOWN THE CHAIR!!! I'll get on with the story.

Gary used his psychic powers and realized they were attacking the castle. He and Ash were friends of theirs now. Duo has long since gotten over the 'it' thing. Gary and Ash were about to-

Ya know what? I like Shigeru and Satoshi better. It just sounds nicer. Misty can stay as Misty though. Bleh. Oh yeah, I'm gonna call Tracey Kenji now. Tracey just sounds stupid.

Shigeru and Satoshi were about to dash out the door, but Misty appeared.

You are allowed to shriek in horror now.

"Ash! You left me alone! Why did you leave me?!"

Baka, He goes by Satoshi now.

Misty zapped the narrator and stole her Star Ocean 2 strategy guide.

"I'll call him whatever I want to call him!"

You'll confuse the readers.

"It's not like you haven't!" Misty yelled. She grabbed Ash -er, Satoshi and disappeared. Shigeru was pissed.

"You'll get yours bitch! Or my name's not Ookido Shigeru!"

Somewhere, a narrator swooned.

Did I just swoon? Whoa. I think I pulled a Relena. Ew.

Misty reappeared in Quatre's throne room. Relena and Dorothy, by some stroke of luck, had tied up Heero and were fending off the others. Quatre was trying to use his magic scepter to protect everyone. And you know how that thing is.

The poor guys were getting their asses whooped. Serves them right. They should never try to blow up my copy of Star Ocean 2.

The guys, minus Quatre and Heero, glared at the narrator.

This went on for a few hours. Trowa disappeared off somewhere. He thought he needed to protect Kenji. Something wasn't right there, but who cares?

Finally, when Duo and Wufei had disappeared to go find Shigeru, Quatre fell over. The poor guy was exhausted from taking all the blows for everyone else. He smashed his magic scepter into the ground and cried.

"Why!? Why wont you work for me?! I want my Heero back!" the blond sobbed. Relena looked away in disgust. Heero was hers now, and she could do whatever she wanted to him.

*Please remember that the narrator is not responsible for cleaning up the vomit cause by that last sentence.*

Duo, Wufei, and Shigeru walked into the room, wanting to see what was going on. All of a sudden, the Sally Po fairy appeared!

"Oh Sally Po, why wont my magic scepter work?! I have to save my Heero!"

"Silly! You've been using it the wrong way! This scepter used to belong to the great Sandrock! It did until he decided to use swords. Go figure. All you have to do is call upon his power and and say Sandrock Power make up! That's all there is to it! Go ahead! Try!"

Quatre stood up, wobbled a little bit, and held his scepter up in the air. "Sandrock Power! Make up!"

There was a *POOF!* and a lot of pretty colors. And a lot of spinning. Quatre spun around and around and around. There was a lot of nudity too, but that was blocked out by the pretty colors. When the smoke cleared, Quatre winked, flashed a V for victory, (cause that stupid stick finally worked... heh heh...) and showed of his sparkling blue and white... sailor fuku(outfit). Did I mention Kitto OK! was playing in the background? He was posing in front of a desert background with a funny shaped X, made by the blades that Sandrock uses in battle.

Heero yelled for Todd, the Pokemon photographer to show up and take pictures. Luckily, Todd did. There was much cheering. Duo grinned and yelled, "Wait! We have backup!"

"Armor of Wildfire! Tao Jin!" Wufei yelled, holding out a red orb.

"Armor of Strata! Tao Inochi!" Duo exclaimed, holding a blue one.

"Armor of the Halo! Tao Chi!" Shigeru shouted, gripping his green orb.

There was another *POOF!* and silk walpaper and cherry blossoms started flying around. Relena got hit upside the head with a silk thing.

I'll wait till you stop laughing.

That's better.

"How'd you do that?!" Quatre exclaimed.

"Simple. We stole these three orbs from Duo's friends while they were being chased away by that shit-nosed snobby onna." Wufei stated.

"They were going to let Tro-san use this armor, but we couldn't find him, so they let me use it." Shigeru added.

Relena grabbed the bound Heero. "He's mine! Leave him alone you overly spoiled twit!"

"He's mine bitch!" Quatre retorted, "Sally? How do I attack with this thing?" He looked around. The Sally Po fairy had disappeared.

"Flare Up Now!" Wufei attacked Dorothy.

"Arrow Shockwave!" Duo sent it at Relena.

Yes this is a 4x1 fic. Duo and Relena aren't bitter at eachother. I don't care. He had to attack /somebody/!

"Thunderbolt Cut!" Shigeru attacked Misty, with lots of pleasure, I might add.

Soon the girls were all defeated, and were shredded/burned/vaporized to bits. However, their remains began to come together to form....

You guessed it!

The PikaCthulu!

"I am the PikaCthulu! Bow down to me! Or I will eats your souls!'

The Ronin-Wannabe-Three shrugged. They were sapped of power.

"It's up to you, Quatre-san," Shigeru said.

Damnit, he can be so polite at times.

"No kidding." Quatre replied. He held out his magic scepter and thought.

He looked at Duo for a sec, and then a grin spread across his face.

Our heroic blond stepped forward a few feet. "Prepare to die PikaCthulu!" Quatre began to spin around in circles, until he fell onto his knees and yelled, "RAINBOW MOON HEARTACHE!!!" The PikaChtulu was killed in one shot, by a giant pink heart.

"See! I have seen Sailor Moon!" Quatre gleamed. He then fell over because the narrator and Heero wanted Todd to take a picture of Quatre showing off his cute Sailor fuku panties.

The narrator wanted good money for this.

Duo cut Heero free, and as soon as Todd announced he was out of film from taking pictures of Quatre, Heero picked up our dear Sailor rather predatorily, and dragged him up to their bedroom. Shigeru and Satoshi found the guest room. Wufei and Duo had one of their sucking-face competitions (as Quatre put it) until they had wild kinky sex in the spa.

Yes Quatre's castle has a spa. Shut up.

The whereabouts of Trowa and Kenji are still unknown. Mulder and Scully have been informed.

Somewhere, a narrator complained about cruddy sequels.

The End.

Copright Cola the Sapphire Goddess 2000